Wednesday, December 30, 2009

he just wasn't that into me..

I can't start off by saying I wish I would have known..because unfortunately, I did know. I'm the leader of the pack when it comes to hopeless romantics that get blinded by what is or what could be, and it's a shame.

I have been debating writing this blog for exactly one year. A year ago, I started dating Zach (while privacy for me is not a huge deal, I know it is to him and even though he didn't respect much of anything about me, I will give him the courtesy and respect his privacy). We met a couple years ago at a bar and randomly kept in touch..when it was convenient (read into that what you will). About a year ago, the timing seemed perfect and we talked about actually dating. One night he said, "I just realized we've never even been on a date. I think it's time." As a girl, and remember, hopeless romantic, I was floored. He was so incredibly sweet, sincere and genuine.

On the night of said date, he didn't show. It was his friend's birthday dinner (so he obviously wouldn't forget), but the pickup time came and went and not a peep from Zach. A few hours later, disappointed and heartbroken (because I tend to set myself up for such situations) I sent him a text letting him know I was disappointed and had misjudged him. I had NEVER been stood up before. My dating life has never been stellar, but I'd never been stood up. No call, no show. Never, not me. Not until I met him and not until that night.

I spent the night asking myself why I get my hopes up. What I did wrong. Why wasn't I special enough to stay on his mind. How could he forget someone like me? As a writer with ideas/topics always presenting themselves, I keep a monthly poster-size post-it note on my bedroom door with possible blog topics. That night I wrote "He's Just Not That Into You-personal experience, being stood up", then drank a glass of wine and went to bed.

A few nights later Zach came over. As we were about to fall asleep he read my latest blog idea. He laughed and asked if it was about him. Of course it was. I made it a point to tell him that was the first time I had ever been stood up. Not long after, we officially became a "couple" and I thought things were great. This is the guy I thought I had always dreamed about. But every month when I re-wrote my blog ideas on the post-it, I would write "He's Just Not That Into You". Every month. Zach always asked why I kept putting it back up there. I thought at the time it was because it was a good blog post. That standing someone up was a good indicator he just wasn't into them. And maybe it was my way of reminding myself what happened. Maybe I wanted to warn others about it, without truly realizing what it meant in my own relationship.

What I realize an entire year later that it was a red flag I ignored. I gave him the benefit of the doubt even though I knew what it meant. Looking back at the relationship, the conversations, the commitment issues, everything, it's painstakingly clear he was never into me. If I had trusted my instincts, or maybe backed off, I wouldn't be in the position I am at this exact moment: sad with a broken heart, and angry that I let a guy who clearly wasn't interested into my life.


(no one was harmed in the making of this blog, though a few tears were shed..)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

the pursuit of happiness

The three aspects of man's unalienable rights are "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", so says our Declaration of Independence. Ever wonder what would happen if you stopped pursuing said happiness?

Maybe you don't realize it, but everyday you wake up, you are pursuing happiness. Just by getting out of bed you are pursuing happiness..looking for something in your day to bring you joy. You eat food that makes you happy. You spend time with people that make you happy. You dress in clothes that make you feel good, which in turn makes you happy. Women wear makeup and get their hair done because again, it makes them feel good leading to happiness.

Being "happy" isn't a given everyday. We must do our best to put our best foot forward and remind ourselves to be happy. I read books and research topics that interest me, because it makes me feel more intelligent. Feeling intelligent makes me happy. We all have our habits, our quirks that bring happiness to our lives.

Hopefully when you go to bed at night you feel blessed and thankful and happy from something in your life that puts a smile on your face. God-forbid you wake up one morning and it's gone. You have to pursue happiness again. It isn't guarantee to be there. Happiness comes from within and that's one of the scariest thoughts of all.

I would certainly call myself a happy person on many levels, but content I am not. Maybe that's why I'm in love with the concept of the pursuit of happiness. Maybe that's why this self-evident truth gives me hope. It's not necessarily about the end result or acquisition of being happy, it's the perpetual pursuit of always looking for more.

I may be happy today, but maybe the pursuit of happiness will lead me to a happier tomorrow. Let's hope so.


Monday, November 30, 2009

get some stress release this holiday season..even on a budget!

Beth DeLozier-Hayes


Nov 30, 2009


Houston Organizer Relieves Holiday Stress

Houston – Trés Chic Organizing, the premier professional organizing firm in Houston, helps clients create functional and stylish spaces they truly love. They educate clients about basic organizing principles, and how to change their behavior so they can get organized, and stay organized.

The holiday rush is upon us, and Trés Chic has added new services specifically geared toward helping Houstonians relieve their seasonal stress. Trouble finding the perfect gift for everyone on your list? Trés Chic handles the planning, budgeting, shopping, and even unique custom gift-wrapping! For those hosting friends and family this holiday season, the experts at Trés Chic will share their secret hostess tips, schedule planning, and home staging solutions. They can even take the hassle out of holiday cards by addressing, stamping, and shipping them off to loved ones! No project is too big or too small for the elves at Trés Chic Organizing. The beauty of their new holiday services is that every package can be customized to fit each client’s needs, on any budget.

For more information about the Trés Chic holiday services, or to schedule a free consultation, visit us or call 281.345.8347.

-- Tres Chic Organizing --

Trés Chic Organizing was founded in 2007 by Beth DeLozier-Hayes. After moving homes three times in one year, Beth began to realize the importance of living an organized, simplified life. After studying the principles of organizing and productivity, she realized that she could easily teach these tools to others and truly make a difference in their lives. Inspired by interior design and fashion, Beth decided to merge her flair for organizing with her keen eye for styling to create a truly unique organizing experience for the city of Houston.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Crave Sushi.

here is my November article on Crave Sushi in Barstool Mag. Great sushi, great drinks, great owners.

what other restaurants in Houston deserve a write up? leave me a comment with your suggestions please!


Saturday, October 17, 2009

Bosom Buddies (Oct issue of Envy, pg. 80)

here is my article in the October edition of Envy Mag for our BRAtober 16 event. loving seeing my name in ink, but after this event, love planning huge events that raise massive money and awareness for worthy non-profits such as Save the Ta-tas.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Cupcakes and Cleavage TONIGHT

Charity Chicks Houston present Cupcakes and Cleavage!

Join us tonight at the Galleria from 6-9 to help Save the Ta-tas! We'll be at {intimacy} near the Borders wing..stop in for a goodie bag and a great girls night out...

(and the cupcakes are from the ever popular Oh la la !!)


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Spread Your Wings Houston (Sept. Article in Barstool Magazine)

this is me gently urging you to try new things..hell..if I can do it, anyone can. cheers.


Friday, August 28, 2009

Twitter..the good, the bad and the ANNOYING. (yes, you Kim Kardashian)

I recently joined the wonderful world of twitter or "twittersphere" as some people heinously refer to it. While I won't go into the million things I've learned about twitter or why I think it's legitimately worthwhile (think quality tweets, not "OMG, that guy in line at Target is HOT"), I do want to make a few points here.

Over the course of the last few months I've begun following some great people. No one has time to search the massive confines of the Internet, so it helps me to follow people in the same industry (health care, freelance writing, charity) and read what they think is important enough to share, or retweet (which really means to copy and paste someone else's message). I have found some wonderful articles about freelance writing, gotten in touch with some entrepreneurs, and gotten sound advice on planning events, among many other things.

Obviously with all good things come a few bad. I am a celebrity junky when it comes to gossip and reality shows..don't judge probably are too. So in nature, I follow quite a few of the celebs on twitter..just to see what the hell is going on in their starlit life. I've also been following some AWESOME charity organizations with simple posts...% of sales at a popular store being given to charity, pass along this inspiring message or health related topics that could save someone's life, and even Amber Alerts which is amazing.

Here's my favorite example... if you follow @AlexsLemonade Volvo will donate $1 for each follower to childhood cancer. But for some reason people don't find that worthy enough to retweet..they'd rather talk about what color perfume bottle @KimKardashian should have?

While I agree each person's "twitter account" is their own and it should reflect their interests, not mine, I wish they would broaden themselves up a bit.
Those on twitter that have been successful enough to have TONS of followers (congrats on that) but do nothing but promote themselves really annoy me. Stop being so selfish on twitter and in everyday life. Try doing some good.

Feel free to share your comments (similar or opposing)..who do you follow that are "faux friendlys" and who on there do you feel does really worthwhile work?

Friday, August 21, 2009

Focus On Women -- 2 articles in August 09 issue

Click on either to read my articles in this month's Focus on Women magazine! Great little publication in Fort Bend County.

The Truth About High Heels (p. 50)

Ready to Jump Back in Bed with that Loud, Snoring Husband of Yours? (p.52)

What health topic do you want to hear about? Leave a comment and maybe you'll see it in print!


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Saying "No Thanks" to lunch dates...

A couple weeks ago I had a speaking engagement for work in front of a large group. Afterwards there was a brief meet and greet type deal and this guy approached me and sparked an uninteresting, full-on awkward conversation. As I was wrapping up (aka, walking away), he asked me if I ever wanted to grab front of numerous others. Of course my business cards were on the table out front so he had my number, email address and work address, merely for business purposes, and like diarrhea of the mouth, I responded "sure", because what else would you say in that scenario?

"Oh, I'm not interested."

"No thanks, I have a boyfriend."

"I'm way too busy."

"Before I commit to this lunch, what are your intentions? Are we going to discuss business or is this an attempt to get to know one another on a personal level because that is unacceptable?"

What if he only meant a casual, platonic lunch..maybe even to talk about business (which I still can't seem to draw the connection given both of our industries).

So here's the proverbial question...What Do You Say?

I was hoping it was a rhetorical question and he never intended on calling to follow up on lunch. Maybe he ran out of things to say during our encounter and didn't want to sound rude so he casually mentioned lunch? such luck. He called...and has continued to call. I have been a coward and ignoring his calls and even accidentally answering and then saying "hold on" and then hanging up. I know I know..not mature at all. But since I already said yes, how do you get out of it?

I find lunch with a man you don't really know, who isn't directly related to business at hand to be inappropriate for someone in a relationship, but how do you say that without sounding like an a$$? What if you respond to his offer "That sounds great, but I have a boyfriend" and they counter with something like "I was just going to talk to you about how you market health care in this region, you conceited biatch!" Are you supposed to ask up front "Before we go to lunch, what are your intentions?" because that sounds heinously crazy.

What is the right answer, or is there one?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

apparently I'm not alone

recently I posted this about my adult shenanigans and got tons of comments on my social media pages.

And here is my favorite.. thanks to my friend Robyn for throwing her sister under the bus...or off the bulldozer..I am not alone..THE SAME BULLDOZER ON THE SAME strikes again.
I love my friends..and our like-minded silly/craziness.


Thursday, August 13, 2009

Help United Way by buying discounted Astros tickets!

$2 for every ticket sold using this link and password (hermann) will go back to the United Way campaign. Only good for Thursday, 8/20 game.

Stop by Lucky's Pub for great Happy Hour prices before the game and catch the shuttle to the stadium.

Anyone is eligible. Pass it around and enjoy!


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

my black the form of a bulldozer

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that my black cloud followed me on my vacation home to Virgina.

The story goes a little something like this..

My friend Janet and I went to Granby street for drinks and girl time. On our way back to the parking garage, low and behold there is a HUGE yellow bulldozer sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. It was like a gift from God with a sign saying "Here is a prop for your weekend photoshoot". I mean was directly in the middle from the bar to the parking garage, IN THE SIDEWALK on the way to the car. Any normal human obsessed with picture taking would have jumped on the opportunity..or bulldozer.

After a few fun photos (that didn't hurt anyone), Mr. Policeman pulls up, lights blazing, shining his flashlight telling me I'm trespassing. Since when does the middle of the sidewalk, with no signs, no caution tape, equal trespassing? I'm really not trying to be a smart a$$, but doesn't it have to be private property or equipped with proper signage to denote trespassing? And I might add this picture is of me asking the cop to take our picture..before I get off the bulldozer. Opps.

Off the bat, Mr. Policeman is not a fan of my antics and threatens to write me a ticket for Trespassing. As I'm stepping off the bulldozer he starts threatening to take me to jail for Drunk in Public, which made me think I was off the hook, SINCE I WASN'T DRUNK. Though the picture above DOES look like I'm wasted, that is my natural, beautiful appearance.


After he repeatedly threatened to take me to jail for being drunk in public, I got somewhat offended and asked for a Breathalyzer. You have to prove someone is in fact drunk to write them a ticket for drunk in public, correct? He refused to give me a Breathalyzer and instead puts me in handcuffs and in the back of the cop car, trying to prove his 5'2 stature of being a real man. After much begging from my dear friend, he let me go with a ticket for Disorderly Conduct.

The moral of the story-I was smarter than the cop by telling him he wasn't feasible to give me a drunk in public ticket without proving I was drunk. BUT, I was stupider than the cop by telling him that so he could write me a "legitimate" ticket for something else stupid.

And all I have to show for it is this stupid picture. I should frame it right next to the ticket.

For those that are familiar with the Granby Street area in Norfolk, I think we can all agree there are more important things for the cops to be doing than harassing two twenty-seven year olds just having old fashion fun. Our conduct was far from disorderly.

(All joking aside, I plan to write a post and letter to the local editor about how cops think they rule the world, and even when you're right, if the cop says you're wrong, you're just plain wrong.)


Monday, August 3, 2009

Fight Breast Cancer One Bra at a Time

Contact: Jayme Lamm

August 3, 2009

Introducing BRA ART – A New Way to Fight Breast Cancer

Houston – Charity Chicks Houston continues to fight strong with their promise to raise awareness and money for worthy non-profits in a fun, creative way as they roll out BRA ART.

BRA ART is a unique themed bra decorated with love, hope and courage by groups or individuals raising money and awareness for breast cancer and The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. The group welcomes and encourages creativity for each bra to be a masterpiece of art, whether it’s in honor of someone who’s battled the disease or something completely out of the ordinary. This is Houston’s chance to show what creativity and good will lurks in each and every mind.

“We got the idea from an event in Virginia, where the other Charity Chicks founder is from,” said Tam’ra Powell, co-founder of Charity Chicks Houston. “We wanted to take the idea 10 steps forward and really make it fun. We are so blessed to live in a large urban city with artists coming out of the woodwork, we really wanted to appeal to those groups.”

The group will showcase the Top 50 BRA ART entries at their BRAtober 16th event at the Bering and James Art Gallery where the winner will be based on People’s Choice. The BRA ART and BRAtober 16 event will give all net proceeds to The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. The Save the Ta-tas Foundation exists for the advancement of breast cancer awareness, education and prevention, and to aid in the fight to find a cure. This national organization is supported by a growing base of like-minded individuals and businesses who share the view that "laughter heals" which is similar to the volunteers Charity Chicks recruits.

The winner will receive an unprecedented amount of paparazzi-like attention at the event and in the press, as well as be named the co-donor of raised funds to The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. The only 2 rules to submit a BRA ART entry are to be creative and to include nothing X-rated on the bras. The bras were generously donated by Maidenform. To sign up or learn more, visit the website and donate $50 to The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. All entries must be submitted by October 3 in order to be eligible.

“We feel every person has some sort of creative gene in their body so this ‘contest’ really does give everyone an equal chance. The winner is judged on creativity and it’s all in the name of ta-tas, so bring on the donations. Thankfully Maidenform donated plenty of bras, so don’t hesitate if you want to decorate a couple of them!” Powell continues.

-- CCH --
Charity Chicks Houston got the great idea from Charity Chicks Orlando (unaffiliated, but a truly inspiring group of women) and then added their own flair to the group in Houston.
The group meets throughout the year for a host of reasons and causes. Charity Chicks Houston plans at least one event per quarter to support a local charity either by volunteering or raising money - or both. The group also attends and helps with other activities throughout the year to continue to promote the plethora of charitable events in the great city of Houston.
The events and the organizations CCH chooses to support vary throughout the year based on current situations and the passion of members. The group is not affiliated with any particular non-profit organizations. The group is unpaid and there are no time or financial commitments to join or participate.


Sunday, July 5, 2009

Tennis...the game of LOVE-40

In attempts to get rid of the recent fat that has found its way to my belly, thighs, cheeks (both kinds) and other places I'm too ashamed to mention...I conned my boyfriend into a friendly (but still athletic) game of tennis.

Here's a short blurb of my conversation with my boyfriend, the tennis coach:

Me: George! Play like a normal human, you're my workout partner. 

George:  You're not my partner, you're my opponent.

Me: No babe, this is a workout, we are know, tennis partners.

George: You're on the other side of the net, therefore my OPPONENT.  And what does a normal human play like?

Me: Opponents don't go to Target and buy rackets together.  I doubt Roddick and Federer went shopping to buy rackets together, therefore we are PARTNERS!

A friendly game of tennis to a girl consists of aggressive volleying back and forth with some hustle here and there...and a friendly game of tennis to a guy simply doesn't exist.  


ART & AC in Houston !!

ArtHouston 2009 is kicking off their 30th year this Saturday, July 11th at 36 galleries all over Houston (and all have air-conditioning!).

This is the perfect event for young artists or young art collectors and the galleries will be donating funds to help Hurricane Ike reconstruction.

The event is FREE and open to the public. The art scene in Houston is growing exponentially so check it out. If you want to start your own art collection for your first house or apartment, be sure to visit this event..they've got experts to point you in the right direction to find your perfect piece!

The event is from noon until 8pm on Satuday (the kick-off day) and most exhibits will be open the entire month of July. Be sure to check out my favorite...Bering and James located at 805 Rhode Place.

If you need more info or to get a copy of the brochure, call Mariah or Matthew at 713.522.9116 or visit the website.


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"Out of all my accessories, he's my favorite!"

(This is a story I wrote for my friends Jen and Josh on their recent engagement!) 

"Out of all my accessories, he's my favorite!"

      -Jen Henrichsen on her recent engagement to leading man, Josh Brown

Houston socialite and rockstar, Jennifer Henrichsen (known to the public as JenHen) returned home after a week long vacation in Key West, sporting a 99-diamond engagement ring on her reserved digit, courtesy of world-famous physical therapist, Josh Brown. 

Sources close to the couple tell us that Josh had been carrying the ring around the entire trip waiting for the “perfect” moment to pop the question.  The couple pulled an unthinkable stunt by boarding a 3-hour sunset cruise out of Key West for a romantic getaway..along with sixty other civilians.  Trying to avoid massive attention from passengers, Jen wore a gargantuan brim sunhat hiding her newly tanned face and Josh donned his white Armani shades. 

Reports indicate halfway through the cruise, Josh got down on one knee and asked, “Will you marry me and be my rockstar?”  An inside source, who wishes to remain anonymous, corroborates other reports that the starlet “was shocked and immediately said yes”.  Growing suspicious of the activity at the back of the boat, the passengers anxiously awaited to hear her answer.  Josh, seeming more nervous than working on an Olympic athlete’s broken leg shouted, “she said YES!”  Even the folks back on Duval Street could hear him.  Still unbeknownst of the couple’s famed status, the passengers cheered and congratulated the picture perfect couple.

Paparazzi were not allowed anywhere near the cruise ship due to the couple’s massive bodyguards in tow, but a nearby artist, Melissa Sims, sketched this picture just moments after the happy couple’s official engagement…  


The couple was still beaming with joy as the captain announced the news over the loudspeaker and toasted to a wonderful, glamorous life together.  The attention was by far the least amount they’ve received in recent months.  Eyewitnesses report the proposal was “intimate with lots of love and little fanfare”.

Later that evening the couple was spotted sharing a candlelit dinner and bottle of the finest cabernet at Key West’s prime dining destination, Martin’s on Duval.

Wireless provider, AT&T first leaked the story to the media by explaining to customers on their website the 5-hour wireless outage was “due to the Rock Star engagement of Josh and Jen that took over all our towers for sharing the news with friends and family via hundreds of phone calls, millions of text messages and multiple facebook updates.”  Reps from AT&T have yet to return our phone calls to determine how this invasion of privacy took place. 

Both reps confirm the engagement and report the soon-to-be-wed couple is beyond thrilled to continue their amazing life together.  A date has yet to be set, but the bride-to-be is diligently using her creativeness along side a wedding coordinator to plan the wedding of the century. 

(This story was written in jest for a fun-loving and creative couple.  The people in the story and the scenes are real.  Congratulations to Josh and Jen on their recent engagement…love your friends and family)


Friday, June 19, 2009

RECESSION BUSTERS (June Story in Barstool)

Click on the left to read the article.  


Monday, June 1, 2009

Hangovers..Unfinished Business (July Story in Barstool)

Story 1 of 2 in Barstool this month. Click on the picture to read the article..

oops...this story got pushed to July's issue...guess my blog readers got to read it before anyone else :)


Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My New Favorite, ONE OF A KIND Purse !!

Isabella Dean owner, Kristi Kotsatos has spread her creative wings to open up the Zoe Klutch line exclusively available at etsy.

Kotsatos is still continuing strong with her eco-friendly line of up-cycled jewelry, but has since expanded to up-cycled clutches (or Klutches to add that extra level of flair) for an everyday purpose for nearly every type of gal. She takes typical t-shirts (new or old, but preferably old meaningful t-shirts) and uses the graphic, in this case, my Alma Mater, "Mason" and makes it the design of the purse. She's also clever enough to use vintage denim to line the inside to not only make it more durable, but to use the pockets as actual pockets for the hold lip gloss, cell phone, the what-have-yous.

Even when making a custom piece, Kotsatos is one step ahead and making recommendations to her clients so the potential of the klutch is maxed. As you can see the t-shirt she used for my purse was white. She knows how much of a sports fanatic I am and suggested using a soft heather grey backing of the purse so I can lay it on the ground of a stadium without compromising the crisp clean look.

She does all of her crafts-womanship based out of her studio in Houston, TX but people all over the country and Esty lovers alike are scooping up the Zoe goods as soon as they hit the wire..

These are one-of-a-kind, up-cycled accessories and made from the heart and soul of up-cycled creationare, Kristi Kotsatos. To get one custom made, email and tell her I sent you!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Houston, You Need a Haircut.

If you're new to Houston and haven't found a hair dresser or a good group of fun-loving friends, then check us out at the Michael Saldana Hair Salon on Wednesday, June 17th from 4-8pm in Midtown.

The appointments are $50, which is a hell of a deal considering the salon and all the proceeds benefit Autism Speaks, the nation's largest Autism organization. (There are also make up makeover appointments if you don't want to cheat on your current hair dresser and there will be a party on the patio for a $10 donation from 6-9.)

Call 713.528.3699

If you can't make the event, but would like to make an online donation, click here.

Read below for the entire press relase:

Jayme Lamm

May 26, 2009

Charity Chicks Put on a Fun-Razor for Autism

Houston – Charity Chicks Houston partners with the Michael Saldana Salon bringing a Fun-Razor in Midtown directly benefiting Autism Speaks.

On Wednesday, June 17th, the stylists at Michael Saldana Salon located at 1319 W. Webster will donate haircuts and styles for a discounted rate of $50 with 100% of the proceeds going to Autism Speaks. “We are thrilled to support Autism Speaks through this creative and fun event. Autism has affected many of our members personally, as well as their friends and families and we are excited to raise money and awareness for the nation’s largest autism organization”, said Tam’ra Osborne Powell, Co-Founder of Charity Chicks Houston.

For those women already committed to their hairdressers, the salon is also offering $50 professional Make-up Makeovers with all proceeds benefiting Autism Speaks.

Call 713.528.3699 to make a hair or make-up appointment from 4-8pm on June 17th. Booker and Sarah from HOT 95-7’s Morning Show will be at the salon broadcasting live with today’s hottest music.

Join the supporters of Autism Speaks on the patio of the Michael Saldana Salon from 6-9pm for a $10 donation. The donation gets you free drinks, free food courtesy of Lucky’s Pub, and most importantly, the great feeling that comes along with supporting a valuable cause.

“We realize that people lead busy, hectic lives especially in Houston,” Powell said. “We wanted to give our members and friends a fun mid-week event to support this wonderful cause.”
Charity Chicks Houston is looking for support in a variety of ways. For more information, please visit If you can’t attend the event but still want to donate, there is a link on the website to make an online donation to Autism Speaks

-- About Charity Chicks Houston --
Charity Chicks Houston got the great idea from Charity Chicks Orlando (unaffiliated, but a truly inspiring group of women) and then added their own flair to the group in Houston.
The group meets throughout the year for a host of reasons and causes. Charity Chicks Houston plans at least one event per quarter to support a local charity either by volunteering or raising money - or both. The group also attends and helps with other activities throughout the year to continue to promote the plethora of charitable events in the great city of Houston.
The events and the organizations CCH chooses to support vary throughout the year based on current situations and the passion of members. The group is not affiliated with any particular non-profit organizations. The group is unpaid and there are no time or financial commitments to join or participate.

-- About Autism Speaks --
Autism Speaks is the nation's largest autism science and advocacy organization, dedicated to funding research into the causes, prevention, treatments and a cure for autism; increasing awareness of autism spectrum disorders; and advocating for the needs of individuals with autism and their families. Autism Speaks funds more than $30 million each year in new autism research, in addition to supporting the Autism Treatment Network, Autism Genetic Resource Exchange, Autism Clinical Trials Network, Autism Tissue Program and a range of other scientific and medical programs. Notable awareness initiatives include the establishment of the annual United Nations-sanctioned World Autism Awareness Day on April 2 and an award-winning, multi-year national public service advertising campaign with the Ad Council. Autism Speaks' family services efforts include the Autism Video Glossary, a 100 Day Kit for newly-diagnosed families, a School Community Tool Kit and the distribution of community grants to local service providers. Its government relations department, through its Autism Votes initiative, has played a critical role in securing federal legislation to advance the federal government's response to autism, and has successfully advocated for insurance reform to require insurers to cover medically-necessary autism therapies. Each year, Walk Now for Autism Speaks fundraising events are held in more than 70 cities across the country, as well as Canada and the United Kingdom. To learn more about Autism Speaks, please visit


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dear Arm, Welcome Back to my Body.

After 7 heinously grueling weeks I finally got my arm back. If you want to get technical, I had it the entire time, but I got my sling off. I had surgery before Easter and I thought I knew what I was in store for since this of course was the 2nd surgery on the EXACT same bum shoulder, but apparently my temporary amnesia resurfaced.

If you've never had to temporarily part with a limb, you cannot imagine the hassle and frustration that goes into it. I mean, do you have any idea how bothersome it is to know that John McCain can lift his arm higher than you can? There are so many things I will not be taking for granted after this..

+ two-handed sandwiches on the menu (you always have to make sure there is someone there to cut your steak too!)

+ double fisting or even single fisting drinks at the bar...hell going into bars is practically forbidden in fear of someone bumping into your little wing

+ taking a shower (imagine waiting patiently for your boyfriend to get home from work just to cover your arm and boob in saran wrap so it doesn't get wet) this should also include shaving

+ washing my hair and putting it in a ponytail (hair washing only commenced in the kitchen sink for a pretty lengthy amount of time)


+ being able to lift my arm to apply deodorant (subsequently thankful for not being able to lift my arm to smell it)

+ sleeping in ANY other position other than on your back with your robo-armed sling pointing directly to the ceiling

+ the gym (most of us hate it, but imagine if you physically CAN'T)

This list could legitimately go on forever. While the past 7 weeks may have been comical for some, it has literally been hell for me. I'm tickled pink to have rejoined the world of healthy individuals and I'm praying that my black cloud will take a reprieve from effing up my life. I think 18 weeks of rehab will suffice.

Thanks to those of you that helped me during this time and the get well wishes. I undubitably would not have made it through this without y'all :)


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

who cares if I'm naked?

I've noticed over the past couple months that more and more friends of mine have blogs. For numerous share pictures and experiences of their families and new additions, to vent about work, to keep in touch with friends and family..whatever the case may be.

One of my sorority sisters in particular has a cute little blog about her happy family, which don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled about. I also noticed that her "Blog List" contains links to every one of our sorority sisters...but NOT ME. And we are friends. She even links to some of our sisters she couldn't stand. Sure, times change. Differences are resolved. We grow up. I get it.

And then it hit me.

I'm too naked for her. I understand she has a family and is blessed with a social acumen I could never comprehend. What would people think if she read a site like this? Imagine if her mother-in-law decked in pearls and diamonds and Chanel reading glasses leaned over her computer and saw her computer read A $ $.

Blogs are meant to be personal and I won't apologize that sometimes my life is a little more expletive or that I like words you won't find in the Bible. I'm a writer and I started this blog to enhance my creativity and writing which means I'm educated enough to know when to turn it down and honest enough to know when to bring the heat. When I started brainstorming what I would write about I thought about writing under a pseudonym, but I like my writing and am not afraid to be judged, with perhaps a few limits here and there. That's what life is all about.

I made it clear when starting this blog that I was breaking one of the most prominent blog rules out there:

Stay focused and Stay on Topic.

I don't want to. I write about me, my experiences, things I've published, things I do, things I want to do. My blog is just that...MY BLOG. I don't think I write anything offensive. Even though the name is A$$, it's not nearly as bad as you think it is. I don't use it as a bad word. Go ahead, read about it.

And you know what else? I'm not as naked as I want to be. Like on this post ..when I fell down the stairs and had head trauma, I failed to mention that "an amazingly fun girls photoshoot" was code for a semi-nude/lingerie shoot which looked like the production of a porn. I was actually naked and didn't even post it. Ironic, no?

I'm going to continue being naked and continue to say A$$ as much as I want. Hell, some of us look better naked and I've been told quite a few times my writing is better naked.


Monday, May 18, 2009

The Demise of a Tagline.

Bank of America is a prime of example of taking a tagline, which is meant to help grow your business and turn it into a PR nightmare, A.K.A. a lie and my conversation below proves it.

Wikipedia defines a tagline as a variant of a branding slogan typically used in marketing materials and advertising. The idea behind the concept is to create a memorable phrase that will sum up the tone and premise of a brand or product (like a film), or to reinforce the audience's memory of a product. Some taglines are successful enough to warrant inclusion in popular culture, often becoming snowclones.

If you go to Bank of America's website, they say:

"Get more from Online Banking ...Save time managing your finances, so you can spend more time living your life."

I tried to get my year end statement for tax purposes, but they do not offer that service. They offer a summary at a charge of $9.95, but do not offer one full year end statement. Here is my online conversation with one of their reps. I wonder why Bank of America doesn't include this conversation in their marketing collateral? Possibly because it contradicts getting "More" or being "Easy".

If a company were to choose a tagline of "Open All Day Everyday", what would you think if that same company was closed 7 days a week? You'd think they were liars. Which is why I think Bank of America is comprised of liars AND people that decide on the advertising/marketing campaigns that don't truly understand the offerings of the company. This often provides a major pitfall for some companies.

Verbatim Conversation:

Welcome to Bank of America . My name is Patricia. How may I help you with your Bank of America credit card today?

Patricia: Thank you for choosing Card Services. How may I provide you with Exceptional Service?

you: I am just trying to find my year end 2008 statement for tax purposes of all my transactions. Is this available online?

Patricia: Thank you for being a valued Bank of America customer. I would be happy to assist you with your account, Jayme.

Patricia: The summary is not available online. Would you like me to see about mailing it for you?

you: yes please.

Patricia: Great! For security purposes may I have the last four of your social security number?

you: [I obviously deleted this line from this post]

Patricia: Thank you.

Patricia: I can send a Year End Summary for $9.95. The delivery time frame is two to three weeks. The alternative is to print monthly statements online for free.

you: wow, you guys don't do free year end statements like my other credit card?

you: OR have the option online to do so?

Patricia: Our accounts do not offer a free Year End Summary. The alternative is to print monthly statements online for free.

you: I really don't mean to be difficult but I find that somewhat disappointing considering my other cards offer that service

Patricia: I can definitely understand that. I truly apologize for the inconvenience, Jayme.

you: on top of the fact that I save Bank of America money each month by never making a late payment OR requesting paper bills.

you: That saves Bank of America the cost of printing that paper and stamps, but yet you want me to pay the first time I need something sent to me in paper? Have I ever received a discount for paying things online versus paper bills? I've done this as long as I've been a customer of Bank of America, I'm sure you can imagine that saves you quite a bit of money.

Patricia: Are you still with me? Please respond so I can leave this chat window open to answer any Credit Card questions you may have.

you: yes I do

Patricia: Okay, great! You can print your monthly statements online for free instead of paying the $9.95 for the summary.

you: please note that I will be cancelling my account due to this ludicrous option of having to pay for MY statements

Patricia: The statements are free online, Jayme.

Patricia: You are asking for a summary which is different from monthly statements. The fee is for preparation and delivery costs.

Patricia: I will note your comment on file.

you: I don't want a summary

you: I want one file with my entire report of what I paid for what

Patricia: That is a summary.

you: I do not want or have time to go and print 12 different statements for every month when I need the entire year

Patricia: I can definitely understand that.

you: It's not a summary if it's 12 statements tied into one file.

Patricia: I truly apologize for the inconvenience.

Patricia: Yes, it is a summary, if it is summing a number of statements.

Patricia: Do you have any further questions regarding your credit card account?

you: A summary is defined as –noun 1. a comprehensive and usually brief abstract, recapitulation, or compendium of previously stated facts or statements.

you: I do not want a summary, have you listened to what I asked for?

Patricia: The Year End Summary will not provide the transactions listed singly, it will summarize them in their category types.

you: I don't want them singly, hence the reason I asked for a year end statement, not a year end summary. Please read the very first entry of my portion of this conversation.

you: You mean a company as large as Bank of America does not have the capability for what I want?

Patricia: Okay, we do not offer them any other way than singly or the Summary.

you: so online when it says "make banking online easier", that is not a true statement?

Patricia: Yes, it is

you: How can one manage their account when a company your size is not even capable of producing such a document?

Patricia: Jayme, what you are referring to is our Year End Summary, I apologize for any confusion.

Patricia: Would you like to order the Year End Summary?

you: Other banks do, perhaps they should have that statement of "Get more from online banking" because I can't even get a simple document that numerous other banks offer. And I am not referring to a Year End Summary, I am referring to one document with every transaction for the entire year. I am referring to the exact same thing I received from Chase and Wachovia merely a few weeks ago.

Patricia: I truly apologize for the inconvenience.

you: Thank you for your time and confirming that Bank of America is poorly run with Poor Options or lack thereof. Please cancel my card/account effective immediately and let your supervisor know that I am going to a bank that truly gives me more for online banking, such as options.

So my question is this...why invest an exorbitant amount of money into advertising when you can't follow through with it?


Saturday, May 16, 2009

Charity Chicks and Astros Support The Parish School (press release and flyer)

Jayme Lamm

May 19, 2009

Charity Chicks and Astros Support The Parish School

Houston – Charity Chicks Houston continues on with their efforts to raise money and awareness for non-profits in Houston. As the Houston Astros gear up to take on the Pittsburgh Pirates, the members of Charity Chicks Houston gather at Minute Maid Park on June 6th to support of The Parish School.

The Parish School is a local private school for children with autism and other learning differences and has been located in Houston since 1983.

Tickets for the June 6th game are on sale at or and by using password “PARISH” $2 for every ticket sold will be donated back to the school. “After meeting with the administrators at The Parish School and touring their beautiful campus, we saw the amount of hard work that goes into the education and enrichment of those children’s lives of the students,” said Tam’ra Osborne Powell, Co-Founder of Charity Chicks Houston. “This event isn’t strictly about raising money for the school. The focus of Charity Chicks Houston is threefold: raising money, raising awareness and having fun. We want to raise awareness for The Parish School as well as offer the kids a fun time just as the summer starts.”

The group is also giving the first 50 students from the school a free Astros gift in the Union Station Lobby at 5:30.

The Astros have offered a deep discount for the game where field Box seats can be purchased for $23, Bullpen for $16, Mezzanine for $13, View Decks for $10 and $8 and anyone can take advantage of these discounts and support the school. Visit and use password “PARISH” to take advantage of this offer.

-- About Charity Chicks Houston --

Charity Chicks Houston got the great idea from Charity Chicks Orlando (unaffiliated, but a truly inspiring group of women) and then added their own flair to the group in Houston.
The group meets throughout the year for a host of reasons and causes. Charity Chicks Houston plans at least one event per quarter to support a local charity either by volunteering or raising money - or both. The group also attends and helps with other activities throughout the year to continue to promote the plethora of charitable events in the great city of Houston.
The events and the organizations CCH chooses to support vary throughout the year based on current situations and the passion of members. The group is not affiliated with any particular non-profit organizations. The group is unpaid and there are no time or financial commitments to join or participate.

-- About The Parish School --

The Parish School is the only school in Houston, public or private, which offers a multi-age, language-based, developmental curriculum for children 18 months through fifth grade. Children served have communication and learning differences, but average to above average learning potential. These differences may include problems with speech/language, learning to read, focusing attention, visual motor areas, social skills, and auditory processing.

The Parish School utilizes a classroom based therapy program implemented by certified teachers and speech/language pathologists. Classroom ratios are low and treatment/education plans are individualized to maximize the success of each child. The state-of-the-art facilities include parent/therapist viewing areas, built in assisted listening devices, play and picnic areas, gardens and large, bright classrooms. The creative and visual arts play a large role in the academic program and incorporate the focus on expressive, receptive and pragmatic language skills while giving children a creative outlet in which to express themselves.


Thursday, May 14, 2009

if this wasn't made for my mother I don't know what was..

Love you mom!


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I'm too sexy for my shirt..

Oh how I wish that were the case.  Since my recent shoulder surgery, it has been quite a feat to dress myself and most of my smaller shirts are completely off limits for the mere fact I cannot move my shoulder high enough to get the shirt over my head.  Until today...

I just bought my first pair of scrubs (even though I work in the medical industry, I don't wear scrubs) for a Pub Crawl for MS on Saturday.  I was so excited to try these scrubs on imaging I'd look like Meredith Grey or something but of course with much bigger boobs.

But the XS would NOT, I repeat, would NOT come off.  I had to call for reinforcements to literally drive to my house and either rip or cut this damn top off.  Talk about claustrophobia at its finest..feeling trapped inside a cotton morsel of clothing.  

And oh how sexy it must have been for my boyfriend to drive all the way over here and pry this damn shirt off my swollen post-surgery one-armed body with recently added lbs.  As with most things in my life picturing this escapade simply would not do it justice.  Welcome to my life.


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Apparently Kenny Chesney lied when he said love don’t happen twice..

LOVESICK.  That's what my friend Jen and her boyfriend Josh are.  I always make fun of her and she recently started a blog so here is her intro to the blog world written by yours truly..

There once was this girl named Jen who all the boys adored. You’d walk into a bar and they’d gravitate to her. Even if you were wearing a see-through bikini they’d find their way to HER. A grocery store…same thing. A library..yup. You get the picture. She was tall, had long hair (but always wanted longer hair like Rapunzel), played volleyball whenever possible, never left her house without her camera strategically placed in her right hand and had creative juices flowing like Sunny Delight from a can. My Grandpa used to put on his Velcro sneakers faster than I’d ever seen just to catch a glimpse of her walking by…even with a broken hip.

But none of those boys (including Grandpa) meant a thing to her or made her heart flutter like a Britney Spears concert used to. Why? Because she has * Josh *. He’s the one “that makes her heart happy and constantly gives her butterflies.” She thinks he’s the “greatest guy ever”. Insert grimacing face here. She’s “fallen in love with her best friend again and fallen HARD” and is “so in love, it’s not even funny.” Hell, I think reading all their MySpace and Facebook statuses is funnier than an old school Saturday Night Live marathon. And yes, this is the guy with the heinous knee scar, but she loves him unconditionally.

Sixty-Seven miles may not seem like a LONG-distance relationship but to this Romeo and Juliet it is just enough distance to continually make their friends cough up the acidic juices from their stomachs every time they hear their love lingo or watch their finger race in a text battle to see who can say “I Love You” more than 5 times in the span of sixty seconds. At the time this was written they’ve yet to accomplish that many texts in a one-minute span.

Never fear..this is not a Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt type of couple, no matter how much media coverage they garner for themselves (i.e. 9 million photos of them making out or hugging). Though I doubt love happens twice for the Brad/Jen duo, this is Jennifer Henrichsen and Josh Brown and they got a second chance at fate (sigh immediately followed by raucous, vehement vomiting). Making love popular again.

So just as a good friend would do, I convinced her to start a stomach wrenching earth-shattering blog about her love affair simply so I’d have one more reason than I already do to make fun of her. And here is the start of her soon to be infamous blog…

(of course this is all meant in jest.. I love this couple..scars, hair extensions and all.)


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

One Word.

I just thought this picture was worth posting. Curious to see what one or two words each of my readers can come up with to describe this picture of Heidi and Spencer on their pre-honeymoon in Mexico fighting off the swine flu. Aside from the obvious word, ridiculous.

My One Word:
Tan-lines? (ok, maybe that's two words, but the hypen made me feel better..)

Click on the small comments button below and let me know your word. You can be anonymous to post a comment..don't be shy.


Sunday, April 19, 2009

# 42 done wrong..

Wednesday marked the 62nd anniversary of Jackie Robinson's first day on the field as the first African-American player to play in the Major Leagues.  Throughout his career and lifetime Robinson contributed in many ways to end the barriers of color segregation both on and off the field.  

Having worked for a MLB team for some time and recently started a non-profit volunteer group here locally in Houston (, I feel this travesty of a plan strikes a nerve or two so I'm entitled to speak my mind.

Bud Selig is no stranger to criticism and I'm no stranger to throwing my opinion out there.  I'm having some difficulties swallowing the fact that Bud Selig (who defines as "a dumbass baseball commissioner" and nails it head on) mandated all players and on-field personnel to wear the number 42 in honor of Robinson.  Let's first be clear that I am not knocking Robinson or his Foundation as I think they have made immeasurable strides in the area of racism and segregation since 1973.  I simply think with the star-power, marketing, and media possibilities the MLB has behind them, they had the chance to do something outstanding.  To take a step further in the name of fundraising and non-profit.  I think of one of the many events I've planned or helped plan and know first-hand what having MLB standing behind your cause could do for you.  It is amazing what fans are willing to do in the name of charity and how happy they are to do, but MLB chose to take the easy way out and order jerseys instead.  

Here's there plan.. by asking all 30 teams (that played that day) which include a 25 man active roster on each team, coaches (usually 8) and all on field personnel (umpires and such) to sport a brand new jersey with number "42" on the back in honor of Robinson.  Then the fundraising part which goes back to the Jackie Robinson Foundation..each team will autograph one jersey and auction it off for the Foundation.  What that leaves is only 30 millionaire men (sorry for stereotyping) to purchase a jersey.  We are basically looking at a contribution from MLB of $108,990 (33 jerseys multiplied by a base cost of $110 per jersey multiplied by 30 teams)..or of course $3,630 from each team.  Couple things here..we all know MLB jerseys with the stitching cost well over $110, but I low balled to prove a point and because I couldn't get help on the actual figure.  We also know that Bud Selig is crap at his job.  He can't get his shit together and right here, he had a chance to mandate something a little more from his clubs.  Why not sew the number 42 onto an already existing jersey and using that $108,990 to go directly to the Foundation on behalf of MLB?  (This would also contribute to their wildly unsuccessful Green campaign that hasn't seem to have lifted off the ground yet.)  Why not use that same money for another campaign that is a little more connected with today's times like professional athletes that take performance enhancing drugs and being poor role models for kids everywhere?  That would actually show Selig using his brain and being proactive rather than reactive with all his mishaps.  Take all these drug cases in the media and turn them around so kids can still look to the field for role models.  

Also Mr. Selig, why not make this a little more creative and worth the cause if you are in fact going to spend over $100k on this day?  By selling only 30 jerseys you're leaving out thousands of other fans that want to help and get in on the glory.  What about the high school that wanted the students and parents to pitch in and buy it for their gym to remind all students of what #42 stands for.  You can't honestly think that since Robinson's first day on the field that racism in sports has disappeared?  That no one has suffered for the color of their skin since Jackie Robinson came into the picture?  Selig's plan also left out folks with meager wallets but big hearts from playing a role in this opportunity.  Or what about encouraging fans to create shirts that show the impact Robinson had on their lives.  Or hell, why not use a portion of ticket sales or even concession sales from that day of "Honoring Jackie Robinson" back to the foundation? There were so many options here and I feel Bud Selig again chose the wrong.  I'm well aware MLB is donating a few thousand dollars in scholarships, but make it bigger than that, as the potential promises.  I feel this whole charade robbed Jackie Robinson, his family, and all his true fans of what he deserved on April 15.  MLB took it too far beyond what the day was really about.  Don't do this because you have to, do it because you want to.  And think of new ways to do stuff. 


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

cheeseburger in paradise..

Even though I'm not Catholic, every year for Lent I choose to give something up. It proves to me that I do have some self control and I usually give up some sort of food because I love to eat and it's kind of amazing how much I eat.  

This year I gave up cheeseburgers and I didn't think I'd make it...but I did.  I went more than 40 days without a freaking cheeseburger and it was torture! Thanks to my favorite co-workers for bringing me a big 'ole cheeseburger today from my favorite place--Southwells.  And like Jimmy Buffett was Cheeseburger in Paradise (I doubt it had anything to do with the thousand pain medications I'm currently taking) because it was hella good.

Nonetheless, I welcome cheeseburgers  back into my world with open arms and of course an open mouth.  Lets ignore the fact I hear myself getting fatter just by smelling you, I'm still happy to have you back in my belly.  Please don't leave me again.  And please don't make me fat.  


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Where the F was Ryan Wolfe or Gil Grissom on this one?

As the black cloud that I call my life would have it, my car was broken into Thursday night and HPD did not meet my expectations as CSI Miami, Las Vegas, New York, Guatemala, Rhode Island or any of the other 1000 CSI's had so prepared me.

Thanks to this wonderful world of recessionitis we are currently succumbed to, some brokeass fools broke into 18 cars in my apartment complex (I don't think I live in the ghetto...).

They hit the jackpot with my know..the usual stuff you leave in a car..laptop, ipod, navigation, Rockets Tickets, Prada sunglasses, shopping bags with brand new clothes..yeah. And of course it wouldn't be THE blackcloud without forgetting to sign up for renter's insurance.

The man you see in the blue dusting for fingerprints in my car is what I call the typical HPD un-badass. He was not impressed that I asked him to dust for prints. An intern from any of the CSI cast could have printed my car and come up with a match, but not this guy. He was more inclined to ask "Maybe I could take you out to dinner to make up for this bad day? You have my cell...don't hesitate to text me." How 'bout a big fat no and just find out who broke into my car. And I don't recall in any of the 3 million episodes I've seen that they leave the fingerprint dust ALL OVER your car!? Isn't there a clean up crew to clean that up for you? Or some sort of appropriate follow up besides a text message or an email? I mean, really?

Hell, I would have even settled for Callie Ducane on this. As annoying as she is, she would have done the job professionally in a white suit and somehow manage to not break a sweat or get dirty. Because that's real life. Perhaps my expectations were slightly gilded, but I was not impressed with the lack of importance my break-in elicited.

And not that any of the robbers that broke into my car are smart enough to read (though they do have a computer with direct access to this blog, so just maybe they will read this), but we are all in a recession! That doesn't mean you should break into hard working citizen's cars and take my shit. Go get your own.

So if you see me driving around getting lost (no navigation), singing to myself or asking you to sing for me (no ipod), writing in a notebook (no computer) or just cussing someone out like I have turrets (me pissed that the cloud is still around) you know why.


Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Unmarked Bar Full of Hairy Cherries (April story in Barstool)

Click on the article to the left and read about MY coveted makeout bar in H-town.  looooove it.


My Best a$$

The best part about moving to Florida was meeting my best friend.  Happy Birthday Joyful.  (and don't judge the songs..they make the perfect soundtrack to our friendship).  


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I told you....girl magazines are just no bueno

Click on the article to the right in May's Glamour..take a min to read..or for sake of having better things to read just scan it over, then let me know your thoughts.  In a recent post I came to the vast realization that women's magazines just can't compare to men's and it's quite shameful.  

This article was actually written by a man (shame on you) on what men "really think when they have sex for the first time."  I'm obviously not a man, but I just can't think this is even the slightest bit accurate.  So what Jake is saying is that you think to flex during sex?  Like your biceps?  No wonder this Jake is a "real, live single guy dating in New York City".  If you'd concentrate on other things besides pointless articles in a chick magazine and flexing your muscles you may have better luck.  Just give it a try. Please.  For the Love of God.

And for the sake of anything else human, why on earth would chicks want to know what a man is thinking during sex?  Aren't you more concerned with other things like ovarian cancer, the best diet tips, how to be a successful career woman or things stay at home mom's can do to stay in shape??  Give yourselves some credit ladies. you agree with Jake?  Please tell...  I don't mind to be proven wrong if this is true.  


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Do Something Crazy.

That's pretty much all there is to do in Port Aransas, Texas. It's like a freaking Cheers episode..everyone knows your name...even mine after just a few hours . Not sure whether that's good or bad, but it is what it is.

I spent this past weekend in Port A. with J-Hod. It's not possible to have a bad time when J-Hod is around and this weekend was no exception. I think the whole 2 mile town became a hell of a lot happier when she showed up. She is the yee to my haw.

Little did I know it was still Spring Break and Port A. is one of those classy islands that should be on 20/20 for "City Gone Wild" or "One Big No-No" or even "Check your Class at the Ferry Line". The beach was equipped with everyone's favorite... girl in the too small bikini, multiple men and teenagers with black eyes and missing teeth, beer bongs, beer pong, stripper poles in the bed of trucks, "" product placement sporadically spread throughout all the mile markers, couches on the beach, boxers trying to attack teacup chihuahuas, "show your boobs" signs written in sand, posterboard, sides of trucks, body parts and more, and an exorbitant amount of corona flip flops, racer back tanks, visors and beach towels.

Some things that only a few of us would understand but I found them hilarious enough to put in writing...

I'm on a Boat
You're not old enough to ride this ride.
I accidentally fell and We dominated ourselves.
Backpacks equal creepers without cars
Beads do not make up for an ugly face.
If your coors light mountains turn white you will be exiled from the island..or at least Julie's bar.
Tan fat looks better than pale fat.

All kidding aside, the island wasn't one of the most prime time vacations I've ever had, but I did meet some badass daddy Nick, Canyon boobs and paper-rock-scissors for sunglasses Courtney, Bobby the only sane person in town, Black Eyed Pea and cookie jar rapper Hatch, "who the hell is this and how did you get my number?" John and Sarah....and that's about it. Sorry if you didn't make the list..

And the winner for Best Mom in Texas goes to the dumb girl that stole our car keys because we didn't seem responsible. Funny coming from the girl that had her 4-year old on the beach during Spring Break building her sandcastle 10 ft from the stripper pole and kegs. The Dora the Explorer swimsuit fits in really well with the AdultDVD signs and penis beer bongs. FYI best mom..I'm 27 years old. This isn't my first rodeo and you should be fired from the Babysitter's Club.


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

So Live Your Life (March Story in Envy)

Grab this month's Envy around Houston, Dallas or Austin and check out my review on pg. 88. Cute new spot in the Village.


Monday, March 9, 2009

Martini Stimulus Plan in Sugar Land (March Story in Barstool)

Click on it and read all about it.  Not one of my favorite bars, but it's not bad for a drink after work.


not all hotel bars are created equal (March Story in Barstool)

Click on the article to read and let me know what you think!


Sunday, March 8, 2009

Checked Swing.

I've recently concluded that men's magazines (Details, Esquire, Stuff, Maxim..and more) are much more thought-provoking and interesting than women's. They have unique, relevant, time-sensitive stories unlike the overabundance of women's magazines that will ubiquitously have some variation of the age old question "If my boyfriend ejaculated in the hot tub, can I get pregnant?" Or "My boyfriend's parents walked in on us having sex...". Ladies--It's called archives. Move on. Read the same question from last month or the month before to get your answer. Stop filling up pages and using ink with the same mind numbing questions that only make us feel dumber for buying the magazine.

You should demand innovative pieces with your hard-earned subscription money-especially in today's sinking economy. That was an extremely long segue into a small blurb I read in this month's Esquire (pg. 45)..

CHECKED SWING n: 1. On the baseball field, when a batter stops a swing just before the ball reaches home plate (as shown in the above picture). 2. In a bar, when a patron stops the act of flirting with someone after it becomes clear that he or she is not interested in engaging in "the Lifestyle".

I sweat this ridiculously accurate and appropriate vocab word. Growing up playing softball I long ago learned the baseball-related definition (#1). How many times have you been in a bar talking to a guy you think is H.O.T. but find out he's not interested or worse..a H.O.T.ter guy walks in. You'd hate to use a strike on an unworthy guy. If you keep talking to guy #1, you're striking yourself out by not going after the one you want. So ladies...just a piece of advice..before you go up to bat with a guy at a bar, do your scouting report. Don't overcommit talking to a guy in a bar because once you reach a certain point, it's considered a faux-pas to leave and talk to another guy.

In baseball you only get 3 strikes, co-ed softball you only get 2, and well's still undetermined how many strikes you'll get. So use them wisely. And start reading men's magazines or check back here often for the interesting pieces I get from them.