Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tim Teblows his Cover!

Preface to this story..

I recently posted a blog asking for help on writing exercises and ways to get creative juices flowing. I did my own research and found this fun (at least I consider it so) game called "writing tennis" or "email tennis". Basically you go and back and forth writing a piece of a story, send it to someone else, they add their line, and then send it back or to another person..and so on and so forth. Also another great way to make a slow work day pass by..

So here's the story from the Three Amigos..the best friends any girl could ever ask for.  Thanks for the support and the sharing of hilarious imaginations.  

Tim Teblows his Cover!

So the other night I went to dinner with a few girlfriends and I wore a scarf, as usual. Scarves have been a constant in my wardrobe for what seems like umpteen years. But one of my dinner patrons commented that I am copying her style by wearing scarves. I think it's important to note that over the year of our friendship, I've seen her in a scarf once. Yes, once. I think it's also important to note that while I adore wearing scarves, it's become all the rage, for whatever reason. How can one person take credit for starting this trend of scarves? Clearly I knew that this had absolutely nothing to do with scarves at all. This comment was fueled by her obvious jealousy of me. And in turn, her passive aggressive way of picking a fight.

You see, three months ago we all were out at a club when lo and behold we ran into her ex boyfriend. Now when I say "ex boyfriend" I use the term in the loosest of senses. They "dated" for just two months. Well, she dated him. Her Facebook status read "in a relationship" and, well, his said nothing at all. And just to clarify what my role is in this, we had hooked up a few times back in college...he wanted more, I did not. Yeah, college, the golden years. Sigh. He was a Phi Delt. A cute Phi Delt, but come on, I was a stuck up, bow head KD. We did not date Phi Delts. A Phi Delt shacker shirt? I don't think so. What would all my princess, trust fund, bleach blond sorority sisters think? He was cute though. I blew him off for an ATO. ATOs now those were the guys to date. They were the coolest (while questionably gay) guys, with the best date functions and after hours parties that blew your socks off. He drove a BMW and was the president. Ok, so there was the rumor that he spiked a few girl's drinks here and there, but I was sure it wasn't true. Probably started by that Phi Mu in our Biology class who was always drooling over him. Wonder what ever happened to them?

What the hell do you think happened to him? The "ex-boyfriend" of hers, ex-fling of mine, did what every other person we went to highschool and college with has done as of freaking married. And from what my friend Janine said, he doesn't drive a BMW anymore. He drives a tan Sienna mini-van with 20 inch rims complete with baby seats in the back AND third rows. Imagine if we hooked up now (I try my best not to hook up with married men..), I certainly wouldn't have to do the walk of shame from the Phi Delt he could give me a ride in the mini-van and drop me off at home. I wonder if I should give him a call tonight or go to the mall to buy my scarves to tick off the passive aggressive friend of mine. There's got to be something a little more productive with my time, right? Wait, what am I thinking...I will NOT call him. Like I said, I do my best not to hook up with married men. And little does my scarf envious friend know, I am certainly not the one she should be picking fights with. So that night at the club when we ran into him, her best friend was...well...very intoxicated. And though I can not confirm it, I am almost certain she was doing lines of coke in the bathroom that night. Real hopped up on something. We lost her in the club for awhile...couldn't find her anywhere. Scarf drama friend started with her tear dramatics over Phi Delt Mini Van and the demise of their 2 month "love." A drunken mess. I decided to run to the bathroom to get her tissues. Lord knows I don't want people thinking I am friends with such a disaster of a girl...mascara everywhere. Of course, the line for the girl's bathroom was a million miles long. So I slipped into the men's room in hopes of a paper towel, square of toilet paper, something. And you would never believe what I saw!

It would have been bad enough seeing him on the dance floor trying to bust a move, or anywhere ever on planet earth, but this is much worse. I saw the worst gaYtor of them all...Tim Tebo...and my bathroom experience really sheds light on why everyone calls him "Tim Teblow". He was wearing, of course, a heinous orange and blue lacoste shirt with khakis. You could tell his shirt had been tucked in all night..until his little bathroom escapade. I can't imagine winning the 2008 national championship (boo, hiss) is really all that hard compared to what he does in bar bathrooms. If you ask me, I've always thought he was more of a wide receiver than a quarter back. And he sure as hell could never be a tight end after seeing him in the bathroom! Immediately I took pictures with my phone and am in the process of sending them to a huge magazine to publish an expose on Teblow's dirty little secret. I think the headline should read...Tim Teblows his Cover!


Wednesday, January 28, 2009


While the New Year is inspiring for most, when it comes to the gym, it is wrought with the rookie workout team. The resolutions are upon us and I am not a fan.

You might be an A$$ at the GYM if you commit these workout faux pas..

1. TREADMILL WALKERS. (unless you are rehabbing, warming up or cooling down, move it. Especially when people are waiting to actually run on the treadmill.) If you're walking fast or on an incline, that's cool. But no need for a leisurely stroll at prime gym time just to say "I worked out today."

2. Saggy Panty-Wearing Girl Under Spandex. The girls that wear saggy granny panties under the spandex/hot shorts really disturbs me. Most workout attire already comes with lining, so no need to double up and have an exuding panty line unless there's a hygiene issue that I don't want to know about.

3. The extra loud huffer and puffers at the gym. I understand when you lift massive amounts of weight it's only natural to inhale and exhale deep breaths..but no need for you guys to do it extra loud so I can hear it over the Black Eyed Peas on my iPod. I get're a self proclaimed bada$$. Now move along. Not only are the noises loud and annoying, the awkward grunts coming from your body are very disturbing and sometimes give me nightmares.

4. Laziness at the gym. You know what I'm talking about..the meatheads that don't take the weights off the machines. The culprit is usually a beefy meathead in a tank top. Just because you juice doesn't mean I do, so please return your weights. Being lazy at the gym is just too dumb for words.

5. Cardio Worthlessness. If you've been doing cardio for over 30 minutes and still have not broke a sweat, DO SOMETHING ELSE. I know not all people sweat like crazy like me (gross, I'm well aware) if you're working out and exerting yourself, keep it up. I'm talking about those people that not only aren't breaking a sweat, they haven't raised their heart rate, are not tired and have not been phased by the last half hour of "working out". This is what I call worthless.

6. Cell Phone Chumps. If you can talk and work out at the same time, you're not trying hard enough. FTLOG, Step it Up. Personally, I don't think cell phones have a place in the gym unless you need to keep track of time (and for some reason the clock on the wall doesn't meet your needs) or you're expecting an important phone call. As always, this is an exception to the rule.

7. M3. Multiple Machine Man. I understand you're doing a circuit and need to rotate reps on a few different machines, but you don't get to hog them the entire time. If you don't own the gym, you don't own the equipment in it. Don't leave your dirty towel or wretched wife beater on a machine and call dibs on it for hours.

8. The Self-Proclaimed Instructor/Weight Lifter Connoisseur. Maybe there are some girls (and guys) that need tutorials on the proper way to lift weights or how to handle equipment, but I'm not one of them. I repeat--save your lessons for someone that needs them and better yet, for someone who cares. I've played collegiate sports and have been in the gym since diapers..I know how to handle all the equipment I need to. While some folks might appreciate the Richard Simmons personal trainer approach, I do not. So please take a percocet and move on. Enough said.

9. Small Talk Sammy. I promise you I do not go to the gym to make small talk or get phone numbers. It's sad that I sometimes have to wear headphones just to drive that point home. When I'm running, I'm running. Not talking.

10. Workout Diva. (And no, this does not stem from jealousy, but think what you will.) Putting on makeup and doing your hair FOR the gym is not ok. While it's perfectly acceptable to have leftover makeup from the work day (or even from the night before), no need to reapply for the gym. If a guy is impressed with a girl's makeup AT the gym, you should send him packing. It's a gym, not This goes hand in hand with #9. I'm not at the gym to meet guys so I will not flirt with you or primp for you.

11. The Couple. Maybe it's cute you can work out as a couple, but leave the canoodling until after you get home. No need to hold hands on side by side treadmills or wipe each other's sweat. Do your own stuff and ride home together.

12. Larry the Lurker. Creepy, creepy, creepy to have a guy lurk at the gym or hover. There is such thing as a need for personal space..even in a crowded gym. Also, no need to stare. Again, crazy creepy.

13. Unnecessary Nakedness. What you do in the locker room really is your business, but no need to dry your hair and apply your makeup completely in the buck. You can borrow one of my clean towels to cover your goods if you need to. Just ask.

14. The Weight Slammer. I get it Billy Bada$$. You are lifting a ton of lbs over there. Slamming the weights on the ground doesn't make me think it's any simply makes me think you lifted more than you could handle.

15. The Mirror Maniac. I am just as guilty as the next of checking my form in the mirror. It's expected and even beneficial for results. But ladies and gentleman, no need to lock on to the gaze of your physique. I would bet your mirror at home would give the same reflection, so try it there instead.

16. Killer Karaoke. The music you choose to listen to is your business and I promise not to judge. But Paula, Randy and Simon aren't listening so keep it to inside voices. Inside your head.

17. Ms. Bad Choice on TV Channel. Under no circumstance is it a good idea to tune the TV to the Food Channel. You a$$hole jerk. I love running 6 miles and watching a skinny chick make a tiramisu on the TV. Seriously.

18. The Accidental Gym Work Out Guy. You know the type. The guy that strides in wearing True Religion jeans and Rainbow flip flops to lift weights. Please wear appropriate attire and footwear to the gym at all times. Go home, put on workout clothes and come back.

19. Minors. Nine times out of ten the younger kids are just there eff'ing around. Please only serious people apply.

20. Anything else I deem annoying is therefore considered annoying. At least to me.

What are some of your pet peeves at the gym?

Since most of these are the unwritten rules of the gym, consider them now written. Learn it, Live it, Love it.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Use Discretion with your Facebook Photos..

Let me be the first to break the news to you..the number of photos on your facebook page does not correlate to the number of friends you have or the amount of "fun" in your life (nor should it).  I'm still new to facebook, but this whole phenomenon of tagging photos and adding unattractive pictures of your friends completely escapes me.  

If I had a somewhat large friend, I sure as hell wouldn't post a photo of her in a bikini that would make her feel uncomfortable or add to the fat factor.  If I snapped a picture of a good friend making out with a guy that just so happened to be her boyfriend's best friend, I wouldn't post that on facebook either.  

I feel like people want to post as many pictures as possible as if to say "Look at me..look how much fun I had this weekend.  Look at all the people I got to hang with."  It's not a competition folks.  Haven't you heard...quality far out weighs quantity.  If you have lots of great pictures that don't piss your friends off, then bring it!

Maybe it's just me and perhaps I'm shallow and all that good stuff, but I wouldn't want any pictures of my friends looking less than average on my page.  Food for thought.

FTLOG, use discretion.


Saturday, January 24, 2009

business as a$$

Many companies are issuing both internal and external communications stressing "Business as Usual" but their actions are ridiculously contradictory to their statements. According to many economists, we aren't exactly facing another Great Depression, but our current economy is sure as hell depressing, nonetheless. Personally, I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety when it comes to the recession since it's all new for me.

Due to the economic slump the health care industry (among many, many others) is laying off an obscene number of workers. Many view marketing and advertising as a luxury and believe it should be one of the first things to go when revamping and cutting budgets. Since marketing is my forte, I'm naturally nervous that my job is now more than ever disposable. (The topic of cutting marketing dollars to help save a business will be another post entirely because that is the most asinine thing I've ever heard. Marketing will help grow a business if done properly and with discretion and should reap a healthy ROI.)

Though I'm not an Obama supporter, I'm intrigued in regards to his proposed stimulus plan and the mass amount of change he's promised. I wish along with his plan that he would send xanax to all American citizens to help calm their nerves during this economic upheaval. I feel like Matt Leinart sitting on the sidelines waiting to get back in the game of life because I'm scared to spend too much money. I'm drinking beer instead of liquor most nights, going out much less, shopping less and avoiding malls in general, contemplating whether or not certain vacations are "needed", and most of all sitting at home every day making sure my resume is updated just in case.

At the same time these companies are declaring business as usual they are laying off high percentages of their work force, cutting back on employee benefits, retracting tuition reimbursement plans, revoking company matches for investment plans, cancelling holiday soirees, and much more. Companies are in "cut unnecessary costs" mode, but what upper management deems unnecessary and what may be vital to performing your job successfully can often times be two different things. For instance, many pharmaceutical companies are cutting back on the total amount of mileage that can be reimbursed and the amount on expense reports. We all know the best way for reps to get in the door (sad, but true) is to bring breakfast or lunch to the doctors and staff. In order to sell a lot, the rep must drive to many offices in one day. If upper management decides to cut back on the food tab, the reps don't have an easy way in the office anymore, significantly cutting back on their sales. If they are limiting you to a certain amount of mileage a day, you're stuck cold calling over the phone rather than in person which can result in a rapid decline of volume.

They say history repeats itself, and I think they're right. Think about the older generation folks you know. My grandpa, love him to pieces, has the tighest wallet I've ever seen. I think having lived through the tough times brought on by the Great Depression has left remnants of remaining cautious with money. That entire generation still operates under that scarred mentality that has only minimally faded away in nearly 80 years.

So like I said, business as usual my a$$. Barack, bring on the least until the economy starts to rise again.


Friday, January 23, 2009

I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours..

Once a relationship takes the turn toward semi-seriousness, the ubiquitous questions will undoubtedly arise..

"How many people have you slept with?"
"Have you ever been in love?"
"What happened in your last relationship?"
"Have you ever had your heart truly broken?"
"Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend before?"
"Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?"
"Am I the first co-worker you've ever dated?"
"This picture of you in Mexico is so cute, who'd you go with?"

The list goes on and on. But to what extent is it healthy to ask and to answer when it comes to past relationships? After all, there is a reason it's in your past, right? Asking these kinds of questions will drive you certifiably insane. You'll picture your boyfriend in Cabo with a cute little blond with ginormous perky boobs and wonder why the two of you haven't gone to Mexico yet. And say your boyfriend confesses to having been unfaithful in the past, do you really want to know that? Even if he's been the sweetest, most trustworthy guy to you, this information will set off alarms and make you question his every move. And who wants to question a guy that has been nothing but amazing to you simply based on a confession of his past?

While I agree honesty is the best policy, some things just aren't meant to be said. If your boyfriend asks you a question you don't feel comfortable answering or don't feel it's his business, get ready for an automatic fight with both of you taking a defensive stance. If you don't answer he'll think you don't trust him or take him seriously, or more often that not that you're hiding something. If you do answer him simply to suit his inquisitive nature, you'll be upset for being put in that position. I recently dated a divorced guy and I wanted every bit of knowledge he was willing to give me. I soon realized I was like Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men and couldn't handle the truth. I did, and still do appreciate his honesty of the situation, but wished I had thought a little harder before asking those questions because the "knowing" still upsets me.

And if you do decide to disclose information on past love, to what extent? Being a victim of jealousy myself, I have a hard time not asking these questions. What can I say..curiosity usually gets the better of me and then I'm pissed for asking. This is the best advice I've heard in a while...DON'T ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT THE ANSWER TO. Simple as that. If you think the answer might upset you or cause you to rethink your relationship, don't ask. Once you put the question out there, you can't get mad for honesty and it isn't healthy to compare yourself to others.

In closing, stay away from the quid pro quo antics and stick with focusing on your current relationship.


Thursday, January 15, 2009

looking for lubricant..

and not even close to what you were thinking based on my title. I've really enjoyed getting back to my writing (and hopefully you have too) because I've always wanted to be a writer in some form or facet...but I need your help.

As an aspiring writer there are days when my creative juices aren't flowing and I feel like I need something, like a lubricant, to get them flowing again.  I lead a busy life and it's frustrating to find time to dedicate to writing and two hours later realize the screen is blank, or even worse that my writing is garbage.  

So I'm posting this to anyone that's ever written anything or been creative (graphics, painting, jewelry-making, interior design, photography, name it) to let me know what gets your creativity going. What inspires you?  The coolest part about working for most advertising agencies is that they have "creative rooms" fully equipped with a wii, a diverse magazine selection, coloring books, word games and much more.  I need to make my own creative room and need help!

Please share your secrets with me..your favorite websites, books, writing exercises, tv shows.  If you don't deem yourself creative, I'm sure you know someone who is and I'd be grateful if you could forward this posting to those creative souls in your network.  Thanks!


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Looking for George Mason Alums in Houston..

Mason Alums are finally going to have a chapter here in Houston. Our first official kick off party will be on Tuesday, January 27th from 5p until whenever to watch the Patriots take on the University of Delaware. Stop by after work and meet some old and new graduates from Virginia's largest and greatest university.

Location--Lucky's Pub at 801 St. Emanuel, Houston, TX 77003

Please be sure to RSVP (there is no cost, but we can't be an "official" chapter unless we have a certain amount of members. Happy Hour prices all night thanks to Luckys.

Friends and family are welcome to join you. We'll have GMU giveaways and prizes so be sure to be there! We also have a group on Facebook..just search for George Mason Alums in Houston or send me a message.
Go Mason!


Monday, January 12, 2009

"You're a Doorman, Doorman"

(here is my January story for Barstool...pages 46-50!) 
Many of you have already expressed your dislike in this article (or at least my stance on it, but remember what the magazine is can't diss some of our biggest readers.  Plus, the guys I interviewed were pretty bad for yourself and feel free to leave comments.  

I Know the Owner...

The guys that stand guard at your favorite bars and clubs have a much tougher job than you might expect. It’s not all about checking to see if your shirts are tucked in and whether or not those “tennis shoes” on your feet are considered athletic gear or just part of your trendy ensemble. And they’ve come a hell of a long way from back in the day where the guys at the door used to gain notoriety within their group for how many times they fought each night or how hard they knocked someone out. The bigger the scene at the front door to turn someone away or kick someone out, the better they were considered at doing their job. Just like everything else in life, the job description has changed quite a bit over the years, but Houston is lucky enough to have some of the same door guys around for over a decade.  

According to my good friends at wikipedia, “a bouncer or doorman is an informal term for security guards employed at venues such as bars, nightclubs or concerts to provide security, check legal age, and refuse entry to a venue based on criteria such as intoxication, aggressive behavior, or other standards. Bouncers are often required where crowd size, clientele or alcohol consumption may make arguments or fights commonplace.” But read on and you’ll see that the job encompasses so much more and these guys deserve more than a hearty high-five.

Fifteen years ago if you were to picture the nightlife in Downtown Houston you’d probably see something similar to the 1989 flick Roadhouse (starring good ole Patrick Swayze) with fights breaking out every night in every line and a heap of testosterone floating down Main Street. You’d see guys and girls dressed to the nines with guys sporting slacks, button down shirts and sometimes even sport coats, and you’d see the ladies dressed in nice cocktail dresses.  

Fast-forward to 2008, and you’ll notice a myriad of changes. Guys are wearing torn jeans, affliction t-shirts and Chuck Taylors and girls are wearing whatever society deems as “in-style.” The dress code is just one of the main changes that we’ve seen over time.  

Here’s an inside look at 4 of our favorite guys at the door who pretty much all summed up their job and the revolution from 15 years ago..

The Veteran, Dat Pham- currently at Zeppelin, Belvedere and Shadow Bar
Dat has been in the business and been a staple in the Houston door scene for over a decade. He probably isn’t far off when he says “I’ve probably met more people in this line of work in a decade than most people meet in a lifetime. That’s one of the many perks of this gig.” But this experience has given him a level of respect and recognition that most guys wish they had half of.  

JL: How’d you get into this crazy line of work?
Dat: I used to go out a lot and was very claustrophobic, so I naturally found myself outside with the door guys. It just seemed so natural to be out there.

JL: What’s the funniest shit that’s ever happened to you on the job?
Dat: I hope I do this story justice..I was sitting back doing my job one night and there was a girl in line with a prosthetic arm. I didn’t think much of it until another girl came in line behind her trying to be funny and started fondling her arm. Prosthetic-arm-girl takes a bottle and smashes it over her head but doesn’t stop there. She takes her arm off and starts hitting the other girl upside the head with her limb. The cops come to break up this unusual cat fight and take her one good arm and cuff her to the car. As everyone is laughing hysterically the one that got assaulted with the arm starts waving her arms around asking “can you do this bitch? I didn’t think so.” It was priceless and to this day the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

JL: What’s the most important duty of your job at the door?
Dat: I try to protect the integrity of the club as much as I can. We are the first line of defense. We protect the image of the club by the way we act, look and talk. I love my job. The best satisfaction I get at work is not when people thank me for letting them into the club. It’s when they thank me when they leave and I know they had a good time.  

The Cowboy Veteran, Mike Sosa – currently at Bronx Bar (Galleria and The Village)
Mike and his cowboy boots have been in the business for 15 years. He stumbled into this line of work one night when he broke up a bar fight and the owner took notice. The rest is history.  

JL: What’s the best part about your job?
Mike: When I’m standing at the door talking to the owner just shooting the shit. Then people come up to me pretending they know the owner and saying they are VIP. You’d be surprised how often that happens and I always get a kick out of it because they have no clue the owner is standing right next to me.

JL: Ever gotten in a fight doing your job?
Sosa: (laughing) Yeah, once or twice.  

JL: How do they usually start?
Sosa: Politely asking a drunk girl to leave before she falls on her pretty little head and bleeds all over the club. Then comes the aggressive boyfriend ready to throw blows.

JL: Do you come across a lot of douche bags in your line of work?
Mike: Yeah, it’s the nature of the beast, but it always gives me good stories later.  

JL: How is your job different now than 15 years ago?
Mike: It’s much more psychological now. I use the jedi mind trick rather than throwing people out on their heads and then high fiving all my buddies. Now it’s all about respecting our customers and trying to keep them coming back. Kicking someone out years ago used to be about creating a big scene, now I try to neutralize it discreetly. Times have changed, but I’m also older and more mature with less testosterone running through my veins.  

The Big Picture, Dustin Jones – currently at Escobar and Saint Dane’s
At the time Dustin took the job in this business eight years ago, he just needed a college job to dish him some extra cash. He never thought he would take his job so seriously, but it’s done wonders for him. I’ve yet to run into Dustin at the door at Escobar or his new place, Saint Dane’s, but he’s such a damn nice guy, I don’t even think I’d be offended if he turned me down at the door.

JL: Do you like your job?
Dustin: I love it. I try to provide the best atmosphere with high-energy people and I try to have the best party every night.  

JL: You sound like you take your job at the door more seriously than most..
Dustin: Yeah, we set the tone of the inside of the bar from the outside. Not many jobs can say that. I love finding energetic people and bringing them to my bar. We give them a good experience and hope they come back next weekend – that’s why we’re in the Entertainment Industry. I want everyone to be safe when they leave. I call cabs for people that I probably wouldn’t care about otherwise. It’s all part of my job.  

JL: Does your job stop at the door?
Dustin: Nah. Clubs these days are a lot smaller and have more intimate, custom-crowds than back in the day. Take Mark, the owner of Vintage for example. Even though he’s the owner, I’ve seen him picking up broken glass, giving bottle service, helping at the front door, all that stuff. That’s the way it should be. Any bar with an owner like that is sure to have a hell of a hot spot every night. That’s the way it should be done. Every night.  

The Rookie Joey – currently at 26ten
One of our newest and quickly turned favorite door guys is Joey who started in the industry about 5 years ago at the Social. He’s a man of few words but tells it like it is, which many of us can respect.

JL: Ever gotten in a fight doing your job?
Joey: I’ve been in a fight or two, but my job is mostly to break up fights inside the club, not start them.

JL: What’s the dress code at 26ten?
Joey: Because styles and trends are always changing, so is our dress code. We are pretty adaptable, but mainly no flip flops, shorts or t-shirts. A friendly attitude goes a long way too.  

Our door guys agree that people took care of them and they got more respect back in the day. Now everyone that walks up to the door thinks they’re all VIP’s and the guys at the door owe them something. For all of you reading this, the guys at the door are the real VIP’s, so let’s all make a conscious effort to make their jobs easier. After all, we all want the same have one hell of a party everywhere we go. They can help us in that conquest.  

You ever wonder why you walk in a bar and see a guy in tennis shoes but your boy five minutes ago got turned away wearing the exact same shoes? It’s really not as biased as you think. The guys say it’s all about how you wear your clothes and present yourself. If you come to the door acting like the bar staff owes you and should bow down because you chose to grace them with your presence, more than likely you’ll get sent walking. If you come to the door with a friendly attitude ready to have a good time..your odds will start looking up. Take that advice and run with it.  

If you think about it, every person that enters the bar or club goes through one person – the guy at the door. Not everyone will have the same bartender, but you’ll all get admitted entrance through the same person.  

Joey had the best advice for those of us that have ever had issues at the door: “If you can’t get in, don’t take it personally, it’s our job.”  


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

date my leftovers.

Here's the scenario're dating a guy you like a lot who has extreme potential. You think he's "the one" so you pay your dues and put up with his day-in and day-out wavering commitment or wandering eye (insert individual situation here) because you don't really think he'll be like that forever. The cycle continues for months or maybe even years. Then it happens. You guys break up because he can't commit (or keep his eyes and hands for you only) and you just can't handle the issues anymore because you know he'll never change. You're devastated. You tried so hard. You endured so much. You even comprised, which is so unlike you. In between your tears, puffy eyes, runny nose and devastation, there he is..with another girl. He is magically cured of whatever a$$hole ailment he suffered from, which ultimately means you suffered from.

Magically cured my a$$ helped him. You put up with his "issues" and helped him see the light and in walks the skinny little bitch from your college rival reaping all the benefits you busted your ass for and are so deserving of. And not to mention he dresses much better since you came into his life. She has YOU to thank for the nice outfit he is sporting in the engagement photos. And his favorite wine..yup..that's your doing too. That's the wine you guys drank together on your romantic getaway. You know that favorite saying of his you thinks is so damn adorable? Yup, imagine where he got that from.. The picture of him on myspace or facebook that she shows all her friends because he's so dreamy? Yeah, he cropped you out of that.  Or that awesome mixed cd he plays in the car? Or the fact his lips are so soft because he's addicted to chapstick? The list could go on forever.

Because of you he is now ready to get on bended knee like boyz II men and commit to keep his hands and eyes only on her for the rest of his life. Along with wedding invitations let's hope she's courteous enough to send a cute little thank you card your way. After all..she wouldn't have THE MAN OF HER DREAMS if it weren't for you.

Ladies, can I get an amen?

And even though you've finally realized the two of you weren't meant to be, it still hurts like hell. You start to feel like you were the vocals behind the Milli Vanilli scandal. Someone else did the hard work and those nappy headed lip singers got all the glory (at least for a short time). It's like all 35 previous members of Destiny's Child that Beyonce kicked out of the group..they got her to where she is but they didn't get to stand in the spotlight. Instead they get to watch her on MTV and every other channel for the rest of their lives. Awesome.

It's like training for a marathon and then breaking your leg right before the race. It sucks. It's like getting all dolled up with hair and makeup to go out and then falling down the stairs and spending the night in trauma instead of out on the town. It sucks.

So if you're looking to get married, I encourage you to date my leftovers. I seem to have a high percentage of "priming" them for the next girl. 

Please share your individual experiences if you know how this feels. Thanks to a certain someone that encouraged me write this..there is a part in here written just for you.


Monday, January 5, 2009

26 Things

I'm finally able to cross something else off my list..the wonderful (and much harder than it seems) 26 Things project.  

The object for this version of '26 Things' was to take one picture for each letter of the alphabet.  My friend Sunshine and I played hooky a few weeks ago and wandered around Discovery Green trying to be creative to find our letters. (We found other perverted ways to do this project at a later date, so stay tuned..) And you'll notice in my version of this project that I certainly had to stretch a few of these (look at the letters k and x).



Sunday, January 4, 2009

DV R you kidding me?

Consider this DVR is now my frienemy. Up until a few minutes ago, we were pretty much BFF's.  Picture a nice little, going for a run, watching the Eagles win, having your roommate cook an amazing dinner, ending with the tear-jerker movie "The Nanny Express" on the Hallmark channel.  

Wouldn't you know the entire movie was based on the nanny falling in love with the dad (aren't they all?) and we waited with baited breath for them to live happily ever after.  The last scene shows her teaching at her new job and out of the blue like a fairy tale the dad appears and then...


Yeah, NOTHING.  The DVR cut off the end of the movie!  AGH! So annoying. So we now have to wait until January 9th at 9pm to see how it ends!  DVR, you are the Nicole Ritchie to my Paris Hilton.  You are the Hillary Duff to my Lindsay Lohan.  You are the Jessica Simpson to my Carrie Underwood.  You are the Angelina Homewrecker to my Jennifer Aniston.  You are the Heidi to my Lauren.  You are the Obama to my McCain.  


Saturday, January 3, 2009

Grab your shoes and run for a cause

Get your running shoes on..Charity Chicks Houston has picked their first official event:  Run for the Rose benefitting the Marnie Rose Foundation (Sunday, March 29th).  We chose the Marnie Rose Foundation because Marnie was a truly inspiring woman having battled a rare form of brain cancer at the age of 27 (my exact age). We all know I'm a fan of reality TV and this brave woman battled her cancer on national television for the entire world to see.  

Since Charity Chicks Houston is comprised of inspiring individuals and those looking for inspiration, this was a perfect kickoff event for our group. Personally, I hold the Marnie Rose Foundation near and dear to my heart as it benefits brain cancer research. A very dear family friend lost her battle with brain cancer a few years back and I know just how much this has affected my friends and family.

The 5k run/walk is on Sunday, March 29th starting at Reliant Park. If you live in Houston and want to join our team for this wonderful cause please click here.  If you live outside of Houston or cannot attend but would still like to donate, please click here.  The cost for registration is $25 and is sure to be an uplifting time for all involved. (Even though our name is chicks, GUYS are 100% welcome and encouraged to join our team..we promise you'll have fun!)


Friday, January 2, 2009

Announcing Charity Chicks Houston..

My friend Tam'ra and I just started Charity Chicks Houston and I'm so excited to be a co-founder of this great organization. (Kudos to Paul Carola for creating our logo!)

The Short Version

Charity Chicks Houston is a slew of chicks (and even some guys) in Houston that get together to do charitable work for various non-profits.

The Detailed Version

Tam’ra and Jayme (the founders) got the great idea from Charity Chicks Orlando (unaffiliated, but a truly inspiring group of women) and then added their own flair to the group here in Houston.

We get together throughout the year for a host of reasons and causes. Charity Chicks Houston plans one event per quarter (subsequently 4 a year) to support a local charity either by volunteering or raising money - or both! Aside from planning our own shin-digs, we also attend and help with other activities throughout the year to continue to promote the plethora of charitable events in the great city of Houston. We also get together every so often for no reason other than to enjoy the occasional happy hour.

The events we choose to attend or plan and the organizations we choose to support vary throughout the year based on current situations and the passion of our members. We are not affiliated with any particular non-profit organizations…we are just Charity Chicks.

Sounds amazing, right? You can be a Charity Chick in a variety of ways:

Super Woman Charity Chick - You attend events, raise money and awareness for the causes, help plan activities and logistics of events, attend meetings and anything else that interests you.

Sugar Mama Charity Chick – You help secure donations, auction items, raffle items, food/beverages and other items for charitable events.

Fun-Loving Charity Chick – You have the good in your heart to be every kind of Charity Chick, but for now you just want to attend the events for fun and support…and of course, you bring your friends with you!

Charity Chick Fan - You want to be included on the email list, but can’t yet commit to Charity Chicks. if you get an email that looks good, you’ll help spread the word about Charity Chicks Houston by telling your friends, family members, colleagues and contacts about our events and efforts.

Our Peeps - We welcome the participation and support of our male friends, who we lovingly refer to as our peeps.

If you or anyone you know is interested in getting on board with this great group for wonderful causes all throughout Houston, leave a comment or shoot us an email at


Thursday, January 1, 2009


That's what my New Year's Eve celebration was--uninspiring.  I definitely had a great time with amazing friends (I'm pretty sure my extremely high bar tab will single handedly help the economy). 

There is such a stigma around this "holiday" that it is almost always a let down. Have you ever listened to the song (Auld Lang Syne) that plays at midnight? The song itself is extremely melancholy and I truly wonder how many people commit suicide on NYE to that exact song?

Back to the uninspiring I look back at the 365 days of 2008 I realize how uninspired I was. I guess for so long I was looking to be inspired instead of working to inspire myself.  It's not always about surroundings..sometimes you have to be the inspiration you're looking for.   

So here's my written commitment to myself and each of you that I will be inspired in 2009.  I will write more and look for more opportunities to challenge myself.  If I start to get stale, please tell me.

"If you only do what you know you can do--you never do very much"-Tom Krause

Cheers and Best Wishes in '09.