Thursday, January 29, 2009

Tim Teblows his Cover!

Preface to this story..

I recently posted a blog asking for help on writing exercises and ways to get creative juices flowing. I did my own research and found this fun (at least I consider it so) game called "writing tennis" or "email tennis". Basically you go and back and forth writing a piece of a story, send it to someone else, they add their line, and then send it back or to another person..and so on and so forth. Also another great way to make a slow work day pass by..

So here's the story from the Three Amigos..the best friends any girl could ever ask for.  Thanks for the support and the sharing of hilarious imaginations.  

Tim Teblows his Cover!

So the other night I went to dinner with a few girlfriends and I wore a scarf, as usual. Scarves have been a constant in my wardrobe for what seems like umpteen years. But one of my dinner patrons commented that I am copying her style by wearing scarves. I think it's important to note that over the year of our friendship, I've seen her in a scarf once. Yes, once. I think it's also important to note that while I adore wearing scarves, it's become all the rage, for whatever reason. How can one person take credit for starting this trend of scarves? Clearly I knew that this had absolutely nothing to do with scarves at all. This comment was fueled by her obvious jealousy of me. And in turn, her passive aggressive way of picking a fight.

You see, three months ago we all were out at a club when lo and behold we ran into her ex boyfriend. Now when I say "ex boyfriend" I use the term in the loosest of senses. They "dated" for just two months. Well, she dated him. Her Facebook status read "in a relationship" and, well, his said nothing at all. And just to clarify what my role is in this, we had hooked up a few times back in college...he wanted more, I did not. Yeah, college, the golden years. Sigh. He was a Phi Delt. A cute Phi Delt, but come on, I was a stuck up, bow head KD. We did not date Phi Delts. A Phi Delt shacker shirt? I don't think so. What would all my princess, trust fund, bleach blond sorority sisters think? He was cute though. I blew him off for an ATO. ATOs now those were the guys to date. They were the coolest (while questionably gay) guys, with the best date functions and after hours parties that blew your socks off. He drove a BMW and was the president. Ok, so there was the rumor that he spiked a few girl's drinks here and there, but I was sure it wasn't true. Probably started by that Phi Mu in our Biology class who was always drooling over him. Wonder what ever happened to them?

What the hell do you think happened to him? The "ex-boyfriend" of hers, ex-fling of mine, did what every other person we went to highschool and college with has done as of freaking married. And from what my friend Janine said, he doesn't drive a BMW anymore. He drives a tan Sienna mini-van with 20 inch rims complete with baby seats in the back AND third rows. Imagine if we hooked up now (I try my best not to hook up with married men..), I certainly wouldn't have to do the walk of shame from the Phi Delt he could give me a ride in the mini-van and drop me off at home. I wonder if I should give him a call tonight or go to the mall to buy my scarves to tick off the passive aggressive friend of mine. There's got to be something a little more productive with my time, right? Wait, what am I thinking...I will NOT call him. Like I said, I do my best not to hook up with married men. And little does my scarf envious friend know, I am certainly not the one she should be picking fights with. So that night at the club when we ran into him, her best friend was...well...very intoxicated. And though I can not confirm it, I am almost certain she was doing lines of coke in the bathroom that night. Real hopped up on something. We lost her in the club for awhile...couldn't find her anywhere. Scarf drama friend started with her tear dramatics over Phi Delt Mini Van and the demise of their 2 month "love." A drunken mess. I decided to run to the bathroom to get her tissues. Lord knows I don't want people thinking I am friends with such a disaster of a girl...mascara everywhere. Of course, the line for the girl's bathroom was a million miles long. So I slipped into the men's room in hopes of a paper towel, square of toilet paper, something. And you would never believe what I saw!

It would have been bad enough seeing him on the dance floor trying to bust a move, or anywhere ever on planet earth, but this is much worse. I saw the worst gaYtor of them all...Tim Tebo...and my bathroom experience really sheds light on why everyone calls him "Tim Teblow". He was wearing, of course, a heinous orange and blue lacoste shirt with khakis. You could tell his shirt had been tucked in all night..until his little bathroom escapade. I can't imagine winning the 2008 national championship (boo, hiss) is really all that hard compared to what he does in bar bathrooms. If you ask me, I've always thought he was more of a wide receiver than a quarter back. And he sure as hell could never be a tight end after seeing him in the bathroom! Immediately I took pictures with my phone and am in the process of sending them to a huge magazine to publish an expose on Teblow's dirty little secret. I think the headline should read...Tim Teblows his Cover!



Joy said...

In love. We are so creative =) And I absolutely love our pic!! Plus Big D.


El Cheese said...

HA-larius! love the writing...please do more.

Sarah said...

OMG, while I should have known, when I signed up to be a part of this had no idea, you were going to publish it on your blog. Too funny. Love the pics as well.

Sports Chump said...

Any truth to the rumor that you were wearing a scarf to cover the hickies that Tim Tebow gave you?

I mean, that's just what I had heard.