crush is an ironic word, no?

crush	768 up, 54 down
	1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn't love yet 2. a precursor to love 3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them

Today I used the word (prematurely I might add) "crush" for the first time since I can remember. I got uber excited at the mere fact I may have finally suppressed all the feelings and confusion of my last relationship and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Said "light" just so happens to be in the shape of a muscular ridiculously attractive guy combined with a sense of sarcasm, genuine sincerity, and a smile that could make you..well, you know. The sincerity is what got me..obviously I'm not familiar with such a quality in past beaus.

I've said over and over again, and I'm pretty sure I've meant it, that I'm not ready for another relationship, not yet anyways. I don't need it, I don't have time for it, and it isn't a priority. All true. Part of that was also based on the tidbit that I haven't been attracted to anyone lately. I haven't met any guys that have filled previous shoes and I wasn't trying to settle in a rush to find it.

Then I said it. Out loud. And on twitter. After a few hours, the irony of the word set in. As a child I always wondered who (and quite frankly still do) appointed words to their meanings. We all played that game as kids. If "the who" that chose what words meant had called a lamp an areola instead of a lamp, we wouldn't think twice. It would be common to call part of your breast a lamp. We would have said at the infamous Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime mishap that Janet Jackson's lamp was sticking out.

So why did this Almighty Word Assigner call "puppy love", and this feeling of excitement, a crush? Was he/she trying to tell us something?

You don't find it ironic that the same word identified as a "precursor to love" is also:

crush	660 up, 253 down
	v. the process by which people are killed when thrown beneath asteam-roller or other placed in between two solid surfaces with force being applied toward them that the body cannot withstand.

I mean...food for thought, no?

If a crush can potentially lead to love, and love has always ended up ALL WRONG for me, then I think it's safe to say I can retract my earlier crush comment and revert back to pre-crush time.

.jl.

(..ps..written at 3:30am, I may wake up and decide a crush or interest of any kind may not be such a bad idea..guess we'll have to wait and see..)

Tennis...the game of LOVE-40

In attempts to get rid of the recent fat that has found its way to my belly, thighs, cheeks (both kinds) and other places I'm too ashamed to mention...I conned my boyfriend into a friendly (but still athletic) game of tennis.

Here's a short blurb of my conversation with my boyfriend, the tennis coach:

Me: George! Play like a normal human, you're my workout partner. 

George:  You're not my partner, you're my opponent.

Me: No babe, this is a workout, we are partners..you know, tennis partners.

George: You're on the other side of the net, therefore my OPPONENT.  And what does a normal human play like?

Me: Opponents don't go to Target and buy rackets together.  I doubt Roddick and Federer went shopping to buy rackets together, therefore we are PARTNERS!

A friendly game of tennis to a girl consists of aggressive volleying back and forth with some hustle here and there...and a friendly game of tennis to a guy simply doesn't exist.  

.jl.

date my leftovers.

Here's the scenario girls...you're dating a guy you like a lot who has extreme potential. You think he's "the one" so you pay your dues and put up with his day-in and day-out wavering commitment or wandering eye (insert individual situation here) because you don't really think he'll be like that forever. The cycle continues for months or maybe even years. Then it happens. You guys break up because he can't commit (or keep his eyes and hands for you only) and you just can't handle the issues anymore because you know he'll never change. You're devastated. You tried so hard. You endured so much. You even comprised, which is so unlike you. In between your tears, puffy eyes, runny nose and devastation, there he is..with another girl. He is magically cured of whatever a$$hole ailment he suffered from, which ultimately means you suffered from.

Magically cured my a$$..you helped him. You put up with his "issues" and helped him see the light and in walks the skinny little bitch from your college rival reaping all the benefits you busted your ass for and are so deserving of. And not to mention he dresses much better since you came into his life. She has YOU to thank for the nice outfit he is sporting in the engagement photos. And his favorite wine..yup..that's your doing too. That's the wine you guys drank together on your romantic getaway. You know that favorite saying of his you thinks is so damn adorable? Yup, imagine where he got that from.. The picture of him on myspace or facebook that she shows all her friends because he's so dreamy? Yeah, he cropped you out of that.  Or that awesome mixed cd he plays in the car? Or the fact his lips are so soft because he's addicted to chapstick? The list could go on forever.

Because of you he is now ready to get on bended knee like boyz II men and commit to keep his hands and eyes only on her for the rest of his life. Along with wedding invitations let's hope she's courteous enough to send a cute little thank you card your way. After all..she wouldn't have THE MAN OF HER DREAMS if it weren't for you.

Ladies, can I get an amen?

And even though you've finally realized the two of you weren't meant to be, it still hurts like hell. You start to feel like you were the vocals behind the Milli Vanilli scandal. Someone else did the hard work and those nappy headed lip singers got all the glory (at least for a short time). It's like all 35 previous members of Destiny's Child that Beyonce kicked out of the group..they got her to where she is but they didn't get to stand in the spotlight. Instead they get to watch her on MTV and every other channel for the rest of their lives. Awesome.

It's like training for a marathon and then breaking your leg right before the race. It sucks. It's like getting all dolled up with hair and makeup to go out and then falling down the stairs and spending the night in trauma instead of out on the town. It sucks.

So if you're looking to get married, I encourage you to date my leftovers. I seem to have a high percentage of "priming" them for the next girl. 

Please share your individual experiences if you know how this feels. Thanks to a certain someone that encouraged me write this..there is a part in here written just for you.

.jl.