Saturday, December 27, 2008

3 girls. 6 bars. 1 night.

3 girls (2 single, one happily married), dinner at Backdoor Cafe with a new-found vegan scraping the extra parsley off our plates because she just finished reading "Skinny Bitch" and was starving.  The thought of meat and tortured animals repulsed her.  This was a wonderful topic of conversation as Lisa and I devoured our delectable meats.  

We amazed even ourselves by making it to one restaurant and six bars in one night.  Dinner was followed by my new favorite bar (wait for the story in barstool for full details) Marfreless (#1) where I jacked the menu for research purposes.  This is THE makeout bar in Houston. Swear.  And you may ask what does a married chick do at a makeout bar?  Makeout with me, of course.  If it's a good friend of the same sex, it does not count as cheating.  (Note, this didn't really happen but we told all the guys it did..so damn gullible, but I guess for me that is believable.) There is no sign on the door and the door is blue.  Somehow every soul in Houston knows exactly what I am talking about when I say "makeout bar".  They had the best pomegranate martinis ever.  But back to the blue door..this started our "where's waldo" version for every bar we stopped at.  

Then off to Keneallys (#2) Irish Pub where they sadly did not serve hairy cherrys (my new fave drink...Three Olives Cherry and Red Bull..preferably sugar free).  The bar was hot as hell so when Houston gets hit with another cold front, go to Keneallys.  Somehow throughout the course of the night everyone got super excited about talks of "Celebration Station".  As a Texas transplant can I ask if such a thing ever existed?  If so, please take me now.  Oh and it is confession time..we doused KK's drink with red pepper flakes.  Too bad that was the drink that everyone unknowingly wanted to taste.  Our apologies to all of you.  This is where we also devised our plan to get wasted and order a pepperoni and sausage pizza to share with our vegan friend..

(#3) Vintage..but don't let Lisa pronounce it.  She says it like spinach and only makes it one syllable.  Terrible Lisa, terrible.  If you saw me you would have known I didn't plan on going out to the bars after dinner.  I had my ginormous overnight bag instead of a cute little clutch which is much more conducive to bar atmospheres.  Back to Vintage..Kristi refers to it as "Sintage", but said she'd take one for the team.  Since half of the remaining team is married I guess by team she means me?  She did warn us we'd see an abundance of fish belts and boat shoes.  I concur with Waldo..sintage sucks. Plus, I'm not so sure Fire Marshall Bill would have approved of the chandelier over the makeshift army tent.  We came, we saw, we went.  Quickly. But not without our waldo photo.  Notice her thumbs down in this pic?

Last night was either Ike Numero Dos or the Santa Anna's were rolling in.  Lisa had the best idea for my Christmas present..to help me cross something off my 101/1001 and go to Katz's (#4) to take pictures in a photobooth!  3 girls.  1 booth.  Extra small booth.  As we waited 7-10 minutes for our photos to print, we three genius' decided to figure out how much it cost.  We paid $3 for 4 photos.  Even the engineer couldn't figure it out.  We looked like a conversation of Heidi Montag, Jessica Simpson and a contestant in Miss Teen USA trying to figure out this math.  After 10 or so guesses our cell phone calculator application came in quite handy.  Approx $.75/each.  

(#5) Pearl Bar.  Packed.  Same as usual.  But....at 12:30am the vegan broke down and split a beef taco.  She was doing so well, but we still have high hopes for her.  

Walking to Blue Label (#6) Kristi said she needed to throw up.  I thought she drank too much but instead "I can't believe I ate that poor tortured cow.  I need to vomit.  Quickly."  Classic KK line.  I will be happy if I never go to Blue Label again. 

and I ended the night with a fourty-seven minute and fifty-two second call to the ex..not the smartest thing I've ever done.  (sorry girls.)

Oh and might I add that somehow I'm a writer for Barstool Magazine and this was my first time at every one of these bars (minus Pearl Bar).  Talk about stripping away my bar virginity in one night.  

.jl.

2 comments:

Kristi said...

This is freaking hilarous. We might need to do this on a regular basis. We try out bars, you write about them, I waldo them up. We can call it Waldos guide to going out in Housotn.

Lisa said...

LOVE it! So funny! I concur...this needs to be done frequently. And I think Kristi's voting style (two thumbs up or down) works great! Too bad the picture of "ursula" waiting at the bus stop didn't turn out. haha!