Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Resolution or Revolution?

Here is my Barstool article for December.. (pg 48-50) Thanks for everyone that participated.

Resolution or Revolution?

What a stark irony that one of the most popular New Year’s Resolutions among Americans is to stop (or at least cut back) on drinking. I find it ironic for many reasons. One: if you actually sit back and evaluate your life, drinking is probably not even in the top 3 of your problems. Two: this revelation to cut back on alcohol comes directly on the heels of one of the most popular drinking months of the year. Think of the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s…do you or do not consume more adult holiday punch, eggnog, import beer and pinot than you usually do? Albeit, most of the alcohol is to get you through that once a year family bonding time, but a drink is a drink no matter what the force behind it is.  

By definition resolutions are a promise that usually yields an advantageous change or reform. New Year’s is a time for people to sit back and evaluate their lives and make promises to themselves on how to live a better, more productive, stress-free year. And it’s all a hoax. After a long hard year full of partying, you probably realized you partied too hard, drank too much, smoked too much, had too much sex (or for some not enough), spent too much money, didn’t spend enough time with friends and family and the list goes on and on and on. Big sigh.  

Looking back on a year in review in the life of Jayme Lamm I could have made some changes. Let’s be real..some B.I.G. changes. But what’s that Carrie Underwood song? Lessons Learned? And without all these critiques of myself, how on earth would I be able to conjure up multiple New Year’s Resolutions (aka self defeating prophesies) to give myself hope that I may not be as much of a lost cause as I once thought? I’ve also noticed in my pattern of resolution making that year in and year out, I always make the exact same resolution, which tells me one thing: I SUCK at New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe together we can start a revolution on ridding society of this secular tradition and just live life the way we want. Living day by day rather than one declarative statement ruling every one of the 365 days.  

Don’t get so down on yourself for not accomplishing your resolutions. 30% of people flush their New Year’s Resolutions straight into Harris County sewer system within the first seven days (just to clarify, that’s only a week) of making it. Along with that resolution in the toilet goes your dreams of being a skinner, wealthier, fitter, and more successful new and improved you. But it’s not all in vain.  

Top 10 New Years Resolutions 
(and how to accomplish them within Houston city limits in red):

1. Spend more time with friends and family. get a group together and visit your favorite watering hole

2. Get fit/lose weight/eat right. many of your favorite pubs now have healthy food options and a plethora of light beer selections (the only other option is to learn to be dedicated enough to incorporate gym time in your routine before going out)

3. Reduce stress by having a nice glass of wine. (for recommendations read Holly Beretto’s articles) or spending quality time with friends (also see # 1)

4. Quit smoking. shouldn’t be too hard since smoking is banned in Houston bars

5. Enjoy life more. by spending time with friends (again, see number 1) and changing your usual scenery once in a while to experience all that Houston offers. Get out and enjoy the diversity of our city.

6. Quit drinking. sorry, not sure we can help you here. But take Drunky Brewster’s advice and don’t drink and drive

7. Get out of debt/save more money. by taking advantage of all the happy hours all over this glorious city. (Also visit Bronx Bar in the Galleria for $3 Three Olives Cherry and Cokes-it tastes exactly like Dr. Pepper)

8. Learn something new. by reading Barstool every month and check out what parties are happening and new bars are opening. You could also take basket weaving at HCC if you were looking for something non-alcoholic.

9. Help others. and be a designated driver once in a while or offer to pay for a cab for your friends. Or just help an old lady cross the street

10. Get organized. by keeping an updated social calendar of all the events and concerts in the city. Or plan a work happy hour and get to know your co-workers (but you don’t really need to get to know them like that..)

And here are some of Houston’s hottest New Year’s Resolutions confessed at a happy hour at Lucky’s Pub:

Sarah Whitsett- to lose my virginity— LOSS ”not yet, still trying”

Andi Aldridge- to stop smoking— LOSS- “I chain smoke more now than I ever did”

Damian Liccketto- to give up porn— LOSS- “I failed miserably” who in their right mind wants to give that up?

Sally Gunter- not to have a New Year’s Resolution this year— WIN, easy enough

Paul Gagnon- to get my picture in a magazine next to a cheerleader— WIN, thanks to this issue

Kristi Kotsatos- to get thumb reconstruction surgery— LOSS, there’s always next year

Brittany Williams- to stop cussing so damn much— LOSS- “shit, I suck at this damn resolution shit.”

Jen Henrichsen- to cut my alcohol bill in half— LOSS- “I broke up with my boyfriend so it basically doubled.” Damn.

James Burns- to become a cage fighter- LOSS- but have you seen his muscles? There’s still time left in ’08.

Bobby LeMaine- to stop getting wasted on O’Douls- WIN, “it was pretty easy once I set my mind to it”

Jonathan Smoot- to start working out- WIN

Adrienne Davis- to continue going to school- WIN

Katherine Perk- to not drink so much on weeknights or at least still make it to work the next day— WIN, so far so good!

Rachel Bodron – to stop trying to be everyone’s friend and enjoy the company of those who love me for me - WIN

Here are a few other good-looking ladies that got a head start planning their resolutions for ’09:

Suzy – to travel through Europe for a month next year. I plan to hit about 13 countries hopefully in July or August.

Eyleen Byargeon – to stop dating bad boys (Can I get an Amen?)

Maurielle Laurenne – to elevate the intellectual, physical, and spiritual strength of my loved ones and myself!

Krystal – to pay my taxes, haha. No really, to start recycling and using biodegradable products to protect our ozone.

Shannon Gros – to quit chewing my nails and stay on the yellow brick road

Alicia Kruse – a New Year’s Resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other, so my advice is just to live life to the fullest!

Here’s one of my favorites for the upcoming year (and possibly upcoming 4 years):
Melanie J. - to learn to accept our new President and let go of the hatred for the idiots that voted for him

Hell, you still have all of December to get crazy so before year’s end so here are a few recommendations for living la vida loca…

Live a little and go spin the wheel of debauchery at Shot Bar; check out Rocbar’s Monthly Mayhem (the first Friday of the month); Houston’s original 80’s night with “The Lost Boys” live music at Pub Fiction; Union Bar & Lounge- any night of the week for any occasion; Ladies Night at Wild West (Wednesdays) with ridiculously cheap drinks and even more ridiculously good people watching; Brunch at Cyclone Anaya’s; Late night pizza at Angelo’s; Relaxing with a glass of wine at Lizzard’s Pub; $1.25 shots on Mondays at TOC bar; Saint Dane’s amazing fried oreos; Legs and Eggs on Saturdays at The Men’s Club; Happy Hour and great sushi at The Fish in Midtown; Listening to David Nuno on 1560 The Game; Cheeseburgers at Baker Street (this is a must if you’re hung-over); Heineken Light kegs at Specs; and lastly, reading the entire December edition of Barstool from cover to cover.

And let’s set some guidelines for making your ‘09 resolutions. If you’re reading this it’s probably safe to say that giving up drinking or going to bars is not feasible since this entire publication is dedicated solely to that atmosphere. So rest assured that everything is fine in moderation and we expect each and every one of you to keep Houston one of the best party scenes by doing exactly what you did in ‘08.  

Be safe and be merry. See you next year Houston.