what dreams may come

I'm 28.

Years ago I would have deemed that as ancient. I said something this weekend that I think might have been the hardest thing I've ever said out loud. I think it might have also been one of the single most shocking and hurtful things I could have said to my mother. I told her my life isn't at all what I had hoped it would be or what I expected it to be. It's not the fault of anyone (except perhaps my own for not having gone after my goals and dreams earlier), but the fact remains.

It's hard to look at your life and wonder not necessarily where it all went wrong, but where to go from here. I can't say my life went wrong anywhere. All I know is I had hoped to be someone different, living something different by now. While this blog is a lot of self deprecating humor, which I'm oddly good at, I also feel the need to toot my own horn right here. I don't know many people, or anyone really, that could actually admit to themselves and the entire creepy world wide web that they aren't as happy as they could be. I know so many people (unfortunately, girls mostly) that just pretend to be happy until they are fooling everyone, or so they think.

The easiest way to change your path is to make goals and take it one day at a time. Taking it one day at a time seems so cliche, but it's really all you can do. Those of you that aren't on twitter, I still firmly, adamantly believe it's for the good.

Example # 1: Lauren from Texas. She recently tweeted about 4 Simple Goals, which I found to be a revelation of sorts at a time I just so needed it.

The rules and howto are quite simple:

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer and happier on a daily basis. choose things you may not otherwise get done, but that are not difficult to accomplish.

2. do not choose result oriented goals, choose activity oriented goals. for example.... instead of "lose 10 pounds", choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day". get what I'm saying? positive actions instead of just the end result!

3. choose goals that are personal that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one time experiences.

4. choose a reward for each goal as it is accomplished! it can be a small or large reward.

5. blog your goals, each one as you achieve it and a big post when they are all finished before the new year! I'll be doing this too! links back to this post are appreciated.

Without further ado, here are my 4 Simple Goals:

1. Focus on Sports. I have been trying to keep up with my writing in so many forums (various blogs, local magazines, websites, etc.) but it's time to focus on my sports writing over at The Blonde Side. The trick here is that writing about sports is my number 1 dream...to be published in a magazine about a sports related topic, written by ME, would be amazing. Seeing as it's my #1 dream, I'm terrified I'll write something stupid. Hell, lots of people write stupid stuff everyday that still manages to get read and some even get paid for it! My dream will never happen if I don't buckle down and focus. So, play ball! (that was cheesy, I'm well aware)

2. Learn to make sleeping a priority and not worry so much...ya know, not sweating the small stuff kinda thing. I saw this quote on twitter (reason #2 to partake) and it really struck a chord with me: “Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.” - Mary Crowley

Over the past year insomnia has really affected my life and my health in a negative manner. I need to learn to shut off life, the computer, the iPhone, all the worries. (I will start taking this advice after I post this!)

Besides, I can't dream and even figure out what I want in this life if I don't lay down and actually sleep, so bring on the dreams!

3. Challenge Myself. I've noticed over the years I've taken the path of least resistance and have sought the easiest way out in every scenario possible. Taking the easy way out doesn't make the world go round dammit! I haven't reached out and really challenged myself - AT ALL. I was a girl that was born to make waves...following the path of least resistance hardly does such. How do you know what you want out of life and what your dreams are unless you challenge yourself - on a daily basis!? I need to start going places without using my GPS - challenging myself to new sites and destinations and relying on myself to find my way. Next time I come up with a great idea that seems like too much work, I need to press on and make it happen. These are the challenges I need to seek out - not avoid!

4. Maintain and Foster Healthy Relationships. Ok, here's where it gets a little intense, but I'm sticking with the "Simple" part of the this project here. For those of you that know me or have followed this blog, you know I'm not known to surround myself with the healthiest of relationships. Another vocal revelation that makes me feel like a big girl is that I can admit fault in many of those dynamically dysfunctional relationships of the past. After so many ended friendships and earth shattering breakups, I realize I need to stay away from people and relationships that bring negativity in my life. Focus on the people that love me and want me to succeed as well as not being afraid to open the door to a new friend or maybe someone more than a friend. Truth be told, I thought I'd be married and with a family by now. Boy was I off the mark on that one! Good thing, because the guys that have been serious enough to talk about marriage and the like were far from what I ever wanted out of life. But unless I start taking dating seriously and making it a point to run away from the bad seeds, that dream will never happen.

So there you have it! My 4 powerful, yet simple goals to help me feel like the 28 year old I want to be. The one that it's not too late to be! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above or if you have started a similar project...please share!

.jl.