Thursday, August 5, 2010

a little bit of feeling, a little bit of venting, and a lot of praying

So my last blog (about the senile woman and michael vick) was about a much more serious subject that I can't seem to shake. You may find this shocking, but I contemplated writing this particular post because I wasn't sure if it crossed the lines. In today's age of social media and wide open Internet spaces I've decided to go ahead and post it. After all, it is my blog and these are my feelings. You have the right to stop reading and close out the window at any given moment.

The subject matter is death and how different people deal with this loss and sadness in different ways. I am not posting this to try and prove I was right or to make anyone feel bad (or to make myself feel better). Maybe my outlook on death, visiting grave-sites or praying to a lost loved one will help just one person's pain...even a tiny.

The background: A FB acquaintance recently posted a picture visiting a cemetery of one of his high school buddies. From the times I've hung out with this acquaintance and witnessed his jovial manner I thought my comment would be completely acceptable and appreciated. The young man passed almost a decade ago and I was giving my acquaintance kudos for not being afraid to visit him and not being afraid to "talk" about him/post it on FB. Based on his response as well as the mother of the friend, it was obviously not accepted.

I received a FB message "yea you ==== keep it to yourself" (which prompted the post below this about privacy on social media such as FB) from the mother. After she confirmed the message was meant for me and my "rude" comment, I took the time to draft and send her the below message. You may read the below and think I'm the world's biggest bitch. You may read it and think I'm a rock star for speaking my mind and choosing to celebrate life rather than mourn death. You may read it and think nothing at all. To each his own. That's part of social media. You are allowed to say and think what you want.


What I find rude is the passive aggressive nature if which you sent me a FB message regarding a comment you knew nothing about.

I do however apologize if you took my message the wrong way, but it was FOR and ABOUT "name omitted", not your son. You obviously don't know me (which probably should have prevented you from sending me a message in the first place), but I am a genuine person and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who has ever suffered the loss of a loved one. I too have lost a number of people in my life and I do not believe that every comment relating to death needs to be depressing and tearful. You ARE allowed to talk to God and to those passed and joke and remember the good times and "celebrate their life rather than mourn their death." There is Scripture everywhere that states exactly that and that's what my message was in regards to.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel's call and with the sound of God's trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words."
1 Thessalonians 4.13-17

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."
Revelation 21:4

I am truly sorry for your loss but that does not give you the right to bring burden into my life. How dare the two of you attack me for making a gentle, heartfelt comment about such a heavy subject. It was merely my only intention to ease the pain and show someone I thought it was great they went to visit an old friend. If you noticed, I was the only one brave enough to comment on such a powerful picture/topic.

You truly ought to think twice before sending a complete stranger a message "yea you ===== keep it to yourself". Facebook is a social media platform and when things are displayed and posted, the point is for people to comment hence the word 'social'. If this was such a private and sensitive matter you may consider using other outlets besides a public forum. A message indicating spending quality time and joking with an old friend at their grave site is exactly what got me through a similar time. How dare you judge me and try to ruin my evening with a message solely meant to attack me.

You were not put on this earth to judge me. Please remember that.

Please do not respond to this message as I do not use FB as a means for attacking people or for dramatic conversations. I truly wish you a good evening and with the most genuine sentiments I will pray for you and your loss.



Anonymous said...

Awesome post! I totally agree with you! - Rimba

Katy said...

You're a rock star.

Anonymous said...

Let me start by saying I am very familiar with this as the person who passed away was my friend and was one of my husband's best friends. You have no idea the emotional devastation that his sudden death in a car accident brought to so many of us, and you were not around to see his mother emotionally destroyed. Although I don't condone what she wrote to you, I also read your original comment that sparked the whole thing that was fairly rude, and then MD's response to you saying thanks for being "sweet", to which you totally overreacted and began to attack him saying he was being dramatic and shouldn't always be sad about death. You were the one being dramatic, not him. So, if your going to tell the story, maybe you shouldn't slant it so much in your favor when you were the original spark that started the fire. Your self righteous novel to his mother was way over the top, and by the way, including Bible verses probably didn't have that much effect as she is Jewish.

Anonymous said...

Not everyone is going to like you or understand you. Never waste time on people that don't appreciate it.

I agree with your response and think the last response to this post was a bit off kilter in its own right..

If you're going to be public about something, you'd better be able to welcome the opinions of everyone and not blow a gasket when they don't agree with your point of view.

Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one and no one wants to see anyone elses...