what dreams may come

I'm 28.

Years ago I would have deemed that as ancient. I said something this weekend that I think might have been the hardest thing I've ever said out loud. I think it might have also been one of the single most shocking and hurtful things I could have said to my mother. I told her my life isn't at all what I had hoped it would be or what I expected it to be. It's not the fault of anyone (except perhaps my own for not having gone after my goals and dreams earlier), but the fact remains.

It's hard to look at your life and wonder not necessarily where it all went wrong, but where to go from here. I can't say my life went wrong anywhere. All I know is I had hoped to be someone different, living something different by now. While this blog is a lot of self deprecating humor, which I'm oddly good at, I also feel the need to toot my own horn right here. I don't know many people, or anyone really, that could actually admit to themselves and the entire creepy world wide web that they aren't as happy as they could be. I know so many people (unfortunately, girls mostly) that just pretend to be happy until they are fooling everyone, or so they think.

The easiest way to change your path is to make goals and take it one day at a time. Taking it one day at a time seems so cliche, but it's really all you can do. Those of you that aren't on twitter, I still firmly, adamantly believe it's for the good.

Example # 1: Lauren from Texas. She recently tweeted about 4 Simple Goals, which I found to be a revelation of sorts at a time I just so needed it.

The rules and howto are quite simple:

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer and happier on a daily basis. choose things you may not otherwise get done, but that are not difficult to accomplish.

2. do not choose result oriented goals, choose activity oriented goals. for example.... instead of "lose 10 pounds", choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day". get what I'm saying? positive actions instead of just the end result!

3. choose goals that are personal that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one time experiences.

4. choose a reward for each goal as it is accomplished! it can be a small or large reward.

5. blog your goals, each one as you achieve it and a big post when they are all finished before the new year! I'll be doing this too! links back to this post are appreciated.

Without further ado, here are my 4 Simple Goals:

1. Focus on Sports. I have been trying to keep up with my writing in so many forums (various blogs, local magazines, websites, etc.) but it's time to focus on my sports writing over at The Blonde Side. The trick here is that writing about sports is my number 1 dream...to be published in a magazine about a sports related topic, written by ME, would be amazing. Seeing as it's my #1 dream, I'm terrified I'll write something stupid. Hell, lots of people write stupid stuff everyday that still manages to get read and some even get paid for it! My dream will never happen if I don't buckle down and focus. So, play ball! (that was cheesy, I'm well aware)

2. Learn to make sleeping a priority and not worry so much...ya know, not sweating the small stuff kinda thing. I saw this quote on twitter (reason #2 to partake) and it really struck a chord with me: “Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.” - Mary Crowley

Over the past year insomnia has really affected my life and my health in a negative manner. I need to learn to shut off life, the computer, the iPhone, all the worries. (I will start taking this advice after I post this!)

Besides, I can't dream and even figure out what I want in this life if I don't lay down and actually sleep, so bring on the dreams!

3. Challenge Myself. I've noticed over the years I've taken the path of least resistance and have sought the easiest way out in every scenario possible. Taking the easy way out doesn't make the world go round dammit! I haven't reached out and really challenged myself - AT ALL. I was a girl that was born to make waves...following the path of least resistance hardly does such. How do you know what you want out of life and what your dreams are unless you challenge yourself - on a daily basis!? I need to start going places without using my GPS - challenging myself to new sites and destinations and relying on myself to find my way. Next time I come up with a great idea that seems like too much work, I need to press on and make it happen. These are the challenges I need to seek out - not avoid!

4. Maintain and Foster Healthy Relationships. Ok, here's where it gets a little intense, but I'm sticking with the "Simple" part of the this project here. For those of you that know me or have followed this blog, you know I'm not known to surround myself with the healthiest of relationships. Another vocal revelation that makes me feel like a big girl is that I can admit fault in many of those dynamically dysfunctional relationships of the past. After so many ended friendships and earth shattering breakups, I realize I need to stay away from people and relationships that bring negativity in my life. Focus on the people that love me and want me to succeed as well as not being afraid to open the door to a new friend or maybe someone more than a friend. Truth be told, I thought I'd be married and with a family by now. Boy was I off the mark on that one! Good thing, because the guys that have been serious enough to talk about marriage and the like were far from what I ever wanted out of life. But unless I start taking dating seriously and making it a point to run away from the bad seeds, that dream will never happen.

So there you have it! My 4 powerful, yet simple goals to help me feel like the 28 year old I want to be. The one that it's not too late to be! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above or if you have started a similar project...please share!

.jl.

a little bit of feeling, a little bit of venting, and a lot of praying

So my last blog (about the senile woman and michael vick) was about a much more serious subject that I can't seem to shake. You may find this shocking, but I contemplated writing this particular post because I wasn't sure if it crossed the lines. In today's age of social media and wide open Internet spaces I've decided to go ahead and post it. After all, it is my blog and these are my feelings. You have the right to stop reading and close out the window at any given moment.

The subject matter is death and how different people deal with this loss and sadness in different ways. I am not posting this to try and prove I was right or to make anyone feel bad (or to make myself feel better). Maybe my outlook on death, visiting grave-sites or praying to a lost loved one will help just one person's pain...even a tiny.

The background: A FB acquaintance recently posted a picture visiting a cemetery of one of his high school buddies. From the times I've hung out with this acquaintance and witnessed his jovial manner I thought my comment would be completely acceptable and appreciated. The young man passed almost a decade ago and I was giving my acquaintance kudos for not being afraid to visit him and not being afraid to "talk" about him/post it on FB. Based on his response as well as the mother of the friend, it was obviously not accepted.

I received a FB message "yea you ==== keep it to yourself" (which prompted the post below this about privacy on social media such as FB) from the mother. After she confirmed the message was meant for me and my "rude" comment, I took the time to draft and send her the below message. You may read the below and think I'm the world's biggest bitch. You may read it and think I'm a rock star for speaking my mind and choosing to celebrate life rather than mourn death. You may read it and think nothing at all. To each his own. That's part of social media. You are allowed to say and think what you want.

___________________________________________________________

What I find rude is the passive aggressive nature if which you sent me a FB message regarding a comment you knew nothing about.

I do however apologize if you took my message the wrong way, but it was FOR and ABOUT "name omitted", not your son. You obviously don't know me (which probably should have prevented you from sending me a message in the first place), but I am a genuine person and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who has ever suffered the loss of a loved one. I too have lost a number of people in my life and I do not believe that every comment relating to death needs to be depressing and tearful. You ARE allowed to talk to God and to those passed and joke and remember the good times and "celebrate their life rather than mourn their death." There is Scripture everywhere that states exactly that and that's what my message was in regards to.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel's call and with the sound of God's trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words."

1 Thessalonians 4.13-17

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

Revelation 21:4

I am truly sorry for your loss but that does not give you the right to bring burden into my life. How dare the two of you attack me for making a gentle, heartfelt comment about such a heavy subject. It was merely my only intention to ease the pain and show someone I thought it was great they went to visit an old friend. If you noticed, I was the only one brave enough to comment on such a powerful picture/topic.

You truly ought to think twice before sending a complete stranger a message "yea you ===== keep it to yourself". Facebook is a social media platform and when things are displayed and posted, the point is for people to comment hence the word 'social'. If this was such a private and sensitive matter you may consider using other outlets besides a public forum. A message indicating spending quality time and joking with an old friend at their grave site is exactly what got me through a similar time. How dare you judge me and try to ruin my evening with a message solely meant to attack me.

You were not put on this earth to judge me. Please remember that.

Please do not respond to this message as I do not use FB as a means for attacking people or for dramatic conversations. I truly wish you a good evening and with the most genuine sentiments I will pray for you and your loss.

.jl.

A senile old woman on social media is about as appropriate as Michael Vick being a dog walker.

Last night I received a message on Facebook that I thought was spam or an accident. It was from a woman 50+ and the subject said “yea you ---- keep it to yourself”. I messaged her back and asked if I was the lucky recipient of some awkward spam or if that was meant for me. Apparently even at an age headed straight for senility in Velcro tennis shoes, passive aggressive is still alive and well.

So I thought I’d take a minute and school Betty White’s Great Grandma on social media. For starters, don’t tell me or anyone to mind our own business when something is posted on FB or any other social media site. NEWSFLASH- Anything on the Internet IS my business. Maybe next time you should try a little handwritten note that Paul Revere can deliver for you via horseback to help ensure your privacy.

For the second day in a row I shall consult Urban Dictionary, one of my favorite online resources. This family friendly reliable source defines Social Media as “participatory online media that utilizes the group to write and direct content, rather than a read-only media. Allows for direct contact between participants.” By publicly posting something, you are not only allowing me to see it, but comment on it. This is reason number 54,683 why people over 50 should NOT be on social media (unless they are reasonable and educated enough to understand the purpose for it as well as the ramifications of posting).

(On a serious note, I Google imaged “Michael Vick walking a dog” and came across photos of dogs after they had been through dogfights and it made me sick to my stomach. Michael Vick – I couldn’t stand you from the first second I met you at VT recruitment and my disdain for you has continued to grow, especially now that you play on MY football team. My heart goes out to every little animal that has ever been victim to these dogfights and I will kick every person I come across in the balls that has ever supported/been part of dogfighting. We share the planet with some sick individuals. Give back by visiting the American Society for the Prevention of Animal Cruelty.)

.jl.

to take or not to take the call. the BOOTY CALL

Booty Calls...there's an app for that.

Booty Calls...so easy a caveman can do it.

Booty Calls...they'll make you fist pump.

Booty Calls...Just Do It.

Booty Calls - been there, done that. Literally.

And don't judge me - it's a part of life. So much so that I recently came across a study in the Journal of Sex Research (July Issue) on MSNBC which is all about: Booty Calls.

Peter Jonason, psychologist at the University of West Florida (at the time study was conducted), studied over 300 college students on the booty call phenomenon to try and get an understanding of the how and why. And more importantly how participating in these types of relationships (which whether you want to admit it or not, ARE in fact relationships), can mold you and your criteria for future relationships.

For those readers of the more conservative nature that may not know what a booty call is, I've consulted one of my favorite sources for your understanding, Urban Dictionary. Here you'll find a plethora of raunchy definitions. Mom/Dad, let me give you one of the easier versions, "a late night summons often made via telephone to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis." However, they should update it to say, "often made via telephone, text messages, Facebook and even now occasionally via Twitter."

But back to the study. The study recruited (somehow I'm sure this recruitment was a bit easier than say, Reggie Bush...) 123 college students who had been in a booty call relationship in the previous year. For comparison purposes the study also found 97 students in a committed relationship and 69 that had been a part of a one-night stand (ironic choice of numbers there, huh??). The team of researchers found overall that emotional acts (i.e. handholding, kissing) were less common in the bootyships. "Booty call partners usually don't hold hands and kiss - they're trying to minimize confusion," Jonason said. As we all know, girls usually screw this up wanting more than the original deal they signed on for. Which brings me to the Booty Application (picture shown). This is a perfect agreement to get your Booty Call partner to agree to the terms, sign and keep tucked away in your nightstand for easy retrieval. When he/she wants to go out for ice cream after you've done the deed or asks to spend the night, just pull out this contract and wave it in their face. That'll show 'em.

Jonason's commentary/research also proves another valid point I've long been a believer of...scientists are pretty darn boring and probably don't a ton of action. This is why THEY should not have been conducting this study. I SHOULD HAVE. What if part of the study was to actually see a Booty Call in progress? Or read the racy text messages leading up to the actual Booty Call? These scientists would run away screaming like little girls. Don't believe me? Case in point; Jonason considers kissing and handholding to be foreplay and documented so in his study. If holding my hand is foreplay, I don't want any. I kid, I actually miss holding hands... :(

Elaine Hatfield, Professor of Psychology at the University of Hawaii plans to do "longitudinal work" on the subject matter where scientists follow the same individual for years to get a better sense and understanding of the role Booty Calls play in society and forming future relationships. "We should know a lot more as we track the trajectory and frequency of casual sex...," Hatfield said. My advice to you Ms. Hatfield: do not follow anyone from the likes of Tila Tequila, Paris Hilton, or "Whorey Torey" from this year's Aquapalooza.

The study was geared towards breaking down what's missing in your sex life. Take it from me (a retired booty callee), if you HAVE a sex life, nothing's missing. Oh and if you like oral, you better buckle down and get in a long-term relationship! The study found that those in long-term relationships were more apt to getting oral. Maybe I should add this line to my eHarmony posting to help increase my odds??

I feel after a post dedicated to such, I need to send out a PSA for those in need of a booty call. There is in fact an app for that. Actually there are a few, but the one that seems to be all the rage is PinpointsXwith tag-line, helps you score with strangers. There are also some booty call dedicated sites for you to peruse should you feel inclined.

.jl.