Cover Story #1 for October Barstool...Calling all Creepers

So both my articles for the October edition of Barstool Mag were the cover stories.  I love this mag!  Check 'em out.

Calling all Creepers..Halloween Happenings (p. 49 &50)

“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Probably one of the most eloquent statements to come out of Lindsey Lohan’s mouth. Ever. (It was in Mean Girls for those of you unfamiliar with the teenybopper movie.) And probably the main reason every girl takes the opportunity to dress up and every guy takes the opportunity to stop playing rock band and head out on the town. It’s also the one night of the year where guys can be overbearing and throw out the worst pick up lines. I mean if it doesn’t work, you can just blame it on the costume and say you were in “character”. Seriously, every guy gets a free pass on Halloween.  

Halloween is to Houston what gold medals are to Michael Phelps…effing exciting and everyone wants to be a part of the action. It doesn’t matter if there’s a recap about the event a few nights later, you can’t miss this night. And you just can’t get enough of Halloween, which is exactly why many of your favorite bars have created an entire weekend dedicated solely to this holiday. Houston knows how to party every night and thankfully Halloween is no exception. Last year Michael Vick jerseys with stuffed pit bulls hanging from the neck were all the rage. If any of you can pull off a fake 5-foot torso, a Michael Phelps costume may top them all. With the upcoming presidential election, I foresee a sexy Sarah Palin being a hot commodity this year, along with an X-rated Miley Cyrus. Frilly dresses from the ever-popular Sex and the City cast members will also probably take up a lot of space on the dance floor.  

In honor of the scandalous celebration, bars are gearing up for a great weekend full of costume contests, drink specials and even haunted houses. This year’s nominees for badass Halloween parties in no particular order are:

Mark your calendars for Roctober where crazy costumes and Halloween will be celebrated every weekend during October at Rocbar/Mosaic. You heard it here first…5 weekends of insanity and intoxication. The fierce lineup starts on Friday the 3rd with Horror Film Classics (Nightmare on Elm Street ring a bell?), and on Friday the 10th with Reservoir Dogs. DJ’s John Huntington and K-sly are bringing the music inspiration on the Black & White party Thursday the 16th with Dusk til Dawn the next night. Be prepared to party with Natural Born Killers on Friday the 24th, but don’t be too alarmed even though they are celebrating real-life historical killers in lieu of the pansy fictional ones we’ve watched on TV. If you’re a bed wetter, consider yourself warned. Devil’s Night will take place on Friday the 30th and the highly anticipated Beetlejuice Party will be on Halloween night. I wish every month was Roctober so be sure to maximize their party schedule.

Bronx Bar has been the apex of theme parties and costume parties in our area codes for quite some time and this Halloween they are sure to keep the trend alive so put on your big girl panties and get ready to raise the roof.  

The Galleria Bronx Bar will be partying with a Heaven and Hell theme. Come dressed in your best angelic costume or your worst devilish costume and bring the good/bad mentality along with your outfit.

If you’ve ever been to Bronx Bar, you know the staff will be stiff competition in the costume department. I don’t know where they come up with this shit or how long they take to plan their attire, but they are never short of amazing. Stop by either location Thursday, Friday or Saturday to enjoy drink specials, a few of your favorite DJ’s spinning scary tunes and best of all, no cover charge.  

If you haven’t been to Bam Bou in the Village yet, then Halloween is the perfect excuse to take a gander. Come experience their hot new set up and their mock movie stages featuring “The Ring” and “Michael Myers” on Halloween night. Don’t forget your costume, because first, second and third place prizes add up to over $1500 in prizes. There is a $10 cover before midnight, but the scary bottle discounts before 11 and other drink specials all night will be worth it.  

Celebrating their one-year anniversary, Lucky’s Pub is going to party like it’s 1999, except of course it’s 2008. The 12th Annual Pimp and Prostitute Ball is set to take place on Friday, October 31st from 8pm until close. Sports Monkey always puts this party on and every year it gets better and better. Costumes get skimpier and funnier, drinks get stronger and taller and the crowd gets crazier and crazier.  

Tickets are required for this shindig and are $15 in advance (http://www.sportsmonkey.com/Events/pnp2008.asp) or $20 at the door. If you plan on dressing up (and hence the holiday, there’s no reason you shouldn’t), consider the ticket prices an investment. Almost like 401(k). If you sign up for the costume contests by 10pm, you could win $4000 CASH if you’re rockin’ the best digs. Lots of cash and prizes to be won, so dress to win Pimp of the Year, the oxymoronic Classiest Ho, and Best Overall Costume. What other bar can you knock back 40’s plus $3 beers and $3 wells all night? Per their website, “Round up yo bitches and grab yo gold. Wrap some fishnets around that fly booty, cuz it be time to go out and Pimp N Ho it!” You still have some time to practice your pimp stroll so start working on it. Oh, and buying tickets in advance keeps you from waiting in line, and with over 1000 people expected, not waiting in line is a damn good thing. There will be a backdoor marked especially for you VIP pimps (the ones that purchased tickets in advance). The backdoor could come in handy because dressing like a pimp in downtown Houston can be easily mistaken. I highly recommend pimping it inside Lucky’s rather than outside.  

Pub Fiction will be celebrating Halloween all weekend. Invitations have already been extended to Dr. Seymour Bush, a slew of home wreckers, gold-digger’s and Victoria’s Secret Angels to make the party even hotter. They are planning a Halloween party so ridiculously ridiculous on Friday and Saturday night that they’ve felt the need to extend the bash into the parking lot. Note to self, there is tons of room for those of you with the larger get-ups that sometimes find it a tight squeeze on the dance floor. Between the inside and outside bar scene, you’ll have plenty of room to navigate all the dance floors or make your own.  

Still a mystery to all of us, Pub Fiction will feature a special live performance on Saturday night from one of your favorite Texas country artists. Drink specials are yet to be determined, but any drink at Pub is a special one. The drinks will be plentiful as will the cash prizes for the best costume of the night so come dressed to impress.  

Here are some other notable mentions for hair-raising Halloween hotspots. Pearl Bar will be devoting an entire weeklong celebration to Halloween. There is never a cover and they will have frozen scary lemonades and other tantalizing libations. I can see it now..animated costumes battling it out at a frightful game of flip cup. May the best costume win! Seeing as Pearl Bar hasn’t really designated what the winnings will be (if any), the winner may only receive the ability to bear the title “Pearl Bar’s Best Costume”. Pretty sure bragging rights would suffice on their own.

Whiskey Creek is always a safe bet for Halloween as they somehow consistently manage to get the hottest girls and guys in the craziest costumes on one dance floor year after year. Located directly next door is another fun venture, Escobar. Add risqué costumes to the traditional scenes and dancing at either of these locations and you’re sure to have one hell of a Halloween.

Regardless of your Halloween bar of choice (hopefully plural) or preferred alcoholic concoction, we have enough confidence in our hometown bars to know you’ll have a badass time wherever you go. Just remember to dress to kill because cameras will be in full swing during this freaky holiday. And remember, because we’ve been blessed to celebrate this on a Friday, most bars are extending the fun-loving costume shenanigans for at least three days and in some cases, one scary month. I’m a firm believer that every holiday should include costumes. 

.jl.