stupid people have it made

no seriously, hear me out. I had yet another "adventure" at the post office today. Combine that with the day I've had and I just couldn't resist - I had to call my mom and vent about all the ongoing drama in my life.

My mom has not always been good with words (luckily she gave me that amazing feature and left none for herself), but today, she surprised me.

"you're too logical for people sometimes."

In the past I've always heard it phrased as I expect too much out of people or maybe I'm too tough on people - all of which I've dismissed.

Of course I expect an apartment complex I pay $1500 a month for to not be infested with bugs. Of course I expect that the brand new SUV I just bought will not experience electrical problems and completely shut off while driving through a busy intersection. Of course I expect my "beach front hotel" in the Bahamas to actually be ON. THE. BEACH.

Sometimes my frustrations lie not in the fact that my hotel happens to be miles away from said beach but that the customer service agent can't understand why I'm upset. They can't understand why I should be upgraded or sent to the attention of the property manager.

There is something to be said for that popular saying, ignorance is bliss.

Take the woman at the post office today (not the one pictured above. disclaimer, I don't know the one above so she may or may not be stupid...). I asked for postcard stamps and she promptly proceeded to sell me $.28 postcard stamps, only pointing out after the transaction was complete and I was walking away that postage for postcards has gone up to $.29. Why on earth the post office still has the obsolete stamps short an entire penny is beyond me. And why on earth this woman sold me those WITHOUT SELLING ME $.01 stamps is beyond me. Beyond. Me.

I live such a busy life and am constantly go-go-go that this woman probably can't comprehend the frustration of having to go to another post office to purchase the penny stamps. And she sure as hell can't comprehend the massacre of emotions I would have felt receiving all those undeliverable postcards in one heaping pile. The time and drama it would have taken to resend those and everything that goes along with it would have sent me in a whirlwind of despair. But because I know it's common sense to sell someone the appropriate means or to guide them in the right direction, I often expect others to do the same. Wrong-o.

While I (and many of you) get so frustrated and want to strangle the necks of postal workers and apartment managers, it's because we know better. We were brought up with logic and savvy grooming skills to make educated decisions and elaborate deduction skills. Many of these people were not. Not even close.

So thanks to my mom I will try to remember the next time I get all insane crazy mad-enough to host my own Bravo reality series, it's because I'm too logical. Not because they are too stupid. But it is I that is too smart (after writing that I probably just jinxed myself to a minimum of 3 spelling errors).

And thanks to my mom, the constant debacle that is the post office, my apartment complex, a certified letter with an inaccurate cashier's check, and all of that logic up in my head, I'm going to have a glass of my favorite Prosecco. And a cupcake. And then the rest of the Prosecco. In that order. Because I'm full of logic and can't drink on an empty stomach.

.jl.

when will she ever learn...nothing is ever off the record.

my mother. cute. funny. doesn't like bad words. I thought about writing a post about this conversation, but instead decided to treat you with the copy / paste version directly from our Facebook chat this afternoon:

ohhhh

that son of a _itch

you are such a freak

thank you<3

you won't like an article I just pitched. it has the word FUCK in it like 4 times. and I said piss (but I did mention you don't like that word, in the article)

why would you write something with the _uck word?

because it's part of the article

it's centered around the word, you can spell it out mother, you won't be shot to hell

You told them I didn't like the 'piss' word but didn't mention that I didn't like the _uck word? Great mom

you just need to embrace my foul mouth. life will be so much easier

you've never actually said you didn't like the word fuck. you ALWAYS comment when I say piss.

You need to clean that mouth out with DAWN soap.

I think the _uck should be implied

you are so weird.

how did you give birth to such a badass?

me? really?

I ask myself that alot

perhaps I really was switched at birth. like on a Lifetime movie.

well I wasn't put out, so I knew what you looked like...no such luck on your part

still could make for a good Lifetime movie. Tori Spelling could play me.

Who should play you?

Tori Spelling...from 90210?

yes, the one with the crazy spaced out fake boobs. she does a lot of Lifetime movies

Sophia Loren, but she's reall old now

so are you.

I'm not eighty

really though, you are pretty old.

hardly

oh she's that old? well you have to pick someone realistic, duh.

if you keep sunning yourself, you'll look older than me very soon.

daddy doesn't know who would play me either

you just asked him?

someone with some spunk

how exactly did you ask that? I can't comprehend him understanding any portion of this conversation

yes, he walked in

he's going to the store now

what is this? a play by play of the life of a boring retired man?

well he did go bowling earlier he said. I've been home about thirty minutes.

one of the girls from work is leaving so I'm suppose to go to Abuelo's, but I really don;t feel like going.

need to check my work email...love you!

why not? go have a margarita!

Renae is offline.

.jl.

Harris County - a bigger thief than Winona Ryder

If you've ever bought a new car you know all the fees associated with it. If you've ever moved, you know all the addresses you have to update (magazine subscriptions, family members address books, utilities, bills, Post Office official change of address, health insurance, your work profile, and tons more). If you've ever been robbed, you know the drama and detail that goes into ensuring you've canceled your credit cards, changed the locks on your doors, contacted your bank, called the eye doctor for another prescription on contacts, called your insurance company and other things.

During the new car buying process, moving, and getting robbed who actually thinks about updating their EZ Tag?

Well you should, because I just dished out a $33 administrative fee and a $40 fine because this wasn't top of mind and Harris County wasn't responsible and proactive enough to contact me.

There is an automatic $33 admin fee when you get a new car OR a new license plate. I got a car 10 months ago and no one thought to tell me this. The entire time I drove through the tolls in MY NEW CAR WITH MY NEW LICENSE PLATE, Harris County had NO trouble pulling money out of my account. No problem whatsoever.

A few months later I was robbed (ironically enough in Harris County you bastards) and everything was stolen, including credit cards. Still, EZ Tag is no where on mind believe it or not...

Fast-forward to present tense: Yesterday I received a notice from Linebarger Goggan Blair & Sampson, LLP stating that I owed $78.50 to Harris County for my EZ Tag. First thing today I called assuming it was for tolls that my credit card didn't process because I had to cancel the card on file for automatic billing.

But this is what I found out when I called to pay: only $3.50 of that $78.50 was for tolls from 9/1/2010, 10/15/2010, and 1/20/2011. There was also a $33 administrative fee, and a $40 fine because I ignored the original invoice.

News FLASH Harris County and Linebarger and Co: if you actually sent an invoice, I would have paid. You claim to have sent ONE piece of paper ONE time, but yet you had my email, my phone number and the option to have people sign for mail - you chose none of those options.

But because I didn't get this one piece of paper you feel the need to fine me $40? You send one notice and immediately send it off to collections with a fee that is more than the actual invoice?

Oh, and not to mention, nowhere in that $78.50 does that pay for a new EZ Tag to be sent to me for my new car. That of course is an additional $15. Are you kidding me you crazy extortionists?

My favorite part of this experience and the 54 minute call to unsuccessfully get this resolved was from the Harris County Toll Road representative I spoke to:

Although we apply customer service principles to our calls, at the end of the day we don't need to. We apply county principles as that's what we are - a county agency.

So you admit to being an extortionist?

Just something else prompting a consideration to move out of Texas.

.jl.