Thursday, January 21, 2010

lemme tell you about this boy..

this boy who did me wrong. and not from a bitter-I got dumped-it wasn't fair standpoint. I've never been a kiss and tell kinda girl..just figured it's not my place. but today's world is filled with so many liars, players, guys that think their shit doesn't stink..all around douche-bags. and well, us nice girls who deserve nice guys (yes I said deserve), need to stick together.

girls have instincts when they meet someone. when I met Lance (real names omitted), I knew he was the playboy type. more-so the wannabe playboy type, but as I got to know him he worked really hard to change my perception of him. my bad..it almost worked. one of these days I swear I'll learn. but like a true jerk, his true colors came shining through. I'm almost disappointed in myself for dating a guy that could be THIS dumb.

he's the kind of guy that when he puts your number in his phone, real names are a privilege. perhaps he'll put your first name, just because it kinda makes sense, but he will also put a body asset he's fond of (or not fond of) and perhaps where he met you. I get it..when you get that many numbers, that many trashy numbers, you want to remember who to call when. now I know a lot of girls and guys that do this..but once you start getting older, life is not about filling up your blackberry with girls you literally pick up off the floor of a bar at 2am. (don't worry, I wasn't in that category..)

Lance is the kind of guy that comes over to my house (as we're dating, talking, what have you) when I'm sick. sick with a 104.7 fever. he comes over with soup...how sweet. but it's a can of soup that he heats up for himself, eats in front of me, makes himself at home, doesn't offer any and leaves the mess on the counter on his way out to the bar to meet more barflies. no looking back..not even a text to see if I'm still alive or God-forbid need anything.

[I have removed one line here, although it's true, I'm not trying to ruin his reputation..I'm just making light of the situation of him being a douche-bag and what he did to me..]

he's the kind of guy that tans so much he kinda resembles Garfield.. (what was I thinking!?).

I have opted for a shorter blog, so here is the kicker. Lance, is the kind of guy that goes to a charity event of the girl he's dating (this would be me) for support. sweet, right? he's the kind of guy that for the 5 seconds he isn't holding my hand or whispering things like "honey, this event was so great. I'm so proud of you", he was off getting one of my charity chicks phone numbers. ok, ballsy. audacious. douche, your call. but it gets better. he's the kind of guy to disappear from my event for 30 mins and say he had to run to the ATM, but instead go to another bar with this girl he just met at MY event. he's the kind of guy to show up at my next stop to resume the hand-holding and nice conversation. what I just found out is he's also the kind of guy to text my friend, that he just met at MY event, and invite her to hang out with us. he's the kind of guy to call her from the bar (when I went to the bathroom) to try and win her over. and he's even the kind of guy to text her from my bed at 6:30 in the morning while I'm sleeping. RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!

and ladies and gentlemen..he's the kind of guy to get MAD at me for doubting his 30 minute disappearing act. yes I may have trust issues, but when you're actually lying and a girl is smart enough to see it, you aren't allowed to get mad. you forfeit that right the second you become a douche (in Lance's case, the day he was born) or the second you lie.

(and if any ladies need to see a picture or want his number to make sure you don't have it or answer if it ever calls, just let me know..just my public service for the day..)

.jl.

12 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh, I would have posted the picture any way. He would have to sue you to get it remeoved and I doubt he would go to the trouble. Thank you for warning the rest of the population abut this creature.

k moore said...

this kid doesn't even deserve the decency to be called a douche bag. he's the excess that falls into the toilet after the douching commences. i've met a few (unfortunately) myself. namely a golf pro - Jason Fox. (from virginia beach, va.)to all the unfortunate females who come in contact with these 'not even good enough to be called douches'...please heed fair warning. hopefully one day...the shit will get flushed.

JessHampson said...

Oh my word what a complete A$$!!! I am going to need a pic so that I can start posting posters around town. You should totally pull a Samantha and do that in all the places he hangs out!

Hugs!
Jess

JCAPP said...

Guys like these give us nice guys bad names, what a douche.

Shane Temple said...

You should keep this for future use...

"Hey dude... I like you and your cool and all, but don't eff this up or this will be you..."

k said...

i think this is hilarious.

El Cheese said...

jesus.... i can't even comment on this one, except that I want to see a pic!

doe said...

Seriously though and your friend that he met whats up with that. Did she tell you? did she confront you that he was trying to hook up with her. But great move im glad you are deciding to move on.

Chelsey H said...

um, Jayme where did you find this guy...Jersey Shore?? Don't let his awfulness taint your pure heart. You are entirely to good for him. However, he deserves this...and in my opinion you've let him of easy.

Remember boys, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

Anonymous said...

sounds like this guy is living the life....while you aren't. Stop hating.

kathleen said...

Public service, indeed! What a LOSER! Sorry that happened, but love your blog. Xoxo

kathleen said...

Oh, and seriously Anonymous? Seriously?!