if this wasn't made for my mother I don't know what was..

Love you mom!

.jl.

I'm too sexy for my shirt..

Oh how I wish that were the case.  Since my recent shoulder surgery, it has been quite a feat to dress myself and most of my smaller shirts are completely off limits for the mere fact I cannot move my shoulder high enough to get the shirt over my head.  Until today...

I just bought my first pair of scrubs (even though I work in the medical industry, I don't wear scrubs) for a Pub Crawl for MS on Saturday.  I was so excited to try these scrubs on imaging I'd look like Meredith Grey or something but of course with much bigger boobs.

But the XS would NOT, I repeat, would NOT come off.  I had to call for reinforcements to literally drive to my house and either rip or cut this damn top off.  Talk about claustrophobia at its finest..feeling trapped inside a cotton morsel of clothing.  

And oh how sexy it must have been for my boyfriend to drive all the way over here and pry this damn shirt off my swollen post-surgery one-armed body with recently added lbs.  As with most things in my life picturing this escapade simply would not do it justice.  Welcome to my life.

.jl.

Apparently Kenny Chesney lied when he said love don’t happen twice..

LOVESICK.  That's what my friend Jen and her boyfriend Josh are.  I always make fun of her and she recently started a blog so here is her intro to the blog world written by yours truly..

There once was this girl named Jen who all the boys adored. You’d walk into a bar and they’d gravitate to her. Even if you were wearing a see-through bikini they’d find their way to HER. A grocery store…same thing. A library..yup. You get the picture. She was tall, had long hair (but always wanted longer hair like Rapunzel), played volleyball whenever possible, never left her house without her camera strategically placed in her right hand and had creative juices flowing like Sunny Delight from a can. My Grandpa used to put on his Velcro sneakers faster than I’d ever seen just to catch a glimpse of her walking by…even with a broken hip.

But none of those boys (including Grandpa) meant a thing to her or made her heart flutter like a Britney Spears concert used to. Why? Because she has * Josh *. He’s the one “that makes her heart happy and constantly gives her butterflies.” She thinks he’s the “greatest guy ever”. Insert grimacing face here. She’s “fallen in love with her best friend again and fallen HARD” and is “so in love, it’s not even funny.” Hell, I think reading all their MySpace and Facebook statuses is funnier than an old school Saturday Night Live marathon. And yes, this is the guy with the heinous knee scar, but she loves him unconditionally.

Sixty-Seven miles may not seem like a LONG-distance relationship but to this Romeo and Juliet it is just enough distance to continually make their friends cough up the acidic juices from their stomachs every time they hear their love lingo or watch their finger race in a text battle to see who can say “I Love You” more than 5 times in the span of sixty seconds. At the time this was written they’ve yet to accomplish that many texts in a one-minute span.

Never fear..this is not a Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt type of couple, no matter how much media coverage they garner for themselves (i.e. 9 million photos of them making out or hugging). Though I doubt love happens twice for the Brad/Jen duo, this is Jennifer Henrichsen and Josh Brown and they got a second chance at fate (sigh immediately followed by raucous, vehement vomiting). Making love popular again.

So just as a good friend would do, I convinced her to start a stomach wrenching earth-shattering blog about her love affair simply so I’d have one more reason than I already do to make fun of her. And here is the start of her soon to be infamous blog…

(of course this is all meant in jest.. I love this couple..scars, hair extensions and all.)

.jl.

One Word.

I just thought this picture was worth posting. Curious to see what one or two words each of my readers can come up with to describe this picture of Heidi and Spencer on their pre-honeymoon in Mexico fighting off the swine flu. Aside from the obvious word, ridiculous.

My One Word:
Tan-lines? (ok, maybe that's two words, but the hypen made me feel better..)

Click on the small comments button below and let me know your word. You can be anonymous to post a comment..don't be shy.

.jl.

# 42 done wrong..

Wednesday marked the 62nd anniversary of Jackie Robinson's first day on the field as the first African-American player to play in the Major Leagues.  Throughout his career and lifetime Robinson contributed in many ways to end the barriers of color segregation both on and off the field.  

Having worked for a MLB team for some time and recently started a non-profit volunteer group here locally in Houston (www.charitychickshouston.com), I feel this travesty of a plan strikes a nerve or two so I'm entitled to speak my mind.

Bud Selig is no stranger to criticism and I'm no stranger to throwing my opinion out there.  I'm having some difficulties swallowing the fact that Bud Selig (who urbandictionary.com defines as "a dumbass baseball commissioner" and nails it head on) mandated all players and on-field personnel to wear the number 42 in honor of Robinson.  Let's first be clear that I am not knocking Robinson or his Foundation as I think they have made immeasurable strides in the area of racism and segregation since 1973.  I simply think with the star-power, marketing, and media possibilities the MLB has behind them, they had the chance to do something outstanding.  To take a step further in the name of fundraising and non-profit.  I think of one of the many events I've planned or helped plan and know first-hand what having MLB standing behind your cause could do for you.  It is amazing what fans are willing to do in the name of charity and how happy they are to do, but MLB chose to take the easy way out and order jerseys instead.  

Here's there plan.. by asking all 30 teams (that played that day) which include a 25 man active roster on each team, coaches (usually 8) and all on field personnel (umpires and such) to sport a brand new jersey with number "42" on the back in honor of Robinson.  Then the fundraising part which goes back to the Jackie Robinson Foundation..each team will autograph one jersey and auction it off for the Foundation.  What that leaves is only 30 millionaire men (sorry for stereotyping) to purchase a jersey.  We are basically looking at a contribution from MLB of $108,990 (33 jerseys multiplied by a base cost of $110 per jersey multiplied by 30 teams)..or of course $3,630 from each team.  Couple things here..we all know MLB jerseys with the stitching cost well over $110, but I low balled to prove a point and because I couldn't get help on the actual figure.  We also know that Bud Selig is crap at his job.  He can't get his shit together and right here, he had a chance to mandate something a little more from his clubs.  Why not sew the number 42 onto an already existing jersey and using that $108,990 to go directly to the Foundation on behalf of MLB?  (This would also contribute to their wildly unsuccessful Green campaign that hasn't seem to have lifted off the ground yet.)  Why not use that same money for another campaign that is a little more connected with today's times like professional athletes that take performance enhancing drugs and being poor role models for kids everywhere?  That would actually show Selig using his brain and being proactive rather than reactive with all his mishaps.  Take all these drug cases in the media and turn them around so kids can still look to the field for role models.  

Also Mr. Selig, why not make this a little more creative and worth the cause if you are in fact going to spend over $100k on this day?  By selling only 30 jerseys you're leaving out thousands of other fans that want to help and get in on the glory.  What about the high school that wanted the students and parents to pitch in and buy it for their gym to remind all students of what #42 stands for.  You can't honestly think that since Robinson's first day on the field that racism in sports has disappeared?  That no one has suffered for the color of their skin since Jackie Robinson came into the picture?  Selig's plan also left out folks with meager wallets but big hearts from playing a role in this opportunity.  Or what about encouraging fans to create shirts that show the impact Robinson had on their lives.  Or hell, why not use a portion of ticket sales or even concession sales from that day of "Honoring Jackie Robinson" back to the foundation? There were so many options here and I feel Bud Selig again chose the wrong.  I'm well aware MLB is donating a few thousand dollars in scholarships, but make it bigger than that, as the potential promises.  I feel this whole charade robbed Jackie Robinson, his family, and all his true fans of what he deserved on April 15.  MLB took it too far beyond what the day was really about.  Don't do this because you have to, do it because you want to.  And think of new ways to do stuff. 

.jl.

cheeseburger in paradise..

Even though I'm not Catholic, every year for Lent I choose to give something up. It proves to me that I do have some self control and I usually give up some sort of food because I love to eat and it's kind of amazing how much I eat.  

This year I gave up cheeseburgers and I didn't think I'd make it...but I did.  I went more than 40 days without a freaking cheeseburger and it was torture! Thanks to my favorite co-workers for bringing me a big 'ole cheeseburger today from my favorite place--Southwells.  And like Jimmy Buffett said...it was Cheeseburger in Paradise (I doubt it had anything to do with the thousand pain medications I'm currently taking) because it was hella good.

Nonetheless, I welcome cheeseburgers  back into my world with open arms and of course an open mouth.  Lets ignore the fact I hear myself getting fatter just by smelling you, I'm still happy to have you back in my belly.  Please don't leave me again.  And please don't make me fat.  

.jl.

Where the F was Ryan Wolfe or Gil Grissom on this one?

As the black cloud that I call my life would have it, my car was broken into Thursday night and HPD did not meet my expectations as CSI Miami, Las Vegas, New York, Guatemala, Rhode Island or any of the other 1000 CSI's had so prepared me.

Thanks to this wonderful world of recessionitis we are currently succumbed to, some brokeass fools broke into 18 cars in my apartment complex (I don't think I live in the ghetto...).

They hit the jackpot with my car..you know..the usual stuff you leave in a car..laptop, ipod, navigation, Rockets Tickets, Prada sunglasses, shopping bags with brand new clothes..yeah. And of course it wouldn't be THE blackcloud without forgetting to sign up for renter's insurance.

The man you see in the blue dusting for fingerprints in my car is what I call the typical HPD un-badass. He was not impressed that I asked him to dust for prints. An intern from any of the CSI cast could have printed my car and come up with a match, but not this guy. He was more inclined to ask "Maybe I could take you out to dinner to make up for this bad day? You have my cell...don't hesitate to text me." How 'bout a big fat no and just find out who broke into my car. And I don't recall in any of the 3 million episodes I've seen that they leave the fingerprint dust ALL OVER your car!? Isn't there a clean up crew to clean that up for you? Or some sort of appropriate follow up besides a text message or an email? I mean, really?

Hell, I would have even settled for Callie Ducane on this. As annoying as she is, she would have done the job professionally in a white suit and somehow manage to not break a sweat or get dirty. Because that's real life. Perhaps my expectations were slightly gilded, but I was not impressed with the lack of importance my break-in elicited.

And not that any of the robbers that broke into my car are smart enough to read (though they do have a computer with direct access to this blog, so just maybe they will read this), but we are all in a recession! That doesn't mean you should break into hard working citizen's cars and take my shit. Go get your own.

So if you see me driving around getting lost (no navigation), singing to myself or asking you to sing for me (no ipod), writing in a notebook (no computer) or just cussing someone out like I have turrets (me pissed that the cloud is still around)..now you know why.

.jl.

The Unmarked Bar Full of Hairy Cherries (April story in Barstool)

Click on the article to the left and read about MY coveted makeout bar in H-town.  looooove it.

.jl.

My Best a$$

The best part about moving to Florida was meeting my best friend.  Happy Birthday Joyful.  (and don't judge the songs..they make the perfect soundtrack to our friendship).  

.jl.

I told you....girl magazines are just no bueno

Click on the article to the right in May's Glamour..take a min to read..or for sake of having better things to read just scan it over, then let me know your thoughts.  In a recent post I came to the vast realization that women's magazines just can't compare to men's and it's quite shameful.  

This article was actually written by a man (shame on you) on what men "really think when they have sex for the first time."  I'm obviously not a man, but I just can't think this is even the slightest bit accurate.  So what Jake is saying is that you think to flex during sex?  Like your biceps?  No wonder this Jake is a "real, live single guy dating in New York City".  If you'd concentrate on other things besides pointless articles in a chick magazine and flexing your muscles you may have better luck.  Just give it a try. Please.  For the Love of God.

And for the sake of anything else human, why on earth would chicks want to know what a man is thinking during sex?  Aren't you more concerned with other things like ovarian cancer, the best diet tips, how to be a successful career woman or things stay at home mom's can do to stay in shape??  Give yourselves some credit ladies.  

Guys...do you agree with Jake?  Please tell...  I don't mind to be proven wrong if this is true.  

.jl.