I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours..

Once a relationship takes the turn toward semi-seriousness, the ubiquitous questions will undoubtedly arise..

"How many people have you slept with?"
"Have you ever been in love?"
"What happened in your last relationship?"
"Have you ever had your heart truly broken?"
"Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend before?"
"Where's the craziest place you've ever had sex?"
"Am I the first co-worker you've ever dated?"
"This picture of you in Mexico is so cute, who'd you go with?"

The list goes on and on. But to what extent is it healthy to ask and to answer when it comes to past relationships? After all, there is a reason it's in your past, right? Asking these kinds of questions will drive you certifiably insane. You'll picture your boyfriend in Cabo with a cute little blond with ginormous perky boobs and wonder why the two of you haven't gone to Mexico yet. And say your boyfriend confesses to having been unfaithful in the past, do you really want to know that? Even if he's been the sweetest, most trustworthy guy to you, this information will set off alarms and make you question his every move. And who wants to question a guy that has been nothing but amazing to you simply based on a confession of his past?

While I agree honesty is the best policy, some things just aren't meant to be said. If your boyfriend asks you a question you don't feel comfortable answering or don't feel it's his business, get ready for an automatic fight with both of you taking a defensive stance. If you don't answer he'll think you don't trust him or take him seriously, or more often that not that you're hiding something. If you do answer him simply to suit his inquisitive nature, you'll be upset for being put in that position. I recently dated a divorced guy and I wanted every bit of knowledge he was willing to give me. I soon realized I was like Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men and couldn't handle the truth. I did, and still do appreciate his honesty of the situation, but wished I had thought a little harder before asking those questions because the "knowing" still upsets me.

And if you do decide to disclose information on past love, to what extent? Being a victim of jealousy myself, I have a hard time not asking these questions. What can I say..curiosity usually gets the better of me and then I'm pissed for asking. This is the best advice I've heard in a while...DON'T ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT THE ANSWER TO. Simple as that. If you think the answer might upset you or cause you to rethink your relationship, don't ask. Once you put the question out there, you can't get mad for honesty and it isn't healthy to compare yourself to others.

In closing, stay away from the quid pro quo antics and stick with focusing on your current relationship.

.jl.

looking for lubricant..

and not even close to what you were thinking based on my title. I've really enjoyed getting back to my writing (and hopefully you have too) because I've always wanted to be a writer in some form or facet...but I need your help.

As an aspiring writer there are days when my creative juices aren't flowing and I feel like I need something, like a lubricant, to get them flowing again.  I lead a busy life and it's frustrating to find time to dedicate to writing and two hours later realize the screen is blank, or even worse that my writing is garbage.  

So I'm posting this to anyone that's ever written anything or been creative (graphics, painting, jewelry-making, interior design, photography, scrap-booking..you name it) to let me know what gets your creativity going. What inspires you?  The coolest part about working for most advertising agencies is that they have "creative rooms" fully equipped with a wii, a diverse magazine selection, coloring books, word games and much more.  I need to make my own creative room and need help!

Please share your secrets with me..your favorite websites, books, writing exercises, tv shows.  If you don't deem yourself creative, I'm sure you know someone who is and I'd be grateful if you could forward this posting to those creative souls in your network.  Thanks!

.jl.

Looking for George Mason Alums in Houston..

Mason Alums are finally going to have a chapter here in Houston. Our first official kick off party will be on Tuesday, January 27th from 5p until whenever to watch the Patriots take on the University of Delaware. Stop by after work and meet some old and new graduates from Virginia's largest and greatest university.

Location--Lucky's Pub at 801 St. Emanuel, Houston, TX 77003

Please be sure to RSVP (there is no cost, but we can't be an "official" chapter unless we have a certain amount of members. Happy Hour prices all night thanks to Luckys.

Friends and family are welcome to join you. We'll have GMU giveaways and prizes so be sure to be there! We also have a group on Facebook..just search for George Mason Alums in Houston or send me a message.
Go Mason!

.jl.

"You're a Doorman, Doorman"

(here is my January story for Barstool...pages 46-50!) 

Many of you have already expressed your dislike in this article (or at least my stance on it, but remember what the magazine is about..you can't diss some of our biggest readers.  Plus, the guys I interviewed were pretty bad ass...read for yourself and feel free to leave comments.  

I Know the Owner...

VIP'S ALSO STAND OUTSIDE THE CLUB

The guys that stand guard at your favorite bars and clubs have a much tougher job than you might expect. It’s not all about checking to see if your shirts are tucked in and whether or not those “tennis shoes” on your feet are considered athletic gear or just part of your trendy ensemble. And they’ve come a hell of a long way from back in the day where the guys at the door used to gain notoriety within their group for how many times they fought each night or how hard they knocked someone out. The bigger the scene at the front door to turn someone away or kick someone out, the better they were considered at doing their job. Just like everything else in life, the job description has changed quite a bit over the years, but Houston is lucky enough to have some of the same door guys around for over a decade.  

According to my good friends at wikipedia, “a bouncer or doorman is an informal term for security guards employed at venues such as bars, nightclubs or concerts to provide security, check legal age, and refuse entry to a venue based on criteria such as intoxication, aggressive behavior, or other standards. Bouncers are often required where crowd size, clientele or alcohol consumption may make arguments or fights commonplace.” But read on and you’ll see that the job encompasses so much more and these guys deserve more than a hearty high-five.

Fifteen years ago if you were to picture the nightlife in Downtown Houston you’d probably see something similar to the 1989 flick Roadhouse (starring good ole Patrick Swayze) with fights breaking out every night in every line and a heap of testosterone floating down Main Street. You’d see guys and girls dressed to the nines with guys sporting slacks, button down shirts and sometimes even sport coats, and you’d see the ladies dressed in nice cocktail dresses.  

Fast-forward to 2008, and you’ll notice a myriad of changes. Guys are wearing torn jeans, affliction t-shirts and Chuck Taylors and girls are wearing whatever society deems as “in-style.” The dress code is just one of the main changes that we’ve seen over time.  

Here’s an inside look at 4 of our favorite guys at the door who pretty much all summed up their job and the revolution from 15 years ago..

The Veteran, Dat Pham- currently at Zeppelin, Belvedere and Shadow Bar
Dat has been in the business and been a staple in the Houston door scene for over a decade. He probably isn’t far off when he says “I’ve probably met more people in this line of work in a decade than most people meet in a lifetime. That’s one of the many perks of this gig.” But this experience has given him a level of respect and recognition that most guys wish they had half of.  

JL: How’d you get into this crazy line of work?

Dat: I used to go out a lot and was very claustrophobic, so I naturally found myself outside with the door guys. It just seemed so natural to be out there.

JL: What’s the funniest shit that’s ever happened to you on the job?

Dat: I hope I do this story justice..I was sitting back doing my job one night and there was a girl in line with a prosthetic arm. I didn’t think much of it until another girl came in line behind her trying to be funny and started fondling her arm. Prosthetic-arm-girl takes a bottle and smashes it over her head but doesn’t stop there. She takes her arm off and starts hitting the other girl upside the head with her limb. The cops come to break up this unusual cat fight and take her one good arm and cuff her to the car. As everyone is laughing hysterically the one that got assaulted with the arm starts waving her arms around asking “can you do this bitch? I didn’t think so.” It was priceless and to this day the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

JL: What’s the most important duty of your job at the door?

Dat: I try to protect the integrity of the club as much as I can. We are the first line of defense. We protect the image of the club by the way we act, look and talk. I love my job. The best satisfaction I get at work is not when people thank me for letting them into the club. It’s when they thank me when they leave and I know they had a good time.  

The Cowboy Veteran, Mike Sosa – currently at Bronx Bar (Galleria and The Village)
Mike and his cowboy boots have been in the business for 15 years. He stumbled into this line of work one night when he broke up a bar fight and the owner took notice. The rest is history.  

JL: What’s the best part about your job?

Mike: When I’m standing at the door talking to the owner just shooting the shit. Then people come up to me pretending they know the owner and saying they are VIP. You’d be surprised how often that happens and I always get a kick out of it because they have no clue the owner is standing right next to me.

JL: Ever gotten in a fight doing your job?
Sosa: (laughing) Yeah, once or twice.  

JL: How do they usually start?
Sosa: Politely asking a drunk girl to leave before she falls on her pretty little head and bleeds all over the club. Then comes the aggressive boyfriend ready to throw blows.

JL: Do you come across a lot of douche bags in your line of work?
Mike: Yeah, it’s the nature of the beast, but it always gives me good stories later.  

JL: How is your job different now than 15 years ago?
Mike: It’s much more psychological now. I use the jedi mind trick rather than throwing people out on their heads and then high fiving all my buddies. Now it’s all about respecting our customers and trying to keep them coming back. Kicking someone out years ago used to be about creating a big scene, now I try to neutralize it discreetly. Times have changed, but I’m also older and more mature with less testosterone running through my veins.  

The Big Picture, Dustin Jones – currently at Escobar and Saint Dane’s
At the time Dustin took the job in this business eight years ago, he just needed a college job to dish him some extra cash. He never thought he would take his job so seriously, but it’s done wonders for him. I’ve yet to run into Dustin at the door at Escobar or his new place, Saint Dane’s, but he’s such a damn nice guy, I don’t even think I’d be offended if he turned me down at the door.

JL: Do you like your job?
Dustin: I love it. I try to provide the best atmosphere with high-energy people and I try to have the best party every night.  

JL: You sound like you take your job at the door more seriously than most..
Dustin: Yeah, we set the tone of the inside of the bar from the outside. Not many jobs can say that. I love finding energetic people and bringing them to my bar. We give them a good experience and hope they come back next weekend – that’s why we’re in the Entertainment Industry. I want everyone to be safe when they leave. I call cabs for people that I probably wouldn’t care about otherwise. It’s all part of my job.  

JL: Does your job stop at the door?
Dustin: Nah. Clubs these days are a lot smaller and have more intimate, custom-crowds than back in the day. Take Mark, the owner of Vintage for example. Even though he’s the owner, I’ve seen him picking up broken glass, giving bottle service, helping at the front door, all that stuff. That’s the way it should be. Any bar with an owner like that is sure to have a hell of a hot spot every night. That’s the way it should be done. Every night.  

The Rookie Joey – currently at 26ten

One of our newest and quickly turned favorite door guys is Joey who started in the industry about 5 years ago at the Social. He’s a man of few words but tells it like it is, which many of us can respect.

JL: Ever gotten in a fight doing your job?
Joey: I’ve been in a fight or two, but my job is mostly to break up fights inside the club, not start them.

JL: What’s the dress code at 26ten?
Joey: Because styles and trends are always changing, so is our dress code. We are pretty adaptable, but mainly no flip flops, shorts or t-shirts. A friendly attitude goes a long way too.  

Our door guys agree that people took care of them and they got more respect back in the day. Now everyone that walks up to the door thinks they’re all VIP’s and the guys at the door owe them something. For all of you reading this, the guys at the door are the real VIP’s, so let’s all make a conscious effort to make their jobs easier. After all, we all want the same thing..to have one hell of a party everywhere we go. They can help us in that conquest.  

You ever wonder why you walk in a bar and see a guy in tennis shoes but your boy five minutes ago got turned away wearing the exact same shoes? It’s really not as biased as you think. The guys say it’s all about how you wear your clothes and present yourself. If you come to the door acting like the bar staff owes you and should bow down because you chose to grace them with your presence, more than likely you’ll get sent walking. If you come to the door with a friendly attitude ready to have a good time..your odds will start looking up. Take that advice and run with it.  

If you think about it, every person that enters the bar or club goes through one person – the guy at the door. Not everyone will have the same bartender, but you’ll all get admitted entrance through the same person.  

Joey had the best advice for those of us that have ever had issues at the door: “If you can’t get in, don’t take it personally, it’s our job.”  

.jl.

date my leftovers.

Here's the scenario girls...you're dating a guy you like a lot who has extreme potential. You think he's "the one" so you pay your dues and put up with his day-in and day-out wavering commitment or wandering eye (insert individual situation here) because you don't really think he'll be like that forever. The cycle continues for months or maybe even years. Then it happens. You guys break up because he can't commit (or keep his eyes and hands for you only) and you just can't handle the issues anymore because you know he'll never change. You're devastated. You tried so hard. You endured so much. You even comprised, which is so unlike you. In between your tears, puffy eyes, runny nose and devastation, there he is..with another girl. He is magically cured of whatever a$$hole ailment he suffered from, which ultimately means you suffered from.

Magically cured my a$$..you helped him. You put up with his "issues" and helped him see the light and in walks the skinny little bitch from your college rival reaping all the benefits you busted your ass for and are so deserving of. And not to mention he dresses much better since you came into his life. She has YOU to thank for the nice outfit he is sporting in the engagement photos. And his favorite wine..yup..that's your doing too. That's the wine you guys drank together on your romantic getaway. You know that favorite saying of his you thinks is so damn adorable? Yup, imagine where he got that from.. The picture of him on myspace or facebook that she shows all her friends because he's so dreamy? Yeah, he cropped you out of that.  Or that awesome mixed cd he plays in the car? Or the fact his lips are so soft because he's addicted to chapstick? The list could go on forever.

Because of you he is now ready to get on bended knee like boyz II men and commit to keep his hands and eyes only on her for the rest of his life. Along with wedding invitations let's hope she's courteous enough to send a cute little thank you card your way. After all..she wouldn't have THE MAN OF HER DREAMS if it weren't for you.

Ladies, can I get an amen?

And even though you've finally realized the two of you weren't meant to be, it still hurts like hell. You start to feel like you were the vocals behind the Milli Vanilli scandal. Someone else did the hard work and those nappy headed lip singers got all the glory (at least for a short time). It's like all 35 previous members of Destiny's Child that Beyonce kicked out of the group..they got her to where she is but they didn't get to stand in the spotlight. Instead they get to watch her on MTV and every other channel for the rest of their lives. Awesome.

It's like training for a marathon and then breaking your leg right before the race. It sucks. It's like getting all dolled up with hair and makeup to go out and then falling down the stairs and spending the night in trauma instead of out on the town. It sucks.

So if you're looking to get married, I encourage you to date my leftovers. I seem to have a high percentage of "priming" them for the next girl. 

Please share your individual experiences if you know how this feels. Thanks to a certain someone that encouraged me write this..there is a part in here written just for you.

.jl.

26 Things

I'm finally able to cross something else off my list..the wonderful (and much harder than it seems) 26 Things project.  

The object for this version of '26 Things' was to take one picture for each letter of the alphabet.  My friend Sunshine and I played hooky a few weeks ago and wandered around Discovery Green trying to be creative to find our letters. (We found other perverted ways to do this project at a later date, so stay tuned..) And you'll notice in my version of this project that I certainly had to stretch a few of these (look at the letters k and x).

.jl.

 

DV R you kidding me?

Consider this war..my DVR is now my frienemy. Up until a few minutes ago, we were pretty much BFF's.  Picture a nice little Sunday..church, going for a run, watching the Eagles win, having your roommate cook an amazing dinner, ending with the tear-jerker movie "The Nanny Express" on the Hallmark channel.  

Wouldn't you know the entire movie was based on the nanny falling in love with the dad (aren't they all?) and we waited with baited breath for them to live happily ever after.  The last scene shows her teaching at her new job and out of the blue like a fairy tale the dad appears and then...

......

Yeah, NOTHING.  The DVR cut off the end of the movie!  AGH! So annoying. So we now have to wait until January 9th at 9pm to see how it ends!  DVR, you are the Nicole Ritchie to my Paris Hilton.  You are the Hillary Duff to my Lindsay Lohan.  You are the Jessica Simpson to my Carrie Underwood.  You are the Angelina Homewrecker to my Jennifer Aniston.  You are the Heidi to my Lauren.  You are the Obama to my McCain.  

.jl.

Grab your shoes and run for a cause

Get your running shoes on..Charity Chicks Houston has picked their first official event:  Run for the Rose benefitting the Marnie Rose Foundation (Sunday, March 29th).  We chose the Marnie Rose Foundation because Marnie was a truly inspiring woman having battled a rare form of brain cancer at the age of 27 (my exact age). We all know I'm a fan of reality TV and this brave woman battled her cancer on national television for the entire world to see.  

Since Charity Chicks Houston is comprised of inspiring individuals and those looking for inspiration, this was a perfect kickoff event for our group. Personally, I hold the Marnie Rose Foundation near and dear to my heart as it benefits brain cancer research. A very dear family friend lost her battle with brain cancer a few years back and I know just how much this has affected my friends and family.

The 5k run/walk is on Sunday, March 29th starting at Reliant Park. If you live in Houston and want to join our team for this wonderful cause please click here.  If you live outside of Houston or cannot attend but would still like to donate, please click here.  The cost for registration is $25 and is sure to be an uplifting time for all involved. (Even though our name is chicks, GUYS are 100% welcome and encouraged to join our team..we promise you'll have fun!)

.jl.

Announcing Charity Chicks Houston..

My friend Tam'ra and I just started Charity Chicks Houston and I'm so excited to be a co-founder of this great organization. (Kudos to Paul Carola for creating our logo!)

The Short Version

Charity Chicks Houston is a slew of chicks (and even some guys) in Houston that get together to do charitable work for various non-profits.

The Detailed Version

Tam’ra and Jayme (the founders) got the great idea from Charity Chicks Orlando (unaffiliated, but a truly inspiring group of women) and then added their own flair to the group here in Houston.

We get together throughout the year for a host of reasons and causes. Charity Chicks Houston plans one event per quarter (subsequently 4 a year) to support a local charity either by volunteering or raising money - or both! Aside from planning our own shin-digs, we also attend and help with other activities throughout the year to continue to promote the plethora of charitable events in the great city of Houston. We also get together every so often for no reason other than to enjoy the occasional happy hour.

The events we choose to attend or plan and the organizations we choose to support vary throughout the year based on current situations and the passion of our members. We are not affiliated with any particular non-profit organizations…we are just Charity Chicks.

Sounds amazing, right? You can be a Charity Chick in a variety of ways:

Super Woman Charity Chick - You attend events, raise money and awareness for the causes, help plan activities and logistics of events, attend meetings and anything else that interests you.

Sugar Mama Charity Chick – You help secure donations, auction items, raffle items, food/beverages and other items for charitable events.

Fun-Loving Charity Chick – You have the good in your heart to be every kind of Charity Chick, but for now you just want to attend the events for fun and support…and of course, you bring your friends with you!

Charity Chick Fan - You want to be included on the email list, but can’t yet commit to Charity Chicks. if you get an email that looks good, you’ll help spread the word about Charity Chicks Houston by telling your friends, family members, colleagues and contacts about our events and efforts.

Our Peeps - We welcome the participation and support of our male friends, who we lovingly refer to as our peeps.

If you or anyone you know is interested in getting on board with this great group for wonderful causes all throughout Houston, leave a comment or shoot us an email at chicks@charitychickshouston.com

.jl.

Uninspiring.

That's what my New Year's Eve celebration was--uninspiring.  I definitely had a great time with amazing friends (I'm pretty sure my extremely high bar tab will single handedly help the economy). 

There is such a stigma around this "holiday" that it is almost always a let down. Have you ever listened to the song (Auld Lang Syne) that plays at midnight? The song itself is extremely melancholy and I truly wonder how many people commit suicide on NYE to that exact song?

Back to the uninspiring bit..as I look back at the 365 days of 2008 I realize how uninspired I was. I guess for so long I was looking to be inspired instead of working to inspire myself.  It's not always about surroundings..sometimes you have to be the inspiration you're looking for.   

So here's my written commitment to myself and each of you that I will be inspired in 2009.  I will write more and look for more opportunities to challenge myself.  If I start to get stale, please tell me.

"If you only do what you know you can do--you never do very much"-Tom Krause

Cheers and Best Wishes in '09.

.jl.