life doesn't always match. (and neither does the paint)

tonight a friend came over for painting party part deux. last week he helped (and by help I mean pretty much did it all) paint an accent wall in my living room HOT PINK and tonight we worked on a wall in my bedroom and painted it turquoise! (I've lived here almost 3 months and had done nothing to make it feel like home, so surprise...it didn't feel like home. at all. and that needed to change.)

as soon as he threw the first blue stroke of paint on the wall, I shrieked, it doesn't match! pointing to my turquoise antique dressers like it was the certifiable end of life. like a guy, and a pretty simple guy at that, he calmly responded, so? life doesn't always match.

so in the middle of painting (remember, he was the one actually painting) I sat down to write this post. I knew his simple words held so much value.

I'm that girl. The one known for wearing neon purple heels with a blue dress and a yellow scarf and wearing it with pride. I'm all about mixing it up and making myself look like a human color palette, and my friends tease me incessantly questioning whether or not I'm color blind.

but what drives me crazy is someone wearing different shades and variations of the "same" color and pretending the pinks are exactly the same, but each shade really sticks out like Ron Artest on fan appreciation day. I cannot stand to clash, which is why I panicked when I thought my new paint color clashed with the dressers that have become a staple to my bedroom style (yes, I have a bedroom style, just ask the boys! relax mom, it's a joke...).

lets take this paint lesson and apply it to life:

first off, it's paint. five letters in the alphabet strung together to form a word. paint is cheap, and so is Mexican labor here in Houston. it can be changed. quickly and often.

second, what fun is life if it's all color coded? because I can't ever turn down a fitting sport's reference, let's use Oregon and their numerous uniform debuts. Historically the Ducks are green and yellow, but they strayed from their marketing pantone color chart by adding silver to their color repertoire (last year on jerseys and this year on helmets). by throwing a new color into the mix, it keeps things fresh. hence the reason throwback jerseys (changes from the norm) are so popular now. it's refreshing.

third, and kind of back to the first - there are do-overs in life and I'm a prime example. I have messed up more times than I'd like to count. I've failed more than my share of math tests, sabatoged relationships, said hurtful things I wish I could take back. I've burnt toast, colored outside the lines, gotten fired, used the wrong word at the wrong time, even laughed at a funeral. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of or moments I desperately wish there was a rewind button for, but life really is like paint. It can be the perfect color that has you inviting all the neighbors over, but just as easily, it can turn out a murky green that reminds you of your last hangover. but luckily, neither the paint nor the hangover are permanent.

fourth, like life, there are so many choices when it comes to paint. just the pink variety alone can come in hundreds of shades, different textures, paints made for different parts of your house, and so on. even adding an extra coat can dramatically change the way the color looks. what I'm saying is it's easy to pick the wrong color. or to change your mind. that's what life is all about. rolling with the punches.

remember, if you mess up just paint another coat over it, or learn to embrace the color. it's really that simple.

thank you Sherwin Williams for that life lesson. it came at a much needed time.

.jl.

what dreams may come

I'm 28.

Years ago I would have deemed that as ancient. I said something this weekend that I think might have been the hardest thing I've ever said out loud. I think it might have also been one of the single most shocking and hurtful things I could have said to my mother. I told her my life isn't at all what I had hoped it would be or what I expected it to be. It's not the fault of anyone (except perhaps my own for not having gone after my goals and dreams earlier), but the fact remains.

It's hard to look at your life and wonder not necessarily where it all went wrong, but where to go from here. I can't say my life went wrong anywhere. All I know is I had hoped to be someone different, living something different by now. While this blog is a lot of self deprecating humor, which I'm oddly good at, I also feel the need to toot my own horn right here. I don't know many people, or anyone really, that could actually admit to themselves and the entire creepy world wide web that they aren't as happy as they could be. I know so many people (unfortunately, girls mostly) that just pretend to be happy until they are fooling everyone, or so they think.

The easiest way to change your path is to make goals and take it one day at a time. Taking it one day at a time seems so cliche, but it's really all you can do. Those of you that aren't on twitter, I still firmly, adamantly believe it's for the good.

Example # 1: Lauren from Texas. She recently tweeted about 4 Simple Goals, which I found to be a revelation of sorts at a time I just so needed it.

The rules and howto are quite simple:

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer and happier on a daily basis. choose things you may not otherwise get done, but that are not difficult to accomplish.

2. do not choose result oriented goals, choose activity oriented goals. for example.... instead of "lose 10 pounds", choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day". get what I'm saying? positive actions instead of just the end result!

3. choose goals that are personal that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one time experiences.

4. choose a reward for each goal as it is accomplished! it can be a small or large reward.

5. blog your goals, each one as you achieve it and a big post when they are all finished before the new year! I'll be doing this too! links back to this post are appreciated.

Without further ado, here are my 4 Simple Goals:

1. Focus on Sports. I have been trying to keep up with my writing in so many forums (various blogs, local magazines, websites, etc.) but it's time to focus on my sports writing over at The Blonde Side. The trick here is that writing about sports is my number 1 dream...to be published in a magazine about a sports related topic, written by ME, would be amazing. Seeing as it's my #1 dream, I'm terrified I'll write something stupid. Hell, lots of people write stupid stuff everyday that still manages to get read and some even get paid for it! My dream will never happen if I don't buckle down and focus. So, play ball! (that was cheesy, I'm well aware)

2. Learn to make sleeping a priority and not worry so much...ya know, not sweating the small stuff kinda thing. I saw this quote on twitter (reason #2 to partake) and it really struck a chord with me: “Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.” - Mary Crowley

Over the past year insomnia has really affected my life and my health in a negative manner. I need to learn to shut off life, the computer, the iPhone, all the worries. (I will start taking this advice after I post this!)

Besides, I can't dream and even figure out what I want in this life if I don't lay down and actually sleep, so bring on the dreams!

3. Challenge Myself. I've noticed over the years I've taken the path of least resistance and have sought the easiest way out in every scenario possible. Taking the easy way out doesn't make the world go round dammit! I haven't reached out and really challenged myself - AT ALL. I was a girl that was born to make waves...following the path of least resistance hardly does such. How do you know what you want out of life and what your dreams are unless you challenge yourself - on a daily basis!? I need to start going places without using my GPS - challenging myself to new sites and destinations and relying on myself to find my way. Next time I come up with a great idea that seems like too much work, I need to press on and make it happen. These are the challenges I need to seek out - not avoid!

4. Maintain and Foster Healthy Relationships. Ok, here's where it gets a little intense, but I'm sticking with the "Simple" part of the this project here. For those of you that know me or have followed this blog, you know I'm not known to surround myself with the healthiest of relationships. Another vocal revelation that makes me feel like a big girl is that I can admit fault in many of those dynamically dysfunctional relationships of the past. After so many ended friendships and earth shattering breakups, I realize I need to stay away from people and relationships that bring negativity in my life. Focus on the people that love me and want me to succeed as well as not being afraid to open the door to a new friend or maybe someone more than a friend. Truth be told, I thought I'd be married and with a family by now. Boy was I off the mark on that one! Good thing, because the guys that have been serious enough to talk about marriage and the like were far from what I ever wanted out of life. But unless I start taking dating seriously and making it a point to run away from the bad seeds, that dream will never happen.

So there you have it! My 4 powerful, yet simple goals to help me feel like the 28 year old I want to be. The one that it's not too late to be! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above or if you have started a similar project...please share!

.jl.

Uninspiring.

That's what my New Year's Eve celebration was--uninspiring.  I definitely had a great time with amazing friends (I'm pretty sure my extremely high bar tab will single handedly help the economy). 

There is such a stigma around this "holiday" that it is almost always a let down. Have you ever listened to the song (Auld Lang Syne) that plays at midnight? The song itself is extremely melancholy and I truly wonder how many people commit suicide on NYE to that exact song?

Back to the uninspiring bit..as I look back at the 365 days of 2008 I realize how uninspired I was. I guess for so long I was looking to be inspired instead of working to inspire myself.  It's not always about surroundings..sometimes you have to be the inspiration you're looking for.   

So here's my written commitment to myself and each of you that I will be inspired in 2009.  I will write more and look for more opportunities to challenge myself.  If I start to get stale, please tell me.

"If you only do what you know you can do--you never do very much"-Tom Krause

Cheers and Best Wishes in '09.

.jl.

justified ("just-if-I'd never done those things")

I think we all go through times of neediness, anxiousness, frustration and the like.  It's no secret that I'm smack dab in the middle of what I'm calling my "quarter-life crisis" and I've been looking for answers in every direction imaginable.  

In my searches, these 4 things have really helped me regain perspective:

1.  New Hope Church (part of my 101/1001)

2.  Quiet Time, aka Jayme time

3.  Running (note, my broken leg is currently keeping me from this!)

4.  Friends (both old and new)

#4 led me to #1.  My co-worker Tam'ra (who has quickly become a dear friend) invited me to try her church. I've been going to New Hope for the past few months and I really enjoy it. It's one of the only churches I can recall in recent history that preaches and teaches Scripture as opposed to being a savvy, motivational speaker.  

The church hosted a women's event yesterday, called Completely His-Loving Jesus Without Limits and invited Shannon Ethridge as the speaker.  I'll be honest-I had no clue who Shannon Ethridge was, but I'm happy I got to be in her presence, hear her story, and take away some life lessons that I desperately needed.  Shannon is a best-selling author and an empowering speaker.  It's not often you can sit in a room with over 100 women of different ages, races, backgrounds, careers and marital status and reach each and every one of them, but she did. And not just reach them, but impact them in a very lasting and emotional way.  I was one of these women.

Over the years I've heard a lot of inspirational messages and quotes, but probably none that stuck with me like this.  "We may remember what sins we've committed in the past, but as far as God is concerned, we've been JUSTIFIED (which means, "just-if-I'd never done those things!").  

I'm the first to admit that when it comes to sin, on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the highest amount of sin, I'm probably off the chart at about an 11.  Maybe even 12.  But what an enabling statement.  She couldn't have said that at a more advantageous time in my life.  I appreciate her saying that and reminding me that no matter how much sin is or was in my life, God will always love me. She reminded me that he can't love me more than He already does.  If He has forgiven me, I need to forgive myself.  

I know this blog covers arbitrary topics, but it covers things in my life and things in my head. This is something that truly inspired me and I wanted to thank Shannon Ethridge and her ministry and encourage others to be inspired by her.  I just bought "Every Woman's Battle" and the workbook "Every Single Woman's Battle" so look for updates here on how her words and stories will continue to help me see things for what they are and continue to add new perspective on life.

.jl.