my black cloud..in the form of a bulldozer

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that my black cloud followed me on my vacation home to Virgina.

The story goes a little something like this..

My friend Janet and I went to Granby street for drinks and girl time. On our way back to the parking garage, low and behold there is a HUGE yellow bulldozer sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. It was like a gift from God with a sign saying "Here is a prop for your weekend photoshoot". I mean really..it was directly in the middle from the bar to the parking garage, IN THE SIDEWALK on the way to the car. Any normal human obsessed with picture taking would have jumped on the opportunity..or bulldozer.

After a few fun photos (that didn't hurt anyone), Mr. Policeman pulls up, lights blazing, shining his flashlight telling me I'm trespassing. Since when does the middle of the sidewalk, with no signs, no caution tape, equal trespassing? I'm really not trying to be a smart a$$, but doesn't it have to be private property or equipped with proper signage to denote trespassing? And I might add this picture is of me asking the cop to take our picture..before I get off the bulldozer. Opps.

Off the bat, Mr. Policeman is not a fan of my antics and threatens to write me a ticket for Trespassing. As I'm stepping off the bulldozer he starts threatening to take me to jail for Drunk in Public, which made me think I was off the hook, SINCE I WASN'T DRUNK. Though the picture above DOES look like I'm wasted, that is my natural, beautiful appearance.

Honest.

After he repeatedly threatened to take me to jail for being drunk in public, I got somewhat offended and asked for a Breathalyzer. You have to prove someone is in fact drunk to write them a ticket for drunk in public, correct? He refused to give me a Breathalyzer and instead puts me in handcuffs and in the back of the cop car, trying to prove his 5'2 stature of being a real man. After much begging from my dear friend, he let me go with a ticket for Disorderly Conduct.

The moral of the story-I was smarter than the cop by telling him he wasn't feasible to give me a drunk in public ticket without proving I was drunk. BUT, I was stupider than the cop by telling him that so he could write me a "legitimate" ticket for something else stupid.

And all I have to show for it is this stupid picture. I should frame it right next to the ticket.

For those that are familiar with the Granby Street area in Norfolk, I think we can all agree there are more important things for the cops to be doing than harassing two twenty-seven year olds just having old fashion fun. Our conduct was far from disorderly.

(All joking aside, I plan to write a post and letter to the local editor about how cops think they rule the world, and even when you're right, if the cop says you're wrong, you're just plain wrong.)

.jl.

head over heels..

That's how I felt about my vacation to Steamboat, CO last week. Mostly because I fell head over heels in love with the little town and snow-filled mountains. Comically because if you've ever seen me snowboard (and I promise I'm pretty good!) then you know I often fall head over heels face first into the snow.

Something about snowboarding transforms me into someone completely different than I am here in Houston. Even my brand names change..

I trade my..
burberry for burton
tiffany's bracelets for gloves
seven jeans for spider pants
faux-haux hair-do for a helmet
flip flops and 4-inch heels for snowboarding boots
and most importantly..
my pushup bra for an extra layer of thermals

I also learned a few things (and undoubetdly took notes for this here blog)..

It's not the best use of your God-given assets to flick someone off when you're wearing mittens. You might as well flick off Stevie Wonder..THEY CAN'T SEE IT.

It's beyond impossible to tell if someone is cute all bundled up in snowgear. You never know what's under that beanie or helmet..a little girl with ponytails or a cute guy with dread locks (as if that even exists).

It complete contradiction to my last statement, mountains play host to a large group of hot guys. They either breed them in snow towns or have a shuttle directly importing them to the lifts.

Surprisingly enough, I get along quite well with snowboard instructors. :)

Call me a Board Snob...if I see a cute guy I instinctively look at their boots to see (and hope) they are snowboarding boots rather than antique ski boots. I do the same thing at the beach..a boogie board is not equivalent to a surfboard. No way, no how, no sir. So here is my feeble attempt at a universal apology to the "lesser boarders" out there I may have looked down upon. It's a curse..I swear.

I'm always amazed to see people in their 20's, 30's, 40's and beyond learning to ski/snowboard. I often forget how blessed I've been to have such fun-loving, spoil-me-rotten parents.

I have the best parents in the world.
I have the best parents in the world.
I have the best parents in the world.
I have the best parents in the world.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

And it's not such a hard-knock life to vacation to Puerto Rico and Colorado (and NY) within 2 weeks. Professional Vacationer, remember..

Here's a small clip of me boarding..not the best, but it's something.

.jl.

Professional Vacationers Take on Puerto Rico..

Vacationing with best friends is a must in anyone's life. And we should be no different...except we are. Together we grunt through the tedious work weeks simply to take exuberant and ridiculous (though completely necessary) vacations which we capture into our memories with a gagillion pictures (338 to be exact), catch phrases and high fives that only we could understand, and recently...blogs. And let's not fail to mention the memory we leave with many of the islanders...

(PS, you DO NOT in fact need a passport to go to Puerto Rico nor are you required to go through customs to enter or leave PR...seems like the entire world knew this except us...which only means we need to plan another vacation immediately to a destination that does require this)

Puerto Rico was amaaazing (not amazzzing) and is recommended for a couple's getaway, girl's weekend or any spontaneous vacation. We don't discriminate drinks...local beer, mojitos, daiquiris of all flavors and sizes, shots, wine, most of Rafi's special drinks, and whatever else is thrown our way. Who are we to judge what we drink while on vacation? And whether you're hungover, have the flu, fighting food poisoning or are just plain exhausted, a drink on the beach in PR will always take the pain away. Well at least more so than $40 worth of identical, non working cold medicine and a roll of traveling toilet paper. You are in freakin' Rico for goodness sakes!

This trip marked the beginning of the High Five Pact...which not only signifies our devotion to our legitimate careers in vacationing but also our friendship that has been nothing short of amaaazing with a shared motherhood of an 18 lb teacup Chihuahua. Or as his surogate mother is convinced, an 18 lb Dachiwawa.

We realized on the great island of Puerto Rico... the truth hurts so wear a helmet and it's all about the story. A pen and pad for documentation should always be handy. It's important to peep the peep. Personal concierge's are a necessity for travel. We will always get upgraded even if we get turned down. Praying for sun really works. Moms like to give us their 19 year old sons Facebook info to look them up. Which I guess as the older we get, is a compliment. Still not sure. Jackpot Party is a game that can be played for hours and can reap many rewards. Texas Tea is a close second. American Airlines should change their name to Amateur Airlines because it's much more fitting and the #2 flight attendant should be fired. New Yorkers may be on to this whole Professional Vacationer thing. A hammock and an ipod are sometimes all you need (well, and maybe a camera). In a Spanish country, speak Spanish. Even if no one else is and you don't really know what you're saying. When in doubt- simulate actions like eating an "apple." Pirates are popular in places other than Tampa, FL. Directions in San Juan are never accurate enough, regardless if you are a competent driver with a semi-competent co-pilot. Even a pictorial of a cloud with rain over a tree which clearly identifies the rainforest is still not enough to denote the directions to the actual rainforest. Where the hell was 191 on that one? We should film Corona or Medella commercials on a regular basis. Always be in it to win it- score or not, especially when nickels are involved.

And it's ok to eat McDonald's on Valentines Day with your best friend in Puerto Rico.

.Jayme & Joy.