You Had Me At Trailer Park Hotel.

It seemed like ages ago when I first learned of El Cosmico and sent emails upon emails bugging my friends about the trailer park hotel set-up. Maybe it's because I'm from Virginia, but there's something about hotel rooms being uniquely decorated double-wides that just turns me on so imagine how jazzed I was when someone contacted me about heading to Marfa for this amazing 4 day camping, music and baseball festival. (If you don't have an imagination, just take my word that I was beyond jazzed. Still am.)

Here's the lowdown on this event if you want to join me:
WHAT: 6TH ANNUAL TRANS-PECOS FESTIVAL OF MUSIC & LOVE

WHEN and WHERE: SEPTEMBER 22-25 MARFA, TEXAS

El Cosmico Family Band Starring Alejandro Escovedo, Erika Wennerstrom of the Heartless Bastards, Adam Bork, Amy Cook, Ben Kweller, Tiff Merritt to Perform
WHAT: 6th Annual Trans-Pecos Festival of Music and Love is a three day festival that celebrates music, art, community and camping under the stars at El Cosmico in Marfa, Texas.

LINE-UP:

Thursday, September 22: Tift Merritt, Patty Griffin with special guests, Barbara Lynn

Friday, September 23: El Cosmico Family Band with David Garza, Josh Block of White Denim, and Jesse Ebaugh of the Heartless Bastards, featuring performances by Adam Bork, Kat Edmonson, Tift Merritt, Amy Cook, Alejandro Escovedo, Erika Wennerstrom and Ben Kweller.

Saturday, September 24: Alejandro Escovedo, Black Angels.

Shop at the Trans-Pecos Festival vendor marketplace for art, clothing and other survival necessities from Nashville’s Imogene + Willie, Alabama Chanin, Squashblossom Vintage and many others. Enjoy land art installations by the UT School of Architecture and video projections by local and national artists. As always, the epic sandlot baseball rivalry continues on Saturday at 4 pm at Vizcaino Field as Austin's Texas Playboys take on Marfa's Los Yonke Gallos. The event will also include a Sunday charity breakfast benefiting KRTS, Marfa’s local radio station.

TICKETS:

Pre-event prices:
$30 per night for just music, no camping

$100 for two nights of music with camping

$125 for three nights of music with camping

To reserve your campsite and register for the Trans-Pecos Festival, please go to www.elcosmico.com. For RV inquiries, please email us at info@elcosmico.com about your machine and we will try to accommodate. Note: there is no RV hookup on site.

.jl.

Adventures Yet To Be Had.

If you follow any of my adventures (or more accurately my misadventures), you know I travel a lot. So much in fact, it’s probably more realistic to reclaim my hometown as “current airport, plane or hotel” rather than the current status of Houston.

Sitting on my flight from MKE back to IAH (I even speak in airport code which probably isn’t a good sign, but that's Milwaukee to Houston), I realized I don’t fly during the day very often. Mainly because I like to extend my trips on both sides as far as I can. I like to arrive at my destination first thing in the morning and drag out my final day as long as possible (unless I’m coming home from Vegas – that is always a mistake that I never seem to remember while booking my flights). This desire to extend my trips stems from my days back in corporate America when I was forced to take a vacation day I wanted to use it to the full advantage. Even though I’m pretty much on my own schedule now, that routine is kind of ingrained in me so most of my flights are still early morning (when it's still dark or I’m fast asleep on the freezing plane) or long after the sun as gone down. The shades are usually pulled tight because there’s not much to see out the window.

No matter how much I travel there are still a million places I want to go. Looking out my window, I notice all the land we’re quickly flying over. Though it’s the Midwest and not exactly the most glamorous region in all the world, it’s still beautiful land probably filled with hiking trails of every level, the Great lakes (including waterfalls, amazing photo-opps, chances to fish, ski and boat, and stories and memories destined to be had), ridiculously cute bed and breakfast joints I’d imagine going on with the man of my dreams (who is yet to be found, by the way), country dirt roads longing to be traveled on, and so much more.

I have no doubt there are highways for me to get lost on. Boutiques and antique shops with a pair of vintage cowboy boots waiting for me to stumble upon. Chefs waiting to whip up delicious French toast for me to douse syrup on. But this Continental jet is flying over it. Literally. All of it. At super fast speeds.

Too often I’m in a rush to get to my destination or return home to my 23lb teacup Chihuahua to cuddle on the couch and catch up on my DVR. But the stuff I pass over on the way to and fro could be the most exciting adventure yet to be had.

And blonde note – I suck at geography. I couldn’t even tell you where exactly this route is flying over, but I do know it’s probably fun waiting for one of my many misadventures.

.jl.

Ironic and Bitchy. All in one phone call. (things that make my friends irate)

So a good friend of mine religiously reads my blog (yay!) and often gets a kick out of the rants I post. The other day she emailed me this situation she encountered and it was too good not to share...

Here is her email to me:

Have you ever dealt with anyone at Houston Woman Magazine? I called them to see if I could get a bid in to print their magazine. I'll run through the conversation:

Me: Hi I'm So and So with So and So Printing, I was just calling to see if you guys....

Lady: Whoa. Let me just stop you right there. We are NOT guys. We are women.

Me: Ummm ok? Well, being a woman myself, I was just using the term loosely in a general sense of the word.

Lady: Are you trying to sell something?

Me: Yes, I was just seeing if you guys do your own printing in-house for the magazine or if you outsource for printing services.

Lady: We are a PUBLISHING company, of course we dont do our own printing (....which that statement confused me). You CLEARLY did not do your homework. Do you even have your magazine in front of you? Have you ever even read our magazine? Do you even know what we're about? Do your homework next time before you start calling people.

Me: As a matter of fact I did look up what "Houston Woman Magazine" is about I have your web page pulled up as we are speaking.

Lady: Can you even accomodate our magazine? Do you have those capabilities?

Me: We have printed several magazines in the past, so I'm pretty positive (being facetious) we can accomodate your magazine.

Lady: You're PRETTY positive, or you're POSITIVE. Call me when you've done your homework and you're positive.

I'm not even sure what that means...Do your homework? I'm asking a simple question of "do you print the magazine yourself". That's not exactly something people put on their website.

After that converstaion I proceeded to look up their mission statement to which it said this:

Our Mission

Houston Woman Magazine is a bi-monthly publication serving the professional women of Houston. Since March 2004, the publication has dedicated its efforts to informing, inspiring and connecting successful women.

Houston Woman Magazine spotlights women making a difference in the Houston community and provides a vehicle for the exchange of ideas and opinions. It serves as a soapbox for the voices of those wishing to discuss the interesting and important issues of the day.

What poor representation of a magazine that prides themselves on strong women out doing good in the community. You would have been outraged....as I was. Anyways, just thought I'd share as I know this is the kind of thing you'd probably post on your blog :)

To my friend - thanks for sharing. You are right - this is ridiculous.

To my readers - if you're looking for a Houston-based printing company (to print your magazine or other needs), I know of a great one. Leave me a note and I'll send you the info :)

.jl.

my bikinis will accompany me to Maui now. no thanks to Continental.

Dear Continental (or United, or whatever we’re now supposed to call you),

I just wanted to thank you for trying to make ME do YOUR job this morning. While I understand you may not fully get the notion that being self-employed is not the same as unemployed, I do not appreciate you making me do your job. If I wanted to work for Continental (i.e. do the job your employees are paid to do), I would happily apply at continental.com.

Furthermore, when you charge a customer an outrageous rate of $1200 for a flight, you should be prepared to do the work. And great your customer with a smile. Those are the bare minimum expectations I have when flying. Along with arriving safely, of course.

Since you’ve started in this over-charging brigade for everything under the sun (not limited to checked bags), people have been carrying over-sized bags on-board requiring you to make incessant announcements pleading with customers to check their bags as the aircraft will more than likely run out of overhead space. I fell for said plea and thought I was doing your airline along with the other passengers a favor.

But here’s where you screwed up – in your haste to throw a baggage claim ticket onto my suitcase (chock full of bikinis and other vacation'esque paraphernalia mind you), you failed to ask WHERE MY FINAL DESTINATION WAS and haphazardly assumed it was Phoenix.

Lucky for you (and obviously more-so me), I glanced at the PHX final destination ticket you so frantically wrote on my bag and rectified the situation MYSELF. I am traveling with an iPhone, iPad, and iBook and am not wearing any form of underwear under this beach-ready sundress. Can you imagine had I arrived to Maui under such circumstances due to the lackadaisical actions of one of your employees?!

So here is my plea to you Continental/United/Whatever You Are: if you’re going to charge me astronomical prices for service, please provide this service. Please provide it in a friendly and safe manner and please at least pretend like you give a damn to have my belongings accompany me on vacation. Please do everything in your power not to screw up my vacation. Unless of course you want to refund my money and I will get behind your desk to check my own baggage for future flights? Is this a deal? K, thanks.

PS - if you're wondering why a busy gal such as myself has time to write blog posts of this nature, it may be because I have a 4 hour layover in Phoenix and you denied me getting on the next flight to Maui. Which is leaving AS WE SPEAK. So thanks.

Signed your One Pass Member 4EVA,

Jayme Lamm

what you once wanted.

Yes, at one time, I wanted an effing Teddy Ruxpin. It should show you how much I wanted one and was in love with the poor specimen by the fact I had to Google how to spell it. And I was way off. But none the less, the story must go on, so continue reading. Please.

This week I am in Chesapeake, visiting friends and family. This is my hometown. It's where I grew up and where I will always call home. I was with a friend and her husband at Big Woody's. It's a bar, and pretty much the only place people go out in Chesapeake. I was drinking my nice cold Coors Light when I noticed a guy in the corner of my eye. He was pretty tired and haggard looking but I couldn't shake the feeling I knew this guy.

I won't name the guy (to save me from my own embarrassment, and on the off fact he is reading this and thinks I want him to contact me because that is so not the case), but he's a guy when I was in high school that I was totally enamored with. Of course he was a little bit older (i.e. probably 5 years) and way too bad boy for a Greenbrier Christian Academy high school junior like myself, but he had my attention. I wanted him. In a bad way.

Anyways, I was almost too embarrassed to admit to my friends that I thought the guy at the bar was this same guy. The one I used to sloppily make out with and secretly wish I could marry. Now if you had seen this guy (and I couldn't dare my little soul take a picture because that would be just plain rude), you'd understand the issue here. He was tired. And haggard. He was way bald. He was either missing a few teeth or had a gap the size of a World Cup soccer net. Either way it wasn't pretty. He wasn't pretty. I wondered if this could be the same guy that I wanted so badly to be with in high school.

Luckily, after a few beers I was able to coax a local police officer (off-duty of course) to casually and non-nonchalantly introduce himself to said guy and see if he was one in the same. After a few chugs of beer and some laughing, lo and behold, it was not the same guy.

Phew. Sigh. Of. Relief.

But that led me to this amazing discovery. What you once wanted - even the things (or boys) that you closed your eyes and prayed for - may not be the same things you want now. No way in HELL would I date this 20 year senior haggard chain-smoking look-a-like guy (again, the picture would explain and make me seem less vain and materialistic), but at the time, he was, at one time, the apple of my eye. The caramel coated apple of my eye. Kind of like when I wanted that stupid Teddy Ruxpin or MC Hammer pants. (I wanted MC Hammer pants so badly my mom signed me up for Kids-Can-Sew and I had to make my own cool-kids pants.) Or a Jordan Knight sleeping bag to take to my neighbor's slumber parties. Those things were to die for back then, but now? I had not a care in the world to have them.

Funny how things change, right? And at the same time I'm making this scary "please don't be him" epiphany, my friend (recently divorced and now happily remarried to someone else) asked the same thing about the guy she was once head over heels in love with. He too was like the Purple Ford Ranger with the "PRPLE HAZE" license plate I had begged for. Thank goodness my parents didn't give me everything I wanted.

.jl.

#TravelNeeds Twitter Contest

HERE ARE THE RULES TO ENTER:
Tell us the one thing you can’t travel without, and be entered to win a FREE 3-night stay at The Signature at MGM Grand in Las Vegas, courtesy of PC Housing, a San Diego corporate housing company with short-term rentals available nationwide. ENTER NOW through Friday Aug 12th for your chance to win!Tell us the one thing you can’t travel without, and be entered to win a FREE 3-night stay at The Signature at MGM Grand in Las Vegas, courtesy of PC Housing, a San Diego corporate housing company with short-term rentals available nationwide. ENTER NOW through Friday Aug 12th for your chance to win!

HERE IS MY ENTRY:
Since I've started doing a lot more travel writing here recently, a friend of mine emailed me this contest with @PCHousing - super easy to enter, but no flippin idea what my chances are at winning. You just have to answer a simple question below and tweet it, so here goes...

Q - what's the 1 item you just can't travel without?

A- there are quite a few actually. No matter if I travel for business or in the freeing months of winter, I always travel with running shoes and my bikini. Those are usually expensive items that I'm extremely particular about, so buying them while on vacation would be tough. I also can't travel without my allergy medicine (this year they have been killer), my iPhone (which I use as my camera and to tweet my whereabouts), and FSU spiral notebook. You never know where you feel moved or inspired to write, so rather than have a bunch of little post-it notes everywhere, all my potential writing material and notes are inside the Seminole notebook.

Here's to hoping I win 3 days/nights in Vegas - maybe I could turn it into another fun article/story. Cross your fingers please!

.jl.

Things That Make Me Irate - Episode 2

Admittedly, there is a load of crap that comes along with Facebook that truly irritates me, but it's simply the nature of the beast of this thing they call social media. But there is one thing that people do on FB that actually gets me hot and bothered and causes me to "get irate" as my friends call it.

You know those overzealous Facebook-liker's? The kind that like every single status possible.

My grandmother just died and I'm so sad. [You like this.]

I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and that bastard gave me herpes. [You like this.]

I just got laid off after 20 years of hardwork and I can't pay my bills or put food on the table for my six kids. [You like this.]

I mean are these brainiacs actually reading the posts or are they in an Olympic-style competition to see how many statuses they can infiltrate in one day?

I recently posted this sad (but true) status: No fireworks. In the sky or my love life.

It was a holiday weekend so I wanted to ward off anything that would potentially make me irate so I posted this caveat as part of the status: (and hey, overzealous FB "likers", this is one of those statuses it's inappropriate to "like". got it?)

But really Facebook friends, what is likable about "no fireworks in my love life" or the fact that someone just got herpes or they lost their grandmother (notably, not due to herpes)? I must know the answer to your rapid-fire liking of every damn status update. Anyone care to wager in on this?

.jl.

Things That Make Me Irate - Episode 1

Like most people, when it comes time for Lent, I wonder what I should give up. One year it was fast food, the next it was Chik-fil-a, another it was coke (as in the soda, not the drug).

My friend Sophie thought it would be funny (and do me some good) if I gave up all things that made me irate. Um, then I'd have nothing left. Because sometimes I get moody and sometimes people do dumb shit, and that just makes me irate.

At the end of the day I came up with this: I can't give up other people's stupidity for Lent...it's just not possible. I'm supposed to give something up. Your stupidity doesn't count as my giver-uper-item.

Now sure, maybe I take things a little too far from time to time (as almost every post here may indicate), but sometimes it's plain necessary. And of course, today, sure enough, while eating lunch with Sophie, I became irate once again. At my chicken salad sandwich. Yup. You read that right.

Here's my problem. When I order a sandwich (and am paying more than $10 for said sandwich at a restaurant with a waiter and linen napkins), I expect THEM to make my sandwich for ME. I didn't go through a buffet line and ask for chicken salad to be scooped onto my plate with an ice cream scooper. It's quite annoying to take a bite of your chicken salad sandwich and get nothing but toast. Maybe irate isn't the right word for this lunch time fiasco, but it bothered me. I shouldn't have to open my sandwich and spread the chicken salad out to make it even. If an ice cream scooper is the easiest way for you to dish out chicken salad onto my bread, take it one step further and FINISH MAKING MY SANDWICH. Seriously.

This post may or may not be the beginning of "things that make me irate."

.jl

Joel McHale - Meet Bentley

I've yet to determine if I watch reality tv (i.e The Bachelorette) to see what's on The Soup, or vice versa. Either way, it always proves entertaining.

If you've ever seen Joel McHale on The Soup, he's notorious for mocking ABC's loveless Bachelor/Bachelorette series. Before turning my DVR to tonight's episode, my Facebook feed was chockfull of nasty little bits about one of the bachelors "vying" for Ashley's affection - Bentley.

I couldn't wait to watch. The moment it came on, I couldn't help but notice Bentley stealing Joel McHale's job right from under him. Here was Bentley mocking Ashley. Here was Bentley mocking the show and all the clamoring love it tried so hard to stand for. Here was Bentley making fun of himself pretending to be in love with this dental student (read, not a dentist, rather a dental student - which ABC seems to think is not a big differentiator).

What kind of mockery will E! and McHale come up with now that Bentley has stolen their thunder? I'm waiting with baited breath for the next episode.

While everyone (cue my Facebook feed) is damning this guy Bentley to hell, here I am trying to high-five or chest-bump the bastard for being real. He might not have shown Ashley his true colors, but he showed America. This is the most realistic part of this reality series - newsfllllash Ashley and ABC - in real life, guys will play you. They will lie to you. Try to get in your pants. Try to sleep with you, make out with your neck all while breaking up. That is reality my friends. None of this riding elephants in Thailand or taking a girl to the same race track she was proposed to months before her fiance died a fiery death in a plane crash. That is the unreal stuff. Getting played by a guy - that's reality.

.jl.

stupid people have it made

no seriously, hear me out. I had yet another "adventure" at the post office today. Combine that with the day I've had and I just couldn't resist - I had to call my mom and vent about all the ongoing drama in my life.

My mom has not always been good with words (luckily she gave me that amazing feature and left none for herself), but today, she surprised me.

"you're too logical for people sometimes."

In the past I've always heard it phrased as I expect too much out of people or maybe I'm too tough on people - all of which I've dismissed.

Of course I expect an apartment complex I pay $1500 a month for to not be infested with bugs. Of course I expect that the brand new SUV I just bought will not experience electrical problems and completely shut off while driving through a busy intersection. Of course I expect my "beach front hotel" in the Bahamas to actually be ON. THE. BEACH.

Sometimes my frustrations lie not in the fact that my hotel happens to be miles away from said beach but that the customer service agent can't understand why I'm upset. They can't understand why I should be upgraded or sent to the attention of the property manager.

There is something to be said for that popular saying, ignorance is bliss.

Take the woman at the post office today (not the one pictured above. disclaimer, I don't know the one above so she may or may not be stupid...). I asked for postcard stamps and she promptly proceeded to sell me $.28 postcard stamps, only pointing out after the transaction was complete and I was walking away that postage for postcards has gone up to $.29. Why on earth the post office still has the obsolete stamps short an entire penny is beyond me. And why on earth this woman sold me those WITHOUT SELLING ME $.01 stamps is beyond me. Beyond. Me.

I live such a busy life and am constantly go-go-go that this woman probably can't comprehend the frustration of having to go to another post office to purchase the penny stamps. And she sure as hell can't comprehend the massacre of emotions I would have felt receiving all those undeliverable postcards in one heaping pile. The time and drama it would have taken to resend those and everything that goes along with it would have sent me in a whirlwind of despair. But because I know it's common sense to sell someone the appropriate means or to guide them in the right direction, I often expect others to do the same. Wrong-o.

While I (and many of you) get so frustrated and want to strangle the necks of postal workers and apartment managers, it's because we know better. We were brought up with logic and savvy grooming skills to make educated decisions and elaborate deduction skills. Many of these people were not. Not even close.

So thanks to my mom I will try to remember the next time I get all insane crazy mad-enough to host my own Bravo reality series, it's because I'm too logical. Not because they are too stupid. But it is I that is too smart (after writing that I probably just jinxed myself to a minimum of 3 spelling errors).

And thanks to my mom, the constant debacle that is the post office, my apartment complex, a certified letter with an inaccurate cashier's check, and all of that logic up in my head, I'm going to have a glass of my favorite Prosecco. And a cupcake. And then the rest of the Prosecco. In that order. Because I'm full of logic and can't drink on an empty stomach.

.jl.