my bikinis will accompany me to Maui now. no thanks to Continental.

Dear Continental (or United, or whatever we’re now supposed to call you),

I just wanted to thank you for trying to make ME do YOUR job this morning. While I understand you may not fully get the notion that being self-employed is not the same as unemployed, I do not appreciate you making me do your job. If I wanted to work for Continental (i.e. do the job your employees are paid to do), I would happily apply at continental.com.

Furthermore, when you charge a customer an outrageous rate of $1200 for a flight, you should be prepared to do the work. And great your customer with a smile. Those are the bare minimum expectations I have when flying. Along with arriving safely, of course.

Since you’ve started in this over-charging brigade for everything under the sun (not limited to checked bags), people have been carrying over-sized bags on-board requiring you to make incessant announcements pleading with customers to check their bags as the aircraft will more than likely run out of overhead space. I fell for said plea and thought I was doing your airline along with the other passengers a favor.

But here’s where you screwed up – in your haste to throw a baggage claim ticket onto my suitcase (chock full of bikinis and other vacation'esque paraphernalia mind you), you failed to ask WHERE MY FINAL DESTINATION WAS and haphazardly assumed it was Phoenix.

Lucky for you (and obviously more-so me), I glanced at the PHX final destination ticket you so frantically wrote on my bag and rectified the situation MYSELF. I am traveling with an iPhone, iPad, and iBook and am not wearing any form of underwear under this beach-ready sundress. Can you imagine had I arrived to Maui under such circumstances due to the lackadaisical actions of one of your employees?!

So here is my plea to you Continental/United/Whatever You Are: if you’re going to charge me astronomical prices for service, please provide this service. Please provide it in a friendly and safe manner and please at least pretend like you give a damn to have my belongings accompany me on vacation. Please do everything in your power not to screw up my vacation. Unless of course you want to refund my money and I will get behind your desk to check my own baggage for future flights? Is this a deal? K, thanks.

PS - if you're wondering why a busy gal such as myself has time to write blog posts of this nature, it may be because I have a 4 hour layover in Phoenix and you denied me getting on the next flight to Maui. Which is leaving AS WE SPEAK. So thanks.

Signed your One Pass Member 4EVA,

Jayme Lamm