kids reenact the hills...hilarious

I think I just fell victim to online bullying...

yeah I did.

Part One: The Set Off

I had an unsettling revelation today. I reached out to a few "friends" trying to get some contacts and support on an upcoming Road Show charity trip I'm doing in 3 days. I realize (trust me...I'm the one doing the planning, emailing and fundraising, so trust me when I say I REALIZE) that I do a lot of charity stuff. I love it. It's the main reason I co-founded a charity group a little over a year ago. And I know that for multiple reasons my friends and family can't support every single endeavor I get involved in. That would be crazy! I'm always sending emails or writing our charity newsletter about upcoming events, tweet about chances to donate, post facebook statuses of websites and inspirational stories I think you should read, and talk incessantly and passionately about my involvement when given the opportunity.

But after being involved in countless charity events, ones that I've poured my heart and soul into planning, ones that have aided and abetted in my lack of sleep for days on end I realized I have friends that don't support a single thing I do. And by support, I don't mean financially. Or even volunteering hours of free time. It could mean showing up at an event with a friend to show support. It could be a simple email, or hell even a note on facebook encouraging me for what I'm doing.

I don't do any of this charity work as a means of getting praise or attention. I don't get free cocktail dresses from Oscar de le Renta to wear at the parties. I don't even get gas mileage reimbursement. I do it because I like it and it makes me feel good. But then I think of friend's that DEMAND my support and encouragement when they get engaged, which ultimately requires me to spend lots of money on gifts, travel or bridesmaid dresses. Or the expectation to throw a baby shower for their first child. Or sending a housewarming gift when they buy a new house to show them how much I love them. These are milestones in their lives and I WANT to be there for them. Friends are meant to share those important moments, if and when they can.

But NEWSSSSFAAALASH...just because I don't rock a rock on my left ring finger or I don't breast feed does NOT mean I'm devoid of my very own milestones. This upcoming Road Show and the charity events that I plan are not only changing my life each and every day, but are changing the lives of others. These are huge milestones for me and ones that I had hoped my friends would bend over backwards to support me, take an interest in or at least give me a freaking high-five. It makes me sad to think the people I once considered my closest friends have not shared in the excitement of a single event with me. These same friends that are too busy to forward a flyer, post a link on facebook, or make a call on my behalf for a worthy cause are the ones that don't hesitate to ask me for favors."Do you have Rockets tickets tomorrow that you aren't using?" "Can I borrow that pink strapless dress this weekend?" "Do you mind paying for my dinner, I'm a little short on cash?" "I need a new job, can you make a call and be my reference?" Do I bat an eye? no sir.

(I'd be remiss not to give a big thank you to those that do share notes of encouragement with me and those that come and support my events and take an active interest. This WILL be another post for a beautiful day soon because it does mean the world to me.)

PART TWO: Oh No You Didn't...

Hopefully you read the little tirade above. I was (and sadly, still am) upset with that disheartening revelation. But it's life. Still a little upset, I headed over to my usual afterwork locale, the gym. I picked up my blackberry and sent a tweet about the above situation and then headed off to spinning only to return to a bevy of nonsense. For those that aren't familiar with Twitter, the main thing you need to know is that you're limited to 140 characters in each message.

the tweet in question...

sucks to see "friends" w/ no interest & ZERO support in my charity efforts. Well u know what - I don't give a F about ur babies or weddings

In hindsight, yes, that could have easily been taken the wrong way. Remember, 140 characters doesn't leave a beaucoup of space to write ALL of Part 1 from above. The frustrating part about this ruckus is that people who don't know me (but choose to follow me on twitter) are judging me, and publicly for that matter. Have I ever taken something the wrong way or rushed judgment? of course. And I'm embarrassed by it. But to start an entire revolution and get people to virtually gang up on someone is asinine. To send a tyrannizing message to someone saying I have an "evil heart" is taking it far and wide and landing on another planet. If these folks knew me AT ALL, or even sat in a booth behind me at Applebee's they would know within seconds just how much I care about people...ESPECIALLY babies and weddings.

But understand this. Bringing my charity, that I (and MANY others) have worked so hard to promote and grow, into question is UNCALLED for. By making comments about my character and tying my charities name into it for no other reason than to give your denouncing tweet some leverage is appalling and without merit. Your false and harsh judgement not only added to my already bad day, but you could have easily jeopardized the name of a wonderful charity and all the future good it could bring to those that need and deserve it. Shame on YOU.

I understand that I have 2 twitter accounts (@jaymelamm & @charitychicks) and that everything I say and do not just on twitter but in general reflects upon the other. I do think it's common sense, not to mention common courtesy, that when I post something from a personal account, to leave it at that. I should be granted a little separation between church and state because after-all, I am still an individual entitled to bad days and opinions. I might suggest foregoing this type of accusatory nonsense from the twitter account of your brand new restaurant. Probably not smart for business. I can only imagine you'd want the same if you went out and got hammered or did something that had ZERO to do with a business that you're working hard to make a name for. I'm just saying.

I pride myself on having very thick skin. I think it's a must for the life I live. A life I live everyday to the fullest and without filter. I know I sometimes say things that make people wonder what the heck was she thinking, but that's what I do. When you publicly and falsely denounce someone's charitable and do-gooder status, that hurts. That is the equivalent of hitting a girl below the belt. Especially on days like today, weeks like this, months like the past 14 when I've worked day and night with the only goal of helping others. Dedicated to raising money and awareness for diseases, creating and delivering cards to terminally ill patients, spending entire weekends brainstorming ways to help the homeless or babysitting a child for a single mom that can't afford a babysitter. To spend what scarce free time I have to help others and find ways to raise funds and awareness for worthy causes.

Man, the above sure painted one hell of a picture of an "evil hearted" girl.

One final thought...if you don't like what I have to say or it offends you, simply unfollow me and voila - problem solved.

.jl.

my life, her lens

A girl whom I've come to know and love just posted this fantab blog about me (and my 23lb teacup chihuahua she lovingly refers to as luscious denali) after capturing a smorgasbord of snapshots.

Kasey Marsh, owner of Monkey Tree Photography is the charity chick standing on the other side of the photo on the left. She has come to be my creative crony. An artistic ally. A philanthropic playmate. My spray-paint sidekick.

As my life continues to get busier and I start to finally learn a little more about what I want to be when I grow up, I realized I needed some photos for my freelance writing website. But not just any photos of course. Photos that screamed JAYME LAMM at high decibels type photos.

I've been lucky enough to have come across many great photographers here in Houston, but camera on or off Kasey and I just vibe. She knows I'm not that typical girl, she knows I'm not a model or a wannabe model and she knows I want and need my personality to shine through my photos. I hate to brag, but I've got personality and Olan Mills and Sears just weren't gonna cut it.

If anyone can capture my "I've got lots of words rolling around in my head and I'm ready to blurt them out without running them through a filter like a normal person" look, Kasey is the girl to do it!

It's always great and uplifting to hear positive words of encouragement about your personal endeavors, but coming from a gal like Kasey, those words mean a hell of a lot more.

I appreciate her work as a photographer. I appreciate her efforts to give back to great causes both as an individual and as a thriving business. But most of all, I appreciate her friendship.

(see a few more of these screaming photos)

.jl.

taking my show ON THE ROAD

My sincere apologies for being a tad absent to this blog lately. This particular post is neither the time nor the place to go into full detail about how insanely busy I've been lately, but I did want to take a minute and tell you about a project I am working on that is surely going to be the biggest yet.

On April 1st I will be departing from Houston and heading on a 2000+ mile trek ending on April 10th in NYC. No surprise to many of you, it's for charity. But not just any charity. A charity that I hold near and dear to my heart, The Jed Foundation focusing on depression and suicide prevention for college students.

I have a personal story about how a friend's suicide has left a lasting effect on my life, but my main drive for this trip (no pun intended) is simply to let people know that depression and suicidal thoughts are not something you should be embarrassed about. Depression has affected millions of people...from pop stars that we idolize, to politicians, to the girl in 5th grade that could hold handstands longer than you.

Please don't be afraid to reach out to a friend or family member if you're feeling depressed and need to talk. Don't suffer in silence for fear of being judged because the people that care about you would never judge you on something so serious. Speaking from experience, we would all rather hear the thoughts haunting our friends instead of finding out about it when it's too late.

Depression...it's not embarrassing.

If you have a moment, please this information around and help us get donations and raise awareness. This is a great cause and I feel extremely blessed to be a part of this journey.

I knew at an early age that God had something crazy and silly in store for my life...I'm thinking this might be it?

www.roadshowblondes.com

twitter @roadshowblondes

roadshowblondes@gmail.com

You can read my personal blog posts and keep up to date with our ROAD SHOW, as well as DONATE to the wonderful cause at ROADSHOWBLONDES.com.

[photo strip courtesy of Sunshine Winters]

.jl.

My Black Cloud..in the form of TWEETING, not texting

If you don't know me (or haven't read a single post I've ever written) you may not be aware of 'de black cloud' that belongs to yours truly. This little guy follows me everywhere.

So for simple humor, let me tell you about a brief incident today. For those that didn't know (don't worry, you are not alone), texting while driving through a school zone is against the law in Texas and many other states.

As 'de black cloud' would have it, I got pulled over today and it went a little something like this:

officer: ma'am, did you know it was illegal to text while driving in a school zone?

defensive me: but officer, I was tweeting, not texting..

unimpressed officer: license and registration please

me: crap. this is a rental, I don't know if there is registration in here.

nosey officer: why do you have a rental?

me without a filter: I wrecked my car last week driving while texting.

Officer proceeds to smirk and write a ticket.

Just a day in the life of JLamm. I firmly believe they should revise the law to include tweeting and emailing..

.jl.

a message to my people..

so I feel some follow up is in order after the douche bag post and some resulting backlash. let me first start off by saying thank you for the attention and comments (I only received 2 pieces of negative feedback and I'm sure you can guess which camp they came from..).

we are all scorn. by this age, and really by any age, we've all suffered some unfortunate acquaintance with one douche bag or another (this goes for girls and guys). we've all been played. we've all been hurt. we've all vented to our friends. while it may not be accurate to say "we've all posted blogs to document the experience", I have-so deal with it. I am not a bitch with too much time on her hands. I am not a vindictive poor helpless soul lacking shame. the way I see it is, my life for the most part is an open book, because that is what I choose. I love to write. And I'm damn good at it, regardless if you agree or find grammatical or spelling errors. it's what I do and it's what I love. If you, or anyone, subjects me to a situation as such, I have the full right and privilege to write about it. to make light of it. to call myself out on it or you. you made me feel like crap and I made light of it. what puts you on a pedestal and me in the wrong?

and for those of you thinking I'm a crazy chick and nothing is off limits when it comes to blogging..you're the crazy one. I have gone through things that I don't feel are appropriate for either myself, my family, or others involved to write about. I do have discretion and I do use judgement. simply because we disagree on whether or not I did in this case, is just a difference in opinion. I'm confident in my decision.

while I'm confident in my decision to have written it and everything I wrote in said douche bag post was 100% true (albeit sad, but true), I did talk to "him" last night. he gave me what seemed to be a genuine apology, took me out for a milkshake and we talked. so yes, I removed his name from the post. I'm not admitting fault, I simply see his side of things and not everyone should be judged for an encounter with a particular individual. I do think the jersey shore offspring comes from a good place and has a good heart, I just think I met him at a time where we was, and still is, figuring things in his life out. we've all done things we regret (I am solid proof of such), but I refuse to apologize for recounting a true story that shed some light on some things and brought a smile and girl power mentality to a number of souls.

thanks again for simply the feedback and interest you took...whether good or bad, this was my highest viewed post ever..and only within 90 minutes. I've received calls and emails about this story and about my ability to recount situations in a humorous manner which again is what I think I'm made to do..

.jl.

lemme tell you about this boy..

this boy who did me wrong. and not from a bitter-I got dumped-it wasn't fair standpoint. I've never been a kiss and tell kinda girl..just figured it's not my place. but today's world is filled with so many liars, players, guys that think their shit doesn't stink..all around douche-bags. and well, us nice girls who deserve nice guys (yes I said deserve), need to stick together.

girls have instincts when they meet someone. when I met Lance (real names omitted), I knew he was the playboy type. more-so the wannabe playboy type, but as I got to know him he worked really hard to change my perception of him. my bad..it almost worked. one of these days I swear I'll learn. but like a true jerk, his true colors came shining through. I'm almost disappointed in myself for dating a guy that could be THIS dumb.

he's the kind of guy that when he puts your number in his phone, real names are a privilege. perhaps he'll put your first name, just because it kinda makes sense, but he will also put a body asset he's fond of (or not fond of) and perhaps where he met you. I get it..when you get that many numbers, that many trashy numbers, you want to remember who to call when. now I know a lot of girls and guys that do this..but once you start getting older, life is not about filling up your blackberry with girls you literally pick up off the floor of a bar at 2am. (don't worry, I wasn't in that category..)

Lance is the kind of guy that comes over to my house (as we're dating, talking, what have you) when I'm sick. sick with a 104.7 fever. he comes over with soup...how sweet. but it's a can of soup that he heats up for himself, eats in front of me, makes himself at home, doesn't offer any and leaves the mess on the counter on his way out to the bar to meet more barflies. no looking back..not even a text to see if I'm still alive or God-forbid need anything.

[I have removed one line here, although it's true, I'm not trying to ruin his reputation..I'm just making light of the situation of him being a douche-bag and what he did to me..]

he's the kind of guy that tans so much he kinda resembles Garfield.. (what was I thinking!?).

I have opted for a shorter blog, so here is the kicker. Lance, is the kind of guy that goes to a charity event of the girl he's dating (this would be me) for support. sweet, right? he's the kind of guy that for the 5 seconds he isn't holding my hand or whispering things like "honey, this event was so great. I'm so proud of you", he was off getting one of my charity chicks phone numbers. ok, ballsy. audacious. douche, your call. but it gets better. he's the kind of guy to disappear from my event for 30 mins and say he had to run to the ATM, but instead go to another bar with this girl he just met at MY event. he's the kind of guy to show up at my next stop to resume the hand-holding and nice conversation. what I just found out is he's also the kind of guy to text my friend, that he just met at MY event, and invite her to hang out with us. he's the kind of guy to call her from the bar (when I went to the bathroom) to try and win her over. and he's even the kind of guy to text her from my bed at 6:30 in the morning while I'm sleeping. RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!

and ladies and gentlemen..he's the kind of guy to get MAD at me for doubting his 30 minute disappearing act. yes I may have trust issues, but when you're actually lying and a girl is smart enough to see it, you aren't allowed to get mad. you forfeit that right the second you become a douche (in Lance's case, the day he was born) or the second you lie.

(and if any ladies need to see a picture or want his number to make sure you don't have it or answer if it ever calls, just let me know..just my public service for the day..)

.jl.

crush is an ironic word, no?

crush	768 up, 54 down
	1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn't love yet 2. a precursor to love 3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them

Today I used the word (prematurely I might add) "crush" for the first time since I can remember. I got uber excited at the mere fact I may have finally suppressed all the feelings and confusion of my last relationship and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Said "light" just so happens to be in the shape of a muscular ridiculously attractive guy combined with a sense of sarcasm, genuine sincerity, and a smile that could make you..well, you know. The sincerity is what got me..obviously I'm not familiar with such a quality in past beaus.

I've said over and over again, and I'm pretty sure I've meant it, that I'm not ready for another relationship, not yet anyways. I don't need it, I don't have time for it, and it isn't a priority. All true. Part of that was also based on the tidbit that I haven't been attracted to anyone lately. I haven't met any guys that have filled previous shoes and I wasn't trying to settle in a rush to find it.

Then I said it. Out loud. And on twitter. After a few hours, the irony of the word set in. As a child I always wondered who (and quite frankly still do) appointed words to their meanings. We all played that game as kids. If "the who" that chose what words meant had called a lamp an areola instead of a lamp, we wouldn't think twice. It would be common to call part of your breast a lamp. We would have said at the infamous Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime mishap that Janet Jackson's lamp was sticking out.

So why did this Almighty Word Assigner call "puppy love", and this feeling of excitement, a crush? Was he/she trying to tell us something?

You don't find it ironic that the same word identified as a "precursor to love" is also:

crush	660 up, 253 down
	v. the process by which people are killed when thrown beneath asteam-roller or other placed in between two solid surfaces with force being applied toward them that the body cannot withstand.

I mean...food for thought, no?

If a crush can potentially lead to love, and love has always ended up ALL WRONG for me, then I think it's safe to say I can retract my earlier crush comment and revert back to pre-crush time.

.jl.

(..ps..written at 3:30am, I may wake up and decide a crush or interest of any kind may not be such a bad idea..guess we'll have to wait and see..)

SHUTOUT

The only good thing that came from yesterday's vile massacre of the Dallas Cowboys shutting out my ON FIRE Philadelphia Eagles was this one-of-a-kind, recycled from an old jersey, Eagles Clutch from Zoe Klutch.

She has some clutches already made from some great shirts she's picked up along the way, but she also takes custom orders from any of your favorite old t-shirts and now jerseys (happy to say mine was the first ever from the jersey line!). It can be your favorite sports team, the team you played for in high school, your favorite band, a pattern on a shirt that your mom shrunk five years ago, or whatever else you conjure up.

Check her out and tell her I sent you!

ps..can't wait to see the Eagles take revenge next week and then off to win the Super Bowl (even though I won't be able to stand it if Kibbles and Vick gets a ring..).

.jl.

he just wasn't that into me..

I can't start off by saying I wish I would have known..because unfortunately, I did know. I'm the leader of the pack when it comes to hopeless romantics that get blinded by what is or what could be, and it's a shame.

I have been debating writing this blog for exactly one year. A year ago, I started dating Zach (while privacy for me is not a huge deal, I know it is to him and even though he didn't respect much of anything about me, I will give him the courtesy and respect his privacy). We met a couple years ago at a bar and randomly kept in touch..when it was convenient (read into that what you will). About a year ago, the timing seemed perfect and we talked about actually dating. One night he said, "I just realized we've never even been on a date. I think it's time." As a girl, and remember, hopeless romantic, I was floored. He was so incredibly sweet, sincere and genuine.

On the night of said date, he didn't show. It was his friend's birthday dinner (so he obviously wouldn't forget), but the pickup time came and went and not a peep from Zach. A few hours later, disappointed and heartbroken (because I tend to set myself up for such situations) I sent him a text letting him know I was disappointed and had misjudged him. I had NEVER been stood up before. My dating life has never been stellar, but I'd never been stood up. No call, no show. Never, not me. Not until I met him and not until that night.

I spent the night asking myself why I get my hopes up. What I did wrong. Why wasn't I special enough to stay on his mind. How could he forget someone like me? As a writer with ideas/topics always presenting themselves, I keep a monthly poster-size post-it note on my bedroom door with possible blog topics. That night I wrote "He's Just Not That Into You-personal experience, being stood up", then drank a glass of wine and went to bed.

A few nights later Zach came over. As we were about to fall asleep he read my latest blog idea. He laughed and asked if it was about him. Of course it was. I made it a point to tell him that was the first time I had ever been stood up. Not long after, we officially became a "couple" and I thought things were great. This is the guy I thought I had always dreamed about. But every month when I re-wrote my blog ideas on the post-it, I would write "He's Just Not That Into You". Every month. Zach always asked why I kept putting it back up there. I thought at the time it was because it was a good blog post. That standing someone up was a good indicator he just wasn't into them. And maybe it was my way of reminding myself what happened. Maybe I wanted to warn others about it, without truly realizing what it meant in my own relationship.

What I realize an entire year later that it was a red flag I ignored. I gave him the benefit of the doubt even though I knew what it meant. Looking back at the relationship, the conversations, the commitment issues, everything, it's painstakingly clear he was never into me. If I had trusted my instincts, or maybe backed off, I wouldn't be in the position I am at this exact moment: sad with a broken heart, and angry that I let a guy who clearly wasn't interested into my life.

.jl.

(no one was harmed in the making of this blog, though a few tears were shed..)