this bachelor should stay just that..a bachelor

As you all know by now, I'm addicted to Reality TV and ABC's The Bachelor falls into that heinously embarrassing category.  

I've always been leery of people "falling madly in love" in front of cameras after only knowing their suitor for 6 weeks, but gluttons fall for it season after season, network after network.  Somehow they don't catch on that these relationships NEVER work, so shame on them.  I mean, how hard is it to feel on top of the world and in love when you're riding around in helicopters?  Meanwhile, homeboy probably drives a Ford Focus, not a Maserati.  Get real ladies.  The mansion in LA pales in comparison to his real 700 sq. ft. apartment in the slums of Seattle.  Dates consisting of Natasha Beddingfield singing live to you is not the same as riding in the Ford Focus with Whitney Houston on the FM radio.  Of course it feels surreal and amazing.  It's supposed to...that's how ABC makes their money you idiots!

ABC and this season's bachelor, Jason Mesnick took it quite a bit too far. First of all, I never saw a rule book for The Bachelor that says at the end of the season you are REQUIRED to get engaged.  This illusive rule book also doesn't say you must make out and fall in love with multiple people.  It probably isn't smart to go in the "fantasy suite" with one girl the night before you propose to another.  

Also, you've already been on TV for a few months making your case about deserving to fall in love.  What on earth possesses you to wait to dump YOUR FIANCE on live TV?  Was that really necessary? I know ABC probably paid you a fat bonus to dump her live, but come on. Grow a pair and stand up and be a human being for once in your ridiculously sad life.  

ABC..I am totally appalled by your inhumane actions.  You obviously perpetuated this ridiculous dramatic Monday night and ruined people's lives because of it.  I hope your ratings were worth the heartbreak.  ABC no longer stands for American Broadcasting Companies, it stands for ASSHOLE Broadcasting Companies.  And please don't tell me you expect all of us lame reality watchers to think this wasn't planned out?  I don't believe for two seconds that Jason and Molly haven't spoken, texted, emailed or seen each other in 6 weeks.  Give me a break.

While it's obviously absurd to ask me to break my addiction to reality TV, I will not feel bad for any of you that go on a dating show to find true love and then get hurt.  You know what they say, fool me once... fool me after 30 seasons of the same dramatic ending, shame on YOU.  

Jason..I don't say this often, but you sir, do not deserve a happy ending.  Go ahead and start your own show "The Forever Bachelor because I'm a J.E.R.K." on the ASS network.

Melissa, you poor girl.  You live in Dallas, I live in Houston...let's go party and male bash all night long sister. 

.jl.

Charm School Catfight.

Now if this isn't an oxymoron, I don't know what is.  It's no secret that I'm an avid fan of reality TV.  I don't think you can beat Rock of Love (ROL) or any variation of the show which leads me to Rock of Love Charm School.  

For those that lead real lives and don't have time for such rubbish, I'll give you a briefing. Rock of Love has had 2 seasons with Bret Michaels (from Poison) as their "bachelor" and they lured a plethora of skanky goodness to compete for his affections.  The caveat being he didn't want a "groupie".  Let's just say this Bret..if you get a chick at all, I promise it's not because of those trendy little ensembles you wear on your head..it's simply because they grew up with Poison posters on their bedroom walls and want to turn a childhood fantasy into an adult DVD. Oh how I digress...

Picture NBC's "The Bachelor". Replace the network with VH1.  The Bachelor typically has a guy with a current career while ROL features a rapidly fading career (old rocker).  The contestants on the bachelor are usually teachers, real estate agents, hair salon owners and the like.  The contestants on VH1's version range from porn stars to strippers and the occasional tramp in between.  I digress yet again...my apologies.  

As a spinoff to this deranged world, VH1 had the prowess to bring back the trailer park-drug abusing-alcohol vomiting-I have sex with blowup dolls-girls back to teach them manners.  And who better to teach the girls etiquette and moderation than the ham-slinging neighbor Sharon Osbourne?  

As rumors have it, the teacher, Mrs. Osbourne got in a hair-pulling match with one of her "students", Megan Hauserman.  Imagine that..maybe she wasn't a suitable host after all.  My money's on Megan.  Maybe you can pal up and become trophy wives that throw hams. Food for thought.  Pun intended.

.jl.