shh...some secrets should be left just that, SECRET.

Being unemployed, I mean SELF-employed, I found myself spending a lot of time on twitter today and ran across this oh-so-true article on Glamour: 5 Things You Don't Want to Know About Your Boyfriend's History.

I am probably the absolute nosiest person alive. Even more so than my mother, which is saying something. It's human nature to want to know everything about your ex. You feel closer, your bond is tighter and secrets can lead to so many unnecessary problems (case in point, the photo to your left).

While this article makes some extremely valid points, I found myself wondering even after reading it if I'd still want to know the answers to some of these questions and I was reminded of one of my ex's.

I found out early on that a guy I had been dating had been married and was recently divorced. That's obviously a pretty big thing you should know and you should want to know before diving into a relationship in your late twenties. Par for the course being the insidiously nosey person that I am, I took the information a little too far.

Ok, a lot too far.

My curiosity was killing me. I had never dated someone that was divorced. And it wasn't the divorced part that bothered me, it was the married part.

That same day he told me, I still didn't believe him given our initial sarcastic banter when we met. Something in my cyber-stalker and immature ways told me to Google him and I stumbled onto their wedding page on The Knot. Aside from being greeted with the "Congratulations! Newlyweds for 186 days!" message and day-ticker, a cute photo taken just moments after the engagement (which just so happened to be a cropped version of my guy's MySpace picture at the time, which did NOT sit well because he looked so damn happy in said picture which used to be one of my favorite pictures of him...), I also got to read about their engagement story. Talk about one for the storybooks.

I couldn't get this image of their fairy-tale engagement story. Being in another country and surprising her and having secretly flown in both their families to meet them on the other side of the mountain top with champagne (yes sir, you read all that right). Knowing that at one time he had met the girl of his dreams, which was quoted in the About section of their page on The Knot. I also read quotes from his family and comments from their friends congratulating them and talking about how they were the "perfect" couple and destined to be together. Talk about information overload. It even gave me information on where and what they registered for. The next time I went to his house I refused to drink coffee out of his Crate and Barrel coffee maker because I knew it was the one they registered for together. He must have gotten it in the divorce.

There are some things that are important to know in relationships. Things they've done wrong, things that make them who they are, lessons they've learned, etc. But heed my warning - do not, I repeat DO NOT ask a question you don't want to the answer to. And do not, I repeat DO NOT ask a question you can't handle the answer to. Those are 2 very different yet equally important warnings I just bestowed upon you.

Thanks to the Glamour article for reeling me back in with this line at the end...

Remember, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back. The moral: never give into curiosity, just look for satisfaction.

(Note, I do not in any capacity feel equipped to offer relationship advice nor make any attempts to, but rest assured if you do the complete opposite of everything I've done in my past relationships, you'll surely find yourself in a healthy, meaningful, long-lasting one.)

.jl.

Houston Half Marathon... What's Love Got To Do With It?

Yesterday I ran my first Half Marathon. It was part of my 101/1001 project and something I've always wanted to do. If you're asking why on earth I wanted to run 13.1 miles, my answer is: I haven't the slightest idea.

But I did it with my good friends Jen and Josh (pictured to the left). At around mile 4 I had run through so many puddles (it rained pretty much the entire race and on a few instances heavily down-poured) that I gained at least 5lbs of water which felt like I was running with ankle weights - like they do on the Biggest Loser. The entire race was grueling. The race was miserable actually. I wasn't nearly in the shape I should have been for such a painstaking "adventure" which is a term I shall use loosely. After about 6 miles, every single step hurt. Hurt like hell, to be frank.

I failed to mention that around the 5k mark (~3 miles), the rain water had seeped into my iPhone which I was using to jam out to my newly arranged playlist. While Tina Turner's 'What's Love Got To Do With It' is by far my favorite song, having to listen to it, and only it, for over 2 hours was pure punishment. My entire iPhone had malfunctioned. I couldn't change songs, change the volume, or even turn the damn thing off.

My legs, ankles, knee caps, hips, pinky toes...pretty much every body part was aching and I was only half finished. Having played sports my entire life, you'd think I'd be well versed in this type of physical test, but that's where you'd be wrong. Just as I was contemplating a clumsy "accidental" fall that would prohibit me from continuing the race (because who would be shocked to learn I fell somewhere and got hurt?), a little old lady rocking a shirt that said "I turned 75 today" be-bopped past me with ease. After 4 more rounds of Tina in my ear I finally regained composure to continue the race with my newly resurrected game face just as a 7-month old pregnant woman yelled "on your left" and swept past me like I had been the Toyota Tercel in the fast lane holding her up.

I may have finished the race (adorned with a fake smile hamming it up for the cameras), but I was miserable every single step of that 13.1 mile trek through Downtown Houston. With every ache and every throb, I was miserable. When I crossed the finish line and saw my time, (2 hours and 44 minutes) I felt defeated. Waking up this morning feeling like an 83 year-old woman with rheumatoid arthritis, I felt miserable.

But, I'm planning to run another half this year and possibly even the big 26.2 next year.

Seeing the diversity of runners was inspiring. Runners, both men and women, of all ages and all sizes were all after the same goal - to cross the finish line. To see over 150,000 Houstonians gather around at 7am on a Sunday morning to cheer folks on, some of which they didn't even know, was simply inspirational. Our names were on our bibs and just hearing complete strangers cheer me on when I needed it most was motivational, to say the least.

So without further ado...

Thank you Houston for being such a genuine city and cheering us on.

Thank you to my friends, family (and strangers via twitter) for donating.

Thank you BON for helping me train.

Thank you YTAC for letting me run on your team.

Thank you Tina for sticking by my side asking what's love got to do with it.

And last but not least, thank you to my body for holding out and crossing the finish line against all odds.

.jl.

101/1001

Trying to talk Sarah into helping me finish up this list as much as possible, so updated again tonight!

______________________________________________________

I was talking about this list tonight, so felt the need to update it! Still really wanna go camping (of course when Houston gets back to temperatures in the two digits)...

______________________________________________________

At the ripe old age of twenty-six (I was 26 when I started this project, now I'm 27) I've become startling aware that there is so much more to life and I have so much more I want and need to do..personally, professionally, randomly..

At the risk of sounding platitudinal, I feel I've yet to put my best foot forward, so in light of my quarter-life crisis I came across 101/1001. I'll update as items are crossed off, and I won't be offended if you decide to give me encouragement and comment me..I'll need it

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past — frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

start date..September 4, 2008
end date..June 1, 2011

completed ones are pink
in no particular order..

italics are recent thoughts or updates...

01 Pop in that Rosetta Stone Spanish edition and get to work
02 Go Skydiving
03 Write a children's book (and get published)
04 Take pictures in a photobooth (Thanks for the Christmas present Lisa and Kristi..12.26.08)
05 Get my passport stamped (someplace other than Mexico) quickly learned that Puerto Rico does not count...- dangit, just got Cabo stamped, but that obviously is Mexico...
06 Workout 450 times (a little over 3x week) - I mean, was I drunk when I came up with this arbitrary number?? NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS ONE
07 Plan a black and white dinner party (and cook it myself)
08 Go to a movie alone
09 Go to church at least 1x month..I love New Hope Church in Pearland! NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS ONE

10 Play a round of golf...yet to play a full round. I guess 9 holes and driving ranges don't count.
11 Paint my nails once a week..doing money on this one, but it's actually every other day.

12 Go an entire month without honey mustard
13 Buy a bread machine (should have added to actually use it...)
14 Buy a house...sort of
15 Save $10k/year (unless of course I buy a house)
16 Go to a Yoga or Pilates class (not a fan, just saying)

17 Write a letter to someone who least expects it
18 Send my mom flowers just because
19 Post something
20 Create my writer's portfolio..DUNZO..check it out
21 Create my advertising/professional portfolio soft of did this here
22 Run a 1/2 marathon..need to sign up for another one since I broke my leg during the last one, damn the bad luck. signed up for another one on January 30, 2011 with Jen. JUST DID THIS!! Houston Half Marathon with Jen and Josh!

23 Go camping..this will be covered in Aspen with Sarah in May!
25 Have a ring designed for me..waiting on the lovely Isabella Dean to help me out on this one!

26 Babysit a child for free so the parents can have a night out
27 Visit Napa OR Martha's Vineyard (Sophie and I are planning this)
28 Be taken on a picnic (hint, hint)..and I loved it..THANK YOU! I want to go on many more!
29 Go to a comedy show
30 Visit a local restaurant/bakery once a month..Sept 08: Fish City Grill (not bad) and Oh la la Bakery..amazing! Black Walnut Cafe in Rice Village.. Oct 08: La Madeline, Free Mason Abbey in Virginia (what the hell took me so long to find the shecrab soup here?), Texadelphia, Kraftsmen Baking.. Nov 08: Cafe Brasil (great grilled cheese minus the pounds of pesto), Farragos, Breakfast Klub, Baby Barnaby's, Shade.. Dec 08: La Vista, Backdoor Cafe..Jan 09: Lopez, aka sushi, Vietopia, Ruggles Green, Ziggys Healthy Grill..Feb 09: Mai's on Milam, Empire Cafe, Cheddars..Mar 09: Divino, The Tea Room in FW, Sage 400, Pronto, Zushi, Live Oak Grill, The Chocolate Bar, Little Bigs, Candelaris..Apr 09: The Daily Review, Dragonbowl, 11st St. Cafe (do NOT recommend food-wise), Paulies, Harrys..I lost count, but I will consider this one done since trying these new places has been so fun and amazing!

31 Learn to shoot a gun (and proper safety)
32 Scan and upload pre-digital photos (hopefully I can find them all) THIS IS NO LONGER EVEN SOMETHING I WANT TO DO
33 Potty train the teacup
34 Go snowboarding each season (Steamboat Feb. 25, 09, Keystone February 2011, Tahoe March 2011) - wait I had to have gone somewhere in 2010?
35 Sew my own handbag and one for a friend
36 Become advanced/expert in Illustrator
37 Get published at least 20 times (in at least 4 publications)..Sept 08--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Oct 08--2 stories in Barstool Magazine, Nov 08--1 story in Barstool Magazine, 1 story in Envy, Dec 08--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Jan 09--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Feb 09--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Mar 09--1 story in Envy, 2 stories in Barstool, Apr 09--1 story in Barstool, 1 story in Rose Rich Magazine, 1 story in Fort Bend Focus...crap, I lost count of this too, but pretty sure I completed it!

38 Watch the entire SATC series (just completed season 1 & 2 and bought the rest)
39 Donate $5 for each unattained task at end of 1001 days (charity TBD)
40 Keep my job and get a raise..this will be tough in today's economy, but I really do enjoy my job.. I liked...got laid off in January 2011. Does this mean I should donate $2.50 to charity for this one?
41 Enjoy my job
42 Don't sweat the small stuff..really doing well at this one thanks to my mom - she's such an inspiration.

43 Declutter my possessions (get rid of the junk)--just did a big purge, but always room for more purging!
44 Read every blog here
45 Read this
46 Create my own banner for my blog (still need to make a better one)
47 Go to Vegas again (with Amy in November 2010)
48 Listen to more Frank Sinatra
49 Take a cooking class...I just attended one, does this count??
50 Play trivial pursuit
51 Learn my geography (and have someone quiz me)

52 Make my own holiday cards
53 Spend a day going to garage sales with a good friend..I went antiquing with Kasey, so this will pass for me.
54 Go one month without Marble Slab-Oct 08!
55 Learn to play cribbage
56 DT
57 Dress in a sexy costume even when it's not Halloween
58 Use coupons (I think I meant grocery store when I wrote this, but I don't really go grocery shopping)
59 Take a train (dying to take an extended Amtrak trip somewhere... I mean DYING)
60 Purchase stock I have changed this one to..Get 50+ members for Charity Chicks Houston (now have over 4000 members!)

61 Turn someone on to Three Olives Cherry and Coke (tastes just like Dr. Pepper) Thanks to one of my doctors for trying this!
62 Become a brunch go'er
63 Wear slippers...I bought THESE
64 Make my bed on weekdays
65 Make out more..um, no comment here.
66 Be open-minded
67 Learn to hug friends and get over the personal space issue
68 Go to an Eagles game (I've obviously been to many, but want to go to another) MNF vs. Redskins 11/15/10 and Eagles/Cowboys 1/2/11
69 Buy and read a devotional book (it's a FSU devotional, which is amazing!)
70 Write a love letter (purely love, no griping)
71 Keep a gratitude journal--list 5 things I'm grateful for each day for 30 days
72 Thank Keith often for his help..doing well on this, but still have a lot of work!

73 Attend high tea
74 Chalk a sidewalk (including hopscotch) - did this on our road trip
75 Cook 15 new recipes out of Hungry Girl Cookbook
76 Go roller-skating (Jane, this is all you) - did an 80s roller skating party for Charity Chicks and it was a BLAST
77 Go to a drive-in movie
78 Join a marketing networking group--AMA
79 Go rock climbing
80 Convince someone else to start a 101/1001 list (I did this but can't remember who dangit!)
81 Do a monthly update on this list on my blog (so far so good)
82 Take a road trip with friends (must be longer than 4 hours)--I'm pretty sure NYC counts!
83 Laugh out loud everyday (if end of day nears, call KristiK!)
84 Spend an hour in a hammock (no cell allowed) (done in Puerto Rico!)
85 Meet a celebrity..met lots of athletes this year and Danny from Jersey Shore (the t-shirt store owner..ha!)
86 Pray for Britney Spears' comeback (her new CD is awesome, I'm going to her concert in March and E! News just announced she is officially back! The power of prayer :) )
87 Buy 600 thread count sheets (bought 620!)
88 Burn candles often

89 See SNL taping in person
90 Go to a college football game (OHUP in Boston!)..well we didn't technically go to the game..we just went to a bar and got wasted so this is still on the list! Longhorns vs UCLA and FSU 2010 Homecoming!!
91 Learn coding
92 Make Denali fall in love with the bark park NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN
93 Find a razor that can actually shave my knees (Thanks to Tamra's recommendation of Schick Quattro..but I changed my mind on this..there isn't a razor in existence that can accomplish this task without making my knees bleed.)
94 Keep my place stocked with bottles of wine (doing really well on this)
95 Earn $100 ad revenue from this blog
96 Create a filing system (online and paper)
97 Make 2 random mixed cds for friends and surprise them (Jane and Pope)

98 Figure out issuu
99 Twenty-six things project
100 Make a conscious effort to stop complaining
101 Party like it's 1999 on day 1001

.jl.

my wish list...

Dear Santa,

As you well know it's been a while since I have written a Christmas wish list. With bills and being an adult and all, a few bucks here and there usually does the trick so I haven't had much need for a wish list. But this year, I thought I'd spice things up a bit and send you a list - just in case you were feeling generous. Please remember, I just moved so be sure to deliver the goods to my NEW place of residence!

As you can see, I've strategically linked each photo on my list to the site where you can purchase and ship directly to me (most of which offer free shipping which is a plus, for you of course).

I would like the David Yurman ring because I have ugly fingers and what better way to spruce up your hand attractiveness than with some nice bling.

I would like the North Face travel bag because A) I am sickly obsessed with all things North Face and B) In case you haven't noticed, I travel a whole hell of a lot.

I would like the couch, because well it just looks so damn comfortable. My current couch (the one that Denali has torn up) just isn't cutting it anymore. And besides, maybe I'll find a guy to cuddle with and this couch just looks more feasible in that department. I don't spend a lot of time at home with the poor pup, so a new couch would definitely do the trick!

But in all honesty Santa, in addition to the wonderful gifts below (which needn't be gift-wrapped to make it a tad easier on you), I really wish for an amazing 2011. Twenty-ten has really sucked a$$ and I'm ready to start the New Year off on the right foot (without bunions, blisters or chipped polish to be specific).

Thanks for all the good gifts over the years...here's hoping this year is just as good (but really crossing my fingers for a damn good 2011 for myself, friends and family)!

.jl.

sometimes we ALL need a little perspective on life...

Life is hard...no question there. We all go through hard times. Recently, I've had to deal with some extremely mean spirited people. And not just people, but fathers and elementary school teachers and claim-to-be-Christ-loving people...you know, the kind of people you expect to be respectful and courteous. The kind that ought to know the difference from wrong and right. The kind of people you can only pray have a good head on their shoulders and a decent heart in their bodies.

And then you come to the stark realization that some people have no handle on life and are just plain a$$holes.

I can't fathom how in a world with so much hurt and pain that there are still people out there wishing ill will on others. Making statements that I should be dead, or I don't deserve living parents, or I'm a blundering idiot. Things like that. Hell yeah I can be an idiot, but the rest...no dice folks.

Have these people been so blessed in their lives that they've never seen real hurt? Do they not know that innocent babies die every day from cancer and other terminal diseases? Have they never seen an amazingly happy couple that after fifty years of marriage makes a harrowing 180 and change because of dementia? It's increasingly sad to see people take time out of their lives to bring pain to others. To forget what's important in life and it really makes me question how and why we are on the same planet.

Unfortunately, it's a fact of life but sometimes said life sucks. People die. People get hurt. We lose loved ones. But these are all semi natural components of life that we really can't change. Disrespecting and casting negative energy on others is anything but natural.

I'm just as guilty as the next, but it's innate to get caught up in our own day-to-day dramas. I may bitch and complain that living without running water for weeks really sucks and puts a damper on your immediate lifestyle. Having a gas line leak or going through emergency surgery all alone isn't much fun either. Waking up on a Saturday morning to a phone call that both of your parents were involved in a motorcycle accident - no bueno. There are things in life well worth bitching about. But I've also been around the block enough and know a dear friend who's precious Baby Aiden is battling cancer. I still see the pain in my Grandpa's eyes and hear it in his voice every day after losing his beautiful wife of over fifty years to Alzheimer's knowing his life will never be the same.

I'm not writing this for pity or for any other reason than to encourage you, and myself quite frankly, that the the next time you feel the need to be negative to someone or create unnecessary pain in their life to sit back and think. Refocus your energies on positive things and the people that need them, because damn folks, there are people in this world - probably sitting right next to you that need your strength and positive energy.

A wise Canadian recently told me to build my life with honeycomb and be happy. I guess for the sake of due diligence I'll give you the verbatim quote...

Instead of dirt and poison we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax.

- Jonathan Swift

.jl.

My Hero.

The man pictured to the right is my dad. My hero. For words that I’m not ready to write and not quite sure when I will be, this man has been my hero since I was two.

And last week he upped the ante and reminded me why he’s my hero.

Since I was about ten, my parents have loved riding motorcycles – Harleys to be exact. It was their thing. Last Saturday I got the call that I’d had nightmares about for almost 20 years – they were in a motorcycle accident – together. In the span of 5 seconds I could have lost my entire family. The only two people in the world that I know and have known since day one have loved me every single minute of my life.

I wasn’t there so I don’t know the full story, but I got the rundown from my mom (obviously no pun intended). On a lazy afternoon ride on a country road, their bike veered around a curve and into the other lane. They ran into a truck – going ~ 45 – 50mph. In an attempt to handle the bike and make sure my mom who was riding on the back, didn’t go flying off, this hero of mine somehow managed to bring the bike to a stop, safely. Well about as safe as it could have turned out given the situation.

Hearing my mom’s recount of the incident merely reiterates two facts I already knew, but maybe I had forgotten. One, and most importantly that God was with them. He sent an angel along for the ride that afternoon and thank the Lord that angel kept them safe. I can’t say thank you enough in my prayers because tears start to well up at the very thought of possibly losing one of my parents. Two, is that my dad is the hero I always knew he was. Growing up in school they always asked who our heroes were and while everyone else would say Abe Lincoln or their Uncle the firefighter, I always said my dad. And here is bonafide proof that is still is and always will be my hero.

Mom and Dad – Love you. Love me.

Daddy – here’s to a quick recovery and hoping we can go snowboarding again someday. I love you. Thank you for everything. Since day one.

what dreams may come

I'm 28.

Years ago I would have deemed that as ancient. I said something this weekend that I think might have been the hardest thing I've ever said out loud. I think it might have also been one of the single most shocking and hurtful things I could have said to my mother. I told her my life isn't at all what I had hoped it would be or what I expected it to be. It's not the fault of anyone (except perhaps my own for not having gone after my goals and dreams earlier), but the fact remains.

It's hard to look at your life and wonder not necessarily where it all went wrong, but where to go from here. I can't say my life went wrong anywhere. All I know is I had hoped to be someone different, living something different by now. While this blog is a lot of self deprecating humor, which I'm oddly good at, I also feel the need to toot my own horn right here. I don't know many people, or anyone really, that could actually admit to themselves and the entire creepy world wide web that they aren't as happy as they could be. I know so many people (unfortunately, girls mostly) that just pretend to be happy until they are fooling everyone, or so they think.

The easiest way to change your path is to make goals and take it one day at a time. Taking it one day at a time seems so cliche, but it's really all you can do. Those of you that aren't on twitter, I still firmly, adamantly believe it's for the good.

Example # 1: Lauren from Texas. She recently tweeted about 4 Simple Goals, which I found to be a revelation of sorts at a time I just so needed it.

The rules and howto are quite simple:

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer and happier on a daily basis. choose things you may not otherwise get done, but that are not difficult to accomplish.

2. do not choose result oriented goals, choose activity oriented goals. for example.... instead of "lose 10 pounds", choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day". get what I'm saying? positive actions instead of just the end result!

3. choose goals that are personal that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one time experiences.

4. choose a reward for each goal as it is accomplished! it can be a small or large reward.

5. blog your goals, each one as you achieve it and a big post when they are all finished before the new year! I'll be doing this too! links back to this post are appreciated.

Without further ado, here are my 4 Simple Goals:

1. Focus on Sports. I have been trying to keep up with my writing in so many forums (various blogs, local magazines, websites, etc.) but it's time to focus on my sports writing over at The Blonde Side. The trick here is that writing about sports is my number 1 dream...to be published in a magazine about a sports related topic, written by ME, would be amazing. Seeing as it's my #1 dream, I'm terrified I'll write something stupid. Hell, lots of people write stupid stuff everyday that still manages to get read and some even get paid for it! My dream will never happen if I don't buckle down and focus. So, play ball! (that was cheesy, I'm well aware)

2. Learn to make sleeping a priority and not worry so much...ya know, not sweating the small stuff kinda thing. I saw this quote on twitter (reason #2 to partake) and it really struck a chord with me: “Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.” - Mary Crowley

Over the past year insomnia has really affected my life and my health in a negative manner. I need to learn to shut off life, the computer, the iPhone, all the worries. (I will start taking this advice after I post this!)

Besides, I can't dream and even figure out what I want in this life if I don't lay down and actually sleep, so bring on the dreams!

3. Challenge Myself. I've noticed over the years I've taken the path of least resistance and have sought the easiest way out in every scenario possible. Taking the easy way out doesn't make the world go round dammit! I haven't reached out and really challenged myself - AT ALL. I was a girl that was born to make waves...following the path of least resistance hardly does such. How do you know what you want out of life and what your dreams are unless you challenge yourself - on a daily basis!? I need to start going places without using my GPS - challenging myself to new sites and destinations and relying on myself to find my way. Next time I come up with a great idea that seems like too much work, I need to press on and make it happen. These are the challenges I need to seek out - not avoid!

4. Maintain and Foster Healthy Relationships. Ok, here's where it gets a little intense, but I'm sticking with the "Simple" part of the this project here. For those of you that know me or have followed this blog, you know I'm not known to surround myself with the healthiest of relationships. Another vocal revelation that makes me feel like a big girl is that I can admit fault in many of those dynamically dysfunctional relationships of the past. After so many ended friendships and earth shattering breakups, I realize I need to stay away from people and relationships that bring negativity in my life. Focus on the people that love me and want me to succeed as well as not being afraid to open the door to a new friend or maybe someone more than a friend. Truth be told, I thought I'd be married and with a family by now. Boy was I off the mark on that one! Good thing, because the guys that have been serious enough to talk about marriage and the like were far from what I ever wanted out of life. But unless I start taking dating seriously and making it a point to run away from the bad seeds, that dream will never happen.

So there you have it! My 4 powerful, yet simple goals to help me feel like the 28 year old I want to be. The one that it's not too late to be! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above or if you have started a similar project...please share!

.jl.

a little bit of feeling, a little bit of venting, and a lot of praying

So my last blog (about the senile woman and michael vick) was about a much more serious subject that I can't seem to shake. You may find this shocking, but I contemplated writing this particular post because I wasn't sure if it crossed the lines. In today's age of social media and wide open Internet spaces I've decided to go ahead and post it. After all, it is my blog and these are my feelings. You have the right to stop reading and close out the window at any given moment.

The subject matter is death and how different people deal with this loss and sadness in different ways. I am not posting this to try and prove I was right or to make anyone feel bad (or to make myself feel better). Maybe my outlook on death, visiting grave-sites or praying to a lost loved one will help just one person's pain...even a tiny.

The background: A FB acquaintance recently posted a picture visiting a cemetery of one of his high school buddies. From the times I've hung out with this acquaintance and witnessed his jovial manner I thought my comment would be completely acceptable and appreciated. The young man passed almost a decade ago and I was giving my acquaintance kudos for not being afraid to visit him and not being afraid to "talk" about him/post it on FB. Based on his response as well as the mother of the friend, it was obviously not accepted.

I received a FB message "yea you ==== keep it to yourself" (which prompted the post below this about privacy on social media such as FB) from the mother. After she confirmed the message was meant for me and my "rude" comment, I took the time to draft and send her the below message. You may read the below and think I'm the world's biggest bitch. You may read it and think I'm a rock star for speaking my mind and choosing to celebrate life rather than mourn death. You may read it and think nothing at all. To each his own. That's part of social media. You are allowed to say and think what you want.

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What I find rude is the passive aggressive nature if which you sent me a FB message regarding a comment you knew nothing about.

I do however apologize if you took my message the wrong way, but it was FOR and ABOUT "name omitted", not your son. You obviously don't know me (which probably should have prevented you from sending me a message in the first place), but I am a genuine person and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who has ever suffered the loss of a loved one. I too have lost a number of people in my life and I do not believe that every comment relating to death needs to be depressing and tearful. You ARE allowed to talk to God and to those passed and joke and remember the good times and "celebrate their life rather than mourn their death." There is Scripture everywhere that states exactly that and that's what my message was in regards to.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel's call and with the sound of God's trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words."

1 Thessalonians 4.13-17

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

Revelation 21:4

I am truly sorry for your loss but that does not give you the right to bring burden into my life. How dare the two of you attack me for making a gentle, heartfelt comment about such a heavy subject. It was merely my only intention to ease the pain and show someone I thought it was great they went to visit an old friend. If you noticed, I was the only one brave enough to comment on such a powerful picture/topic.

You truly ought to think twice before sending a complete stranger a message "yea you ===== keep it to yourself". Facebook is a social media platform and when things are displayed and posted, the point is for people to comment hence the word 'social'. If this was such a private and sensitive matter you may consider using other outlets besides a public forum. A message indicating spending quality time and joking with an old friend at their grave site is exactly what got me through a similar time. How dare you judge me and try to ruin my evening with a message solely meant to attack me.

You were not put on this earth to judge me. Please remember that.

Please do not respond to this message as I do not use FB as a means for attacking people or for dramatic conversations. I truly wish you a good evening and with the most genuine sentiments I will pray for you and your loss.

.jl.

A senile old woman on social media is about as appropriate as Michael Vick being a dog walker.

Last night I received a message on Facebook that I thought was spam or an accident. It was from a woman 50+ and the subject said “yea you ---- keep it to yourself”. I messaged her back and asked if I was the lucky recipient of some awkward spam or if that was meant for me. Apparently even at an age headed straight for senility in Velcro tennis shoes, passive aggressive is still alive and well.

So I thought I’d take a minute and school Betty White’s Great Grandma on social media. For starters, don’t tell me or anyone to mind our own business when something is posted on FB or any other social media site. NEWSFLASH- Anything on the Internet IS my business. Maybe next time you should try a little handwritten note that Paul Revere can deliver for you via horseback to help ensure your privacy.

For the second day in a row I shall consult Urban Dictionary, one of my favorite online resources. This family friendly reliable source defines Social Media as “participatory online media that utilizes the group to write and direct content, rather than a read-only media. Allows for direct contact between participants.” By publicly posting something, you are not only allowing me to see it, but comment on it. This is reason number 54,683 why people over 50 should NOT be on social media (unless they are reasonable and educated enough to understand the purpose for it as well as the ramifications of posting).

(On a serious note, I Google imaged “Michael Vick walking a dog” and came across photos of dogs after they had been through dogfights and it made me sick to my stomach. Michael Vick – I couldn’t stand you from the first second I met you at VT recruitment and my disdain for you has continued to grow, especially now that you play on MY football team. My heart goes out to every little animal that has ever been victim to these dogfights and I will kick every person I come across in the balls that has ever supported/been part of dogfighting. We share the planet with some sick individuals. Give back by visiting the American Society for the Prevention of Animal Cruelty.)

.jl.

to take or not to take the call. the BOOTY CALL

Booty Calls...there's an app for that.

Booty Calls...so easy a caveman can do it.

Booty Calls...they'll make you fist pump.

Booty Calls...Just Do It.

Booty Calls - been there, done that. Literally.

And don't judge me - it's a part of life. So much so that I recently came across a study in the Journal of Sex Research (July Issue) on MSNBC which is all about: Booty Calls.

Peter Jonason, psychologist at the University of West Florida (at the time study was conducted), studied over 300 college students on the booty call phenomenon to try and get an understanding of the how and why. And more importantly how participating in these types of relationships (which whether you want to admit it or not, ARE in fact relationships), can mold you and your criteria for future relationships.

For those readers of the more conservative nature that may not know what a booty call is, I've consulted one of my favorite sources for your understanding, Urban Dictionary. Here you'll find a plethora of raunchy definitions. Mom/Dad, let me give you one of the easier versions, "a late night summons often made via telephone to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis." However, they should update it to say, "often made via telephone, text messages, Facebook and even now occasionally via Twitter."

But back to the study. The study recruited (somehow I'm sure this recruitment was a bit easier than say, Reggie Bush...) 123 college students who had been in a booty call relationship in the previous year. For comparison purposes the study also found 97 students in a committed relationship and 69 that had been a part of a one-night stand (ironic choice of numbers there, huh??). The team of researchers found overall that emotional acts (i.e. handholding, kissing) were less common in the bootyships. "Booty call partners usually don't hold hands and kiss - they're trying to minimize confusion," Jonason said. As we all know, girls usually screw this up wanting more than the original deal they signed on for. Which brings me to the Booty Application (picture shown). This is a perfect agreement to get your Booty Call partner to agree to the terms, sign and keep tucked away in your nightstand for easy retrieval. When he/she wants to go out for ice cream after you've done the deed or asks to spend the night, just pull out this contract and wave it in their face. That'll show 'em.

Jonason's commentary/research also proves another valid point I've long been a believer of...scientists are pretty darn boring and probably don't a ton of action. This is why THEY should not have been conducting this study. I SHOULD HAVE. What if part of the study was to actually see a Booty Call in progress? Or read the racy text messages leading up to the actual Booty Call? These scientists would run away screaming like little girls. Don't believe me? Case in point; Jonason considers kissing and handholding to be foreplay and documented so in his study. If holding my hand is foreplay, I don't want any. I kid, I actually miss holding hands... :(

Elaine Hatfield, Professor of Psychology at the University of Hawaii plans to do "longitudinal work" on the subject matter where scientists follow the same individual for years to get a better sense and understanding of the role Booty Calls play in society and forming future relationships. "We should know a lot more as we track the trajectory and frequency of casual sex...," Hatfield said. My advice to you Ms. Hatfield: do not follow anyone from the likes of Tila Tequila, Paris Hilton, or "Whorey Torey" from this year's Aquapalooza.

The study was geared towards breaking down what's missing in your sex life. Take it from me (a retired booty callee), if you HAVE a sex life, nothing's missing. Oh and if you like oral, you better buckle down and get in a long-term relationship! The study found that those in long-term relationships were more apt to getting oral. Maybe I should add this line to my eHarmony posting to help increase my odds??

I feel after a post dedicated to such, I need to send out a PSA for those in need of a booty call. There is in fact an app for that. Actually there are a few, but the one that seems to be all the rage is PinpointsXwith tag-line, helps you score with strangers. There are also some booty call dedicated sites for you to peruse should you feel inclined.

.jl.