a$$

Not Your Typical Valentine's Day Gift

2012-02-14T12:23:00.009-06:00

I get it - nothing about my life is normal. Ever. Not even close.

This Valentine's Day as I geared up to "Boycott the World" for the Hallmark holiday I have come to know and hate, my doorbell rang. When your doorbell rings on Valentine's Day (for those of you other self-employed folk), you know there's probably a surprise in store on the other side. Oh hello understatement.

Not in the form of beautiful red roses or a sweet handwritten note which one might think on such a day, but instead, in the form of a book.

From my ex.

The ex from over two years ago.

A package with the book, "Why We Broke Up" showed up in a FedEx box on my doorstep with the following note scribbled on his office letterhead:

Jayme,

I know you hate Valentine's Day, but I thought this might be a good time to give this to you. After I ended things, you kept asking why we broke up and what went wrong. I knew you were heartbroken, but I couldn't find the words at the time.

Mike* told me you recently joined Match.com. He said your FB posts were hilarious, as I'm sure they were knowing you. He also said he didn't understand why a pretty, outgoing and avid sportsfan like yourself was single. I didn't want to say anything to him, but thought I should to you. I heard about this book (don't ask how, but I did) and took the liberty of highlighting some points about why you and I didn't work. Maybe this will help for your search in love. On Match or wherever else you decide to look for it.

You'll always have a special place in my heart. Take care and enjoy the book. Best of luck. And no hard feelings, k?

LYA [stands for love you always - sweet right?]

As you'll see from the picture above, said ex douche actually took the liberty of putting tabs on certain pages. I did some research on this book and how he ran across a book in the Young Adult Literature section at Barnes and Noble is well beyond me. It's apparently a book about a couple that is going through a breakup, narrating their relationship along the way. They take turns reminiscing about old times, citing reasons for the ending. It's actually quite alarming how he came across such a book, but I guess that isn't the point. Hmm, I wonder if he highlighted somewhere that I try and dissect too much information?

And the pages he notated for my reading pleasure? Since the book is all about memories, one of the pages he highlighted was about a dinner the couple went out to. It cited that she ate too much for a girl. He made his own note, "Luckily you work out, but this can scare guys. Especially when we think long term, meaning metabolism goes..."

Another memory of the couple was how she'd always take his clothes and wear them to sleep in. The note that accompanied that tab? "Jayme, girls are supposed to go to bed in sexy lingerie, not my UT mesh shorts that come past your knees."

Oh, so that's why we broke up? I didn't want to go to sleep with bacteria infested thongs that spelled his name in bedazzled jewels? How the hell did I not know this was a deal breaker?

Another tab was about how I dwell on things too much and don't let arguments pass.

My argument to that (which has and always will be) that if you don't TALK about the problem and address it properly, YES, I will continue to rehash the issue, because it remains just that, AN ISSUE. Simple communication would have fixed that, but alas, I don't have a book that I can mark up and send to him, now do I?

Oh and the final Happy Flippin' Valentine's Day kicker for me? After getting the "package", I headed out to the grocery store for a bottle of Prosecco to help ease the pain so I could continue reading each tab carefully through the tears. Pulled into my garage, opened the door to grab the bottle practically foaming at the mouth for a drink and wouldn't you know it tumbled out and smashed right on the ground. All over my brand new running shoes. Awesome, yes?

Crying over spilled milk? Not so much. Crying over chilled champagne however? Cry, cry like a baby is exactly what I did.

So Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. I can't wait for this day to be over. The countdown is on. T-minus some number of hours. I was never good with math anyways. Luckily I had a backup bottle of champagne to fill in.

But in all honesty, book aside, today wasn't so bad. I got flowers from an amazing guy (one who doesn't want a relationship or anything to do with me), but that's besides the point. I think. Or at least not needed for this post. I also ran my regular Tuesday 5k with Avery and BON Running Club and finished up a new article for my Culture Map column on Astros 3B, Chris Johnson. So yeah, not a complete waste of a day :)

[Note, as depressingly hilarious as today may have been for you and even myself, it could never have been worse than last year, which even I can't bring myself to blog about. So there's, that.]

.jl.

my match.com profile

2012-01-19T23:54:00.004-06:00

In the world of Match.com, it's probably a huge no-no (perhaps even illegal?) to post excerpts from emails and winks to your FB page. But my friends really get a kick out of this nonsense, and quite frankly, so do I. I mean so far I'm not getting much else out of it, so why not?

I promise I joined match for the right reasons. But for now, it just feels SO right to talk about this stuff. I mean, the body builder who looks as if he dipped his 5'6 body into Snooki juice? C'mon people - that is Grade A material for a snark infested blogger like myself.

Anyways, after a few posts (and photos) on FB, a few friends emailed dying to know what the hell my profile says. So in all fairness, since I've been judging others and their feeble online pickup attempts (granted, it is hard to do), I'm now opening the flood gates to get made fun of myself - on FB, Twitter and now this here blog. So read it and weep. Or something like that.
__________________________________

"I've got a theory that if you give 100% all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end." - Larry Bird

I just turned 30, but that truly has nothing to do with why I'm here. I'm not a cougar, my biological clock isn't going off, I'm simply looking to meet a nice guy; one who doesn't wear Ed Hardy or skinny jeans. A guy that's sweet, patient and can handle my love and obsession for sports. Seriously, before you say that's your dream girl, realize I may know more than you about your favorite player.

If you're the kind of guy that MUST go out on Washington each and every weekend night, let's be clear - you're probably not the guy for me. I like to travel, am extremely active and love using my sarcasm to its fullest potential.

Also, odds are if your profile picture is you without your shirt, I will probably make fun of you. I simply can't help myself. Consider yourselves warned.

Amendment #1 - Perhaps talking about sports above was a bad idea - I signed up for Match in hopes of meeting a nice guy, not to find a new sport's trivia partner. Head over to ESPN for that - it's free.

Amendment #2 - I get that we all signed up for this online dating thing, but after a few emails let's just be big kids and step away from the computer. I spend ALL day on the computer, so chatting with boys online just feels slightly SVU'ish, ya know? And don't worry, if it's a money thing, I can buy my own latte or bud light - seriously, it's not a problem. I'm not Meg Ryan and odds are you're not Tom Hanks, so this You've Got Mail seems slightly overrated, yes?
__________________________________

.jl.

Children Aren’t The Only Screaming Humans On Planes.

2012-01-10T13:25:00.006-06:00

For someone who travels for a living, there's something about an airplane that almost always seems to get me in trouble. Usually it's the airline and their excessive delays or overabundance of miscellaneous charges, but today, trouble came in the form of the woman in acid wash jeans sitting next to me on my flight to LA.

You may have noticed on Twitter just before I took off, I posted a picture of the woman next to me. She was probably 40-50 and wearing a hot pink HUGE beach hat on the plane. I knew I was in for quite the 4-hour adventure as soon as I sat down and the hat was resting on my earlobe. Luckily, after about 20 minutes (without me saying a word), she placed the hat in the overhead bin and we went on our merry way 30,000 feet in the sky.

About 45 minutes into the flight, the man in the row in front of me was snoring excessively loud. I mean, L.O.U.D.

People all around were rolling their eyes or cranking up their music on their iPods to drown it out. After about 15 minutes of me trying to do work on my laptop (with headphones mind you), I gently reached up and tapped the man on his shoulder. I whispered, “I’m sorry sir, you’re snoring awfully loud.” He kind of smiled and laughed and whispered back that he was sorry and even commented, “oh damn, I’m that guy, huh?” End of story. Or so it should have been.

Now enter the Asian hat woman directly to my left. The one who had already spilled her orange juice in my lap and didn’t even bother to use her very own napkin to help clean it up.

“I thought this was s a free country,” she said in her broken English. “Huh?” I responded.

Hat Woman: (rudely) He was in a deep sleep.

Me: Yes, and I’m deep in work. I’d like to think if my typing or papers got in people’s way or inhibited their flying experience, they too would say something so that I could make their flight as pleasant as possible as well.

Hat Woman: This is supposed to be a free country.

Me: (blood pressure rising) Yes, as a citizen who was born and raised here and spent all 30 years of her life here, I can attest to that. I’m well aware of what our country is. He has the right to snore, and I have the right to ask him politely to stop. Simple as that.

Hat Woman: This is why I hate your country.

Me: Oh, REALLY? Would you like me to push the call button and get you the fuck off this plane? I’m happy to do so.

Hat Woman: You are a lady.

Me: Yes, thank you for noticing. Was it my c-cup bra size that gave it away, my shaved legs or the vagina underneath my dress that gave that away?

Needless to say, the remaining 2.5 hours of the flight was quite hysterical, at least for me. The entire plane had joined in and overheard our conversation, because one like this tends to get a little aggressive on my end. Even shortly after, snoring man himself told the woman to shut up and go back to her country.

What is it about airplanes?

Am I that much of an aggressive individual or is it simply the fact that spending $400 to sit next to blubbering idiots for hours in such tight quarters that doesn’t bode well for me? Either way, I don’t need a visitor in my country, trying to tell me what America is supposed to be about. You may have read that on those crazy internets or perhaps a history book decades ago, but I live it. I think I’m more suited to know all about the freedom this here country offers.

Editor Note #1: I did in fact speak with snoring man leaving the plane to apologize if he found my comments rude. He didn't.

Editor Note #2: This blog was written in LARGE font during the entire duration of the flight. If that woman can read English, then she saw everything I was writing. Yes, that was planned.

.jl.

Dishwashers Piss Me Off.

2012-01-08T21:56:00.004-06:00

There's this common misconception about bloggers that all they do is whine and vent and bitch to whoever will listen. That's not really what I do, but today I am. (Note, I do run other professional websites where I write not blog.)

But it's my blog and I'll vent if I want to. Even about a damn dishwasher.

I'm the kind of girl who puts a lot of stock in milestones, especially when it comes to dates (as in the calendar kind, not the kind I don't seem to get asked out on anymore). I've been in Houston for 5.5 years now - the longest I've stayed anywhere, and with that unprecedented tenure, I feel an uncomfortable itch to move (don't worry mom, not that kind of itch).

I knew I'd be getting a note from my townhouse about my lease renewal any day. With that note, I also knew I'd probably get a rent increase. So I left it up in the air - if my complex decides not to up my rent, I'll stay. If they do, I'm out.

Last week I received said letter. They only up'ed it about $60/month (I'm already paying entirely too much for a one bedroom townhouse, but that increase wasn't as much as I've seen at other places). Now that you've been briefed on the background, here's where the venting (er, bitching) comes in.

I went in on January 4th to renew my lease - for FIFTEEN MONTHS. Talk about a huge commitment. I also was dropping off my rent check. Well guess what? I was a day late. And by day, I mean NINE hours. But guess what else? The rent drop box is inside a building that gets locked everyday at 5pm, and I'm a travel writer, which means I'm not here very often. And we just had crazy amounts of holidays which the office was closed for many of. So yeah, I was late. By a few hours. Those few hours cost me $150 (I've yet to pay because I do plan to fight it).

So for 15 months, I've never paid my rent late one time. Not once. I've never shorted the rent, or anything. But in those 15 months, my apartment complex has told me the wrong amount to pay on at least SIX occasions. That's almost half the amount of checks I've written that have been wrong. The reason my rent amount changes is because you have to add on a varying amount for water, which my complex can NEVER get right. It's metered and you get a report - what makes this difficult?

Make that Apartment Complex - FAIL #1.

Before I left to run some errands today, I ran my dishwasher. A few hours ago, being the diligent little adult that I strive to be, I went to empty the dishwasher, assuming they'd be clean. Silly me.

Insert dirty dishes, add detergent, close and an hours later, voila. But no, not here. I have asked them SEVEN times to fix my dish washer and everytime they tell me not to put dishes over this one part so the water can reach all the dishes. Point taken. I make a point to only fill my dishwasher halfway so that it doesn't by any chance possibly block that water spout thingy. But my dishes are STILL dirty. Can you even imagine how much detergent I've wasted in the past 15 months having to do the same load of dishes multiple times? That may not sound like a lot of money, but that stuff adds up. And it's the frustration that really gets me. It's obviously non-working. So here's what I suggest - either FIX MY DISHWASHER or take that amenity off my lease. You consider that an amenity, so it should work. (Note, my air conditioning also broke NINE times during the SUMMER in HOUSTON. Yes, that was fun.)

Make that Apartment Complex - FAIL #2.

Oh and here's another piece of oh so pleasant news. You know, since my apartment complex is SO BIG on paying things on time. I just got an email from our leasing manager that we aren't getting mail anytime soon (you know, the place many companies mail bills, and my clients mail my checks so I can get paid). Seriously, here's a snip-it from the email they sent out on THURSDAY (note, it's now Sunday and still not fixed).

Dear Residents,

It has come to our attention that our mailboxes have been tampered with recently. Unfortunately these things do happen, especially around the holiday season. We have already taken the necessary steps to have the mailboxes repaired by contacting the Post Office directly. Know that until the boxed are repaired, the postman will not place any new mail inside.

Make that Apartment Complex - FAIL #3.

For anyone that made it this far and read this entire post, I applaud you. I'm already well aware that I'm crazy and little things really piss me off. Such is life. At least my life anyways.

(And for those of you wondering why I'd want to stay at a place that makes these dumba$$ mistakes, it's just that I don't have the energy, time, patience or money to move.)

.jl.

This Year Has Taught Me...

2011-12-30T13:20:00.002-06:00

A lot.

With another year in the books, I look back at everything I learned in 2011. I can't say with much certainty whether it's been a good year or a bad year, but I'm still here and so are my loved ones. Well, most of them.

So while I ever-so daintily chug my bottle of champagne straight out of the bottle, read along with me at some of the things I learned, most of which, the extremely hard way.

This year has taught me that:

once again, Corporate America is not a fan of mine and vice versa.

online friendships and relationships should never replace the ones in real life.

my creativity is heightened when traveling. and watching or playing sports.

although Facebook is under the impression I have 1500+ friends, the reality is I only have a few. And I'm OK with that.

not having health insurance really puts extracurricular activities in perspective.

I'm too old to have friends with benefits.

college football is the key to most men's hearts. or maybe it's hockey?

grandpas don't live forever. even the most amazing ones.

although his paperwork may claim he's a teacup chihuahua, weighing in at an alarming 23lbs, Denali is no such thing.

I'd rather sit in a sport's bar wearing a baseball cap and flip flops than go clubbing in 4-inch heels.

your heart can be broken by someone you've never met.

dry shampoo can replace washing your hair, but not a shower.

some people are jealous of your life, but that doesn't mean they want in yours.

my skin has thickened by mass amounts simply because it's had to.

Pandora has no clue that Sting and Dave Matthews Band are not the same genre.

asking for forgiveness doesn't mean you'll get it.

knowing how to change a tire is not as overrated as I once thought.

tapping into savings to make your dreams come true isn't all that bad.

So with this post, I bid farewell to 2011. I don't know if I'll miss you or not, but I do know you were one hell of a year for me. A year I didn't know I was capable of having. Now on to the next -- 2012.

.jl.

I guess some things were meant to be...

2011-11-22T00:14:00.008-06:00

Tonight, while minding my own business, I received a notification that I had a FB friend request from someone from a past life - college days to be exact. I accepted the request for two reasons - one, we had been so close at one point in our lives it just seemed rude not to and two, to be completely honest, curiosity got the best of me. About him and our "mutual acquaintances."

For anyone that knew me in college, I'm sorry. I'll start with that. My sincere apologies. I was a certified a$$hole. Had there been a salary cap on being the biggest a$$ in all of Northern Virginia, I'd probably have maxed out and still negotiated more on my contract. Aside from losing whatever meager softball career I had left, I dated a jerk. Oftentimes I think about why I'm still single at 29. I'm not saying it's a bad thing or my life is ruined because I'm single, but I think back to all the things that got me to where I am, relationship-wise. I think back to where my trust issues stem from and I'm taken back to the days where he was in my life.

For anyone I've ever dated, I'm sorry. Something else I need to get out of the way. I know I haven't been the easiest person to date. Somehow that's probably in the running for understatement of the year, but I'm sorry and congrats for making it out alive.

My relationship resume probably looks a little like this: I'm pretty sure I doubted every word out of your mouth, thought you were lying about everything under the sun including the color of the sky, thought you were cheating on me with your ex-girlfriend or that skank you met at the bar, didn't believe you when you said your pager ran out of batteries, and worse. There's a reason for that - the first guy I ever really loved (in an adult, I think I can marry you and probably wouldn't abort our baby if we were ever dumb enough to get to that point) did all of that to me. And more. Much more. So needless to say, I'm not so trusting with guys. And it's not just that - I tend to get fixated on an issue and have an impossible time moving past it, and it's definitely hindered more than a few relationships from getting to the next level.

Before you get all crazy on the comments here, I get it - everyone has baggage. Once you reach your late twenties/early thirties, baggage is a prevailing part of the relationshipquation. That's not to say your suitors will all have baby mamas or prenups in the works, but emotional baggage is just as damning, I can assure you.

So back to my distressed and sorrowful college days with this guy. I was a disaster. That was probably when I first developed insomnia. There would be nights he wouldn't come home (while I was asleep in his twin bed upstairs in his parent's house while his little brother slept on the floor beside me, as weird as that may be), there'd be nights he would pocket dial me and I could hear things in the background. There'd be days he'd disappear and no one knew where he was. Not his job, not his family, and certainly not me, "the love of his life". So I'd stay up all night checking my Nokia razor flip phone incessantly waiting for his call. More than a few times this call ended up coming from the police station. I made myself sick waiting up to make sure he was OK. To make sure he was still alive. That he still loved me. That he didn't F.U.C.K another chick. His ex-girlfriend to be exact.

Aside from his lies, his extreme binge drinking (even for a college kid), bouts with drugs, financial struggles, and other problems, there was another constant problem in our relationship - his highschool sweetheart. After a year into our relationship, he transferred to a community college outside Virginia Tech, so we were forced to do long distance. If only I had listened to every single adult that long distance while in college was dumber than marrying Kim Kardashian on E!, this may not be an issue. But I didn't listen. So re-cue all those same alcohol, drug and lying problems, but add into the mix that I was now 4.5 hours away from my unstable boyfriend and his highschool sweetheart was just a mere 15 minutes away at a neighboring college.

I remember skipping some of the biggest sorority parties to either drive up and visit him or sit and talk to him on the phone (or more like wait for sporadic voicemails from him during his fraternity parties where the phone would always cut off as soon as I heard a girl's voice). I remember crying my eyes out because he didn't call for 3 days. His AOL Instant Messenger would change from idle yet he wouldn't respond to my messages. For days. Upon days. I'd have no clue if he was dead or alive, with or without herpes.

And then the phone calls started coming and the dirty away messages (you remember away messages on AIM, right?). His ex and I were in full-on he's mine bitch mode. (Seriously, watch that video as a short interlude.)

Whether she'll admit it or not, I'm finally adult enough to admit we were terrible to each other. Full on stalker mode. She left messages for my friends, and me hers. It became almost obsessive to destroy her than it did to mend my fleeting relationship with this guy. After basically foregoing any enjoyment my last two years in college because I was so upset and consumed with this misery, one day it all became crystal clear. He was in fact cheating on me. He had in fact turned two girls that had never met into two of the biggest enemies on the planet. You thought Robin Ventura and Nolan Ryan had a blood bath? You hadn't seen anything. I moved out from his parent's house (because yes girls, you can get cheated on even if you live with him and his parents) and wrestled with how to move on (which is what led me to move to Miami on a whim, but that's a different story). I was heartbroken and had trusted this guy who swore over and over and over that he loved me and he would never cheat on me. And to find out that every single gut instinct I had wasn't just a nightmare, but reality?

Every once in a while, I still battle with the what if questions. What if I had dated someone who truly loved me unconditionally and respected me during those primitive years? What if the moment I didn't trust him, I left instead of sitting through the pain? What if I had just told his so-called sweetheart she could have him? What if I was a better girlfriend and he never would have thought to cheat on me? What if I didn't quit my sorority because I had a controlling boyfriend?

Anyways, if I have any reader's left after this lengthy onslaught, let me get back to my actual point... The friend request brought all these thoughts and memories back. And low and behold while all this is swirling around in my head, I notice a photo of HER in a wedding gown.

And guess who the groom was?

.jl.

there's never a promise of a next date...

2011-11-20T02:42:00.002-06:00

All dating analogies and horror stories aside, this is a rather serious post. Recently, I went on a few dates with this guy I had just met (two dates to be exact). I'm not sure if there was any potential for a love connection, but he was definitely a sweet guy that seemed to enjoy or at least put up with my snarky comments and he was fun to be around.

A few days ago he sent me a text asking for another date. I know - a text asking me on a date. But given my disdain for talking on the phone and our mutual hectic schedules, it was fine by me. I hadn't played my cards right in any of my last date-ships (because I certainly can't call them relationships as they ended just as quickly as they started), I thought I'd take a more casual approach and wait until the next day to respond. You know, give him a little time to wonder what I was up to and if I was interested. Except the next day was too late. Literally.

I responded to his text a mere 15.5 hours later (which in my world is forever) and was met with a phone call in return. I answered with a snide response something to the effect of how he must have missed my voice already but was caught off guard when I heard a woman's broken voice on the other end. She started by saying she was sorry to have called instead of text, but she wasn't sure how to tell me over text. We both quickly realized she wasn't sure how to tell me over the phone either. But she now had possession over her son's phone. He had died the night before in a car accident.

I was stunned. Partly because I didn't know the feelings inside my own heart and head, but also because I didn't know how to handle being on the phone with this loving and distraught mother. She sounded like she was still in shock and just wanted to know who I was and how we met. She wanted to know if he treated me like the gentleman he was raised to be. Every second of that seventeen minute conversation broke my heart and still replays in my head. His mother was desperately trying to hold onto some of the last moments of her late son's life.

Today is his funeral, which she kindly asked if I'd attend. I don't know what frightens me more - the fact I'll be surrounded by people that got to know him - something I will never have the chance of doing myself or just how close this hits home.

What if this was my boyfriend, or my husband, or my bestfriend? What if I hadn't made time to return my mother's phone call or respond to my bestfriend's text message? What if the last chance I'd ever have to respond to someone was taken away in an instant and I never got the chance to say yes to a date or tell someone I loved them?

For the past few days my head has been inundated with these types of questions all starting the exact same way: what if?

I just pray that in his last moments, he left this earth a happy man. Knowing that his friends and family loved him and knowing there was a girl sitting on her couch next to her chihuahua ready to say yes. I pray that his friends and family find comfort and have no regrets. And most of all, I pray that each and every one of us remembers to tell our friends and family how much we love them on a daily basis, for you never know when it'll be the last chance you have to say anything.

.jl.

Merry Christmas. In October. With Love, Summer.

2011-10-19T01:14:00.005-05:00

It should come as no surprise given how periodically random I am, that my friends are mostly of the same unpredictable and often hilarious variety.

After a long day of traveling, I finally curl up onto my couch to catch up on Most Eligible Dallas on my DVR when I get a completely random text from my good friend Summer.

Merry Christmas Boo was the message attached to a picture of a half lit Christmas tree which I didn't have the heart to tell her was hanging a little to the right.

My only response IN mid-October of course was, "um, huh?" to which she responded, "we also made a mantle" which was attached to a picture of a pretty awesome Halloween display across her cobweb infested mantle. The next text simply read "zoom in boo" to which I did - you can see for yourself to the left what she was referring to.

Yes, "old boyfriends" was labeled on a mason jar (we do live in Texas) with what I later found out had old cake-toppers trapped inside portraying every man who ever did her wrong. Yes, this is what my friends do mid-October on a random Tuesday night. Presumably after 90210 ends and while drinking a cheap bottle of Shiraz. Or perhaps two. Out of the box.

Based on the "old boyfriends" mantle motif, I shouldn't need to point out the obvious (but I will) that Summer (just like me) seems to be going through an ordeal of boy drama. It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy to get random hilarious texts like these from her, because she's the kind of gal that just rolls with the punches. I mean really, what other option do we have? Kudos to her for keeping her head up high. But I must admit I'm a little pissed she thought of something as random to decorate a Christmas tree at this time of year before me. I guess I'm not the only one running for a shot at the title for Queen of Random. That's OK, I can handle a little friendly competition.

So I wish you all a Merry Christmas [in Mid October] from Summer.

.jl.

You Had Me At Trailer Park Hotel.

2011-08-29T20:17:00.004-05:00

It seemed like ages ago when I first learned of El Cosmico and sent emails upon emails bugging my friends about the trailer park hotel set-up. Maybe it's because I'm from Virginia, but there's something about hotel rooms being uniquely decorated double-wides that just turns me on so imagine how jazzed I was when someone contacted me about heading to Marfa for this amazing 4 day camping, music and baseball festival. (If you don't have an imagination, just take my word that I was beyond jazzed. Still am.)

Here's the lowdown on this event if you want to join me:
WHAT: 6TH ANNUAL TRANS-PECOS FESTIVAL OF MUSIC & LOVE

WHEN and WHERE: SEPTEMBER 22-25 MARFA, TEXAS

El Cosmico Family Band Starring Alejandro Escovedo, Erika Wennerstrom of the Heartless Bastards, Adam Bork, Amy Cook, Ben Kweller, Tiff Merritt to Perform
WHAT: 6th Annual Trans-Pecos Festival of Music and Love is a three day festival that celebrates music, art, community and camping under the stars at El Cosmico in Marfa, Texas.

LINE-UP:

Thursday, September 22: Tift Merritt, Patty Griffin with special guests, Barbara Lynn

Friday, September 23: El Cosmico Family Band with David Garza, Josh Block of White Denim, and Jesse Ebaugh of the Heartless Bastards, featuring performances by Adam Bork, Kat Edmonson, Tift Merritt, Amy Cook, Alejandro Escovedo, Erika Wennerstrom and Ben Kweller.

Saturday, September 24: Alejandro Escovedo, Black Angels.

Shop at the Trans-Pecos Festival vendor marketplace for art, clothing and other survival necessities from Nashville’s Imogene + Willie, Alabama Chanin, Squashblossom Vintage and many others. Enjoy land art installations by the UT School of Architecture and video projections by local and national artists. As always, the epic sandlot baseball rivalry continues on Saturday at 4 pm at Vizcaino Field as Austin's Texas Playboys take on Marfa's Los Yonke Gallos. The event will also include a Sunday charity breakfast benefiting KRTS, Marfa’s local radio station.

TICKETS:

Pre-event prices:
$30 per night for just music, no camping

$100 for two nights of music with camping

$125 for three nights of music with camping

To reserve your campsite and register for the Trans-Pecos Festival, please go to www.elcosmico.com. For RV inquiries, please email us at info@elcosmico.com about your machine and we will try to accommodate. Note: there is no RV hookup on site.

.jl.

Adventures Yet To Be Had.

2011-08-10T10:19:00.004-05:00

If you follow any of my adventures (or more accurately my misadventures), you know I travel a lot. So much in fact, it’s probably more realistic to reclaim my hometown as “current airport, plane or hotel” rather than the current status of Houston.

Sitting on my flight from MKE back to IAH (I even speak in airport code which probably isn’t a good sign, but that's Milwaukee to Houston), I realized I don’t fly during the day very often. Mainly because I like to extend my trips on both sides as far as I can. I like to arrive at my destination first thing in the morning and drag out my final day as long as possible (unless I’m coming home from Vegas – that is always a mistake that I never seem to remember while booking my flights). This desire to extend my trips stems from my days back in corporate America when I was forced to take a vacation day I wanted to use it to the full advantage. Even though I’m pretty much on my own schedule now, that routine is kind of ingrained in me so most of my flights are still early morning (when it's still dark or I’m fast asleep on the freezing plane) or long after the sun as gone down. The shades are usually pulled tight because there’s not much to see out the window.

No matter how much I travel there are still a million places I want to go. Looking out my window, I notice all the land we’re quickly flying over. Though it’s the Midwest and not exactly the most glamorous region in all the world, it’s still beautiful land probably filled with hiking trails of every level, the Great lakes (including waterfalls, amazing photo-opps, chances to fish, ski and boat, and stories and memories destined to be had), ridiculously cute bed and breakfast joints I’d imagine going on with the man of my dreams (who is yet to be found, by the way), country dirt roads longing to be traveled on, and so much more.

I have no doubt there are highways for me to get lost on. Boutiques and antique shops with a pair of vintage cowboy boots waiting for me to stumble upon. Chefs waiting to whip up delicious French toast for me to douse syrup on. But this Continental jet is flying over it. Literally. All of it. At super fast speeds.

Too often I’m in a rush to get to my destination or return home to my 23lb teacup Chihuahua to cuddle on the couch and catch up on my DVR. But the stuff I pass over on the way to and fro could be the most exciting adventure yet to be had.

And blonde note – I suck at geography. I couldn’t even tell you where exactly this route is flying over, but I do know it’s probably fun waiting for one of my many misadventures.

.jl.

Ironic and Bitchy. All in one phone call. (things that make my friends irate)

2011-07-25T17:11:00.004-05:00

So a good friend of mine religiously reads my blog (yay!) and often gets a kick out of the rants I post. The other day she emailed me this situation she encountered and it was too good not to share...

Here is her email to me:

Have you ever dealt with anyone at Houston Woman Magazine? I called them to see if I could get a bid in to print their magazine. I'll run through the conversation:

Me: Hi I'm So and So with So and So Printing, I was just calling to see if you guys....

Lady: Whoa. Let me just stop you right there. We are NOT guys. We are women.

Me: Ummm ok? Well, being a woman myself, I was just using the term loosely in a general sense of the word.

Lady: Are you trying to sell something?

Me: Yes, I was just seeing if you guys do your own printing in-house for the magazine or if you outsource for printing services.

Lady: We are a PUBLISHING company, of course we dont do our own printing (....which that statement confused me). You CLEARLY did not do your homework. Do you even have your magazine in front of you? Have you ever even read our magazine? Do you even know what we're about? Do your homework next time before you start calling people.

Me: As a matter of fact I did look up what "Houston Woman Magazine" is about I have your web page pulled up as we are speaking.

Lady: Can you even accomodate our magazine? Do you have those capabilities?

Me: We have printed several magazines in the past, so I'm pretty positive (being facetious) we can accomodate your magazine.

Lady: You're PRETTY positive, or you're POSITIVE. Call me when you've done your homework and you're positive.

I'm not even sure what that means...Do your homework? I'm asking a simple question of "do you print the magazine yourself". That's not exactly something people put on their website.

After that converstaion I proceeded to look up their mission statement to which it said this:

Our Mission

Houston Woman Magazine is a bi-monthly publication serving the professional women of Houston. Since March 2004, the publication has dedicated its efforts to informing, inspiring and connecting successful women.

Houston Woman Magazine spotlights women making a difference in the Houston community and provides a vehicle for the exchange of ideas and opinions. It serves as a soapbox for the voices of those wishing to discuss the interesting and important issues of the day.

What poor representation of a magazine that prides themselves on strong women out doing good in the community. You would have been outraged....as I was. Anyways, just thought I'd share as I know this is the kind of thing you'd probably post on your blog :)

To my friend - thanks for sharing. You are right - this is ridiculous.

To my readers - if you're looking for a Houston-based printing company (to print your magazine or other needs), I know of a great one. Leave me a note and I'll send you the info :)

.jl.

my bikinis will accompany me to Maui now. no thanks to Continental.

2011-07-18T12:20:00.006-05:00

Dear Continental (or United, or whatever we’re now supposed to call you),

I just wanted to thank you for trying to make ME do YOUR job this morning. While I understand you may not fully get the notion that being self-employed is not the same as unemployed, I do not appreciate you making me do your job. If I wanted to work for Continental (i.e. do the job your employees are paid to do), I would happily apply at continental.com.

Furthermore, when you charge a customer an outrageous rate of $1200 for a flight, you should be prepared to do the work. And great your customer with a smile. Those are the bare minimum expectations I have when flying. Along with arriving safely, of course.

Since you’ve started in this over-charging brigade for everything under the sun (not limited to checked bags), people have been carrying over-sized bags on-board requiring you to make incessant announcements pleading with customers to check their bags as the aircraft will more than likely run out of overhead space. I fell for said plea and thought I was doing your airline along with the other passengers a favor.

But here’s where you screwed up – in your haste to throw a baggage claim ticket onto my suitcase (chock full of bikinis and other vacation'esque paraphernalia mind you), you failed to ask WHERE MY FINAL DESTINATION WAS and haphazardly assumed it was Phoenix.

Lucky for you (and obviously more-so me), I glanced at the PHX final destination ticket you so frantically wrote on my bag and rectified the situation MYSELF. I am traveling with an iPhone, iPad, and iBook and am not wearing any form of underwear under this beach-ready sundress. Can you imagine had I arrived to Maui under such circumstances due to the lackadaisical actions of one of your employees?!

So here is my plea to you Continental/United/Whatever You Are: if you’re going to charge me astronomical prices for service, please provide this service. Please provide it in a friendly and safe manner and please at least pretend like you give a damn to have my belongings accompany me on vacation. Please do everything in your power not to screw up my vacation. Unless of course you want to refund my money and I will get behind your desk to check my own baggage for future flights? Is this a deal? K, thanks.

PS - if you're wondering why a busy gal such as myself has time to write blog posts of this nature, it may be because I have a 4 hour layover in Phoenix and you denied me getting on the next flight to Maui. Which is leaving AS WE SPEAK. So thanks.

Signed your One Pass Member 4EVA,

Jayme Lamm

what you once wanted.

2011-07-14T22:44:00.003-05:00

Yes, at one time, I wanted an effing Teddy Ruxpin. It should show you how much I wanted one and was in love with the poor specimen by the fact I had to Google how to spell it. And I was way off. But none the less, the story must go on, so continue reading. Please.

This week I am in Chesapeake, visiting friends and family. This is my hometown. It's where I grew up and where I will always call home. I was with a friend and her husband at Big Woody's. It's a bar, and pretty much the only place people go out in Chesapeake. I was drinking my nice cold Coors Light when I noticed a guy in the corner of my eye. He was pretty tired and haggard looking but I couldn't shake the feeling I knew this guy.

I won't name the guy (to save me from my own embarrassment, and on the off fact he is reading this and thinks I want him to contact me because that is so not the case), but he's a guy when I was in high school that I was totally enamored with. Of course he was a little bit older (i.e. probably 5 years) and way too bad boy for a Greenbrier Christian Academy high school junior like myself, but he had my attention. I wanted him. In a bad way.

Anyways, I was almost too embarrassed to admit to my friends that I thought the guy at the bar was this same guy. The one I used to sloppily make out with and secretly wish I could marry. Now if you had seen this guy (and I couldn't dare my little soul take a picture because that would be just plain rude), you'd understand the issue here. He was tired. And haggard. He was way bald. He was either missing a few teeth or had a gap the size of a World Cup soccer net. Either way it wasn't pretty. He wasn't pretty. I wondered if this could be the same guy that I wanted so badly to be with in high school.

Luckily, after a few beers I was able to coax a local police officer (off-duty of course) to casually and non-nonchalantly introduce himself to said guy and see if he was one in the same. After a few chugs of beer and some laughing, lo and behold, it was not the same guy.

Phew. Sigh. Of. Relief.

But that led me to this amazing discovery. What you once wanted - even the things (or boys) that you closed your eyes and prayed for - may not be the same things you want now. No way in HELL would I date this 20 year senior haggard chain-smoking look-a-like guy (again, the picture would explain and make me seem less vain and materialistic), but at the time, he was, at one time, the apple of my eye. The caramel coated apple of my eye. Kind of like when I wanted that stupid Teddy Ruxpin or MC Hammer pants. (I wanted MC Hammer pants so badly my mom signed me up for Kids-Can-Sew and I had to make my own cool-kids pants.) Or a Jordan Knight sleeping bag to take to my neighbor's slumber parties. Those things were to die for back then, but now? I had not a care in the world to have them.

Funny how things change, right? And at the same time I'm making this scary "please don't be him" epiphany, my friend (recently divorced and now happily remarried to someone else) asked the same thing about the guy she was once head over heels in love with. He too was like the Purple Ford Ranger with the "PRPLE HAZE" license plate I had begged for. Thank goodness my parents didn't give me everything I wanted.

.jl.

#TravelNeeds Twitter Contest

2011-07-09T10:51:00.003-05:00

HERE ARE THE RULES TO ENTER:
Tell us the one thing you can’t travel without, and be entered to win a FREE 3-night stay at The Signature at MGM Grand in Las Vegas, courtesy of PC Housing, a San Diego corporate housing company with short-term rentals available nationwide. ENTER NOW through Friday Aug 12th for your chance to win!Tell us the one thing you can’t travel without, and be entered to win a FREE 3-night stay at The Signature at MGM Grand in Las Vegas, courtesy of PC Housing, a San Diego corporate housing company with short-term rentals available nationwide. ENTER NOW through Friday Aug 12th for your chance to win!

HERE IS MY ENTRY:
Since I've started doing a lot more travel writing here recently, a friend of mine emailed me this contest with @PCHousing - super easy to enter, but no flippin idea what my chances are at winning. You just have to answer a simple question below and tweet it, so here goes...

Q - what's the 1 item you just can't travel without?

A- there are quite a few actually. No matter if I travel for business or in the freeing months of winter, I always travel with running shoes and my bikini. Those are usually expensive items that I'm extremely particular about, so buying them while on vacation would be tough. I also can't travel without my allergy medicine (this year they have been killer), my iPhone (which I use as my camera and to tweet my whereabouts), and FSU spiral notebook. You never know where you feel moved or inspired to write, so rather than have a bunch of little post-it notes everywhere, all my potential writing material and notes are inside the Seminole notebook.

Here's to hoping I win 3 days/nights in Vegas - maybe I could turn it into another fun article/story. Cross your fingers please!

.jl.

Things That Make Me Irate - Episode 2

2011-07-04T14:43:00.004-05:00

Admittedly, there is a load of crap that comes along with Facebook that truly irritates me, but it's simply the nature of the beast of this thing they call social media. But there is one thing that people do on FB that actually gets me hot and bothered and causes me to "get irate" as my friends call it.

You know those overzealous Facebook-liker's? The kind that like every single status possible.

My grandmother just died and I'm so sad. [You like this.]

I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and that bastard gave me herpes. [You like this.]

I just got laid off after 20 years of hardwork and I can't pay my bills or put food on the table for my six kids. [You like this.]

I mean are these brainiacs actually reading the posts or are they in an Olympic-style competition to see how many statuses they can infiltrate in one day?

I recently posted this sad (but true) status: No fireworks. In the sky or my love life.

It was a holiday weekend so I wanted to ward off anything that would potentially make me irate so I posted this caveat as part of the status: (and hey, overzealous FB "likers", this is one of those statuses it's inappropriate to "like". got it?)

But really Facebook friends, what is likable about "no fireworks in my love life" or the fact that someone just got herpes or they lost their grandmother (notably, not due to herpes)? I must know the answer to your rapid-fire liking of every damn status update. Anyone care to wager in on this?

.jl.

Things That Make Me Irate - Episode 1

2011-06-17T17:38:00.004-05:00

Like most people, when it comes time for Lent, I wonder what I should give up. One year it was fast food, the next it was Chik-fil-a, another it was coke (as in the soda, not the drug).

My friend Sophie thought it would be funny (and do me some good) if I gave up all things that made me irate. Um, then I'd have nothing left. Because sometimes I get moody and sometimes people do dumb shit, and that just makes me irate.

At the end of the day I came up with this: I can't give up other people's stupidity for Lent...it's just not possible. I'm supposed to give something up. Your stupidity doesn't count as my giver-uper-item.

Now sure, maybe I take things a little too far from time to time (as almost every post here may indicate), but sometimes it's plain necessary. And of course, today, sure enough, while eating lunch with Sophie, I became irate once again. At my chicken salad sandwich. Yup. You read that right.

Here's my problem. When I order a sandwich (and am paying more than $10 for said sandwich at a restaurant with a waiter and linen napkins), I expect THEM to make my sandwich for ME. I didn't go through a buffet line and ask for chicken salad to be scooped onto my plate with an ice cream scooper. It's quite annoying to take a bite of your chicken salad sandwich and get nothing but toast. Maybe irate isn't the right word for this lunch time fiasco, but it bothered me. I shouldn't have to open my sandwich and spread the chicken salad out to make it even. If an ice cream scooper is the easiest way for you to dish out chicken salad onto my bread, take it one step further and FINISH MAKING MY SANDWICH. Seriously.

This post may or may not be the beginning of "things that make me irate."

.jl

Joel McHale - Meet Bentley

2011-06-06T23:56:00.005-05:00

I've yet to determine if I watch reality tv (i.e The Bachelorette) to see what's on The Soup, or vice versa. Either way, it always proves entertaining.

If you've ever seen Joel McHale on The Soup, he's notorious for mocking ABC's loveless Bachelor/Bachelorette series. Before turning my DVR to tonight's episode, my Facebook feed was chockfull of nasty little bits about one of the bachelors "vying" for Ashley's affection - Bentley.

I couldn't wait to watch. The moment it came on, I couldn't help but notice Bentley stealing Joel McHale's job right from under him. Here was Bentley mocking Ashley. Here was Bentley mocking the show and all the clamoring love it tried so hard to stand for. Here was Bentley making fun of himself pretending to be in love with this dental student (read, not a dentist, rather a dental student - which ABC seems to think is not a big differentiator).

What kind of mockery will E! and McHale come up with now that Bentley has stolen their thunder? I'm waiting with baited breath for the next episode.

While everyone (cue my Facebook feed) is damning this guy Bentley to hell, here I am trying to high-five or chest-bump the bastard for being real. He might not have shown Ashley his true colors, but he showed America. This is the most realistic part of this reality series - newsfllllash Ashley and ABC - in real life, guys will play you. They will lie to you. Try to get in your pants. Try to sleep with you, make out with your neck all while breaking up. That is reality my friends. None of this riding elephants in Thailand or taking a girl to the same race track she was proposed to months before her fiance died a fiery death in a plane crash. That is the unreal stuff. Getting played by a guy - that's reality.

.jl.

stupid people have it made

2011-05-26T17:10:00.012-05:00

no seriously, hear me out. I had yet another "adventure" at the post office today. Combine that with the day I've had and I just couldn't resist - I had to call my mom and vent about all the ongoing drama in my life.

My mom has not always been good with words (luckily she gave me that amazing feature and left none for herself), but today, she surprised me.

"you're too logical for people sometimes."

In the past I've always heard it phrased as I expect too much out of people or maybe I'm too tough on people - all of which I've dismissed.

Of course I expect an apartment complex I pay $1500 a month for to not be infested with bugs. Of course I expect that the brand new SUV I just bought will not experience electrical problems and completely shut off while driving through a busy intersection. Of course I expect my "beach front hotel" in the Bahamas to actually be ON. THE. BEACH.

Sometimes my frustrations lie not in the fact that my hotel happens to be miles away from said beach but that the customer service agent can't understand why I'm upset. They can't understand why I should be upgraded or sent to the attention of the property manager.

There is something to be said for that popular saying, ignorance is bliss.

Take the woman at the post office today (not the one pictured above. disclaimer, I don't know the one above so she may or may not be stupid...). I asked for postcard stamps and she promptly proceeded to sell me $.28 postcard stamps, only pointing out after the transaction was complete and I was walking away that postage for postcards has gone up to $.29. Why on earth the post office still has the obsolete stamps short an entire penny is beyond me. And why on earth this woman sold me those WITHOUT SELLING ME $.01 stamps is beyond me. Beyond. Me.

I live such a busy life and am constantly go-go-go that this woman probably can't comprehend the frustration of having to go to another post office to purchase the penny stamps. And she sure as hell can't comprehend the massacre of emotions I would have felt receiving all those undeliverable postcards in one heaping pile. The time and drama it would have taken to resend those and everything that goes along with it would have sent me in a whirlwind of despair. But because I know it's common sense to sell someone the appropriate means or to guide them in the right direction, I often expect others to do the same. Wrong-o.

While I (and many of you) get so frustrated and want to strangle the necks of postal workers and apartment managers, it's because we know better. We were brought up with logic and savvy grooming skills to make educated decisions and elaborate deduction skills. Many of these people were not. Not even close.

So thanks to my mom I will try to remember the next time I get all insane crazy mad-enough to host my own Bravo reality series, it's because I'm too logical. Not because they are too stupid. But it is I that is too smart (after writing that I probably just jinxed myself to a minimum of 3 spelling errors).

And thanks to my mom, the constant debacle that is the post office, my apartment complex, a certified letter with an inaccurate cashier's check, and all of that logic up in my head, I'm going to have a glass of my favorite Prosecco. And a cupcake. And then the rest of the Prosecco. In that order. Because I'm full of logic and can't drink on an empty stomach.

.jl.

when will she ever learn...nothing is ever off the record.

2011-05-25T15:38:00.004-05:00

my mother. cute. funny. doesn't like bad words. I thought about writing a post about this conversation, but instead decided to treat you with the copy / paste version directly from our Facebook chat this afternoon:

ohhhh

that son of a _itch

you are such a freak

thank you<3

you won't like an article I just pitched. it has the word FUCK in it like 4 times. and I said piss (but I did mention you don't like that word, in the article)

why would you write something with the _uck word?

because it's part of the article

it's centered around the word, you can spell it out mother, you won't be shot to hell

You told them I didn't like the 'piss' word but didn't mention that I didn't like the _uck word? Great mom

you just need to embrace my foul mouth. life will be so much easier

you've never actually said you didn't like the word fuck. you ALWAYS comment when I say piss.

You need to clean that mouth out with DAWN soap.

I think the _uck should be implied

you are so weird. 

how did you give birth to such a badass?

me? really?

I ask myself that alot

perhaps I really was switched at birth. like on a Lifetime movie.

well I wasn't put out, so I knew what you looked like...no such luck on your part

still could make for a good Lifetime movie. Tori Spelling could play me. 

Who should play you?

Tori Spelling...from 90210?

yes, the one with the crazy spaced out fake boobs. she does a lot of Lifetime movies

Sophia Loren, but she's reall old now

so are you.

I'm not eighty

really though, you are pretty old.

hardly

oh she's that old? well you have to pick someone realistic, duh.

if you keep sunning yourself, you'll look older than me very soon.

daddy doesn't know who would play me either

you just asked him?

someone with some spunk

how exactly did you ask that? I can't comprehend him understanding any portion of this conversation

yes, he walked in

he's going to the store now

what is this? a play by play of the life of a boring retired man?

well he did go bowling earlier he said. I've been home about thirty minutes.

one of the girls from work is leaving so I'm suppose to go to Abuelo's, but I really don;t feel like going.

need to check my work email...love you!

why not? go have a margarita!

Renae is offline.

.jl.

Harris County - a bigger thief than Winona Ryder

2011-05-03T11:51:00.005-05:00

If you've ever bought a new car you know all the fees associated with it. If you've ever moved, you know all the addresses you have to update (magazine subscriptions, family members address books, utilities, bills, Post Office official change of address, health insurance, your work profile, and tons more). If you've ever been robbed, you know the drama and detail that goes into ensuring you've canceled your credit cards, changed the locks on your doors, contacted your bank, called the eye doctor for another prescription on contacts, called your insurance company and other things.

During the new car buying process, moving, and getting robbed who actually thinks about updating their EZ Tag?

Well you should, because I just dished out a $33 administrative fee and a $40 fine because this wasn't top of mind and Harris County wasn't responsible and proactive enough to contact me.

There is an automatic $33 admin fee when you get a new car OR a new license plate. I got a car 10 months ago and no one thought to tell me this. The entire time I drove through the tolls in MY NEW CAR WITH MY NEW LICENSE PLATE, Harris County had NO trouble pulling money out of my account. No problem whatsoever.

A few months later I was robbed (ironically enough in Harris County you bastards) and everything was stolen, including credit cards. Still, EZ Tag is no where on mind believe it or not...

Fast-forward to present tense: Yesterday I received a notice from Linebarger Goggan Blair & Sampson, LLP stating that I owed $78.50 to Harris County for my EZ Tag. First thing today I called assuming it was for tolls that my credit card didn't process because I had to cancel the card on file for automatic billing.

But this is what I found out when I called to pay: only $3.50 of that $78.50 was for tolls from 9/1/2010, 10/15/2010, and 1/20/2011. There was also a $33 administrative fee, and a $40 fine because I ignored the original invoice.

News FLASH Harris County and Linebarger and Co: if you actually sent an invoice, I would have paid. You claim to have sent ONE piece of paper ONE time, but yet you had my email, my phone number and the option to have people sign for mail - you chose none of those options.

But because I didn't get this one piece of paper you feel the need to fine me $40? You send one notice and immediately send it off to collections with a fee that is more than the actual invoice?

Oh, and not to mention, nowhere in that $78.50 does that pay for a new EZ Tag to be sent to me for my new car. That of course is an additional $15. Are you kidding me you crazy extortionists?

My favorite part of this experience and the 54 minute call to unsuccessfully get this resolved was from the Harris County Toll Road representative I spoke to:

Although we apply customer service principles to our calls, at the end of the day we don't need to. We apply county principles as that's what we are - a county agency.

So you admit to being an extortionist?

Just something else prompting a consideration to move out of Texas.

.jl.

everyone has a secret.

2011-04-27T22:40:00.002-05:00

To say that I'm fuming after watching tonight's episode of Real World - Las Vegas would be an understatement. Judge me if you will for watching reality tv (and for being passionate, upset, and in an all out uproar about it), but do not judge me, or anyone else for that matter for their past.

Tonight's episode was some crazy and dramatic down and out about how Dustin, one of the roommates, used to do porn after high school. I cannot believe there are six individuals in this world (obviously there are a lot more) that will sit there and judge this guy for his past.

Am I an advocate of porn? No. Although I do watch it from time to time (sorry mom and dad). Am I an advocate of gay porn? No again. These people have lived in this house 6 weeks tops, and they are now questioning who this guy is because he was on film for money? HELLO - you're all on film for money! And everyone one of you has had sex on camera (thanks MTV) except for that tragic looking Mike boy. And you're judging?

This wouldn't be the first time MTV has done a heinous job editing the film (remember on The Hills when Lauren and Brody went on a date and she had black nail polish and by the time she came home from the same date it was red?), so maybe that's what happened here. But the other six roommates acted in this episode as if this Dustin character was a sham. As if his entire existence was a lie. Who the hell doesn't have a secret they wish would stay just that, a secret? If you have no secrets in life, either A) Kudos to you for being so entirely, ridiculously open with your life or B) You haven't lived a very fun and eventful life.

Oh and the best part of tonight's episode, which I had to rewind on DVD 4 different times to make sure I heard it correctly. After Heather acts totally wronged (which she should know important details like this, but it's really not the end of the world) and as Dustin is devastated of his leaked secret, she hugs him and whispers I love you.

Wow, please don't sign me up for that kind of love. The 'I love you so much until I learned you had a past that has zero to do with who you are right this minute and the man you've become' kind of love.

And don't even get me started on the episode a few weeks ago when Nani drunkenly confesses she's been a victim of domestic abuse. Because coming from a girl who truly has, I wouldn't dare put myself in the position to try to fight AND beg a violent drunk man to hit me. If you've ever gone through that shit, you don't put yourself in the same scenario. You cower in the corner and learn from what happened and learn to tell the signs and get the hell away from a volatile person. Stupid girl.

.jl.

What did it look like when I was happy?

2011-04-26T00:12:00.012-05:00

What a powerful line. What a powerful question.

I'm not usually one for deep thinking an already deep subject as it seems rather redundant, but this is an exception. Tonight, is an exception.

I finally watched Eat, Pray, Love. And sadly, I can't help but ask myself the same question as the young girl in India, what did it look like when I was happy?

Because truth be told, and not many people admit this, I'm not really happy right now. Whether it be the lost love recently suffered, being laid off, homesick, or the bad luck I seem to always encounter, I'm just plain in a seemingly downward-spiraling rut. Whatever the reason, the current outcome and state of mind is the same - discontent, unhappy and more of the same.

The question in the movie is a good one. It speaks of a time in the future when the young girl knew she'd be happy, and she wanted so badly to feel it right that very minute. That's kind of where I am. Wanting to remember what happiness looks and feels like. Wanting to feel assured that it will come again.

I believe there comes a time in everyone's life, that in a time of negativity, in a time that when it rains it pours, that something or someone speaks to us. I can't help but have this jealous craving for wanting what Liz Gilbert (played by Julia Roberts) has in this movie. She has the freedom to do whatever the hell she wants, no matter the cost in time or money. I wish life could be so easy. That I could pick up and go find whatever it is I've been missing. What I would give to be able to take a sabbatical from life - from all the mundane daily tasks on my to-do list, the people who have wronged me that I can't seem to forgive and move past, the bills I have to pay, the broken heart I seem to keep fixing only to be broken again - all of it.

While the movie did give me hope (which thankfully, I've never really lost even in moments of dire sadness), it's created this absolute monster in me that needs a break from life. I'm only 29, I get it. I'm not saying I've lived this sad, tragic life, but for whatever reason, it's been hard. My responsibilities are minor and scattered compared to that of other people my age, so maybe I should head off to some sort of mental or spiritual recess?

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

Like Liz, most of us go through moments in life where we feel we are nothing more than injured souls. My soul feels injured on so many levels which makes it hard to know just where to pick up and start fixing. Watching a movie like this, at a time like this in my life, makes me realize how guarded I should have been of my soul, of my happiness. Before you know it, you end up feeling like a cross-country spiritual journey is your only saving grace to get your balance back.

Smile with your liver. That line in the movie was so permitting. I truly can't remember the last time I smiled so hard and so full of meaning that I smiled with my liver, can you? This is my personal quest - to find things and people in my life so substantial that when I smile, I smile with my liver and it becomes second nature.

"Hey groceries, believe in love again..."

While it may not be reasonable for me to take an entire year off from life simply in hopes of learning more about the subject by traveling abroad, I feel compelled to do something to make me feel again. I'm just not sure what that is...

And a line from the movie I feel was scripted just for me...

"It's not that I need easy right now. It's just that I can't do so hard."

.jl.

I bet Olan Mills never shot a tutu

2011-04-05T02:15:00.004-05:00

Three things you need to know:

1. Time flies.
2. Tutus are a way of life.
3. Olan Mills is probably pissed they didn't think of tutu photo shoots!

This picture was taken in Chesapeake, a few months ago during my visit back home to see friends and family.

I wanted new photos for my site and it just so happens my friend Sarah is an amazing photographer. We both adamantly believe that tutus are a way of a life. You can't help but smile at all life has to offer when you're wearing a tutu. It's true.

We went to this amazing park in Great Bridge and she worked her magic. (As you can tell all I did was sit there and stare off into space while she did all the work.) Here are a few more pics in tutus (the baby isn't me, just FYI).

This was one of my favorite photo shoots because it really defines who I am - a chick who means business but doesn't take herself too seriously. And one who loves tutus.

If you are in Chesapeake or Virginia Beach area, Sarah with Vanderford Photography is running a special if you mention me or my blog. A normal sitting fee is $125, but she'll give a 20% discount by mentioning this (please don't steal my tutu idea though, seriously). The sitting fee includes an hour of shooting up to 5 people (any additional people are $20/person) and you'll get a CD with edited photos.

She also does a ton of weddings, engagements, baby...you name it. Check out her site or email her at sarahvanderford@mac.com.

And if you're looking to have a custom tutu made (adults or children), you can email our friend
Joanne at zipperhead@gmail.com.

Poisoned By An Apple (the products and the fruit).

2011-04-05T01:21:00.008-05:00

This picture makes me want to be like Snow White. She looks so damn happy as if the only thing she has to do in this world is bake a flippin' pie. Welcome to 2011 sister - that shit won't cut it!

But as the story goes (sorry for spoiler alert from 1937 folks), Snow White was tricked and poisoned by an Apple. And I think that's exactly what Steve Jobs is doing to us.

I'm a big fan of Apple and have been for a while. I have a MacBook, a few iPods, and within the last year branched into the iPad and iPhone world, and I can't say I'm impressed. In the least. Steve Jobs along with many others are selling the idea that the more technology you have, the easier it is to manage. While that may very well be true for some, it sure as hell isn't for me. Continue reading for my unorganized chaos and dilemma.

Tonight as I was laying in bed working on my iPad with my iPhone lying next to me I started to realize that I am the most unorganized woman in the world. Please see examples below and if you truly have advice or know of decent services to help, PLEASE, FTLOG, help a sister out. Or else Steve Jobs is in for it...

- Bookmarks, Read it Later, and the like...
As a freelance writer, an idea maker and an overall good friend helping other friends in business keep up to date, I tend to run across a lot of websites I need to bookmark. I come across ideas/articles to read or share from Twitter, magazine excerpts, email chains, word of mouth - really anything.

What is the best way to keep track of ALL of these places you want to revisit? I use Delicious on my computer (which luckily keeps track on all computers once you log in to the website), and because there is some stupid fee for the app (when the SITE IS FREE), I refuse to use the app. By the end of the week I end up with 20-30 "favorites" on my twitter account (x2), a slew of links on Read it Later, new updated bookmarks on Delicious and handwritten notes everywhere... how can I streamline and simplify this process? (Note, I must be able to categorize the bookmarks for ease of use later.)

I guess a better way to ask this is, how do you organize all your ideas? Sometimes they are hand written or notes in my phone, and other times they are things ripped out of magazines or online articles.

- Files on multiple computers...
Because of the new setup at my townhouse, I now use my laptop more than my brand new Mac Desktop (annoying in and of itself, I know). My files on my laptop are not the same as the ones on my desktop upstairs so I end up not knowing which files are the most updated, or I end up with duplicate files. Sometimes I will email myself the updated file with a note in the subject line to remind myself to download onto my other computer (which is my main computer and the only one I backup), or put them on a flash drive in hopes of remembering to update the other computer. I've heard pros and cons of MobileMe, but what does everyone recommend? In a perfect world, whatever I update on my laptop should automatically update on my desktop and vice versa. I'd love the two to mimic one another. One of the magazines I write for wants us to use DropBox and I've heard good things about it, but how exactly does it work, and does it work for any of you?

- Apples & Oranges...
One would think having multiple apple products would make life easier, right? Well you'd be wrong. Take a simple example like my Twitter app nightmare. On my iPhone I adore the app, Echofon - it's easy to use and exactly what I need. On my laptop, Tweetdeck is the best to use because I tweet from over 4 accounts. But when you head into my iPad world, neither Echofon nor Tweetdeck is worth a C.R.A.P. so I use the web. I have 3 apple products (laptop, iPhone and iPad), 1 Social Media Network (Twitter), and 2 very different apps and am still looking for a third. While this might sound trivial to some, Twitter is a very important part of my day, my idea sharing and my networking. To have to learn/customize 3 different ways to use it is simply not time effective.

I also have notes on my phone, my iPad and even old ones from my Blackberry. Do they all sync up? How do I keep them all together?

The evil witch that got Snow White to eat the poisonous apple is doing the same thing with the Apple products and the apps. Why must it be so difficult?!

- Websites, hosting, platforms galore...
When I first got into blogging/writing, I started this site, A$$ on the blogspot network. It was easy to use, I quickly built a following and am able to write about all kinds of random stuff. Luckily, it's a free blogging service, so web hosting is free.

As I started writing more, I realized I needed an online portfolio, so jaymelamm.com was created. This site was created by an amazing friend of mine and she currently handles all the edits. As it stands, the site is only updated when new articles of mine are published (we are a few months behind). I believe the web hosting is on yahoo! as that's what was recommended to me at the time. As a freelance writer looking for more clients and exposure, should I be doing more with this site? What components need to be added or explained better?

Over the last 2 years, as my creativity in writing grew along with my love of sports, I launched The Blonde Side, which is a Word Press site hosted through GoDaddy. I have since branched off from The Blonde Side brand and launched The Blonde Ranger, and will soon be launching 3 more parts to The Blonde family of sports sites (including The Blonde in Heat, The Blonde Horn and The Blonde Eagle). Currently all sites have different Word Press logins, and different themes (but we are working on those).

Our Charity Chicks Houston site will be relaunched this month on Word Press, but hosted somewhere different due to the way we were previously set up.

So as it stands now, I have 8 websites to track analytics, update content, market to target audiences, etc. and they are all set up so different. Is my email signature supposed to have 25 lines and corresponding links? How can I simplify this? Even from the aspect of a business card - I do all of the above, but they are all branded so uniquely because a charity site is not nearly going to be the same as a sports site on the Texas Rangers. And it isn't at all cost effective or even feasible to carry 3 or 6 different business cards.

With all of those sites, when someone approaches me for writing samples, what on earth do I send them? I know it's based on the client and whether they are looking for print or online writing samples, but that's all a mess, is it not?

It's really overwhelming how you build your brand and figure out your own voice piece by piece then find yourself doing double or even triple the work because like life, all things change..

Help? Advice?

.jl.

numbers don't mean shit.

2011-03-15T10:39:00.005-05:00

no really. I always thought that, but being at SXSW this week, my thoughts were confirmed. by a nerd.

short and sweet, so listen:

if any of y'all are on twitter, have you noticed the ones with only a few hundred followers are the better ones to follow? the funnier ones? the ones you converse with? the ones you actually want to meet in real life? I met a guy at a nerdy conference (I chose to be there, so it's OK that I call it a nerd conference). nice guy, semi-funny, little bit in common. so we decided to follow each other on twitter. my first question (yes, out loud) without really filtering (imagine that), was "how do you have 65,000 followers?" I wasn't saying I was better than him, but he didn't seem to bring all that much to the table (or the twitterverse)... he didn't have any recent tweets, wasn't overly funny or even informative. he was just kinda there.

so I started thinking... 65,000 followers doesn't mean shit.

just to explain my point on a different level for those not on twitter (which you should be).

if a woman (say 30'ish) claims she's slept with 20 people, that may sound like a lot. you may think she's a slut (who knows, maybe she is). but if that number is the total number of partners during her entire life sexual escapades, maybe that number isn't so bad.

then another girl you meet says she's been with 5 guys her entire life. then you find out she lost her virginity 3 nights ago and she's already nailed 5 guys. kinda puts the whole number game into perspective, hey?

(note, all girls lie about the number of sexual partners anyways, so the point is moot.)

.jl.

daddy

2011-03-09T04:03:00.001-06:00

There's no guide or rule book for the journey I'm about to embark on. Journey is a term I use loosely here, because this thing I'm about to do is something I've thought about since before I can remember. This post and the emotions it contains are about a subject I've alluded to in the past, but never had the right words or felt the right time to openly talk about. For the sake of full disclosure, I'm still unsure if this is the right time or forum, but here goes...

I've never met my biological father. Here I hesitate to use the word father, but by definition, that's what he is. When people close to me find out the dad I grew up with is not my biological father, they incorrectly assume, oh so he's your stepdad? Guarded and protective more-so for his well-being than my own, I bark back, no he's my real dad - just not a contributor to my stellar DNA.

I think we all knew the day would come where my curiosity and longing to meet the man that walked out on my mother and I 29 years ago would creep back into my life and cause the potential to break the heart of the only man that has ever stuck by my side through every trying moment of my twisted adolescence - the man who means the most to me in this world, my dad.

I remember the days of Jerry Springer when families would tearily be reunited on stage for the first time and all the happiness and emotion that came along with these talk show varieties. Even as a young girl when I imagined meeting my biological father, my dreams never went down that path. I was lucky enough to know from an early age, that no matter a man left me when I was young, another man stepped in when he didn't have to. But because he wanted to. And because it was God's plan for our lives.

Even at my highest possible level of anger and what I thought then was hate towards my dad, watching these shows and seeing girls run across stage with a barely audible sobbing "daddy" as they ran into their arms, never seemed fitting for me. I've yet to understand if this was all part of the talk show act or if these girls were really happy to find these strangers. Strangers -that's exactly what they are. These men that due to whatever circumstance had no ties to them other than a few genetic markers and perhaps an unlikely but potential kidney match.

I've thought about searching out my biological father more times than I can count and even started the process and mailed a few letters to what I hoped was his correct address years ago. Finding this man is not an essential piece of my happiness, as I can assure you I have lived and will continue to live a happy and fulfilling life with love from two supportive parents.

So when I do meet this man, and I hope for closure and the sake of understanding that it happens sooner rather than later, I'm not going to run to him with open arms calling anything other than his first name. I'm not going to cry or curse at him and tell him how walking out on me ruined my life. I'm going to ask for understanding, get to know him on whatever level I deem appropriate at the time, and then thank him. Thank him for walking away and allowing my mother to find true love. Thank him for walking away and letting me see what a long-lasting loving marriage looks like. Thank him for allowing this amazing man to let me call him daddy even when I wasn't deserving and didn't fully understand what that word meant.

While writing a blog post about such a personal and emotional topic may seem unorthodox to most, my dad and I have always had a special relationship. Delicate words and intimate moments are not so much our thing, but his feelings, his understanding and blessing of what I'm doing is of the utmost importance to me.

I want him to know, I need him to know that the word daddy is reserved for him and only him. That when the day comes to walk me down the aisle, there isn't even the slightest question or hesitation in my mind as to who will be by my side. My wish, my prayer tonight is that he is just as certain of those things as I am.

.jl.

life doesn't always match. (and neither does the paint)

2011-03-08T00:03:00.007-06:00

tonight a friend came over for painting party part deux. last week he helped (and by help I mean pretty much did it all) paint an accent wall in my living room HOT PINK and tonight we worked on a wall in my bedroom and painted it turquoise! (I've lived here almost 3 months and had done nothing to make it feel like home, so surprise...it didn't feel like home. at all. and that needed to change.)

as soon as he threw the first blue stroke of paint on the wall, I shrieked, it doesn't match! pointing to my turquoise antique dressers like it was the certifiable end of life. like a guy, and a pretty simple guy at that, he calmly responded, so? life doesn't always match.

so in the middle of painting (remember, he was the one actually painting) I sat down to write this post. I knew his simple words held so much value.

I'm that girl. The one known for wearing neon purple heels with a blue dress and a yellow scarf and wearing it with pride. I'm all about mixing it up and making myself look like a human color palette, and my friends tease me incessantly questioning whether or not I'm color blind.

but what drives me crazy is someone wearing different shades and variations of the "same" color and pretending the pinks are exactly the same, but each shade really sticks out like Ron Artest on fan appreciation day. I cannot stand to clash, which is why I panicked when I thought my new paint color clashed with the dressers that have become a staple to my bedroom style (yes, I have a bedroom style, just ask the boys! relax mom, it's a joke...).

lets take this paint lesson and apply it to life:

first off, it's paint. five letters in the alphabet strung together to form a word. paint is cheap, and so is Mexican labor here in Houston. it can be changed. quickly and often.

second, what fun is life if it's all color coded? because I can't ever turn down a fitting sport's reference, let's use Oregon and their numerous uniform debuts. Historically the Ducks are green and yellow, but they strayed from their marketing pantone color chart by adding silver to their color repertoire (last year on jerseys and this year on helmets). by throwing a new color into the mix, it keeps things fresh. hence the reason throwback jerseys (changes from the norm) are so popular now. it's refreshing.

third, and kind of back to the first - there are do-overs in life and I'm a prime example. I have messed up more times than I'd like to count. I've failed more than my share of math tests, sabatoged relationships, said hurtful things I wish I could take back. I've burnt toast, colored outside the lines, gotten fired, used the wrong word at the wrong time, even laughed at a funeral. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of or moments I desperately wish there was a rewind button for, but life really is like paint. It can be the perfect color that has you inviting all the neighbors over, but just as easily, it can turn out a murky green that reminds you of your last hangover. but luckily, neither the paint nor the hangover are permanent.

fourth, like life, there are so many choices when it comes to paint. just the pink variety alone can come in hundreds of shades, different textures, paints made for different parts of your house, and so on. even adding an extra coat can dramatically change the way the color looks. what I'm saying is it's easy to pick the wrong color. or to change your mind. that's what life is all about. rolling with the punches.

remember, if you mess up just paint another coat over it, or learn to embrace the color. it's really that simple.

thank you Sherwin Williams for that life lesson. it came at a much needed time.

.jl.

Happy 2 Month Anniversary To Me..

2011-03-07T22:40:00.001-06:00

from getting laid off. I found/still find myself in the same shoes that Lauren was in some eighteen months ago which prompted me to write a post of my own...

and wouldn't you know that without having accomplished much of anything during these two months (even sleep, sadly), the time has still managed to fly by and I've been busier than a street filled with hookers and drug dealers during a Charlie Sheen drive-by.

Up until recently, I'd been stuck SMACK DAB in the middle of Corporate America, the unsexiest of cubicle laden jobs for the most part, and I've always said that if I worked for myself, or if I had time to do anything, well, I would. but now that this coveted time I so longed for has arrived on my doorstep (sans health insurance), I don't know what to do with it. I need some help streamlining things and getting myself organized. I am L.O.V.I.N.G. this whole no-working thing, but truth be told, I'm working myself to the bone. Traveling like crazy because I damn well deserve it, pretending to write, stressing myself out for not pitching a single article, trying to keep a charity afloat, going to the doctor every other day, promising myself I will start running again, painting my apartment hot pick and turquoise hoping to make it feel homey, trying to meet my friends for happy hours but never pulling through...all those things plus a slew of others.

Needless to say, I haven't been nearly as productive (which is not the same as busy...you can certainly be busy without being productive, TRUST ME) as I should be during this time.

And. That's. Going. To. Change.

Starting in the morning.

I managed to take the harsh reality of being laid-off like a man, now it's time to take this down time like a man and do something good, productive and fruitful with it.

Now I come to you for help...what have YOU done during your time of unemployment, or what have you heard of others doing to make the most of their time? dreams they've had that they finally had the time to do? ways to organize their thoughts, their job searches, those same dreams that have been on hold for decades on end. please share...for the greater good.

blogger's note.. I managed to post this entry with 3 minutes left on said anniversary.. at least I met my deadline of "sometime today"!

image courtesy of someecards.com

.jl.

shh...some secrets should be left just that, SECRET.

2011-02-21T17:32:00.006-06:00

Being unemployed, I mean SELF-employed, I found myself spending a lot of time on twitter today and ran across this oh-so-true article on Glamour: 5 Things You Don't Want to Know About Your Boyfriend's History.

I am probably the absolute nosiest person alive. Even more so than my mother, which is saying something. It's human nature to want to know everything about your ex. You feel closer, your bond is tighter and secrets can lead to so many unnecessary problems (case in point, the photo to your left).

While this article makes some extremely valid points, I found myself wondering even after reading it if I'd still want to know the answers to some of these questions and I was reminded of one of my ex's.

I found out early on that a guy I had been dating had been married and was recently divorced. That's obviously a pretty big thing you should know and you should want to know before diving into a relationship in your late twenties. Par for the course being the insidiously nosey person that I am, I took the information a little too far.

Ok, a lot too far.

My curiosity was killing me. I had never dated someone that was divorced. And it wasn't the divorced part that bothered me, it was the married part.

That same day he told me, I still didn't believe him given our initial sarcastic banter when we met. Something in my cyber-stalker and immature ways told me to Google him and I stumbled onto their wedding page on The Knot. Aside from being greeted with the "Congratulations! Newlyweds for 186 days!" message and day-ticker, a cute photo taken just moments after the engagement (which just so happened to be a cropped version of my guy's MySpace picture at the time, which did NOT sit well because he looked so damn happy in said picture which used to be one of my favorite pictures of him...), I also got to read about their engagement story. Talk about one for the storybooks.

I couldn't get this image of their fairy-tale engagement story. Being in another country and surprising her and having secretly flown in both their families to meet them on the other side of the mountain top with champagne (yes sir, you read all that right). Knowing that at one time he had met the girl of his dreams, which was quoted in the About section of their page on The Knot. I also read quotes from his family and comments from their friends congratulating them and talking about how they were the "perfect" couple and destined to be together. Talk about information overload. It even gave me information on where and what they registered for. The next time I went to his house I refused to drink coffee out of his Crate and Barrel coffee maker because I knew it was the one they registered for together. He must have gotten it in the divorce.

There are some things that are important to know in relationships. Things they've done wrong, things that make them who they are, lessons they've learned, etc. But heed my warning - do not, I repeat DO NOT ask a question you don't want to the answer to. And do not, I repeat DO NOT ask a question you can't handle the answer to. Those are 2 very different yet equally important warnings I just bestowed upon you.

Thanks to the Glamour article for reeling me back in with this line at the end...

Remember, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back. The moral: never give into curiosity, just look for satisfaction.

(Note, I do not in any capacity feel equipped to offer relationship advice nor make any attempts to, but rest assured if you do the complete opposite of everything I've done in my past relationships, you'll surely find yourself in a healthy, meaningful, long-lasting one.)

.jl.

Houston Half Marathon... What's Love Got To Do With It?

2011-01-31T18:05:00.009-06:00

Yesterday I ran my first Half Marathon. It was part of my 101/1001 project and something I've always wanted to do. If you're asking why on earth I wanted to run 13.1 miles, my answer is: I haven't the slightest idea.

But I did it with my good friends Jen and Josh (pictured to the left). At around mile 4 I had run through so many puddles (it rained pretty much the entire race and on a few instances heavily down-poured) that I gained at least 5lbs of water which felt like I was running with ankle weights - like they do on the Biggest Loser. The entire race was grueling. The race was miserable actually. I wasn't nearly in the shape I should have been for such a painstaking "adventure" which is a term I shall use loosely. After about 6 miles, every single step hurt. Hurt like hell, to be frank.

I failed to mention that around the 5k mark (~3 miles), the rain water had seeped into my iPhone which I was using to jam out to my newly arranged playlist. While Tina Turner's 'What's Love Got To Do With It' is by far my favorite song, having to listen to it, and only it, for over 2 hours was pure punishment. My entire iPhone had malfunctioned. I couldn't change songs, change the volume, or even turn the damn thing off.

My legs, ankles, knee caps, hips, pinky toes...pretty much every body part was aching and I was only half finished. Having played sports my entire life, you'd think I'd be well versed in this type of physical test, but that's where you'd be wrong. Just as I was contemplating a clumsy "accidental" fall that would prohibit me from continuing the race (because who would be shocked to learn I fell somewhere and got hurt?), a little old lady rocking a shirt that said "I turned 75 today" be-bopped past me with ease. After 4 more rounds of Tina in my ear I finally regained composure to continue the race with my newly resurrected game face just as a 7-month old pregnant woman yelled "on your left" and swept past me like I had been the Toyota Tercel in the fast lane holding her up.

I may have finished the race (adorned with a fake smile hamming it up for the cameras), but I was miserable every single step of that 13.1 mile trek through Downtown Houston. With every ache and every throb, I was miserable. When I crossed the finish line and saw my time, (2 hours and 44 minutes) I felt defeated. Waking up this morning feeling like an 83 year-old woman with rheumatoid arthritis, I felt miserable.

But, I'm planning to run another half this year and possibly even the big 26.2 next year.

Seeing the diversity of runners was inspiring. Runners, both men and women, of all ages and all sizes were all after the same goal - to cross the finish line. To see over 150,000 Houstonians gather around at 7am on a Sunday morning to cheer folks on, some of which they didn't even know, was simply inspirational. Our names were on our bibs and just hearing complete strangers cheer me on when I needed it most was motivational, to say the least.

So without further ado...

Thank you Houston for being such a genuine city and cheering us on.

Thank you to my friends, family (and strangers via twitter) for donating.

Thank you BON for helping me train.

Thank you YTAC for letting me run on your team.

Thank you Tina for sticking by my side asking what's love got to do with it.

And last but not least, thank you to my body for holding out and crossing the finish line against all odds.

.jl.

101/1001

2010-12-23T21:02:00.002-06:00

Trying to talk Sarah into helping me finish up this list as much as possible, so updated again tonight!

______________________________________________________

I was talking about this list tonight, so felt the need to update it! Still really wanna go camping (of course when Houston gets back to temperatures in the two digits)...

______________________________________________________

At the ripe old age of twenty-six (I was 26 when I started this project, now I'm 27) I've become startling aware that there is so much more to life and I have so much more I want and need to do..personally, professionally, randomly..

At the risk of sounding platitudinal, I feel I've yet to put my best foot forward, so in light of my quarter-life crisis I came across 101/1001. I'll update as items are crossed off, and I won't be offended if you decide to give me encouragement and comment me..I'll need it

The Criteria: Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days? Many people have created lists in the past — frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

start date..September 4, 2008
end date..June 1, 2011

completed ones are pink
in no particular order..

italics are recent thoughts or updates...

01 Pop in that Rosetta Stone Spanish edition and get to work
02 Go Skydiving
03 Write a children's book (and get published)
04 Take pictures in a photobooth (Thanks for the Christmas present Lisa and Kristi..12.26.08)
05 Get my passport stamped (someplace other than Mexico) quickly learned that Puerto Rico does not count...- dangit, just got Cabo stamped, but that obviously is Mexico...
06 Workout 450 times (a little over 3x week) - I mean, was I drunk when I came up with this arbitrary number?? NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS ONE
07 Plan a black and white dinner party (and cook it myself)
08 Go to a movie alone
09 Go to church at least 1x month..I love New Hope Church in Pearland! NOT GOING TO MAKE THIS ONE

10 Play a round of golf...yet to play a full round. I guess 9 holes and driving ranges don't count.
11 Paint my nails once a week..doing money on this one, but it's actually every other day.

12 Go an entire month without honey mustard
13 Buy a bread machine (should have added to actually use it...)
14 Buy a house...sort of
15 Save $10k/year (unless of course I buy a house)
16 Go to a Yoga or Pilates class (not a fan, just saying)

17 Write a letter to someone who least expects it
18 Send my mom flowers just because
19 Post something
20 Create my writer's portfolio..DUNZO..check it out
21 Create my advertising/professional portfolio soft of did this here
22 Run a 1/2 marathon..need to sign up for another one since I broke my leg during the last one, damn the bad luck. signed up for another one on January 30, 2011 with Jen. JUST DID THIS!! Houston Half Marathon with Jen and Josh!

23 Go camping..this will be covered in Aspen with Sarah in May!
25 Have a ring designed for me..waiting on the lovely Isabella Dean to help me out on this one!

26 Babysit a child for free so the parents can have a night out
27 Visit Napa OR Martha's Vineyard (Sophie and I are planning this)
28 Be taken on a picnic (hint, hint)..and I loved it..THANK YOU! I want to go on many more!
29 Go to a comedy show
30 Visit a local restaurant/bakery once a month..Sept 08: Fish City Grill (not bad) and Oh la la Bakery..amazing! Black Walnut Cafe in Rice Village.. Oct 08: La Madeline, Free Mason Abbey in Virginia (what the hell took me so long to find the shecrab soup here?), Texadelphia, Kraftsmen Baking.. Nov 08: Cafe Brasil (great grilled cheese minus the pounds of pesto), Farragos, Breakfast Klub, Baby Barnaby's, Shade.. Dec 08: La Vista, Backdoor Cafe..Jan 09: Lopez, aka sushi, Vietopia, Ruggles Green, Ziggys Healthy Grill..Feb 09: Mai's on Milam, Empire Cafe, Cheddars..Mar 09: Divino, The Tea Room in FW, Sage 400, Pronto, Zushi, Live Oak Grill, The Chocolate Bar, Little Bigs, Candelaris..Apr 09: The Daily Review, Dragonbowl, 11st St. Cafe (do NOT recommend food-wise), Paulies, Harrys..I lost count, but I will consider this one done since trying these new places has been so fun and amazing!

31 Learn to shoot a gun (and proper safety)
32 Scan and upload pre-digital photos (hopefully I can find them all) THIS IS NO LONGER EVEN SOMETHING I WANT TO DO
33 Potty train the teacup
34 Go snowboarding each season (Steamboat Feb. 25, 09, Keystone February 2011, Tahoe March 2011) - wait I had to have gone somewhere in 2010?
35 Sew my own handbag and one for a friend
36 Become advanced/expert in Illustrator
37 Get published at least 20 times (in at least 4 publications)..Sept 08--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Oct 08--2 stories in Barstool Magazine, Nov 08--1 story in Barstool Magazine, 1 story in Envy, Dec 08--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Jan 09--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Feb 09--1 story in Barstool Magazine, Mar 09--1 story in Envy, 2 stories in Barstool, Apr 09--1 story in Barstool, 1 story in Rose Rich Magazine, 1 story in Fort Bend Focus...crap, I lost count of this too, but pretty sure I completed it!

38 Watch the entire SATC series (just completed season 1 & 2 and bought the rest)
39 Donate $5 for each unattained task at end of 1001 days (charity TBD)
40 Keep my job and get a raise..this will be tough in today's economy, but I really do enjoy my job.. I liked...got laid off in January 2011. Does this mean I should donate $2.50 to charity for this one?
41 Enjoy my job
42 Don't sweat the small stuff..really doing well at this one thanks to my mom - she's such an inspiration.

43 Declutter my possessions (get rid of the junk)--just did a big purge, but always room for more purging!
44 Read every blog here
45 Read this
46 Create my own banner for my blog (still need to make a better one)
47 Go to Vegas again (with Amy in November 2010)
48 Listen to more Frank Sinatra
49 Take a cooking class...I just attended one, does this count??
50 Play trivial pursuit
51 Learn my geography (and have someone quiz me)

52 Make my own holiday cards
53 Spend a day going to garage sales with a good friend..I went antiquing with Kasey, so this will pass for me.
54 Go one month without Marble Slab-Oct 08!
55 Learn to play cribbage
56 DT
57 Dress in a sexy costume even when it's not Halloween
58 Use coupons (I think I meant grocery store when I wrote this, but I don't really go grocery shopping)
59 Take a train (dying to take an extended Amtrak trip somewhere... I mean DYING)
60 ~~Purchase stock~~ I have changed this one to..Get 50+ members for Charity Chicks Houston (now have over 4000 members!)

61 Turn someone on to Three Olives Cherry and Coke (tastes just like Dr. Pepper) Thanks to one of my doctors for trying this!
62 Become a brunch go'er
63 Wear slippers...I bought THESE
64 Make my bed on weekdays
65 Make out more..um, no comment here.
66 Be open-minded
67 Learn to hug friends and get over the personal space issue
68 Go to an Eagles game (I've obviously been to many, but want to go to another) MNF vs. Redskins 11/15/10 and Eagles/Cowboys 1/2/11
69 Buy and read a devotional book (it's a FSU devotional, which is amazing!)
70 Write a love letter (purely love, no griping)
71 Keep a gratitude journal--list 5 things I'm grateful for each day for 30 days
72 Thank Keith often for his help..doing well on this, but still have a lot of work!

73 Attend high tea
74 Chalk a sidewalk (including hopscotch) - did this on our road trip
75 Cook 15 new recipes out of Hungry Girl Cookbook
76 Go roller-skating (Jane, this is all you) - did an 80s roller skating party for Charity Chicks and it was a BLAST
77 Go to a drive-in movie
78 Join a marketing networking group--AMA
79 Go rock climbing
80 Convince someone else to start a 101/1001 list (I did this but can't remember who dangit!)
81 Do a monthly update on this list on my blog (so far so good)
82 Take a road trip with friends (must be longer than 4 hours)--I'm pretty sure NYC counts!
83 Laugh out loud everyday (if end of day nears, call KristiK!)
84 Spend an hour in a hammock (no cell allowed) (done in Puerto Rico!)
85 Meet a celebrity..met lots of athletes this year and Danny from Jersey Shore (the t-shirt store owner..ha!)
86 Pray for Britney Spears' comeback (her new CD is awesome, I'm going to her concert in March and E! News just announced she is officially back! The power of prayer :) )
87 Buy 600 thread count sheets (bought 620!)
88 Burn candles often

89 See SNL taping in person
90 Go to a college football game (OHUP in Boston!)..well we didn't technically go to the game..we just went to a bar and got wasted so this is still on the list! Longhorns vs UCLA and FSU 2010 Homecoming!!
91 Learn coding
92 Make Denali fall in love with the bark park NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN
93 Find a razor that can actually shave my knees (Thanks to Tamra's recommendation of Schick Quattro..but I changed my mind on this..there isn't a razor in existence that can accomplish this task without making my knees bleed.)
94 Keep my place stocked with bottles of wine (doing really well on this)
95 Earn $100 ad revenue from this blog
96 Create a filing system (online and paper)
97 Make 2 random mixed cds for friends and surprise them (Jane and Pope)

98 Figure out issuu
99 Twenty-six things project
100 Make a conscious effort to stop complaining
101 Party like it's 1999 on day 1001

.jl.

my wish list...

2010-12-14T21:50:00.005-06:00

Dear Santa,

As you well know it's been a while since I have written a Christmas wish list. With bills and being an adult and all, a few bucks here and there usually does the trick so I haven't had much need for a wish list. But this year, I thought I'd spice things up a bit and send you a list - just in case you were feeling generous. Please remember, I just moved so be sure to deliver the goods to my NEW place of residence!

As you can see, I've strategically linked each photo on my list to the site where you can purchase and ship directly to me (most of which offer free shipping which is a plus, for you of course).

I would like the David Yurman ring because I have ugly fingers and what better way to spruce up your hand attractiveness than with some nice bling.

I would like the North Face travel bag because A) I am sickly obsessed with all things North Face and B) In case you haven't noticed, I travel a whole hell of a lot.

I would like the couch, because well it just looks so damn comfortable. My current couch (the one that Denali has torn up) just isn't cutting it anymore. And besides, maybe I'll find a guy to cuddle with and this couch just looks more feasible in that department. I don't spend a lot of time at home with the poor pup, so a new couch would definitely do the trick!

But in all honesty Santa, in addition to the wonderful gifts below (which needn't be gift-wrapped to make it a tad easier on you), I really wish for an amazing 2011. Twenty-ten has really sucked a$$ and I'm ready to start the New Year off on the right foot (without bunions, blisters or chipped polish to be specific).

Thanks for all the good gifts over the years...here's hoping this year is just as good (but really crossing my fingers for a damn good 2011 for myself, friends and family)!

.jl.

sometimes we ALL need a little perspective on life...

2010-11-01T21:19:00.005-05:00

Life is hard...no question there. We all go through hard times. Recently, I've had to deal with some extremely mean spirited people. And not just people, but fathers and elementary school teachers and claim-to-be-Christ-loving people...you know, the kind of people you expect to be respectful and courteous. The kind that ought to know the difference from wrong and right. The kind of people you can only pray have a good head on their shoulders and a decent heart in their bodies.

And then you come to the stark realization that some people have no handle on life and are just plain a$$holes.

I can't fathom how in a world with so much hurt and pain that there are still people out there wishing ill will on others. Making statements that I should be dead, or I don't deserve living parents, or I'm a blundering idiot. Things like that. Hell yeah I can be an idiot, but the rest...no dice folks.

Have these people been so blessed in their lives that they've never seen real hurt? Do they not know that innocent babies die every day from cancer and other terminal diseases? Have they never seen an amazingly happy couple that after fifty years of marriage makes a harrowing 180 and change because of dementia? It's increasingly sad to see people take time out of their lives to bring pain to others. To forget what's important in life and it really makes me question how and why we are on the same planet.

Unfortunately, it's a fact of life but sometimes said life sucks. People die. People get hurt. We lose loved ones. But these are all semi natural components of life that we really can't change. Disrespecting and casting negative energy on others is anything but natural.

I'm just as guilty as the next, but it's innate to get caught up in our own day-to-day dramas. I may bitch and complain that living without running water for weeks really sucks and puts a damper on your immediate lifestyle. Having a gas line leak or going through emergency surgery all alone isn't much fun either. Waking up on a Saturday morning to a phone call that both of your parents were involved in a motorcycle accident - no bueno. There are things in life well worth bitching about. But I've also been around the block enough and know a dear friend who's precious Baby Aiden is battling cancer. I still see the pain in my Grandpa's eyes and hear it in his voice every day after losing his beautiful wife of over fifty years to Alzheimer's knowing his life will never be the same.

I'm not writing this for pity or for any other reason than to encourage you, and myself quite frankly, that the the next time you feel the need to be negative to someone or create unnecessary pain in their life to sit back and think. Refocus your energies on positive things and the people that need them, because damn folks, there are people in this world - probably sitting right next to you that need your strength and positive energy.

A wise Canadian recently told me to build my life with honeycomb and be happy. I guess for the sake of due diligence I'll give you the verbatim quote...

Instead of dirt and poison we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax.

- Jonathan Swift

.jl.

My Hero.

2010-09-12T07:18:00.002-05:00

The man pictured to the right is my dad. My hero. For words that I’m not ready to write and not quite sure when I will be, this man has been my hero since I was two.

And last week he upped the ante and reminded me why he’s my hero.

Since I was about ten, my parents have loved riding motorcycles – Harleys to be exact. It was their thing. Last Saturday I got the call that I’d had nightmares about for almost 20 years – they were in a motorcycle accident – together. In the span of 5 seconds I could have lost my entire family. The only two people in the world that I know and have known since day one have loved me every single minute of my life.

I wasn’t there so I don’t know the full story, but I got the rundown from my mom (obviously no pun intended). On a lazy afternoon ride on a country road, their bike veered around a curve and into the other lane. They ran into a truck – going ~ 45 – 50mph. In an attempt to handle the bike and make sure my mom who was riding on the back, didn’t go flying off, this hero of mine somehow managed to bring the bike to a stop, safely. Well about as safe as it could have turned out given the situation.

Hearing my mom’s recount of the incident merely reiterates two facts I already knew, but maybe I had forgotten. One, and most importantly that God was with them. He sent an angel along for the ride that afternoon and thank the Lord that angel kept them safe. I can’t say thank you enough in my prayers because tears start to well up at the very thought of possibly losing one of my parents. Two, is that my dad is the hero I always knew he was. Growing up in school they always asked who our heroes were and while everyone else would say Abe Lincoln or their Uncle the firefighter, I always said my dad. And here is bonafide proof that is still is and always will be my hero.

Mom and Dad – Love you. Love me.

Daddy – here’s to a quick recovery and hoping we can go snowboarding again someday. I love you. Thank you for everything. Since day one.

what dreams may come

2010-08-23T22:52:00.007-05:00

I'm 28.

Years ago I would have deemed that as ancient. I said something this weekend that I think might have been the hardest thing I've ever said out loud. I think it might have also been one of the single most shocking and hurtful things I could have said to my mother. I told her my life isn't at all what I had hoped it would be or what I expected it to be. It's not the fault of anyone (except perhaps my own for not having gone after my goals and dreams earlier), but the fact remains.

It's hard to look at your life and wonder not necessarily where it all went wrong, but where to go from here. I can't say my life went wrong anywhere. All I know is I had hoped to be someone different, living something different by now. While this blog is a lot of self deprecating humor, which I'm oddly good at, I also feel the need to toot my own horn right here. I don't know many people, or anyone really, that could actually admit to themselves and the entire creepy world wide web that they aren't as happy as they could be. I know so many people (unfortunately, girls mostly) that just pretend to be happy until they are fooling everyone, or so they think.

The easiest way to change your path is to make goals and take it one day at a time. Taking it one day at a time seems so cliche, but it's really all you can do. Those of you that aren't on twitter, I still firmly, adamantly believe it's for the good.

Example # 1: Lauren from Texas. She recently tweeted about 4 Simple Goals, which I found to be a revelation of sorts at a time I just so needed it.

The rules and howto are quite simple:

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer and happier on a daily basis. choose things you may not otherwise get done, but that are not difficult to accomplish.

2. do not choose result oriented goals, choose activity oriented goals. for example.... instead of "lose 10 pounds", choose something like "eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day". get what I'm saying? positive actions instead of just the end result!

3. choose goals that are personal that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one time experiences.

4. choose a reward for each goal as it is accomplished! it can be a small or large reward.

5. blog your goals, each one as you achieve it and a big post when they are all finished before the new year! I'll be doing this too! links back to this post are appreciated.

Without further ado, here are my 4 Simple Goals:

1. Focus on Sports. I have been trying to keep up with my writing in so many forums (various blogs, local magazines, websites, etc.) but it's time to focus on my sports writing over at The Blonde Side. The trick here is that writing about sports is my number 1 dream...to be published in a magazine about a sports related topic, written by ME, would be amazing. Seeing as it's my #1 dream, I'm terrified I'll write something stupid. Hell, lots of people write stupid stuff everyday that still manages to get read and some even get paid for it! My dream will never happen if I don't buckle down and focus. So, play ball! (that was cheesy, I'm well aware)

2. Learn to make sleeping a priority and not worry so much...ya know, not sweating the small stuff kinda thing. I saw this quote on twitter (reason #2 to partake) and it really struck a chord with me: “Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.” - Mary Crowley

Over the past year insomnia has really affected my life and my health in a negative manner. I need to learn to shut off life, the computer, the iPhone, all the worries. (I will start taking this advice after I post this!)

Besides, I can't dream and even figure out what I want in this life if I don't lay down and actually sleep, so bring on the dreams!

3. Challenge Myself. I've noticed over the years I've taken the path of least resistance and have sought the easiest way out in every scenario possible. Taking the easy way out doesn't make the world go round dammit! I haven't reached out and really challenged myself - AT ALL. I was a girl that was born to make waves...following the path of least resistance hardly does such. How do you know what you want out of life and what your dreams are unless you challenge yourself - on a daily basis!? I need to start going places without using my GPS - challenging myself to new sites and destinations and relying on myself to find my way. Next time I come up with a great idea that seems like too much work, I need to press on and make it happen. These are the challenges I need to seek out - not avoid!

4. Maintain and Foster Healthy Relationships. Ok, here's where it gets a little intense, but I'm sticking with the "Simple" part of the this project here. For those of you that know me or have followed this blog, you know I'm not known to surround myself with the healthiest of relationships. Another vocal revelation that makes me feel like a big girl is that I can admit fault in many of those dynamically dysfunctional relationships of the past. After so many ended friendships and earth shattering breakups, I realize I need to stay away from people and relationships that bring negativity in my life. Focus on the people that love me and want me to succeed as well as not being afraid to open the door to a new friend or maybe someone more than a friend. Truth be told, I thought I'd be married and with a family by now. Boy was I off the mark on that one! Good thing, because the guys that have been serious enough to talk about marriage and the like were far from what I ever wanted out of life. But unless I start taking dating seriously and making it a point to run away from the bad seeds, that dream will never happen.

So there you have it! My 4 powerful, yet simple goals to help me feel like the 28 year old I want to be. The one that it's not too late to be! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the above or if you have started a similar project...please share!

.jl.

a little bit of feeling, a little bit of venting, and a lot of praying

2010-08-05T23:02:00.006-05:00

So my last blog (about the senile woman and michael vick) was about a much more serious subject that I can't seem to shake. You may find this shocking, but I contemplated writing this particular post because I wasn't sure if it crossed the lines. In today's age of social media and wide open Internet spaces I've decided to go ahead and post it. After all, it is my blog and these are my feelings. You have the right to stop reading and close out the window at any given moment.

The subject matter is death and how different people deal with this loss and sadness in different ways. I am not posting this to try and prove I was right or to make anyone feel bad (or to make myself feel better). Maybe my outlook on death, visiting grave-sites or praying to a lost loved one will help just one person's pain...even a tiny.

The background: A FB acquaintance recently posted a picture visiting a cemetery of one of his high school buddies. From the times I've hung out with this acquaintance and witnessed his jovial manner I thought my comment would be completely acceptable and appreciated. The young man passed almost a decade ago and I was giving my acquaintance kudos for not being afraid to visit him and not being afraid to "talk" about him/post it on FB. Based on his response as well as the mother of the friend, it was obviously not accepted.

I received a FB message "yea you ==== keep it to yourself" (which prompted the post below this about privacy on social media such as FB) from the mother. After she confirmed the message was meant for me and my "rude" comment, I took the time to draft and send her the below message. You may read the below and think I'm the world's biggest bitch. You may read it and think I'm a rock star for speaking my mind and choosing to celebrate life rather than mourn death. You may read it and think nothing at all. To each his own. That's part of social media. You are allowed to say and think what you want.

___________________________________________________________

What I find rude is the passive aggressive nature if which you sent me a FB message regarding a comment you knew nothing about.

I do however apologize if you took my message the wrong way, but it was FOR and ABOUT "name omitted", not your son. You obviously don't know me (which probably should have prevented you from sending me a message in the first place), but I am a genuine person and my heart goes out to anyone and everyone who has ever suffered the loss of a loved one. I too have lost a number of people in my life and I do not believe that every comment relating to death needs to be depressing and tearful. You ARE allowed to talk to God and to those passed and joke and remember the good times and "celebrate their life rather than mourn their death." There is Scripture everywhere that states exactly that and that's what my message was in regards to.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel's call and with the sound of God's trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words."

1 Thessalonians 4.13-17

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."

Revelation 21:4

I am truly sorry for your loss but that does not give you the right to bring burden into my life. How dare the two of you attack me for making a gentle, heartfelt comment about such a heavy subject. It was merely my only intention to ease the pain and show someone I thought it was great they went to visit an old friend. If you noticed, I was the only one brave enough to comment on such a powerful picture/topic.

You truly ought to think twice before sending a complete stranger a message "yea you ===== keep it to yourself". Facebook is a social media platform and when things are displayed and posted, the point is for people to comment hence the word 'social'. If this was such a private and sensitive matter you may consider using other outlets besides a public forum. A message indicating spending quality time and joking with an old friend at their grave site is exactly what got me through a similar time. How dare you judge me and try to ruin my evening with a message solely meant to attack me.

You were not put on this earth to judge me. Please remember that.

Please do not respond to this message as I do not use FB as a means for attacking people or for dramatic conversations. I truly wish you a good evening and with the most genuine sentiments I will pray for you and your loss.

.jl.

A senile old woman on social media is about as appropriate as Michael Vick being a dog walker.

2010-08-05T21:59:00.004-05:00

Last night I received a message on Facebook that I thought was spam or an accident. It was from a woman 50+ and the subject said “yea you ---- keep it to yourself”. I messaged her back and asked if I was the lucky recipient of some awkward spam or if that was meant for me. Apparently even at an age headed straight for senility in Velcro tennis shoes, passive aggressive is still alive and well.

So I thought I’d take a minute and school Betty White’s Great Grandma on social media. For starters, don’t tell me or anyone to mind our own business when something is posted on FB or any other social media site. NEWSFLASH- Anything on the Internet IS my business. Maybe next time you should try a little handwritten note that Paul Revere can deliver for you via horseback to help ensure your privacy.

For the second day in a row I shall consult Urban Dictionary, one of my favorite online resources. This family friendly reliable source defines Social Media as “participatory online media that utilizes the group to write and direct content, rather than a read-only media. Allows for direct contact between participants.” By publicly posting something, you are not only allowing me to see it, but comment on it. This is reason number 54,683 why people over 50 should NOT be on social media (unless they are reasonable and educated enough to understand the purpose for it as well as the ramifications of posting).

(On a serious note, I Google imaged “Michael Vick walking a dog” and came across photos of dogs after they had been through dogfights and it made me sick to my stomach. Michael Vick – I couldn’t stand you from the first second I met you at VT recruitment and my disdain for you has continued to grow, especially now that you play on MY football team. My heart goes out to every little animal that has ever been victim to these dogfights and I will kick every person I come across in the balls that has ever supported/been part of dogfighting. We share the planet with some sick individuals. Give back by visiting the American Society for the Prevention of Animal Cruelty.)

.jl.

to take or not to take the call. the BOOTY CALL

2010-08-04T11:12:00.008-05:00

Booty Calls...there's an app for that.

Booty Calls...so easy a caveman can do it.

Booty Calls...they'll make you fist pump.

Booty Calls...Just Do It.

Booty Calls - been there, done that. Literally.

And don't judge me - it's a part of life. So much so that I recently came across a study in the Journal of Sex Research (July Issue) on MSNBC which is all about: Booty Calls.

Peter Jonason, psychologist at the University of West Florida (at the time study was conducted), studied over 300 college students on the booty call phenomenon to try and get an understanding of the how and why. And more importantly how participating in these types of relationships (which whether you want to admit it or not, ARE in fact relationships), can mold you and your criteria for future relationships.

For those readers of the more conservative nature that may not know what a booty call is, I've consulted one of my favorite sources for your understanding, Urban Dictionary. Here you'll find a plethora of raunchy definitions. Mom/Dad, let me give you one of the easier versions, "a late night summons often made via telephone to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis." However, they should update it to say, "often made via telephone, text messages, Facebook and even now occasionally via Twitter."

But back to the study. The study recruited (somehow I'm sure this recruitment was a bit easier than say, Reggie Bush...) 123 college students who had been in a booty call relationship in the previous year. For comparison purposes the study also found 97 students in a committed relationship and 69 that had been a part of a one-night stand (ironic choice of numbers there, huh??). The team of researchers found overall that emotional acts (i.e. handholding, kissing) were less common in the bootyships. "Booty call partners usually don't hold hands and kiss - they're trying to minimize confusion," Jonason said. As we all know, girls usually screw this up wanting more than the original deal they signed on for. Which brings me to the Booty Application (picture shown). This is a perfect agreement to get your Booty Call partner to agree to the terms, sign and keep tucked away in your nightstand for easy retrieval. When he/she wants to go out for ice cream after you've done the deed or asks to spend the night, just pull out this contract and wave it in their face. That'll show 'em.

Jonason's commentary/research also proves another valid point I've long been a believer of...scientists are pretty darn boring and probably don't a ton of action. This is why THEY should not have been conducting this study. I SHOULD HAVE. What if part of the study was to actually see a Booty Call in progress? Or read the racy text messages leading up to the actual Booty Call? These scientists would run away screaming like little girls. Don't believe me? Case in point; Jonason considers kissing and handholding to be foreplay and documented so in his study. If holding my hand is foreplay, I don't want any. I kid, I actually miss holding hands... :(

Elaine Hatfield, Professor of Psychology at the University of Hawaii plans to do "longitudinal work" on the subject matter where scientists follow the same individual for years to get a better sense and understanding of the role Booty Calls play in society and forming future relationships. "We should know a lot more as we track the trajectory and frequency of casual sex...," Hatfield said. My advice to you Ms. Hatfield: do not follow anyone from the likes of Tila Tequila, Paris Hilton, or "Whorey Torey" from this year's Aquapalooza.

The study was geared towards breaking down what's missing in your sex life. Take it from me (a retired booty callee), if you HAVE a sex life, nothing's missing. Oh and if you like oral, you better buckle down and get in a long-term relationship! The study found that those in long-term relationships were more apt to getting oral. Maybe I should add this line to my eHarmony posting to help increase my odds??

I feel after a post dedicated to such, I need to send out a PSA for those in need of a booty call. There is in fact an app for that. Actually there are a few, but the one that seems to be all the rage is PinpointsXwith tag-line, helps you score with strangers. There are also some booty call dedicated sites for you to peruse should you feel inclined.

.jl.

I wished for a passion and found "Wish Upon a Wedding"

2010-07-02T21:31:00.005-05:00

My life has been stale lately. Stale as an old Ritz cracker. One may ask, how can that be, you're always so busy? Busy - absolutely. Loving life and feeling passionate - not so much lately.

Then I stumbled upon Wish Upon a Wedding, a non-profit that grants wedding and civil union ceremonies for adults with terminal illnesses, at destinations across the United States. This was it! Finally something to give me goosebumps!

Truth be told, I won't be planning my own wedding anytime soon or getting excited about my own nuptials (read completely single), so why not get jazzed about someone else's dream!?

The Houston chapter had their launch party at the Westin Galleria Wednesday, where I got to mingle with some of the finest photographers, event planners/coordinators, DJs, makeup artists, florists, bakeries, etc. in the great city of Houston. I am photographed here with one of my new BFFs (and amazing diva and volunteer) Crystal of Professional Socialites where we went crazy brainstorming ways I could get Charity Chicks Houston involved!

After watching the video of Rehanna and Christian and their special day, I knew this was a cause I had to spread the word about! I can't necessarily volunteer my services because I'm not in the industry, but I know lots of people that may want to help.

So here are a few ridiculously easy and heartfelt ways YOU can help this amazing group:

1. Do you know someone that deserves a wedding that may be facing a terminal illness? Submit an application for them.

2. Are you (or do you know someone) who is in the wedding industry that wants to be a Wish Granter? Post a small blurb (link to this blog, their website, etc.) on twitter, facebook, email, etc. - you never know who your positive word will reach.

The group was officially launched in January of this year and they already have a ton of chapters. If you live in one of these areas and want to help or learn more (or start your own chapter in a city not listed), please reach out to them.

Current Chapters:

-Northern California

-Chicago

-Southern California

-Seattle

-Orlando

-St. Louis

-The Carolinas

-Colorado

-D.C. (Maryland, Virginia, D.C. and West Virginia)

-Portland

-HOUSTON

-Las Vegas

-Atlanta

-South Florida/Miami

-Philadelphia

.jl.

kids reenact the hills...hilarious

2010-05-04T23:38:00.000-05:00

I think I just fell victim to online bullying...

2010-03-29T20:47:00.006-05:00

yeah I did.

Part One: The Set Off

I had an unsettling revelation today. I reached out to a few "friends" trying to get some contacts and support on an upcoming Road Show charity trip I'm doing in 3 days. I realize (trust me...I'm the one doing the planning, emailing and fundraising, so trust me when I say I REALIZE) that I do a lot of charity stuff. I love it. It's the main reason I co-founded a charity group a little over a year ago. And I know that for multiple reasons my friends and family can't support every single endeavor I get involved in. That would be crazy! I'm always sending emails or writing our charity newsletter about upcoming events, tweet about chances to donate, post facebook statuses of websites and inspirational stories I think you should read, and talk incessantly and passionately about my involvement when given the opportunity.

But after being involved in countless charity events, ones that I've poured my heart and soul into planning, ones that have aided and abetted in my lack of sleep for days on end I realized I have friends that don't support a single thing I do. And by support, I don't mean financially. Or even volunteering hours of free time. It could mean showing up at an event with a friend to show support. It could be a simple email, or hell even a note on facebook encouraging me for what I'm doing.

I don't do any of this charity work as a means of getting praise or attention. I don't get free cocktail dresses from Oscar de le Renta to wear at the parties. I don't even get gas mileage reimbursement. I do it because I like it and it makes me feel good. But then I think of friend's that DEMAND my support and encouragement when they get engaged, which ultimately requires me to spend lots of money on gifts, travel or bridesmaid dresses. Or the expectation to throw a baby shower for their first child. Or sending a housewarming gift when they buy a new house to show them how much I love them. These are milestones in their lives and I WANT to be there for them. Friends are meant to share those important moments, if and when they can.

But NEWSSSSFAAALASH...just because I don't rock a rock on my left ring finger or I don't breast feed does NOT mean I'm devoid of my very own milestones. This upcoming Road Show and the charity events that I plan are not only changing my life each and every day, but are changing the lives of others. These are huge milestones for me and ones that I had hoped my friends would bend over backwards to support me, take an interest in or at least give me a freaking high-five. It makes me sad to think the people I once considered my closest friends have not shared in the excitement of a single event with me. These same friends that are too busy to forward a flyer, post a link on facebook, or make a call on my behalf for a worthy cause are the ones that don't hesitate to ask me for favors."Do you have Rockets tickets tomorrow that you aren't using?" "Can I borrow that pink strapless dress this weekend?" "Do you mind paying for my dinner, I'm a little short on cash?" "I need a new job, can you make a call and be my reference?" Do I bat an eye? no sir.

(I'd be remiss not to give a big thank you to those that do share notes of encouragement with me and those that come and support my events and take an active interest. This WILL be another post for a beautiful day soon because it does mean the world to me.)

PART TWO: Oh No You Didn't...

Hopefully you read the little tirade above. I was (and sadly, still am) upset with that disheartening revelation. But it's life. Still a little upset, I headed over to my usual afterwork locale, the gym. I picked up my blackberry and sent a tweet about the above situation and then headed off to spinning only to return to a bevy of nonsense. For those that aren't familiar with Twitter, the main thing you need to know is that you're limited to 140 characters in each message.

the tweet in question...

sucks to see "friends" w/ no interest & ZERO support in my charity efforts. Well u know what - I don't give a F about ur babies or weddings

In hindsight, yes, that could have easily been taken the wrong way. Remember, 140 characters doesn't leave a beaucoup of space to write ALL of Part 1 from above. The frustrating part about this ruckus is that people who don't know me (but choose to follow me on twitter) are judging me, and publicly for that matter. Have I ever taken something the wrong way or rushed judgment? of course. And I'm embarrassed by it. But to start an entire revolution and get people to virtually gang up on someone is asinine. To send a tyrannizing message to someone saying I have an "evil heart" is taking it far and wide and landing on another planet. If these folks knew me AT ALL, or even sat in a booth behind me at Applebee's they would know within seconds just how much I care about people...ESPECIALLY babies and weddings.

But understand this. Bringing my charity, that I (and MANY others) have worked so hard to promote and grow, into question is UNCALLED for. By making comments about my character and tying my charities name into it for no other reason than to give your denouncing tweet some leverage is appalling and without merit. Your false and harsh judgement not only added to my already bad day, but you could have easily jeopardized the name of a wonderful charity and all the future good it could bring to those that need and deserve it. Shame on YOU.

I understand that I have 2 twitter accounts (@jaymelamm & @charitychicks) and that everything I say and do not just on twitter but in general reflects upon the other. I do think it's common sense, not to mention common courtesy, that when I post something from a personal account, to leave it at that. I should be granted a little separation between church and state because after-all, I am still an individual entitled to bad days and opinions. I might suggest foregoing this type of accusatory nonsense from the twitter account of your brand new restaurant. Probably not smart for business. I can only imagine you'd want the same if you went out and got hammered or did something that had ZERO to do with a business that you're working hard to make a name for. I'm just saying.

I pride myself on having very thick skin. I think it's a must for the life I live. A life I live everyday to the fullest and without filter. I know I sometimes say things that make people wonder what the heck was she thinking, but that's what I do. When you publicly and falsely denounce someone's charitable and do-gooder status, that hurts. That is the equivalent of hitting a girl below the belt. Especially on days like today, weeks like this, months like the past 14 when I've worked day and night with the only goal of helping others. Dedicated to raising money and awareness for diseases, creating and delivering cards to terminally ill patients, spending entire weekends brainstorming ways to help the homeless or babysitting a child for a single mom that can't afford a babysitter. To spend what scarce free time I have to help others and find ways to raise funds and awareness for worthy causes.

Man, the above sure painted one hell of a picture of an "evil hearted" girl.

One final thought...if you don't like what I have to say or it offends you, simply unfollow me and voila - problem solved.

.jl.

my life, her lens

2010-03-28T00:26:00.006-05:00

A girl whom I've come to know and love just posted this fantab blog about me (and my 23lb teacup chihuahua she lovingly refers to as luscious denali) after capturing a smorgasbord of snapshots.

Kasey Marsh, owner of Monkey Tree Photography is the charity chick standing on the other side of the photo on the left. She has come to be my creative crony. An artistic ally. A philanthropic playmate. My spray-paint sidekick.

As my life continues to get busier and I start to finally learn a little more about what I want to be when I grow up, I realized I needed some photos for my freelance writing website. But not just any photos of course. Photos that screamed JAYME LAMM at high decibels type photos.

I've been lucky enough to have come across many great photographers here in Houston, but camera on or off Kasey and I just vibe. She knows I'm not that typical girl, she knows I'm not a model or a wannabe model and she knows I want and need my personality to shine through my photos. I hate to brag, but I've got personality and Olan Mills and Sears just weren't gonna cut it.

If anyone can capture my "I've got lots of words rolling around in my head and I'm ready to blurt them out without running them through a filter like a normal person" look, Kasey is the girl to do it!

It's always great and uplifting to hear positive words of encouragement about your personal endeavors, but coming from a gal like Kasey, those words mean a hell of a lot more.

I appreciate her work as a photographer. I appreciate her efforts to give back to great causes both as an individual and as a thriving business. But most of all, I appreciate her friendship.

(see a few more of these screaming photos)

.jl.

taking my show ON THE ROAD

2010-03-26T22:49:00.005-05:00

My sincere apologies for being a tad absent to this blog lately. This particular post is neither the time nor the place to go into full detail about how insanely busy I've been lately, but I did want to take a minute and tell you about a project I am working on that is surely going to be the biggest yet.

On April 1st I will be departing from Houston and heading on a 2000+ mile trek ending on April 10th in NYC. No surprise to many of you, it's for charity. But not just any charity. A charity that I hold near and dear to my heart, The Jed Foundation focusing on depression and suicide prevention for college students.

I have a personal story about how a friend's suicide has left a lasting effect on my life, but my main drive for this trip (no pun intended) is simply to let people know that depression and suicidal thoughts are not something you should be embarrassed about. Depression has affected millions of people...from pop stars that we idolize, to politicians, to the girl in 5th grade that could hold handstands longer than you.

Please don't be afraid to reach out to a friend or family member if you're feeling depressed and need to talk. Don't suffer in silence for fear of being judged because the people that care about you would never judge you on something so serious. Speaking from experience, we would all rather hear the thoughts haunting our friends instead of finding out about it when it's too late.

Depression...it's not embarrassing.

If you have a moment, please this information around and help us get donations and raise awareness. This is a great cause and I feel extremely blessed to be a part of this journey.

I knew at an early age that God had something crazy and silly in store for my life...I'm thinking this might be it?

www.roadshowblondes.com

twitter @roadshowblondes

roadshowblondes@gmail.com

You can read my personal blog posts and keep up to date with our ROAD SHOW, as well as DONATE to the wonderful cause at ROADSHOWBLONDES.com.

[photo strip courtesy of Sunshine Winters]

.jl.

My Black Cloud..in the form of TWEETING, not texting

2010-02-02T15:32:00.004-06:00

If you don't know me (or haven't read a single post I've ever written) you may not be aware of 'de black cloud' that belongs to yours truly. This little guy follows me everywhere.

So for simple humor, let me tell you about a brief incident today. For those that didn't know (don't worry, you are not alone), texting while driving through a school zone is against the law in Texas and many other states.

As 'de black cloud' would have it, I got pulled over today and it went a little something like this:

officer: ma'am, did you know it was illegal to text while driving in a school zone?

defensive me: but officer, I was tweeting, not texting..

unimpressed officer: license and registration please

me: crap. this is a rental, I don't know if there is registration in here.

nosey officer: why do you have a rental?

me without a filter: I wrecked my car last week driving while texting.

Officer proceeds to smirk and write a ticket.

Just a day in the life of JLamm. I firmly believe they should revise the law to include tweeting and emailing..

.jl.

a message to my people..

2010-01-22T13:46:00.004-06:00

so I feel some follow up is in order after the douche bag post and some resulting backlash. let me first start off by saying thank you for the attention and comments (I only received 2 pieces of negative feedback and I'm sure you can guess which camp they came from..).

we are all scorn. by this age, and really by any age, we've all suffered some unfortunate acquaintance with one douche bag or another (this goes for girls and guys). we've all been played. we've all been hurt. we've all vented to our friends. while it may not be accurate to say "we've all posted blogs to document the experience", I have-so deal with it. I am not a bitch with too much time on her hands. I am not a vindictive poor helpless soul lacking shame. the way I see it is, my life for the most part is an open book, because that is what I choose. I love to write. And I'm damn good at it, regardless if you agree or find grammatical or spelling errors. it's what I do and it's what I love. If you, or anyone, subjects me to a situation as such, I have the full right and privilege to write about it. to make light of it. to call myself out on it or you. you made me feel like crap and I made light of it. what puts you on a pedestal and me in the wrong?

and for those of you thinking I'm a crazy chick and nothing is off limits when it comes to blogging..you're the crazy one. I have gone through things that I don't feel are appropriate for either myself, my family, or others involved to write about. I do have discretion and I do use judgement. simply because we disagree on whether or not I did in this case, is just a difference in opinion. I'm confident in my decision.

while I'm confident in my decision to have written it and everything I wrote in said douche bag post was 100% true (albeit sad, but true), I did talk to "him" last night. he gave me what seemed to be a genuine apology, took me out for a milkshake and we talked. so yes, I removed his name from the post. I'm not admitting fault, I simply see his side of things and not everyone should be judged for an encounter with a particular individual. I do think the jersey shore offspring comes from a good place and has a good heart, I just think I met him at a time where we was, and still is, figuring things in his life out. we've all done things we regret (I am solid proof of such), but I refuse to apologize for recounting a true story that shed some light on some things and brought a smile and girl power mentality to a number of souls.

thanks again for simply the feedback and interest you took...whether good or bad, this was my highest viewed post ever..and only within 90 minutes. I've received calls and emails about this story and about my ability to recount situations in a humorous manner which again is what I think I'm made to do..

.jl.

lemme tell you about this boy..

2010-01-21T15:02:00.011-06:00

this boy who did me wrong. and not from a bitter-I got dumped-it wasn't fair standpoint. I've never been a kiss and tell kinda girl..just figured it's not my place. but today's world is filled with so many liars, players, guys that think their shit doesn't stink..all around douche-bags. and well, us nice girls who deserve nice guys (yes I said deserve), need to stick together.

girls have instincts when they meet someone. when I met Lance (real names omitted), I knew he was the playboy type. more-so the wannabe playboy type, but as I got to know him he worked really hard to change my perception of him. my bad..it almost worked. one of these days I swear I'll learn. but like a true jerk, his true colors came shining through. I'm almost disappointed in myself for dating a guy that could be THIS dumb.

he's the kind of guy that when he puts your number in his phone, real names are a privilege. perhaps he'll put your first name, just because it kinda makes sense, but he will also put a body asset he's fond of (or not fond of) and perhaps where he met you. I get it..when you get that many numbers, that many trashy numbers, you want to remember who to call when. now I know a lot of girls and guys that do this..but once you start getting older, life is not about filling up your blackberry with girls you literally pick up off the floor of a bar at 2am. (don't worry, I wasn't in that category..)

Lance is the kind of guy that comes over to my house (as we're dating, talking, what have you) when I'm sick. sick with a 104.7 fever. he comes over with soup...how sweet. but it's a can of soup that he heats up for himself, eats in front of me, makes himself at home, doesn't offer any and leaves the mess on the counter on his way out to the bar to meet more barflies. no looking back..not even a text to see if I'm still alive or God-forbid need anything.

[I have removed one line here, although it's true, I'm not trying to ruin his reputation..I'm just making light of the situation of him being a douche-bag and what he did to me..]

he's the kind of guy that tans so much he kinda resembles Garfield.. (what was I thinking!?).

I have opted for a shorter blog, so here is the kicker. Lance, is the kind of guy that goes to a charity event of the girl he's dating (this would be me) for support. sweet, right? he's the kind of guy that for the 5 seconds he isn't holding my hand or whispering things like "honey, this event was so great. I'm so proud of you", he was off getting one of my charity chicks phone numbers. ok, ballsy. audacious. douche, your call. but it gets better. he's the kind of guy to disappear from my event for 30 mins and say he had to run to the ATM, but instead go to another bar with this girl he just met at MY event. he's the kind of guy to show up at my next stop to resume the hand-holding and nice conversation. what I just found out is he's also the kind of guy to text my friend, that he just met at MY event, and invite her to hang out with us. he's the kind of guy to call her from the bar (when I went to the bathroom) to try and win her over. and he's even the kind of guy to text her from my bed at 6:30 in the morning while I'm sleeping. RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!

and ladies and gentlemen..he's the kind of guy to get MAD at me for doubting his 30 minute disappearing act. yes I may have trust issues, but when you're actually lying and a girl is smart enough to see it, you aren't allowed to get mad. you forfeit that right the second you become a douche (in Lance's case, the day he was born) or the second you lie.

(and if any ladies need to see a picture or want his number to make sure you don't have it or answer if it ever calls, just let me know..just my public service for the day..)

.jl.

crush is an ironic word, no?

2010-01-08T02:06:00.004-06:00

crush	768 up, 54 down
	1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn't love yet 2. a precursor to love 3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them

Today I used the word (prematurely I might add) "crush" for the first time since I can remember. I got uber excited at the mere fact I may have finally suppressed all the feelings and confusion of my last relationship and saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Said "light" just so happens to be in the shape of a muscular ridiculously attractive guy combined with a sense of sarcasm, genuine sincerity, and a smile that could make you..well, you know. The sincerity is what got me..obviously I'm not familiar with such a quality in past beaus.

I've said over and over again, and I'm pretty sure I've meant it, that I'm not ready for another relationship, not yet anyways. I don't need it, I don't have time for it, and it isn't a priority. All true. Part of that was also based on the tidbit that I haven't been attracted to anyone lately. I haven't met any guys that have filled previous shoes and I wasn't trying to settle in a rush to find it.

Then I said it. Out loud. And on twitter. After a few hours, the irony of the word set in. As a child I always wondered who (and quite frankly still do) appointed words to their meanings. We all played that game as kids. If "the who" that chose what words meant had called a lamp an areola instead of a lamp, we wouldn't think twice. It would be common to call part of your breast a lamp. We would have said at the infamous Super Bowl XXXVIII halftime mishap that Janet Jackson's lamp was sticking out.

So why did this Almighty Word Assigner call "puppy love", and this feeling of excitement, a crush? Was he/she trying to tell us something?

You don't find it ironic that the same word identified as a "precursor to love" is also:

crush	660 up, 253 down
	v. the process by which people are killed when thrown beneath asteam-roller or other placed in between two solid surfaces with force being applied toward them that the body cannot withstand.

I mean...food for thought, no?

If a crush can potentially lead to love, and love has always ended up ALL WRONG for me, then I think it's safe to say I can retract my earlier crush comment and revert back to pre-crush time.

.jl.

(..ps..written at 3:30am, I may wake up and decide a crush or interest of any kind may not be such a bad idea..guess we'll have to wait and see..)

SHUTOUT

2010-01-04T11:06:00.000-06:00

The only good thing that came from yesterday's vile massacre of the Dallas Cowboys shutting out my ON FIRE Philadelphia Eagles was this one-of-a-kind, recycled from an old jersey, Eagles Clutch from Zoe Klutch.

She has some clutches already made from some great shirts she's picked up along the way, but she also takes custom orders from any of your favorite old t-shirts and now jerseys (happy to say mine was the first ever from the jersey line!). It can be your favorite sports team, the team you played for in high school, your favorite band, a pattern on a shirt that your mom shrunk five years ago, or whatever else you conjure up.

Check her out and tell her I sent you!

ps..can't wait to see the Eagles take revenge next week and then off to win the Super Bowl (even though I won't be able to stand it if Kibbles and Vick gets a ring..).

.jl.

he just wasn't that into me..

2009-12-30T19:21:00.004-06:00

I can't start off by saying I wish I would have known..because unfortunately, I did know. I'm the leader of the pack when it comes to hopeless romantics that get blinded by what is or what could be, and it's a shame.

I have been debating writing this blog for exactly one year. A year ago, I started dating Zach (while privacy for me is not a huge deal, I know it is to him and even though he didn't respect much of anything about me, I will give him the courtesy and respect his privacy). We met a couple years ago at a bar and randomly kept in touch..when it was convenient (read into that what you will). About a year ago, the timing seemed perfect and we talked about actually dating. One night he said, "I just realized we've never even been on a date. I think it's time." As a girl, and remember, hopeless romantic, I was floored. He was so incredibly sweet, sincere and genuine.

On the night of said date, he didn't show. It was his friend's birthday dinner (so he obviously wouldn't forget), but the pickup time came and went and not a peep from Zach. A few hours later, disappointed and heartbroken (because I tend to set myself up for such situations) I sent him a text letting him know I was disappointed and had misjudged him. I had NEVER been stood up before. My dating life has never been stellar, but I'd never been stood up. No call, no show. Never, not me. Not until I met him and not until that night.

I spent the night asking myself why I get my hopes up. What I did wrong. Why wasn't I special enough to stay on his mind. How could he forget someone like me? As a writer with ideas/topics always presenting themselves, I keep a monthly poster-size post-it note on my bedroom door with possible blog topics. That night I wrote "He's Just Not That Into You-personal experience, being stood up", then drank a glass of wine and went to bed.

A few nights later Zach came over. As we were about to fall asleep he read my latest blog idea. He laughed and asked if it was about him. Of course it was. I made it a point to tell him that was the first time I had ever been stood up. Not long after, we officially became a "couple" and I thought things were great. This is the guy I thought I had always dreamed about. But every month when I re-wrote my blog ideas on the post-it, I would write "He's Just Not That Into You". Every month. Zach always asked why I kept putting it back up there. I thought at the time it was because it was a good blog post. That standing someone up was a good indicator he just wasn't into them. And maybe it was my way of reminding myself what happened. Maybe I wanted to warn others about it, without truly realizing what it meant in my own relationship.

What I realize an entire year later that it was a red flag I ignored. I gave him the benefit of the doubt even though I knew what it meant. Looking back at the relationship, the conversations, the commitment issues, everything, it's painstakingly clear he was never into me. If I had trusted my instincts, or maybe backed off, I wouldn't be in the position I am at this exact moment: sad with a broken heart, and angry that I let a guy who clearly wasn't interested into my life.

.jl.

(no one was harmed in the making of this blog, though a few tears were shed..)

the pursuit of happiness

2009-12-01T00:08:00.006-06:00

The three aspects of man's unalienable rights are "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness", so says our Declaration of Independence. Ever wonder what would happen if you stopped pursuing said happiness?

Maybe you don't realize it, but everyday you wake up, you are pursuing happiness. Just by getting out of bed you are pursuing happiness..looking for something in your day to bring you joy. You eat food that makes you happy. You spend time with people that make you happy. You dress in clothes that make you feel good, which in turn makes you happy. Women wear makeup and get their hair done because again, it makes them feel good leading to happiness.

Being "happy" isn't a given everyday. We must do our best to put our best foot forward and remind ourselves to be happy. I read books and research topics that interest me, because it makes me feel more intelligent. Feeling intelligent makes me happy. We all have our habits, our quirks that bring happiness to our lives.

Hopefully when you go to bed at night you feel blessed and thankful and happy from something in your life that puts a smile on your face. God-forbid you wake up one morning and it's gone. You have to pursue happiness again. It isn't guarantee to be there. Happiness comes from within and that's one of the scariest thoughts of all.

I would certainly call myself a happy person on many levels, but content I am not. Maybe that's why I'm in love with the concept of the pursuit of happiness. Maybe that's why this self-evident truth gives me hope. It's not necessarily about the end result or acquisition of being happy, it's the perpetual pursuit of always looking for more.

I may be happy today, but maybe the pursuit of happiness will lead me to a happier tomorrow. Let's hope so.

.jl.

get some stress release this holiday season..even on a budget!

2009-11-30T23:22:00.005-06:00

Contact:

Beth DeLozier-Hayes

281.345.8347

Nov 30, 2009

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Houston Organizer Relieves Holiday Stress

Houston – Trés Chic Organizing, the premier professional organizing firm in Houston, helps clients create functional and stylish spaces they truly love. They educate clients about basic organizing principles, and how to change their behavior so they can get organized, and stay organized.

The holiday rush is upon us, and Trés Chic has added new services specifically geared toward helping Houstonians relieve their seasonal stress. Trouble finding the perfect gift for everyone on your list? Trés Chic handles the planning, budgeting, shopping, and even unique custom gift-wrapping! For those hosting friends and family this holiday season, the experts at Trés Chic will share their secret hostess tips, schedule planning, and home staging solutions. They can even take the hassle out of holiday cards by addressing, stamping, and shipping them off to loved ones! No project is too big or too small for the elves at Trés Chic Organizing. The beauty of their new holiday services is that every package can be customized to fit each client’s needs, on any budget.

For more information about the Trés Chic holiday services, or to schedule a free consultation, visit us or call 281.345.8347.

-- Tres Chic Organizing --

Trés Chic Organizing was founded in 2007 by Beth DeLozier-Hayes. After moving homes three times in one year, Beth began to realize the importance of living an organized, simplified life. After studying the principles of organizing and productivity, she realized that she could easily teach these tools to others and truly make a difference in their lives. Inspired by interior design and fashion, Beth decided to merge her flair for organizing with her keen eye for styling to create a truly unique organizing experience for the city of Houston.

Crave Sushi.

2009-11-20T19:47:00.003-06:00

here is my November article on Crave Sushi in Barstool Mag. Great sushi, great drinks, great owners.

what other restaurants in Houston deserve a write up? leave me a comment with your suggestions please!

.jl.

Bosom Buddies (Oct issue of Envy, pg. 80)

2009-10-17T22:02:00.002-05:00

here is my article in the October edition of Envy Mag for our BRAtober 16 event. loving seeing my name in ink, but after this event, love planning huge events that raise massive money and awareness for worthy non-profits such as Save the Ta-tas.

Cupcakes and Cleavage TONIGHT

2009-09-18T12:12:00.005-05:00

Charity Chicks Houston present Cupcakes and Cleavage!

Join us tonight at the Galleria from 6-9 to help Save the Ta-tas! We'll be at {intimacy} near the Borders wing..stop in for a goodie bag and a great girls night out...

(and the cupcakes are from the ever popular Oh la la !!)

.jl.

Spread Your Wings Houston (Sept. Article in Barstool Magazine)

2009-09-09T19:17:00.002-05:00

this is me gently urging you to try new things..hell..if I can do it, anyone can. cheers.

.jl.

Twitter..the good, the bad and the ANNOYING. (yes, you Kim Kardashian)

2009-08-28T11:25:00.004-05:00

I recently joined the wonderful world of twitter or "twittersphere" as some people heinously refer to it. While I won't go into the million things I've learned about twitter or why I think it's legitimately worthwhile (think quality tweets, not "OMG, that guy in line at Target is HOT"), I do want to make a few points here.

Over the course of the last few months I've begun following some great people. No one has time to search the massive confines of the Internet, so it helps me to follow people in the same industry (health care, freelance writing, charity) and read what they think is important enough to share, or retweet (which really means to copy and paste someone else's message). I have found some wonderful articles about freelance writing, gotten in touch with some entrepreneurs, and gotten sound advice on planning events, among many other things.

Obviously with all good things come a few bad. I am a celebrity junky when it comes to gossip and reality shows..don't judge me..you probably are too. So in nature, I follow quite a few of the celebs on twitter..just to see what the hell is going on in their starlit life. I've also been following some AWESOME charity organizations with simple posts...% of sales at a popular store being given to charity, pass along this inspiring message or health related topics that could save someone's life, and even Amber Alerts which is amazing.

Here's my favorite example... if you follow @AlexsLemonade Volvo will donate $1 for each follower to childhood cancer. But for some reason people don't find that worthy enough to retweet..they'd rather talk about what color perfume bottle @KimKardashian should have?

While I agree each person's "twitter account" is their own and it should reflect their interests, not mine, I wish they would broaden themselves up a bit.

Those on twitter that have been successful enough to have TONS of followers (congrats on that) but do nothing but promote themselves really annoy me. Stop being so selfish on twitter and in everyday life. Try doing some good.

Feel free to share your comments (similar or opposing)..who do you follow that are "faux friendlys" and who on there do you feel does really worthwhile work?

.jl.

Focus On Women -- 2 articles in August 09 issue

2009-08-21T13:27:00.011-05:00

Click on either to read my articles in this month's Focus on Women magazine! Great little publication in Fort Bend County.

The Truth About High Heels (p. 50)

Ready to Jump Back in Bed with that Loud, Snoring Husband of Yours? (p.52)

What health topic do you want to hear about? Leave a comment and maybe you'll see it in print!

.jl.

Saying "No Thanks" to lunch dates...

2009-08-19T14:21:00.000-05:00

A couple weeks ago I had a speaking engagement for work in front of a large group. Afterwards there was a brief meet and greet type deal and this guy approached me and sparked an uninteresting, full-on awkward conversation. As I was wrapping up (aka, walking away), he asked me if I ever wanted to grab lunch...in front of numerous others. Of course my business cards were on the table out front so he had my number, email address and work address, merely for business purposes, and like diarrhea of the mouth, I responded "sure", because what else would you say in that scenario?

"Oh, I'm not interested."

"No thanks, I have a boyfriend."

"I'm way too busy."

"Before I commit to this lunch, what are your intentions? Are we going to discuss business or is this an attempt to get to know one another on a personal level because that is unacceptable?"

What if he only meant a casual, platonic lunch..maybe even to talk about business (which I still can't seem to draw the connection given both of our industries).

So here's the proverbial question...What Do You Say?

I was hoping it was a rhetorical question and he never intended on calling to follow up on lunch. Maybe he ran out of things to say during our encounter and didn't want to sound rude so he casually mentioned lunch? But...no such luck. He called...and has continued to call. I have been a coward and ignoring his calls and even accidentally answering and then saying "hold on" and then hanging up. I know I know..not mature at all. But since I already said yes, how do you get out of it?

I find lunch with a man you don't really know, who isn't directly related to business at hand to be inappropriate for someone in a relationship, but how do you say that without sounding like an a$$? What if you respond to his offer "That sounds great, but I have a boyfriend" and they counter with something like "I was just going to talk to you about how you market health care in this region, you conceited biatch!" Are you supposed to ask up front "Before we go to lunch, what are your intentions?" because that sounds heinously crazy.

What is the right answer, or is there one?

.jl.

apparently I'm not alone

2009-08-18T10:47:00.005-05:00

recently I posted this about my adult shenanigans and got tons of comments on my social media pages.

And here is my favorite.. thanks to my friend Robyn for throwing her sister under the bus...or off the bulldozer..I am not alone..THE SAME BULLDOZER ON THE SAME STREET..it strikes again.

I love my friends..and our like-minded silly/craziness.

.jl.

Help United Way by buying discounted Astros tickets!

2009-08-13T12:12:00.005-05:00

$2 for every ticket sold using this link and password (hermann) will go back to the United Way campaign. Only good for Thursday, 8/20 game.

Stop by Lucky's Pub for great Happy Hour prices before the game and catch the shuttle to the stadium.

Anyone is eligible. Pass it around and enjoy!

.jl.

my black cloud..in the form of a bulldozer

2009-08-11T22:07:00.002-05:00

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that my black cloud followed me on my vacation home to Virgina.

The story goes a little something like this..

My friend Janet and I went to Granby street for drinks and girl time. On our way back to the parking garage, low and behold there is a HUGE yellow bulldozer sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. It was like a gift from God with a sign saying "Here is a prop for your weekend photoshoot". I mean really..it was directly in the middle from the bar to the parking garage, IN THE SIDEWALK on the way to the car. Any normal human obsessed with picture taking would have jumped on the opportunity..or bulldozer.

After a few fun photos (that didn't hurt anyone), Mr. Policeman pulls up, lights blazing, shining his flashlight telling me I'm trespassing. Since when does the middle of the sidewalk, with no signs, no caution tape, equal trespassing? I'm really not trying to be a smart a$$, but doesn't it have to be private property or equipped with proper signage to denote trespassing? And I might add this picture is of me asking the cop to take our picture..before I get off the bulldozer. Opps.

Off the bat, Mr. Policeman is not a fan of my antics and threatens to write me a ticket for Trespassing. As I'm stepping off the bulldozer he starts threatening to take me to jail for Drunk in Public, which made me think I was off the hook, SINCE I WASN'T DRUNK. Though the picture above DOES look like I'm wasted, that is my natural, beautiful appearance.

Honest.

After he repeatedly threatened to take me to jail for being drunk in public, I got somewhat offended and asked for a Breathalyzer. You have to prove someone is in fact drunk to write them a ticket for drunk in public, correct? He refused to give me a Breathalyzer and instead puts me in handcuffs and in the back of the cop car, trying to prove his 5'2 stature of being a real man. After much begging from my dear friend, he let me go with a ticket for Disorderly Conduct.

The moral of the story-I was smarter than the cop by telling him he wasn't feasible to give me a drunk in public ticket without proving I was drunk. BUT, I was stupider than the cop by telling him that so he could write me a "legitimate" ticket for something else stupid.

And all I have to show for it is this stupid picture. I should frame it right next to the ticket.

For those that are familiar with the Granby Street area in Norfolk, I think we can all agree there are more important things for the cops to be doing than harassing two twenty-seven year olds just having old fashion fun. Our conduct was far from disorderly.

(All joking aside, I plan to write a post and letter to the local editor about how cops think they rule the world, and even when you're right, if the cop says you're wrong, you're just plain wrong.)

.jl.

Fight Breast Cancer One Bra at a Time

2009-08-03T14:42:00.005-05:00

Contact: Jayme Lamm jaymelamm@yahoo.com

August 3, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Introducing BRA ART – A New Way to Fight Breast Cancer

Houston – Charity Chicks Houston continues to fight strong with their promise to raise awareness and money for worthy non-profits in a fun, creative way as they roll out BRA ART.

BRA ART is a unique themed bra decorated with love, hope and courage by groups or individuals raising money and awareness for breast cancer and The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. The group welcomes and encourages creativity for each bra to be a masterpiece of art, whether it’s in honor of someone who’s battled the disease or something completely out of the ordinary. This is Houston’s chance to show what creativity and good will lurks in each and every mind.

“We got the idea from an event in Virginia, where the other Charity Chicks founder is from,” said Tam’ra Powell, co-founder of Charity Chicks Houston. “We wanted to take the idea 10 steps forward and really make it fun. We are so blessed to live in a large urban city with artists coming out of the woodwork, we really wanted to appeal to those groups.”

The group will showcase the Top 50 BRA ART entries at their BRAtober 16th event at the Bering and James Art Gallery where the winner will be based on People’s Choice. The BRA ART and BRAtober 16 event will give all net proceeds to The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. The Save the Ta-tas Foundation exists for the advancement of breast cancer awareness, education and prevention, and to aid in the fight to find a cure. This national organization is supported by a growing base of like-minded individuals and businesses who share the view that "laughter heals" which is similar to the volunteers Charity Chicks recruits.

The winner will receive an unprecedented amount of paparazzi-like attention at the event and in the press, as well as be named the co-donor of raised funds to The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. The only 2 rules to submit a BRA ART entry are to be creative and to include nothing X-rated on the bras. The bras were generously donated by Maidenform. To sign up or learn more, visit the website and donate $50 to The Save the Ta-tas Foundation. All entries must be submitted by October 3 in order to be eligible.

“We feel every person has some sort of creative gene in their body so this ‘contest’ really does give everyone an equal chance. The winner is judged on creativity and it’s all in the name of ta-tas, so bring on the donations. Thankfully Maidenform donated plenty of bras, so don’t hesitate if you want to decorate a couple of them!” Powell continues.

-- CCH --
Charity Chicks Houston got the great idea from Charity Chicks Orlando (unaffiliated, but a truly inspiring group of women) and then added their own flair to the group in Houston.
The group meets throughout the year for a host of reasons and causes. Charity Chicks Houston plans at least one event per quarter to support a local charity either by volunteering or raising money - or both. The group also attends and helps with other activities throughout the year to continue to promote the plethora of charitable events in the great city of Houston.
The events and the organizations CCH chooses to support vary throughout the year based on current situations and the passion of members. The group is not affiliated with any particular non-profit organizations. The group is unpaid and there are no time or financial commitments to join or participate.

.jl.

Tennis...the game of LOVE-40

2009-07-05T21:25:00.007-05:00

In attempts to get rid of the recent fat that has found its way to my belly, thighs, cheeks (both kinds) and other places I'm too ashamed to mention...I conned my boyfriend into a friendly (but still athletic) game of tennis.

Here's a short blurb of my conversation with my boyfriend, the tennis coach:

Me: George! Play like a normal human, you're my workout partner.

George: You're not my partner, you're my opponent.

Me: No babe, this is a workout, we are partners..you know, tennis partners.

George: You're on the other side of the net, therefore my OPPONENT. And what does a normal human play like?

Me: Opponents don't go to Target and buy rackets together. I doubt Roddick and Federer went shopping to buy rackets together, therefore we are PARTNERS!

A friendly game of tennis to a girl consists of aggressive volleying back and forth with some hustle here and there...and a friendly game of tennis to a guy simply doesn't exist.

.jl.

ART & AC in Houston !!

2009-07-05T15:10:00.002-05:00

ArtHouston 2009 is kicking off their 30th year this Saturday, July 11th at 36 galleries all over Houston (and all have air-conditioning!).

This is the perfect event for young artists or young art collectors and the galleries will be donating funds to help Hurricane Ike reconstruction.

The event is FREE and open to the public. The art scene in Houston is growing exponentially so check it out. If you want to start your own art collection for your first house or apartment, be sure to visit this event..they've got experts to point you in the right direction to find your perfect piece!

The event is from noon until 8pm on Satuday (the kick-off day) and most exhibits will be open the entire month of July. Be sure to check out my favorite...Bering and James located at 805 Rhode Place.

If you need more info or to get a copy of the brochure, call Mariah or Matthew at 713.522.9116 or visit the website.

.jl.

"Out of all my accessories, he's my favorite!"

2009-07-01T08:29:00.003-05:00

(This is a story I wrote for my friends Jen and Josh on their recent engagement!)

"Out of all my accessories, he's my favorite!"

-Jen Henrichsen on her recent engagement to leading man, Josh Brown

Houston socialite and rockstar, Jennifer Henrichsen (known to the public as JenHen) returned home after a week long vacation in Key West, sporting a 99-diamond engagement ring on her reserved digit, courtesy of world-famous physical therapist, Josh Brown.

Sources close to the couple tell us that Josh had been carrying the ring around the entire trip waiting for the “perfect” moment to pop the question. The couple pulled an unthinkable stunt by boarding a 3-hour sunset cruise out of Key West for a romantic getaway..along with sixty other civilians. Trying to avoid massive attention from passengers, Jen wore a gargantuan brim sunhat hiding her newly tanned face and Josh donned his white Armani shades.

Reports indicate halfway through the cruise, Josh got down on one knee and asked, “Will you marry me and be my rockstar?” An inside source, who wishes to remain anonymous, corroborates other reports that the starlet “was shocked and immediately said yes”. Growing suspicious of the activity at the back of the boat, the passengers anxiously awaited to hear her answer. Josh, seeming more nervous than working on an Olympic athlete’s broken leg shouted, “she said YES!” Even the folks back on Duval Street could hear him. Still unbeknownst of the couple’s famed status, the passengers cheered and congratulated the picture perfect couple.

Paparazzi were not allowed anywhere near the cruise ship due to the couple’s massive bodyguards in tow, but a nearby artist, Melissa Sims, sketched this picture just moments after the happy couple’s official engagement…

The couple was still beaming with joy as the captain announced the news over the loudspeaker and toasted to a wonderful, glamorous life together. The attention was by far the least amount they’ve received in recent months. Eyewitnesses report the proposal was “intimate with lots of love and little fanfare”.

Later that evening the couple was spotted sharing a candlelit dinner and bottle of the finest cabernet at Key West’s prime dining destination, Martin’s on Duval.

Wireless provider, AT&T first leaked the story to the media by explaining to customers on their website the 5-hour wireless outage was “due to the Rock Star engagement of Josh and Jen that took over all our towers for sharing the news with friends and family via hundreds of phone calls, millions of text messages and multiple facebook updates.” Reps from AT&T have yet to return our phone calls to determine how this invasion of privacy took place.

Both reps confirm the engagement and report the soon-to-be-wed couple is beyond thrilled to continue their amazing life together. A date has yet to be set, but the bride-to-be is diligently using her creativeness along side a wedding coordinator to plan the wedding of the century.

(This story was written in jest for a fun-loving and creative couple. The people in the story and the scenes are real. Congratulations to Josh and Jen on their recent engagement…love your friends and family)

.jl.

RECESSION BUSTERS (June Story in Barstool)

2009-06-19T18:37:00.001-05:00

Click on the left to read the article.

.jl.

Hangovers..Unfinished Business (July Story in Barstool)

2009-06-01T17:32:00.001-05:00

Story 1 of 2 in Barstool this month. Click on the picture to read the article..

oops...this story got pushed to July's issue...guess my blog readers got to read it before anyone else :)

.jl.

My New Favorite, ONE OF A KIND Purse !!

2009-05-27T11:09:00.010-05:00

Isabella Dean owner, Kristi Kotsatos has spread her creative wings to open up the Zoe Klutch line exclusively available at etsy.

Kotsatos is still continuing strong with her eco-friendly line of up-cycled jewelry, but has since expanded to up-cycled clutches (or Klutches to add that extra level of flair) for an everyday purpose for nearly every type of gal. She takes typical t-shirts (new or old, but preferably old meaningful t-shirts) and uses the graphic, in this case, my Alma Mater, "Mason" and makes it the design of the purse. She's also clever enough to use vintage denim to line the inside to not only make it more durable, but to use the pockets as actual pockets for the purse..to hold lip gloss, cell phone, the what-have-yous.

Even when making a custom piece, Kotsatos is one step ahead and making recommendations to her clients so the potential of the klutch is maxed. As you can see the t-shirt she used for my purse was white. She knows how much of a sports fanatic I am and suggested using a soft heather grey backing of the purse so I can lay it on the ground of a stadium without compromising the crisp clean look.

She does all of her crafts-womanship based out of her studio in Houston, TX but people all over the country and Esty lovers alike are scooping up the Zoe goods as soon as they hit the wire..

These are one-of-a-kind, up-cycled accessories and made from the heart and soul of up-cycled creationare, Kristi Kotsatos. To get one custom made, email kristi@isabelladean.com and tell her I sent you!

.jl.