Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Do Something Crazy.

That's pretty much all there is to do in Port Aransas, Texas. It's like a freaking Cheers episode..everyone knows your name...even mine after just a few hours . Not sure whether that's good or bad, but it is what it is.

I spent this past weekend in Port A. with J-Hod. It's not possible to have a bad time when J-Hod is around and this weekend was no exception. I think the whole 2 mile town became a hell of a lot happier when she showed up. She is the yee to my haw.

Little did I know it was still Spring Break and Port A. is one of those classy islands that should be on 20/20 for "City Gone Wild" or "One Big No-No" or even "Check your Class at the Ferry Line". The beach was equipped with everyone's favorite... girl in the too small bikini, multiple men and teenagers with black eyes and missing teeth, beer bongs, beer pong, stripper poles in the bed of trucks, "AdultDVDGold.com" product placement sporadically spread throughout all the mile markers, couches on the beach, boxers trying to attack teacup chihuahuas, "show your boobs" signs written in sand, posterboard, sides of trucks, body parts and more, and an exorbitant amount of corona flip flops, racer back tanks, visors and beach towels.

Some things that only a few of us would understand but I found them hilarious enough to put in writing...

I'm on a Boat
You're not old enough to ride this ride.
I accidentally fell and We dominated ourselves.
Backpacks equal creepers without cars
Beads do not make up for an ugly face.
If your coors light mountains turn white you will be exiled from the island..or at least Julie's bar.
Tan fat looks better than pale fat.

All kidding aside, the island wasn't one of the most prime time vacations I've ever had, but I did meet some badass locals...baby daddy Nick, Canyon boobs and paper-rock-scissors for sunglasses Courtney, Bobby the only sane person in town, Black Eyed Pea and cookie jar rapper Hatch, "who the hell is this and how did you get my number?" John and Sarah....and that's about it. Sorry if you didn't make the list..

And the winner for Best Mom in Texas goes to the dumb girl that stole our car keys because we didn't seem responsible. Funny coming from the girl that had her 4-year old on the beach during Spring Break building her sandcastle 10 ft from the stripper pole and kegs. The Dora the Explorer swimsuit fits in really well with the AdultDVD signs and penis beer bongs. FYI best mom..I'm 27 years old. This isn't my first rodeo and you should be fired from the Babysitter's Club.

.jl.

1 comments:

keith said...

i'm back.

http://keithstoeckeler.tumblr.com/

i know you had me linked before. in case you want to again...